I would never represent myself in court. I always hire lawyers when lawyers are needed. It's a pain in the @ss expense, but it's a lot better than the cost otherwise. The key to prevailing in a divorce court is to clearly understand what you are getting into. It is not a court of law... it is a court of equity. Meaning justice is irrelevant, you might be 100% correct, your soon to be ex could be the wh0re of Babylon, drug addict, and neglect your children. None of that sh!t matters. They are to determine the distribution of assets... that's the purpose. Chicks fight for the children for two reasons... one, it is shameful to a women to lose custody of her kids... two, with children comes child support. Sure you might love your children.. but that sh!t does not matter... it's about who is going to pay... to the family court system... you as a man is little more than a ATM machine.
The State is motivated to get you to pay as much as they can, because if you are paying for this chick's upkeep... they don't have to.
You MUST find a good lawyer with a proven track record of success in family court... you get what you pay for and if they are good, they WILL cost you money. When picking a lawyer, interview them... ask other lawyers who you are friends and they will let you know who the good ones are. Just like everything else... connections are important. Find a lawyer who has family connections in the judicial system. The guy I hired comes from a family lawyers that have been practicing law in my area for three generations, and his father is a judge, and his great uncle was a Federal appellant court judge... his cousin is a State Senator. This stuff matters... don;t let anyone tell you any different. They can do things behind the scenes that a lawyer with no experience and no connections can only dream of.
Finally you can not allow yourself to break down... it's really hard to detach emotionally but you can not take any of this personally. Others will tell you a female judge is a bad thing for a man to have... not true. I had a female judge who actually had a track record of sticking it to men... Even a female judge will favor you if you are respectful and show up like a man that is responsible, in control, and confident in your case. They are just like any other chick and they respond well to a man that shows up like a man. But if you come in crying and angry... or show that you are holding any kind of a grudge... you will come off as a chick, and you will lose your leverage.
You are going to have to pay something... if you are married, there is no way around it. What you have to rationally figure out what that is, make sure your ex and her lawyers know, and hold firm to that. The judge will know that you made a fair settlement, and if your ex goes into court asking for more... the judge will know this as well. The other thing you have to realize is that your case is not the only one the judge sees... TRUST me, she has seen really bad men in court and if she thinks you are reasonable then she will automatically think more of you than otherwise by comparison.
You have to show up as a man... convince the judge you are the best caretaker for the children... not give the judge any indication that you are resentful of the mother or her family... make it clear that you believe the mother is important and that you would never dream of doing anything to hurt the mother-child relationship, and you will be okay assuming you don't have any other cr@p in your history that will screw up your case. You can not do this if you are an emotional basket-case. If the judge is a women... there is a VERY good chance that she has an intuitive read on you. You can not pretend to be cool and collected, you have to be... this takes a great deal of self-control you have to forget about the emotional aspects of the case and focus exclusively on the cost.