Flaking since switching from first call to texting

[StrayCat]

I switched from calling to texting after getting their numbers and it's not been very successful. Last three all had to cancel for work or something else and then I never heard back. Two of them were on Bumble and I just noticed they closed me out. So, I assume those are dead.

Confused to say the least. I guess it just feels really weird where we move from dating at to texting, seems pretty good, then they cancel, go silent and close you out on the app. It's like a triple whammy of being smacked in the face.

 

[MrJack]

I switched from calling to texting after getting their numbers and it's not been very successful. Last three all had to cancel for work or something else and then I never heard back. Two of them were on Bumble and I just noticed they closed me out. So, I assume those are dead.

Confused to say the least. I guess it just feels really weird where we move from dating at to texting, seems pretty good, then they cancel, go silent and close you out on the app. It's like a triple whammy of being smacked in the face.

Can’t help much without knowing the content of the text messages but in general you don’t want to text them just for sake of texting or “getting to know them.”

That stuff should be saved for the date, which is what you should mostly be using texting for... getting the date.

 

[StrayCat]

Yes, correct. I just say hi it's straycat from Bumble. They come back, how are you? Doing well I reply. I wanted to see when you're available to meet up for a drink. The give me a few days, I pick and tell them the place and time to meet. They agree and that's that.

 

[MrJack]

Yes, correct. I just say hi it's straycat from Bumble. They come back, how are you? Doing well I reply. I wanted to see when you're available to meet up for a drink. The give me a few days, I pick and tell them the place and time to meet. They agree and that's that.

So the problem is they are just flaking the day of the date?

TBH bumble and tinder girls are the ultimate flakers. 80% of them just use it for validation with no intention of meeting up with anyone so it’s not entirely your fault.

A lot of people think those types of apps are a waste of time but if your profile is on point, you have a much higher chance of them not flaking.

Someone on this forum wrote a post on the perfect tinder/bumble profile and I’ve followed it and all the sudden I’m getting more matches and better quality responses from them. I have a date with this one girl from bumble once she gets back from her work trip next week. Based on her replies to me, she has high initial interest and fully plans to meet up but you can never really tell until the time comes lol. I guess I’ll see next week whether she flakes or not.

I’ll outline as best I can of the profile post I saw before.

1. Attractive pictures (obviously). It’s dooshy but have one with your shirt off (hopefully you look good with a shirt off), one with other attractive girls, one with your guy friends doing fun shyt, and maybe one with you looking sharp in a classy way such as wearing a suit.

2. Profile bio. I honestly forget what the guy said about this but I personally put a funny and known quote from the show “the office” and sometimes the girl mentions something about it. Boom something in common she can relate to. I’m surprised by how many women on bumble and tinder (that I’ve seen at least) love that show and have put something about it in their own bio as well. Maybe Chicago women just love Michael Scott lol.

3. There is no number 3. All you really need are attractive pictures and something funny in your bio then reach out banter for 3-5ish messages get her number, set up date. That’s all you can really do.

You are getting dates set it seems so you might have your shyt up to par already but do everything you can to have the BEST looking pics on there that also show you’re a social guy that does things that are fun as fvck. The pic with other attractive women is key (preselection is very powerful).

Bumble/tinder are the most superficial ways of meeting someone so you gotta make sure you are the sexiest version of yourself on there lol.

 

[resilient]

1. Attractive pictures (obviously). It’s dooshy but have one with your shirt off (hopefully you look good with a shirt off), one with other attractive girls, one with your guy friends doing fun shyt, and maybe one with you looking sharp in a classy way such as wearing a suit.

So I uploaded my best shirt off picture in black in white showing my back when I was ripped late last summer along with some pictures of me with just the guys and one with four girls and another guy in the photo for social proof.

Nearly one hour later, I got completely blocked by the one woman I had solid rapport with all week on Happn. She's a local hottie that I was close to getting her to meet up for drinks. That's a burned bridge lol. Oh well. Still trying to find a happy medium and not feel discouraged from all the rejection.

I have decent rapport with women across a few apps. Not a ton of humor, yet some interest. I get ghosted/ignored/blocked when I try to get them to meet up for coffee or drinks. Is this normal standard behavior with most OLD and Meetup chicks??

I feel like I'm wasting a ton of time when I could be out there working on LMS for better options in real life. Particularly in expanding my social spheres to be a fun and outgoing guy.

 

[skinnyguy]

So I uploaded my best shirt off picture in black in white showing my back when I was ripped late last summer along with some pictures of me with just the guys and one with four girls and another guy in the photo for social proof.

Nearly one hour later, I got completely blocked by the one woman I had solid rapport with all week on Happn. She's a local hottie that I was close to getting her to meet up for drinks. That's a burned bridge lol. Oh well. Still trying to find a happy medium and not feel discouraged from all the rejection.

I have decent rapport with women across a few apps. Not a ton of humor, yet some interest. I get ghosted/ignored/blocked when I try to get them to meet up for coffee or drinks. Is this normal standard behavior with most OLD and Meetup chicks??

I feel like I'm wasting a ton of time when I could be out there working on LMS for better options in real life. Particularly in expanding my social spheres to be a fun and outgoing guy.

Meet chicks IRL they flake less

 

[MrJack]

So I uploaded my best shirt off picture in black in white showing my back when I was ripped late last summer along with some pictures of me with just the guys and one with four girls and another guy in the photo for social proof.

Nearly one hour later, I got completely blocked by the one woman I had solid rapport with all week on Happn. She's a local hottie that I was close to getting her to meet up for drinks. That's a burned bridge lol. Oh well. Still trying to find a happy medium and not feel discouraged from all the rejection.

I have decent rapport with women across a few apps. Not a ton of humor, yet some interest. I get ghosted/ignored/blocked when I try to get them to meet up for coffee or drinks. Is this normal standard behavior with most OLD and Meetup chicks??

I feel like I'm wasting a ton of time when I could be out there working on LMS for better options in real life. Particularly in expanding my social spheres to be a fun and outgoing guy.

Idk why she would block you based off of uploading better pics and pics with social proof. Maybe shes looking for an LTR and thought you were LTR material then saw those pics and then pegged you as a player type?

But that’s just me trying to analyze why a woman does the things she does lol. Could be because she stubbed her toe earlier today and now she’s mad at the world, who fvcking knows.

Either way, in the coming days/weeks I think you’ll have lost that 1 good match only to find you have many more new matches to work with because at the end of the day you still heavily improved your profile. Who cares if one girl unmatched.

And to answer your question.. yes.

It IS standard behavior for OLD chicks to ghost you once you actually try to meetup for drinks coffee whatever. The reason for that lies in my first post in this thread when I said that 80% hell, maybe even 90% of chicks on there only use the app for constant validation purposes with ZERO intention of actually meeting up with someone. They just like the attention they get from endless guys hitting them up.

They are hooked on the small dopamine spike they get when they get a notification on their phone saying “Timothy Thunderc0ck sent you a message!”

On the other hand, they will be MUCH more inclined to meetup with you if you are a 8-9/10 with a ripped body and great facial asthetics.

That’s why the best possible pictures of yourself are a necessity on OLD.

It’s not a complete waste of time, but it’s definitely full of flakes and ghosters. I’ve had a few dates in the past from it before I deleted it all. Only to redownload again about a month ago and I have a date next week as well as 5 bumble matches that I’m waiting for the girls to message on so I can l try to ge the ball rolling with those.

Of course at the same time you should still be working on LMS and chatting up/getting dates with women in real life too.

 

[resilient]

Idk why she would block you based off of uploading better pics and pics with social proof. Maybe shes looking for an LTR and thought you were LTR material then saw those pics and then pegged you as a player type?

Yes, I think you certainly pegged it. Oh well. Lukewarm IL. OTH, if she was attracted, she would have messaged with something like "Damnnnn is that you??" #Nextset.

Either way, in the coming days/weeks I think you’ll have lost that 1 good match only to find you have many more new matches to work with because at the end of the day you still heavily improved your profile. Who cares if one girl unmatched.

Good way to look at it.

It IS standard behavior for OLD chicks to ghost you once you actually try to meetup for drinks coffee whatever. The reason for that lies in my first post in this thread when I said that 80% hell, maybe even 90% of chicks on there only use the app for constant validation purposes with ZERO intention of actually meeting up with someone. They just like the attention they get from endless guys hitting them up.

Amazing... I stayed off OLD all these years to dip my toes in the water and faced with this reality check.. it's sobering in a way.

They are hooked on the small dopamine spike they get when they get a notification on their phone saying “Timothy Thunderc0ck sent you a message!”

Agree, same neurotransmitter lights up even more so when it's a direct text message via SMS or Facebook/WhatsApp/Snap.

On the other hand, they will be MUCH more inclined to meetup with you if you are a 8-9/10 with a ripped body and great facial asthetics. That’s why the best possible pictures of yourself are a necessity on OLD.

Yeah man, I agree. I'm shocked at how horrible (or how amazingly professional) some of these women look if they paid big bucks for a photographer, throw on a ton of make up, dress to impress for some of their photos. It separates the pack clearly.

It’s not a complete waste of time, but it’s definitely full of flakes and ghosters. Of course at the same time you should still be working on LMS and chatting up/getting dates with women in real life too.

Duly noted. I'll keep my Meetup, church, and volunteering game strong for options. I'll try to check these apps less and less since I'm getting the drift that many if not most are hitting me up for attention and not dates.

 

[The Diver]

But that’s just me trying to analyze why a woman does the things she does lol. Could be because she stubbed her toe earlier today and now she’s mad at the world, who fvcking knows.

At the beginning of my journey, I tried to find some logic/reasons why girls flaking (didn't know better), but I learned very quickly that its waste of time, and stopped care much. if she flake/ cancel without a counteroffer, I'm saying "cool" and move on, spend zero energy trying to understand why.
Anything other then Yes is No.

 

[MrJack]

At the beginning of my journey, I tried to find some logic/reasons why girls flaking (didn't know better), but I learned very quickly that its waste of time, and stopped care much. if she flake/ cancel without a counteroffer, I'm saying "cool" and move on, spend zero energy trying to understand why.
Anything other then Yes is No.

Yea I did the same thing at the beginning of my journey and I still do to some extent but not nearly as in depth as I did before. I let a few thoughts roll around in my head as to why it could have happened and how I can lessen my flake rate in the future in each particular situation as it happens but then I just let it go because I simply don’t care anymore.

 

[Skyline]

Yes, correct. I just say hi it's straycat from Bumble. They come back, how are you? Doing well I reply. I wanted to see when you're available to meet up for a drink. The give me a few days, I pick and tell them the place and time to meet. They agree and that's that.

I know this advice is what everyone tells people to do when it comes to OLD, but I honestly got the least results with this method.

Unless you're famous or a model physique, this will barely work. Even if you are famous or have model looks, you still need to be able to establish comfort.

All of my OLD messages are unique and designed around the girls profile. Even outside of OLD, I will rarely ask generic questions. It's always a unique opening/response. If I don't have one, I don't respond until I have one or she messages again.

Think about it, would you meet up with a random stranger who just asked you out or the person who actually talked to you and established rapport and comfort? Would you go to that Sales Rep who just talked business or the one who actually tried to get know you?

I know which ones I would pick...

 

[StrayCat]

As weird as it sounds, my date on Saturday cancelled on Friday, but wanted to meet that day or Sunday instead. She said she had to work, but I do not know many dentists that work at 7:30 PM at night. I said, which was true, I already had plans for Friday and Sunday, but we can reschedule. She said she'll reach out Sunday or Monday. Zip. On Sunday, I was texting back and forth a 25 year old, and we are supposed to meet tomorrow for drinks, but she said she will confirm tonight. It's 10:30 PM here, silence. I assume this date is cancelled too?

 

[StrayCat]

I know this advice is what everyone tells people to do when it comes to OLD, but I honestly got the least results with this method.

Unless you're famous or a model physique, this will barely work. Even if you are famous or have model looks, you still need to be able to establish comfort.

All of my OLD messages are unique and designed around the girls profile. Even outside of OLD, I will rarely ask generic questions. It's always a unique opening/response. If I don't have one, I don't respond until I have one or she messages again.

Think about it, would you meet up with a random stranger who just asked you out or the person who actually talked to you and established rapport and comfort? Would you go to that Sales Rep who just talked business or the one who actually tried to get know you?

I know which ones I would pick...

I've tried customized intros, but they do not always work well. Hey, how are you doesn't always work, but if they have a unique pic, I ask where it was taken or what's their dog's breed. That usually gets them talking. I can then get their cell and setup a date. However, even 72 hours later, it seems they either ghost, cancel/raincheck, as above. I've never met so many flaky girls before.

At the beginning of my journey, I tried to find some logic/reasons why girls flaking (didn't know better), but I learned very quickly that its waste of time, and stopped care much. if she flake/ cancel without a counteroffer, I'm saying "cool" and move on, spend zero energy trying to understand why.
Anything other then Yes is No.

It's unreal. I've already shut down Match. Bumble is prob. next. However, I have 16 of them chatting with me. I have a few of their numbers, but some have not responded or setup dates to meet. However, over the last two weeks, most have cancelled so I put zero into what they say. Unless I actually meet them or they confirm, like they said they would, I do not go.

Just about ready to waive the white flag with online dating. Oh look, my phone just buzzed again from Bumble. Someone is interested in me. It's like, why bother. I wonder if it is a summer thing? I've had more flakes and cancellations than an actual date over the last month. This has never happened before.

 

[resilient]

It's like, why bother. I wonder if it is a summer thing? I've had more flakes and cancellations than an actual date over the last month. This has never happened before.

Sucks man. Summer is usually a good time for flings. If you’re routinely getting radio silence and flaked on the you’re dealing with women with low interest level. How solid are your pictures? There are ways to micro elevate your game.

 

[StrayCat]

Sucks man. Summer is usually a good time for flings. If you’re routinely getting radio silence and flaked on the you’re dealing with women with low interest level. How solid are your pictures? There are ways to micro elevate your game.

I think they are decent. I get likes and messages daily. For the ones I have interest in I get their number, we text two or three times and set a date.

 

[StrayCat]

Weird situation. So one of them actually texted me the same day, and confirmed; which is fine. She kinda looked like her picture, just heavier. She was latina, which is fine and preferred. He boobs were hanging out, I assume to get my attention, but a bit overweight. She said she loves to eat, I had a chicken salad with a beer. She ordered nachos, cheese quesadillas and had two beers. Total bill was a bit more than I would had liked, and she didn't finish the quesadillas (left 2 out of the 4) nor the nachos. We were sitting outside, so it was a bit hard to discuss the splitting the bill so I just paid for it and attempted to leave. She wanted to walk with me. I hugged her goodbye, and I know she wanted more. However, the weight issue was a problem for me. She continues to text, but I ignore as I do not want to hurt her feelings. I know, if this was reversed, any girl wouldn't have a problem. I guess, I have a heart; it's my achilles heel. A little pissed at the bill, but what can you do. No offer to split the bill either even though she ordered two items and two beers (imported, not tap). I'm not going to start a public argument so where the cops walking the beat come over and have a little chat. Never been on a first date and the girl orders more than me. I assumed, ordering a chicken salad and a beer would had suggested to keep the meal light, but not to her.

Hoping she'll get the hint in not responding to the texts, but I do not think so. We were talking about travel for a bit and she speaks a few languages. I said I wanted to go to France on day, but don't speak the language. She said, take me, I'll translate. I just smiled. She was only 26, so I still pretty innocent. One of the reasons why I feel bad in ignoring her. I purposely didn't kiss or any kino as I wasn't that attracted to her physically. She mentioned in her profile she does Zumba and HIIT, so I gave it a shot. I do not see how she does Zumba or HIIT. Not a very good report, but that's what I got. Also, got a parking ticket because the meter expired. Seems everything that could go wrong did. With the parking ticket, it was an expensive first date. Might as well as treated myself to a steak at a five star steak house.

 

[LJBFB]

if it makes you feel any better. I had a hotel booked for date 3 and got flaked on and ate that bill...