Anger/Drawing the line

[Fruitbat]

OK, so only flaw with my girl is the usual few days a month when she just becomes annoying as hell.

I just had them and I've generally done what I do, don't fall into it and ignore etc

Today it was just so annoying. If I got on with my shyt, she would jump all over me, prodding me, just generally interfering with me. Then she just dissapears for an hour and makes a point of not telling me where. Just a barrage of shyt to get a reaction.

Only ever get this in the monthly emotion spike. Usually she is great.

So, the general opinion is you should never lose your temper, it shows weakness etc.

Well, I just tried to get an early night. I have a hangover and I need sleep. I have a tough week.

The clingy bull**** continues. She just wouldn't let me sleep. More clingy shyt. Just emotion ridden bull****.

I finally broke, shouted briefly and slammed a door and I am sleeping in the other room.

What I don't get is, how is this showing weakness? Fair enough, losing your shyt over nothing is weak, but when you're literally massively inconvenienced.....it will affect my work performance....if I DIDN't lose my shyt, she would be here doing it still!

How do you balance never getting angry without laying down the law? I would feel passive, not powerful, if I just continued to brush this off.

Still annoyed now, why has my best friend suddenly turned into a whining annoying b1tch?

She may well be doing her female shyt tests or whatever, but what if I had an exam or an interview? There is a ****ing limit to how much I can smile and brush off with a swagger.

 

[Billtx49]

Still annoyed now, why has my best friend suddenly turned into a whining annoying b1tch?

The issues she has, lack of attention, communication, or whatever they are definitely seem to include a loss of respect…
It may be time to have a talk with her about it when she’s in a good mood before it gets worse.
She’s not a happy camper for some reason… Find it

 

[logicallefty]

I had a similar situation with an live in GF one time.

One week, work had been pure he||. I came home on a Friday night and told her that up front "It's been a rough week. I just want some time to myself right now." She started in on her emotional goon babble. Same deal as OP. Wouldn't let me sleep. Poking proding. Nagging. Finally I started packing a small bag and left. Didn't tell her where I was going until I was able to text it to her and I said 'Leaving for the weekend, be back Monday night'. I wanted to make sure there was a written record that I wasn't 'moving out' because she could have tried to claim that I did if she got vindictive and called the cops. So after that text was sent I blocked her. NC all weekend. I went and spent the weekend with my sister 2 x hours away.Was able to sleep and relax at my sister's house. Came home Monday night. She asked me where I had been. I told her "It isn't where I had been that you should worry about. What you should worry about is that next time I ask for some peace and quiet and you do what you did to me Friday, YOU will be the one leaving and you WON'T be coming back." She started crying like he|| then apologized 10,000 times. She started to get a little more respectful of when I wanted my down time after this, at least until the end when I finally dumped her.

I can't say for sure I handled it the best way possible, but it helped at the time.

 

[Soflobro#3]

How is she treating you in general? How much is she sacraficing for you? This is the measure of her love.


Yes especially if she is really putting out for you and catering to you, you might be a bit bothered, especially if you're very busy and she isn't.

If this is the case, you need to reconize and calm your a$$ down and go against your immediate emotional recreation. You want to discourage her from treating you like a king? I'd suggest you don't.

Sometimes in a relationship you just need to tighten up and go through the motions because often times we can behave like narcissistic a$$holes if we don't check ourselves and we will end up fvcking oursekour over in the long run. If you really can't handle it emotionally ( you girl) then leave her.

Otherwise just try and be nice if she is truly treating you right. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you should act it out. Deal with it.

Unless she's being a cvnt, in this case fvck her.

Is she fuel or baggage. Treat her accordingly.

 

[Macaframalama]

What I don't get is, how is this showing weakness?

It's not. Sometimes, you have to show your teeth. Seriously, how many apex predators off the top of your head can you name, that do not show their teeth to assert dominance in the face of aggression? The ppl that come up with this chit are soft as cotton panties, afraid of confrontation and ALWAYS on the brunt end of outcome, so they try to rewrite the rules. Every man walking the face should be mentality and physically prepared to escelate hostility or violence and the willingness to do so.
B!tch starts chit, b!tch gets the chewing. B!tch don't stop, b!tch be gone.

 

[Fruitbat]

Is she generally respecting me? Sort of.

I ask her to stop spending her life on social media - she does it
I tell her to do xyz to help her career - she does it
Quite a few things I suggest she actually does which is in contrast to a lot of other women ive been with.

Negative - she is lazy as f and does as little housework as she can - I mentioned it to her parents who kicked her @ss over it. Seems this issue is about her, not me, as her parents seemed to recognise it too.
Basically most of the negative is about her being lazy.

The stuff this post is about is just emotional shyt related to period - it's textbook. Come here, I need you. Leave me alone!

It would be quite cute if it wasn't for the 4-5 day slog, every month. Some morning she just ignores me for no reason, then she is all over me. I don't give her enough attention blah blah. It's pretty mild compared to a lot of women i've been around.

I do try to say "honey do you think it might be the time of the month??!" of course the answer is "no"!

I have a mate who is permenantly single but would actually like a ltr but he says his GFs all go crazy and he's trying to find a junior doctor/lawyer as he reckons they won't be.

I tell him, if you don't want tests and emotional BS, don't be with a woman!

 

[Glassguy]

Is she generally respecting me? Sort of.

I ask her to stop spending her life on social media - she does it
I tell her to do xyz to help her career - she does it
Quite a few things I suggest she actually does which is in contrast to a lot of other women ive been with.

Negative - she is lazy as f and does as little housework as she can - I mentioned it to her parents who kicked her @ss over it. Seems this issue is about her, not me, as her parents seemed to recognise it too.
Basically most of the negative is about her being lazy.

The stuff this post is about is just emotional shyt related to period - it's textbook. Come here, I need you. Leave me alone!

It would be quite cute if it wasn't for the 4-5 day slog, every month. Some morning she just ignores me for no reason, then she is all over me. I don't give her enough attention blah blah. It's pretty mild compared to a lot of women i've been around.

I do try to say "honey do you think it might be the time of the month??!" of course the answer is "no"!

I have a mate who is permenantly single but would actually like a ltr but he says his GFs all go crazy and he's trying to find a junior doctor/lawyer as he reckons they won't be.

I tell him, if you don't want tests and emotional BS, don't be with a woman!

What type of a career does she have?

 

[BeExcellent]

OK, so only flaw with my girl is the usual few days a month when she just becomes annoying as hell.

I just had them and I've generally done what I do, don't fall into it and ignore etc

Today it was just so annoying. If I got on with my shyt, she would jump all over me, prodding me, just generally interfering with me. Then she just dissapears for an hour and makes a point of not telling me where. Just a barrage of shyt to get a reaction.

Only ever get this in the monthly emotion spike. Usually she is great.

So, the general opinion is you should never lose your temper, it shows weakness etc.

Well, I just tried to get an early night. I have a hangover and I need sleep. I have a tough week.

The clingy bull**** continues. She just wouldn't let me sleep. More clingy shyt. Just emotion ridden bull****.

I finally broke, shouted briefly and slammed a door and I am sleeping in the other room.

What I don't get is, how is this showing weakness? Fair enough, losing your shyt over nothing is weak, but when you're literally massively inconvenienced.....it will affect my work performance....if I DIDN't lose my shyt, she would be here doing it still!

How do you balance never getting angry without laying down the law? I would feel passive, not powerful, if I just continued to brush this off.

Still annoyed now, why has my best friend suddenly turned into a whining annoying b1tch?

She may well be doing her female shyt tests or whatever, but what if I had an exam or an interview? There is a ****ing limit to how much I can smile and brush off with a swagger.

Advice from the old lady (from the women's locker room): PMS (Pre-Menstral Syndrome) is a real thing. Seriously. And one of the major indicators is changes in mood. This is directly related to hormonal spikes as the cycle occurs. It's a subtle thing from a woman's perspective...she may not be aware that she is doing this. I wasn't for many years.

My ex husband and I used to fight in close temporal relationship to the approach of my menses. But we'd get amnesia every month and forget that is a contributing factor. I still get edgy at that point in my cycle and I get prone to impatience and grouchyness. I'm much more self aware now and I can typically see this as a factor and know to have greater effort in patience toward myself and others during that point in my cycle.

Its most akin to the way a man gets grouchy/bitchy/short tempered when he's hungry or sleep deprived. It operates at a deep enough level that it can be beneath conscious functioning.

And this is why women bristle when people (especially men *you don't understand...*) point out the change in mood and behavior. Men don't understand menses, but they dam sure observe the behavior and end up dealing with it. It's also a thing that because its chemical (hormonal) it is beyond conscious control to a degree, and no woman likes the idea that she is behaving badly from some place beyond her control. That honestly is an unsettling idea and it takes a bit of getting accustomed to.

Best to point this trend out to her AFTER her period passes (as her hormonal profile will have stabilized.) Mention it gently, as in "You know...I've noticed something..." and proceed from there. Emphasize the temporal relationship between her cycle and her behavior. Tell her you have an older female friend who has explained that Yes, this really can be a thing - whatever you want to say. You may get some blowback, but she needs to be made aware that this mood change is happening. She can then address it consciously.

But she truly may not realize this is happening.

 

[sazc]

@Fruitbat hormones can beast a woman for 2 weeks a month, sometimes longer. There's a period of leading up to 'that time' and then ' that time' and sometimes even after 'that time'

Birth control can help regulate, but can also screw some women up

 

[BeExcellent]

Concur with @sazc entirely.

 

[logicallefty]

Advice from the old lady (from the women's locker room): PMS (Pre-Menstral Syndrome) is a real thing. Seriously. And one of the major indicators is changes in mood. This is directly related to hormonal spikes as the cycle occurs. It's a subtle thing from a woman's perspective...she may not be aware that she is doing this. I wasn't for many years.

My ex husband and I used to fight in close temporal relationship to the approach of my menses. But we'd get amnesia every month and forget that is a contributing factor. I still get edgy at that point in my cycle and I get prone to impatience and grouchyness. I'm much more self aware now and I can typically see this as a factor and know to have greater effort in patience toward myself and others during that point in my cycle.

Its most akin to the way a man gets grouchy/bitchy/short tempered when he's hungry or sleep deprived. It operates at a deep enough level that it can be beneath conscious functioning.

And this is why women bristle when people (especially men *you don't understand...*) point out the change in mood and behavior. Men don't understand menses, but they dam sure observe the behavior and end up dealing with it. It's also a thing that because its chemical (hormonal) it is beyond conscious control to a degree, and no woman likes the idea that she is behaving badly from some place beyond her control. That honestly is an unsettling idea and it takes a bit of getting accustomed to.

Best to point this trend out to her AFTER her period passes (as her hormonal profile will have stabilized.) Mention it gently, as in "You know...I've noticed something..." and proceed from there. Emphasize the temporal relationship between her cycle and her behavior. Tell her you have an older female friend who has explained that Yes, this really can be a thing - whatever you want to say. You may get some blowback, but she needs to be made aware that this mood change is happening. She can then address it consciously.

But she truly may not realize this is happening.

Maybe this is why, under traditional roles, women stayed home and took care of the house. The women with PMS couldn't ruin anyone's day but their own because the men were working, hunting, etc. Now society lets them go to work and inflict their wrath onto the rest of us who are otherwise having a good day. I don't blame women for having PMS, I blame society for tolerating it.

 

[AJ84]

Maybe this is why, under traditional roles, women stayed home and took care of the house. The women with PMS couldn't ruin anyone's day but their own because the men were working, hunting, etc. Now society lets them go to work and inflict their wrath onto the rest of us who are otherwise having a good day. I don't blame women for having PMS, I blame society for tolerating it.

But those men had to go home at some point lol.
Or maybe that's why Happy Hour started. Men could stay happy for a few hours more before going home to a PMS wife who hopefully already went to bed

 

[logicallefty]

But those men had to go home at some point lol.
Or maybe that's why Happy Hour started. Men could stay happy for a few hours more before going home to a PMS wife who hopefully already went to bed

I think you are on to something there. Work all day. Then delay a few more hours going home by going to happy hour. Drink a few. Go home. By then either she is already in bed. Or, the buzz from happy hour lasts long enough so you can tolerate her until she is.

 

[Spaz]

But those men had to go home at some point lol.
Or maybe that's why Happy Hour started. Men could stay happy for a few hours more before going home to a PMS wife who hopefully already went to bed

Hahaha

90% truth as in all those men that's married end up having a few happy hours because it's a form of escape.

 

[AJ84]

I think you are on to something there. Work all day. Then delay a few more hours going home by going to happy hour. Drink a few. Go home. By then either she is already in bed. Or, the buzz from happy hour lasts long enough so you can tolerate her until she is.

Seriosly lol I bet there's a connection there.

I don't like myself when I have bad pms, I keep to myself when I can at those times. Like BE said BC pills can help but BC pills can also kill the sex drive.

 

[AJ84]

Hahaha

90% truth as in all those men that's married end up having a few happy hours because it's a form of escape.

There's also a lot of wives who go to happy hour too lol. Escape into booze.

This is why I always think it's a good idea to have one room where a husband or wife can just go and chill and be alone when they want to. Like a chill room. People need their space to just have their thoughts and be with themselves.

 

[Spaz]

There's also a lot of wives who go to happy hour too lol. Escape into booze.

This is why I always think it's a good idea to have one room where a husband or wife can just go and chill and be alone when they want to. Like a chill room. People need their space to just have their thoughts and be with themselves.

This I can agree.

By default the entire house is already a wife's fiefdom and the husband merely the figurehead.

The man should have his own man cave like a library, mini bar/pool room or a mini workshop if he can afford it.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Is she generally respecting me? Sort of.

I ask her to stop spending her life on social media - she does it
I tell her to do xyz to help her career - she does it
!

Well, I had a walk and coffee date with a Chinese lass. We sat down for a coffee, and five minutes into it she was looking at her phone. To me this is just plain rude... and so I haven't bothered asking her out again. If she can not observe the most basic civilities, how is she going to be relationship material. Oh, and she mentioned something about Confucian culture.. and how difficult it is to support one's family these days….

Needless to say I am still single, and in danger of going full blown MGTOW.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

This I can agree.

By default the entire house is already a wife's fiefdom and the husband merely the figurehead.

The man should have his own man cave like a library, mini bar/pool room or a mini workshop if he can afford it.

I shall rule my household, should I have one, like a medieval baron. Of course, the wife could run the day to day economy giving her a semblance of power.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Advice from the old lady (from the women's locker room): PMS (Pre-Menstral Syndrome) is a real thing. Seriously. And one of the major indicators is changes in mood. This is directly related to hormonal spikes as the cycle occurs. It's a subtle thing from a woman's perspective...she may not be aware that she is doing this. I wasn't for many years.

My ex husband and I used to fight in close temporal relationship to the approach of my menses. But we'd get amnesia every month and forget that is a contributing factor. I still get edgy at that point in my cycle and I get prone to impatience and grouchyness. I'm much more self aware now and I can typically see this as a factor and know to have greater effort in patience toward myself and others during that point in my cycle.

Its most akin to the way a man gets grouchy/bitchy/short tempered when he's hungry or sleep deprived. It operates at a deep enough level that it can be beneath conscious functioning.

And this is why women bristle when people (especially men *you don't understand...*) point out the change in mood and behavior. Men don't understand menses, but they dam sure observe the behavior and end up dealing with it. It's also a thing that because its chemical (hormonal) it is beyond conscious control to a degree, and no woman likes the idea that she is behaving badly from some place beyond her control. That honestly is an unsettling idea and it takes a bit of getting accustomed to.

Best to point this trend out to her AFTER her period passes (as her hormonal profile will have stabilized.) Mention it gently, as in "You know...I've noticed something..." and proceed from there. Emphasize the temporal relationship between her cycle and her behavior. Tell her you have an older female friend who has explained that Yes, this really can be a thing - whatever you want to say. You may get some blowback, but she needs to be made aware that this mood change is happening. She can then address it consciously.

But she truly may not realize this is happening.

No doubt why women were quarantined in some cultures whilst 'unclean'.