How to invite her over to my place for our second date

[Murk]

Too wordy, what the fvck is this?

"Mine tomorrow? Wine, I'll cook"

"bla bla don't know you like that"

"Cool, drinks at [insert bar near your place]?"

Don't over complicate the game. Be cool and escalate in person.

 

[Mazer]

try to find a place that’s within walking distance from yours or her place. Kino, drinks and then walk her back. This is so simple when you live in a city with bars everywhere. I get most of my 2nd date lays this way. Guys in NYC have it easy.

 

[HankHill]

try to find a place that’s within walking distance from yours or her place. Kino, drinks and then walk her back. This is so simple when you live in a city with bars everywhere. I get most of my 2nd date lays this way. Guys in NYC have it easy.

I picked a place at walking distance from her place (there's nothing near mine) on the first date. At the end as we were walking around the lake, she just turned and hugged me saying 'it was nice meeting you...blah blah' the body language said 'we part ways here, I don't need a walk a home' and that's fine it was the first date.

 

[HankHill]

While I've seen mixed advice (changing subject, call on the phone etc) but sounds like the general consensus is to just text and keep it very short may be even just this?

'Cool - let's meet at [xyz] at 7p'

 

[Mazer]

I picked a place at walking distance from her place (there's nothing near mine) on the first date. At the end as we were walking around the lake, she just turned and hugged me saying 'it was nice meeting you...blah blah' the body language said 'we part ways here, I don't need a walk a home' and that's fine it was the first date.

Try again. Pick another place (that serves alchohol) within walking distance again. Dont waste time walking her around the lake, are you going to feed the geese too?! j/k. Take her hand and walk her home at the end of the night. If she is interested she will walk with you and guide you. You need to put in work during the date in order to get into her place. Kino, flirt, have fun. Ask her about her place, whats her decor style, most of the time they will mention a item they have in their place, tell her "that you gotta see this" in a ****y funny way. You have to give her a reason to invite you up without her feeling like a sloot.

 

[HankHill]

There's nothing else there, besides I think I made it way too easy for her last time while I had to drive 25 mins. F that. Also, it's obvious to me she's not the type who will invite me up to her place on a second date- she reminds me of the chick I dated some time ago where it had to go very slow, it wasn't until the 3rd date she'd let me go to 2nd base. 3rd base was date #6 AFTER I told her I'm done with the BS.

I'm going to pick a place in between us. If she's interested we'll make out in either her or my car etc at the end of the date otherwise this will be the last time I'll ask her out.

 

[marmel75]

So I posted about this girl#3 here: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/dating-questions-and-my-recent-experiences.249949/

I last asked her "I'd love to see you again before you leave [for her trip]. Are you free Mon or Tue after work?" Within 5 mins she texted back "how about Tue?"

But now...to invite her to my place should I just come right out and say it 'Great! Are you ok with coming over and cooking dinner together, we can watch a movie on Netflix and if you ask nicely I might even play a song or two on the guitar for you '

What if she says 'let's meet somewhere else or at xyz this time'?

Or don't invite her over and suggest some place else?

Dont ever ask them "are you OK" you look weak as fvck.

If you want to invite her over then invite her over. "I'm cooking dinner, come over and you can be my kitchen assistant."

 

[Igetit!]

I picked a place at walking distance from her place (there's nothing near mine) on the first date. At the end as we were walking around the lake, she just turned and hugged me saying 'it was nice meeting you...blah blah' the body language said 'we part ways here, I don't need a walk a home' and that's fine it was the first date.

Wow. To be honest,given what she said here and what message you took away from her bodylanguage,it's kinda surprising you're even getting a second date out of her.

That was surprising enough. Ummm.....if you don't mind my asking.......what OUT OF ALL THAT compelled you to invite her to YOUR HOME for the second date? Cause I'm pretty certain you didn't invite her there simply to eat and watch a movie...you probably were going to try the old "fake yawn and put your arm around her" trick as you two sat on the couch together watchin' Netflix.

Nothing wrong with that....I'm just trying to see and understand what "green light" signals you got from the first date that made you feel bold enough to try.

I would have went for the 2nd date as well,I just wouldn't have tried to have it at my house....not after getting "we part ways here/I don't need you to walk me home" vibes from her.

 

[HankHill]

It was my interpretation of her body language as we were saying goodbye, until then it was very pleasant, funny etc. Also, the body language wasn't cold or mean or anything like that but she didn't want someone she just met to find out exactly where she lives - I can respect that.

The reason for asking her to come over was to 'escalate' and 'find out her IL' as is so often told to do here. A man should always be pushing the boundaries.

But I do find it hilarious how AFTER the fact all the experts come out and give you the 'how you fvcked up' speech/analysis but when you ask BEFORE there's rarely anyone around to answer.

 

[HankHill]

Anyways...I sent her this txt:

"Cool, [restaurant] at 7p?
Just leaving the fair...exhausted but it was really fun! You should go if you get the chance."

 

[HankHill]

And 2hrs later her reply:

"You must be beat from the sun! I've had one of my laziest evenings ever, accomplishing not a single thing! Lovely.
[Restaurant] at 7p it is. I've never been."

 

[Fireballs]

And 2hrs later her reply:

"You must be beat from the sun! I've had one of my laziest evenings ever, accomplishing not a single thing! Lovely.
[Restaurant] at 7p it is. I've never been."

Why are you having dinner with her before you’ve fvcked her ?

I hope it’s a casual place .. make sure you book a table with a sofa if they have them so you can sit next to her and escalate/ramp up the touching .. never sit opposite them at restaurants

 

[Murk]

I haven't been to dinner with a girl since December 2017

 

[Glassguy]

@HankHill

Your texts are too long and chatty. They show that you are too invested and care too much on the outcome.They also show that you are trying too hard to make this chick like you as well as impressing her.

I do not tell chicks what I am doing throughout the day when I text them. If they ask I will respond and tell them. You will never be mysterious/interesting by telling chicks what you are doing.

Her response times are a concern. She waited 2 hrs to respond back and willingly told you she did absolutely nothing all evening. Does that sound like a chick that has super high interest? Nope.

Her body language at the end of the first date was screaming "Not fvcking you ever" or "You are not leading by escalating". A woman will never allow you to be isolated with them unless they already know you are not a sexual threat (meaning she has already determined that she isnt fvcking you) or they want you to escalate and you didnt. Her body language would be the same for both.

So to make a long story short, I see this going 3-4 dates and then you will get the "I dont think I am ready for anything serious but good luck" text or the "I think you are a really nice guy but......" text.

I have a new chick coming over this evening. Never been on a date with her. During our first round of messages I told her that we should grab drinks and continue the convo. Granted I have a lot of mutual friends with this chick but we still have never met.

Me: I have to run but maybe we can get together soon when I finally get free and we can grab drinks and continue this convo
Her: Sounds good. When are you free?
Me: Friday evening is my only free time this week. What is your favorite type of food?
Her: Italian for sure.....
Me: Perfect. I make a great penne ala vodka. Come over Friday evening and you can help make it. What do you like to drink?
Her: Sounds good. You're not a serial killer are you? And wine......
Me: I am but I like to take Friday evenings off to relax . I'm not a wine guy, so you bring your own wine. Lets make it 8pm. My address is Blah blah
Her: Sounds good. What are you drinking?
Me: I am a beer guy, but I also like rum and coke and Jameson, especially pickle backs
Her: What is a pickle back?
Me: Shot of Jameson and a chaser shot of pickle juice....its a game changer
Her: I might have to try one or two of those Friday night
Me: Be careful....its addicting! See you this Friday

Over the course of the week she has went on and on about being ready to try the shots of pickle back. Actually on Wednesday, we scrapped the food entirely and she is just coming over to drink lol.

She even said "Are you just trying to get me over there and get me drunk?" to which I implied "No, but you can move however the wind blows you".

Always get to the point. Never back up. Its ok to invite them over and then accept their counter offer to meet up for drinks/dinner if she isnt quite ready for that yet. But by the 3rd date she should be warmed up enough AND expect sex to happen as long has you have been the best version of yourself on the first couple of dates and escalated. But if she says she isnt ready to come over yet, you shouldnt just come back and say "How about meeting for dinner again instead?". Thats back tracking. Its ok to come back with "Thats cool if you're not ready to come over yet. What are thinking/what are you up for?" and see what she says.

I have had chicks not "feel ready to come to my place" but when I asked them what they were up for, they were perfectly ok for me to come to their place (?).

Slow play brother. Slow play. While still getting to the point.

 

[HankHill]

Its ok to come back with "Thats cool if you're not ready to come over yet. What are thinking/what are you up for?" and see what she says.

That right there is what I needed...yesterday! Oh well, you live and learn.

Looking at it today I did like the fact that my response was short, quickly changed the topic and acted as if it didn't phase me and showed I was busy having fun.

Her response took a while but that's typical. I'll usually wait several to respond to her's - and she does similar. No one wants to come across as too needy or invested. But yeah it did cross my mind too where she said she did nothing but waited two hrs to respond...but I wrote it off as she didn't know what else to say to make the txt longer ha.

 

[HankHill]

Alright, so let me ask some more questions...

At this restaurant we can either sit at the bar or tables. I see the consensus is the bar?
Interesting topics to discuss during the date? That lead to building sexual tension?
It'd feel awkward to go for the first kiss at the bar so wait till the end? It's what I've always done in the past.
After this date she's gone for 2 weeks (on a trip). Should I ask her to call me when she's back in town or not say anything?

Oh and I haven't responded to her txt from last night...was thinking of saying "They have good Margaritas! " I never said anything about dinner to her and this confirms I'm buying drinks not dinner since that's what you guys are suggesting I do.

Edit: should I offer to pick her up? I've never done that before until after sex - usually 4th or 5th date.

 

[HankHill]

Hank, you're good. Don't overthink it. Sit at the bar, flirt, have fun, eat if you're hungry. That's it. Just focus on enjoying the evening before she departs on her trip and she'll hit you up when she's back (or even during it).

If all is well you'll get the kiss. No worries.

I think you're right...too many cooks in the kitchen lol but I definitely learned a few things and hopefully others did too from my experience ha!

Btw that is exactly how the first date with her went, fun, jokes, laughter etc you can read about that in the other thread I mentioned in the first post here.

 

[Glassguy]

At this restaurant we can either sit at the bar or tables. I see the consensus is the bar?
Interesting topics to discuss during the date? That lead to building sexual tension?
It'd feel awkward to go for the first kiss at the bar so wait till the end? It's what I've always done in the past.
After this date she's gone for 2 weeks (on a trip). Should I ask her to call me when she's back in town or not say anything?

1- I like to sit beside the chick at a booth. The bar is the next best option. Physical setup favors the booth over everything. Booths cover the lower half of your body for the most part. Makes it more comfortable for a light tap on her leg, etc for kino. Tables are the worst because you can only sit across or caddy corner and tables are wide open. I never touch a woman first, unless I really get the vibe that she is just waiting on me to initiate.

2- I may get sexual in text IF she opens the door to it. Same on a date. Only if she opens the door to it. Given this chick didnt kiss you on date one, do not bring up sexual topics. Slow play. Act interested but not thirsty.

3- Do not go for a kiss at the bar unless you are d@mn sure she wants it. You do not want her to feel uncomfortable if PDA is not cool with her. Also, if she shoots you down, its much easier if nobody is around. You can laugh it off and restart.

4- I would simply tell her to have a good trip and stay in touch. You need to stop investing so much and let them invest. If they have high interest they will do just that. If not, they are eating/drinking free on you and they will disappear. Leave it in her hands. If the date goes well, there is nothing wrong with leaving her to wonder about you a little by you not chatting her right back up.

 

[HankHill]

1- I like to sit beside the chick at a booth. The bar is the next best option. Physical setup favors the booth over everything. Booths cover the lower half of your body for the most part. Makes it more comfortable for a light tap on her leg, etc for kino. Tables are the worst because you can only sit across or caddy corner and tables are wide open. I never touch a woman first, unless I really get the vibe that she is just waiting on me to initiate.

2- I may get sexual in text IF she opens the door to it. Same on a date. Only if she opens the door to it. Given this chick didnt kiss you on date one, do not bring up sexual topics. Slow play. Act interested but not thirsty.

3- Do not go for a kiss at the bar unless you are d@mn sure she wants it. You do not want her to feel uncomfortable if PDA is not cool with her. Also, if she shoots you down, its much easier if nobody is around. You can laugh it off and restart.

4- I would simply tell her to have a good trip and stay in touch. You need to stop investing so much and let them invest. If they have high interest they will do just that. If not, they are eating/drinking free on you and they will disappear. Leave it in her hands. If the date goes well, there is nothing wrong with leaving her to wonder about you a little by you not chatting her right back up.

Cool, points 2, 3 and 4 - this is my normal style (and what Amante just said) but then I see people here saying 'bro do x or y and if you're not pushing for sex on the first date you're getting friend zoned etc' so I thought I needed to try a different approach but I think I'll stick to being myself i.e. just enjoy the company, gain her trust, flirt, have fun and if it's meant to be it'll be, if not there's always more fish in the sea.

I just replied to her last night's txt 'They have the best Sauvignon blanc and Margaritas ' She ordered margarita on our last date and in one of the previous texts a while back she mentioned she likes Sauvignon blanc. By most standards here that might come off as being a nice-guy but as a mature woman she should appreciate that unlike most guys I actually paid attention and remembered what she said. Life is too short to not make another person's day if you can. Like I said, if anything happens great, if not it's fun regardless.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Human nature will go extinct if this is where masculinity is. Not knowing how to invite a woman over.

Op, step aside. A man will show you how its done.