doctorstrange
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2018
- Messages
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- Age
- 26
Hey guys, I've only recently discovered this forum (after the pathetic series of **** ups and dumb stuff I went through) and the whole red pill thing in general. I've read Pook and Rollo's books and I'm fairly certain I am (...was?) among the top 10 most pathetic nice guys alive right now. I believe this **** up has to be shared for educational purposes (or for your entartainment for that matter lol)
Here's the thing. I fell in love with this girl with whom I'had been friends for about 1,5 years. Not gonna lie that she was the subject of my jack offs everynow and then but apart from that I never really had any crush or love or anything going for her. And after all that happened I can safely say that everything afterwards was totally out of my control, for sometime during dcm 2017 I slowly started to look at her in a diff way.
My first reaction was to stop it ever from happening since we had a long friendship (the quality of which I will detail in a second) and I genuinely didnt want to ruin it, even though this friendship mainly consisted of she and I sitting at cafeteria and she doing the 98% of the talking ALWAYS and yeah to be honest that 1.5 years of friendship was pretty much this: she talking about boys, some guy who made her drunk and how they made out and how it didn't work out tomorrow, how this one ugly dude found her drunk and shall I say devoured her in the rain and almost ****ed her on foot, how she actually liked this another guy who actually DID reached out to her tomorrow but she said nothing and turned her back and he later found another girl and how she was devastated by ""losing him"" etc etc etc..
she was like that. we used to do stuff too tho, like going to concerts or movies. and yeah, two things happened: for some reason, knowing somewhere inside that she was like that and pretty much unloveable, I still started to develop a crush, and at the same I strived to keep this strong (?) friendship. funny, didn't realize it back then but now that I'm writing it really shouted "This will be your ****ing funeral!" to me in the loudest way possible and somewhere inside I knew it too but being a super retard afc I decided to go for it
I started to act weird when I was with her, being passive aggressive for no apparent reason others than me trying my best to stop the crush from developing. Like I said it only strengthened it and one night that december I sent her a message that I started to feel different and that I was sorry that some things mightve changed for good
she never replied. this was the beginning of a series of messages which ended with me getting suspended from uni for 6 months.
on 31 december I went to a new years party that I knew she would join. there wasn't much people there so I found her quickly and told her that I loved her. she said it was just an illusion and that "she wasn't my type" to which I said maybe she was right (as Idbeen really trying to convince myself just that, that she was really just a friend for me) so I just sat somewhere and watched her and her friend dance. she later came to me and said she was sorry and she didn't want to ever make me sad, I said it was ok and that she didn't have to love me and I was cool with that. however just as we were about to leave she came again and hugged me really strong, and looked straight to my eyes. I interpreted that as a yes and we started kissing. We kissed more than 30 times, at the place and on the way to dorm, and the next day when I wanted to talk she did not reply
I returned back to my hometown for break and after 10 days I sent her a message again, saying we never talked about it and I was getting sorry about it. she said I knew about her condition that whenever shes "wasted" she is easy to get and that I took advantage of that. she later asked for some time to which I said yeah sure.. I was seriously heart broken because at that time I truly did not want to lose her, the mere thought of losing her was a knife cutting deep through my brain, it was unthinkable
After I returned I wanted to meet her again, I've made several attempts to meet and she declined all of them. I got angry this time and messaged her she was being selfish, that she was trying to put all the blame on me and that she was the one who hugged and came that close first.
she immediately called me and said all of the following "You ****ing harassed me. Keep pushing and I'LL TELL EVERYBODY about this. Go **** yourself now
It was crystal clear that I was being manipulated, that she was seriously exaggerating everything. That any ****ing random person on the street would stop doing anything now.
Your pathetic nice guy kept the messages going instead. This nice guy also ordered her her favorite band's album online, in an attempt to show he was sorry and that he still wanted to be friends (though really it had been really established that there was no way to go back. without a crush for someone you just dont go buying gifts and stuff, unless it was a really dear friend which I seriously doubt I met her friend (the one that was at the party, she didn't have many friends, and I'm quite certain she's even more alone now) and gave her the album to deliver it to her, she said to me that she was done with me and that whenever she saw me she had the urge to throw up. she took the gift anyway and said she will deliver
I was truly feeling like a walking piece of **** My messages kept on going, sometimes saying that I loved her and that I was genuine about my love sometimes changing my mind and saying that I missed our friendship and that I was missing every single **** we did together; breakfasts, concerts, gossips (safe to say that I was pretty much her girly friend, dont you think.) and whatnot
she called me to meet at a cafe. she at first told me again that she had self respect, that whenever she saw me she was getting the urge to vomit, and that even though it was hard for her as well she was a selfish person and that she has to remove me for good. however everything went smooth as **** for a moment there, and we were about to become friends together
then this horse **** happened: she had been abroad for a week and she said something like "your sister is still fat darling" to which I jokingly replied " yeah, you leave once and you just give yourself up totally like what the hell man." I really, REALLY didn't want to lose her. and I really wanted to rema friends. but after I said that she said I was pushing my luck too far and left the cafe immediately. I tried to find her everywhere but couldn't find her ( I actually checked almost every place nearby, Lol. later I found out that she returned to her dorm)
I felt like a big piece of ****. I was a walking dead, a ****ing zombie I felt like I missed my only ****ing chance EVER EVER to get things right again. But no, I couldn't hold my mouth for a ****ing second and had to say some dumb ****, right? I was seriously torturing myself
I messaged her again. Told her that I seriously didn't meant any harm (I rly didn't and no sane person would say anything deliberately insulting
She calldme and said I hoped my whole family would get burned, for I intentionally tried to damage her by mentioning her weight simply because I was reject by her She told me that she hated me and that she was considering asking a few big guys to beat me up She told me to go **** myself again and hang up
I felt like the bigst piece of **** ever lived. I had nothing to do Holy ****, I was setiously ****ed up
About two days later while I was drinking with my friends one of our mutual friends shows up. Our thing with her becomes our subject and our mutual friend starts talking about it
Says that while she told her while she was abroad she opened her breasts to 2 guys at the middle of the bar, breastfeeding and that she also walked topless at the streets and that she was secretly enjoying me sending her all those messages to her
At this point a few things happened. one was that ger voice telling me that she had self respect and that she would get the urge to throw up whenever she saw me was howling inside my head, in the loudest ****ing way possible. two, the image where two guys were sucking her breasts did not seem real. holy **** I couldn't even imagine that happening
Three, I went into this insane rage and proceed to message her my masterwork of messaging: that she was a slut that she was worthless, that she was not that someone I imagined her to be that she was just a bar slut and the only accomplishment she could ever possibly have is opening her breasts and butt and whatever to some jerks that she met 10 scds ago and whatnot
next day she collects every single message i've sent to her and brings them to our uni's sexual harassment prevention thing, they call me and I try to expl the situation
and they don't even listen to me because there was a ****load of evidence and on top it me calling her a slut a ***** a pievd of **** multiple times and that that's all there is needed for them to **** my **** up
they did **** my **** up I got kicked out of my dorm, now I have to stay in a private dorm which is going to cost me a ****load of me. I also have 6 Fs now and I have to take all those classes again. I lost my ****ing scholarship, or rather, now it turned to "the one where you have to pay it back"
add all of this to the psychological terror I experienced and that's where I am now
the only good outcome for me has been that I discovered the red pill society and realized that my non manness was to blame for 50% (perhaps more?) for everything happened
holy sit guys hhaa this was painful to put it into words. Just so you know that something this dumb has actually happened. I seriously believe that this had to be shared
yeah, I guess she won. she wanted to get a revenge abd she did under the guise of sexual harassment and everything played out perfectl
I know that I needed to do something. perhaps the answer is self improvement, i really dont know Lol
Here's the thing. I fell in love with this girl with whom I'had been friends for about 1,5 years. Not gonna lie that she was the subject of my jack offs everynow and then but apart from that I never really had any crush or love or anything going for her. And after all that happened I can safely say that everything afterwards was totally out of my control, for sometime during dcm 2017 I slowly started to look at her in a diff way.
My first reaction was to stop it ever from happening since we had a long friendship (the quality of which I will detail in a second) and I genuinely didnt want to ruin it, even though this friendship mainly consisted of she and I sitting at cafeteria and she doing the 98% of the talking ALWAYS and yeah to be honest that 1.5 years of friendship was pretty much this: she talking about boys, some guy who made her drunk and how they made out and how it didn't work out tomorrow, how this one ugly dude found her drunk and shall I say devoured her in the rain and almost ****ed her on foot, how she actually liked this another guy who actually DID reached out to her tomorrow but she said nothing and turned her back and he later found another girl and how she was devastated by ""losing him"" etc etc etc..
she was like that. we used to do stuff too tho, like going to concerts or movies. and yeah, two things happened: for some reason, knowing somewhere inside that she was like that and pretty much unloveable, I still started to develop a crush, and at the same I strived to keep this strong (?) friendship. funny, didn't realize it back then but now that I'm writing it really shouted "This will be your ****ing funeral!" to me in the loudest way possible and somewhere inside I knew it too but being a super retard afc I decided to go for it
I started to act weird when I was with her, being passive aggressive for no apparent reason others than me trying my best to stop the crush from developing. Like I said it only strengthened it and one night that december I sent her a message that I started to feel different and that I was sorry that some things mightve changed for good
she never replied. this was the beginning of a series of messages which ended with me getting suspended from uni for 6 months.
on 31 december I went to a new years party that I knew she would join. there wasn't much people there so I found her quickly and told her that I loved her. she said it was just an illusion and that "she wasn't my type" to which I said maybe she was right (as Idbeen really trying to convince myself just that, that she was really just a friend for me) so I just sat somewhere and watched her and her friend dance. she later came to me and said she was sorry and she didn't want to ever make me sad, I said it was ok and that she didn't have to love me and I was cool with that. however just as we were about to leave she came again and hugged me really strong, and looked straight to my eyes. I interpreted that as a yes and we started kissing. We kissed more than 30 times, at the place and on the way to dorm, and the next day when I wanted to talk she did not reply
I returned back to my hometown for break and after 10 days I sent her a message again, saying we never talked about it and I was getting sorry about it. she said I knew about her condition that whenever shes "wasted" she is easy to get and that I took advantage of that. she later asked for some time to which I said yeah sure.. I was seriously heart broken because at that time I truly did not want to lose her, the mere thought of losing her was a knife cutting deep through my brain, it was unthinkable
After I returned I wanted to meet her again, I've made several attempts to meet and she declined all of them. I got angry this time and messaged her she was being selfish, that she was trying to put all the blame on me and that she was the one who hugged and came that close first.
she immediately called me and said all of the following "You ****ing harassed me. Keep pushing and I'LL TELL EVERYBODY about this. Go **** yourself now
It was crystal clear that I was being manipulated, that she was seriously exaggerating everything. That any ****ing random person on the street would stop doing anything now.
Your pathetic nice guy kept the messages going instead. This nice guy also ordered her her favorite band's album online, in an attempt to show he was sorry and that he still wanted to be friends (though really it had been really established that there was no way to go back. without a crush for someone you just dont go buying gifts and stuff, unless it was a really dear friend which I seriously doubt I met her friend (the one that was at the party, she didn't have many friends, and I'm quite certain she's even more alone now) and gave her the album to deliver it to her, she said to me that she was done with me and that whenever she saw me she had the urge to throw up. she took the gift anyway and said she will deliver
I was truly feeling like a walking piece of **** My messages kept on going, sometimes saying that I loved her and that I was genuine about my love sometimes changing my mind and saying that I missed our friendship and that I was missing every single **** we did together; breakfasts, concerts, gossips (safe to say that I was pretty much her girly friend, dont you think.) and whatnot
she called me to meet at a cafe. she at first told me again that she had self respect, that whenever she saw me she was getting the urge to vomit, and that even though it was hard for her as well she was a selfish person and that she has to remove me for good. however everything went smooth as **** for a moment there, and we were about to become friends together
then this horse **** happened: she had been abroad for a week and she said something like "your sister is still fat darling" to which I jokingly replied " yeah, you leave once and you just give yourself up totally like what the hell man." I really, REALLY didn't want to lose her. and I really wanted to rema friends. but after I said that she said I was pushing my luck too far and left the cafe immediately. I tried to find her everywhere but couldn't find her ( I actually checked almost every place nearby, Lol. later I found out that she returned to her dorm)
I felt like a big piece of ****. I was a walking dead, a ****ing zombie I felt like I missed my only ****ing chance EVER EVER to get things right again. But no, I couldn't hold my mouth for a ****ing second and had to say some dumb ****, right? I was seriously torturing myself
I messaged her again. Told her that I seriously didn't meant any harm (I rly didn't and no sane person would say anything deliberately insulting
She calldme and said I hoped my whole family would get burned, for I intentionally tried to damage her by mentioning her weight simply because I was reject by her She told me that she hated me and that she was considering asking a few big guys to beat me up She told me to go **** myself again and hang up
I felt like the bigst piece of **** ever lived. I had nothing to do Holy ****, I was setiously ****ed up
About two days later while I was drinking with my friends one of our mutual friends shows up. Our thing with her becomes our subject and our mutual friend starts talking about it
Says that while she told her while she was abroad she opened her breasts to 2 guys at the middle of the bar, breastfeeding and that she also walked topless at the streets and that she was secretly enjoying me sending her all those messages to her
At this point a few things happened. one was that ger voice telling me that she had self respect and that she would get the urge to throw up whenever she saw me was howling inside my head, in the loudest ****ing way possible. two, the image where two guys were sucking her breasts did not seem real. holy **** I couldn't even imagine that happening
Three, I went into this insane rage and proceed to message her my masterwork of messaging: that she was a slut that she was worthless, that she was not that someone I imagined her to be that she was just a bar slut and the only accomplishment she could ever possibly have is opening her breasts and butt and whatever to some jerks that she met 10 scds ago and whatnot
next day she collects every single message i've sent to her and brings them to our uni's sexual harassment prevention thing, they call me and I try to expl the situation
and they don't even listen to me because there was a ****load of evidence and on top it me calling her a slut a ***** a pievd of **** multiple times and that that's all there is needed for them to **** my **** up
they did **** my **** up I got kicked out of my dorm, now I have to stay in a private dorm which is going to cost me a ****load of me. I also have 6 Fs now and I have to take all those classes again. I lost my ****ing scholarship, or rather, now it turned to "the one where you have to pay it back"
add all of this to the psychological terror I experienced and that's where I am now
the only good outcome for me has been that I discovered the red pill society and realized that my non manness was to blame for 50% (perhaps more?) for everything happened
holy sit guys hhaa this was painful to put it into words. Just so you know that something this dumb has actually happened. I seriously believe that this had to be shared
yeah, I guess she won. she wanted to get a revenge abd she did under the guise of sexual harassment and everything played out perfectl
I know that I needed to do something. perhaps the answer is self improvement, i really dont know Lol
