Ex-colleague - wtf is she doing?

[MoreThanSmooth]

There's a girl I used to work with in my old job. Didn't work together very close. Attractive girl but we were strictly professional.

She went through a phase of inviting me to parties and outings with her mates, this weird mix of seemingly wanting to get with me (lying on a sofa with me at night in front of the TV, dancing with me) and trying to orbit me (suddenly cutting off flirting, asking me what I think of her dating life).

Anyway, she keeps initiating contact with me every 1-2 months, asking how I am and saying we should meet.

My spidey-sense is telling me she's trying to turn me into an orbiter and the fact I've kept my frame is just kind of frustrating her in some way.

First time I agreed to a meet, said we should have drinks (because now we're not working together we could hook up if we wanted, and if we don't it's still fun)...she agreed to this. Then she flaked on me on the day with some BS excuse.

In response to this I went cold and just gave her the "Okay, bye." reply. No contact from then.

Now one month later and she's hitting me up again. She's now hit me up twice and both times it's "We should really get coffee and catch up."

What does she want to catch up on? We're not that friendly, frankly I don't care about her dating life and she seems to get edgy with me if I bring up that I'm dating. Which would imply interest - but not enough for her to do anything more than coffee.

Pff, now that I've typed all this I'm just thinking "What a waste of f*cking time", if I want coffee I have some in my kitchen. But at the same time I want to know WTF she is doing so I can plan my plays better in future.

 

[sazc]

What she is doing is WASTING YOUR TIME.

I dated someone once. We had 2 or 3 good dates and then he feel into a pattern of setting up dates and cancelling because he was sick or work required him to stay late. After the second cancellation I let him go (divested myself of interest) know why? Because he was WASTING MY TIME.

Ran into him (again) on POF a year later, became FB friends (b/c there were no hurt feelings on my part) he suggested we meet for drinks to catch up, I agreed, then he flaked the day of claiming illness. No worries, I said (b/c I wasnt into him anyways)

Ran into him on Bumble, swiped right, sent an ''lol fancy meeting you here, how are you" message, we chatted and that muthafvckah had the nerve to ask me for drinks AGAIN. My reply? "Why? So you can flake on me claiming illness AGAIN?!"

My point? I have no clue what's going on in his head either. What I do know is that im not up for indecisiceness, games or bvllchit, you shouldn't be either.

Dont waste your time on people like this

 

[AlphaArtist]

Can't say everything with certainty, but what I am almost positive about is that there are other guys in her radar, and probably things happening in her personal life too that lead her to act the way she does as you never know what kind of stories she is going through.

My guess is, like a problem i'm dealing with myself, she been friendzoning you. Usually attractive girls get a lot of attention and just because they have a boyfriend doesn't mean they don't talk to other guys, but usually the main center of their emotions is their BF and on the side, they like to entertain themselves and just fool around with guys just within the friendship vicinity, sometimes their BF piss them off and they had enough, take a break with whatever guy willing to talk to her which there always will be, because, she is attractive after all. But then something comes up with the BF, they are back, and she suddenly changes her mind from what she initially said.

The last paragraph is just a general speculation. But as mentioned that I'm almost certain about here is that you are not the only guy in her radar, especially if she contacts you only 1-2 times a month and not everyday. Attractive girl won't wait to communicate just 1-2 times a month when there is only 1 guy in her radar.

 

[RangerMIke]

Could mean everything.... could mean nothing. Not enough info determine. This is normal chick behavior and it happens to all of us frequently.

Even chicks in good relationships will always have back-up plans. A chick never feels comfortable in her man/woman relationship... she is always looking for assurances that if something went sideways with the dude she is fvcking that she can snag another one if needed. Every chick, EVERY CHICK has in her mind the dude that she could have if she wanted.

The only way to know for sure is to make a date... make a move... and see what happens. If she won't go out with you... you are a back-up plan. If she resists your advances... you are a back-up plan. Once you figure out you are a back-up plan... just move on.

All chicks want something from you... your job is to figure out what that is, then decide if you are willing to make that deal... give her what she wants, in exchange for what you want.

If she wants to keep you in back-up... okay, that's fine as long as you get what you want. This is called 'affairs' and if that's okay with you then go for it. Me personally won't get involved with married chicks or chicks tat have live in boyfriends... that's just too much drama. But chicks with BFs, are in my opinion, fair game.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with @RangerMIke but I am going to put a twist on this for you @MoreThanSmooth

Just get to the point. If you want to see how her interest level is, invite her over and tell her to pick up a bottle of wine and you'll get something that the 2 of you can make for dinner. Be blunt and tell her that you're willing to circle back around and meet up but its a one shot deal.

If she is interested in you sexually, she will come over especially since you two know each other fairly well from previous work and encounters.

"Hey ____ that sounds good. Why dont you pick up a bottle of wine (or two) and come to my place on ___ evening at ___pm. I will grab something for us to make for dinner and we can catch up."

I would give her zero wiggle room, only if she counters for a different (specific) evening would I reply back to anything but her agreeing to come over.

If she beats around the bush, just tell her that "this seems like too much work and she killed your romantic interest in her" and "best of luck" and you really arent interested in messaging anymore as friends and then ghost her. And dont pick up the bait later on if it doesnt happen this time. Either block her number or ignore her messages in the future.

If she is sexually interested in you, she will come over. If she isnt, dont waste another minute on this chick from here on out.

 

[sosousage]

What she is doing is WASTING YOUR TIME.

I dated someone once. We had 2 or 3 good dates and then he feel into a pattern of setting up dates and cancelling because he was sick or work required him to stay late. After the second cancellation I let him go (divested myself of interest) know why? Because he was WASTING MY TIME.

Ran into him (again) on POF a year later, became FB friends (b/c there were no hurt feelings on my part) he suggested we meet for drinks to catch up, I agreed, then he flaked the day of claiming illness. No worries, I said (b/c I wasnt into him anyways)

Ran into him on Bumble, swiped right, sent an ''lol fancy meeting you here, how are you" message, we chatted and that muthafvckah had the nerve to ask me for drinks AGAIN. My reply? "Why? So you can flake on me claiming illness AGAIN?!"

My point? I have no clue what's going on in his head either. What I do know is that im not up for indecisiceness, games or bvllchit, you shouldn't be either.

Dont waste your time on people like this

why are you still on bumble, it takes 5min to get a date as female on online dating

 

[lizardking82]

This shouldn't even bother you.

I had a girl that I talked to for a while, she just broke up from her boyfriend, she was quite turned on by the way I talked to her. Then after 2 weeks of talking and when she was gonna come to my city after 2 days, suddenly she "finds out some stuff from her ex that made her rethink everything" bl;a bla bla so she tells me sorry and moves on and I do the same thing. Now she came back about a week ago and the only question I asked her was "Do you get wet by the idea of me eating you?". She tried to dodge the question, but I held my ground and she answered she was wet right there and then by this idea and was gonna come to my city very soon.

Do not be afraid to tell a girl what you want. If you wanna **** her, make it clear. Some of them will bang you just for the courage.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I don’t get this. If a chick just flakes last second with an excuse that you KNOW is a flat out lie, and then she just doesn’t talk to you, why are you even talking to her or thinking about potentially giving her another chance? Next time she texts you or something, you should respond with ‘who is this?’ If not that, then don’t respond at all. Complete waste of time. Otherwise tell her upfront that if she’s not dtf at that moment then she should just leave you alone.

 

[skinnyguy]

You’re better off fapping

 

[ohrein]

This is normal chick behavior and it happens to all of us frequently.

So, so true. So many posts could be boiled down to bitches be crazy, don't waste your time.

 

[sazc]

why are you still on bumble, it takes 5min to get a date as female on online dating

If you have zero standards and don't screen OLD is a blooming garden (of algae) (yuk)

 

[sosousage]

If you have zero standards and don't screen OLD is a blooming garden (of algae) (yuk)

i have zero standards as long as the chick is not fat. sometimes they are ugly or plain dumb/annoying but i go at it still ha ha but thats probably because im nice person and forgiving

 

[sazc]

i have zero standards as long as the chick is not fat. sometimes they are ugly or plain dumb/annoying but i go at it still ha ha but thats probably because im nice person and forgiving

Lol, I hope you are joking!

Iirc you posted a pic here and your are good looking, so that it's a ++

If you are also nice you should give yourself more value/credit and require more from your OLD matches.

Them again, if your goal is the nookie first, carry on!

 

[soulforge]

This chick is just pulling your Dik Bruv.. If she REALLY wanted to BANG you, it wouldn't be this difficult and it would have happened by now.

She flakes on you.. Mix messages.. Personally I wouldn't waste my time.. What's so special about this one's Vagina?

However if you want to try one more time.. Then invite her over for drinks and a movie..

She flakes again, or makes crappy excuses..

Then write her off FOREVER!!

 

[icantgetlaid]

Depending on how busy my social life is at any given moment (and depending on how attracted i am to the girl), will determine how much tolerance i might have for this kind of behavior. Any guy with any experience in the dating game has been in this situation. A girl who makes her presence known to you but is seemingly flighty when you try to make a move. This behavior alone has me convinced that the girls interest level is probably very low/not even worth the pursuit.

If she's worth the trouble to you though, i'm in agreement with the others. Man up, invite her over to your place (specific time/day) for drinks/alone time, and her response to this invitation will tell you everything you need to know.

Any response other than a direct "yes ok" is a "no" and it's time to shelve any thoughts you might have of ever being intimate with this woman and move on.