Ultimatum

[Soflobro#3]

Stupidly I was talking with the g/f this morning about renting an apartment in town to cut down my commute. Epic fail forgot the inbuilt agenda. So of course she raises moving in. Which I do a non graceful shutdown on because I'm running out the door to work. Epic fail 2.

Not my best work but we're 2.5 years in so I guess it was going to come.

So of course she's cracked out giving me the old if you cared about me you do it routine.

And I can't really say I care about you but not enough to give you half of my stuff. And I don't negotiate with terrorists.

It's a long weekend and now I'm stuck with a booking for two nights somewhere scenic. I'm a great believer in fighting poison with poison.

Any good tips on pulling in a country town?

She cares about you less than you think. A interested woman will be supportive and not only that, but take it a step further.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Hey, no girls allowed in the bat cave!

Probably a good answer. However women will often create incentives and make your life much easier, a deal hard to refuse, especially when you lack resources.

 

[ubercat]

Guys hardly a newb. I know that you get no gratitude from women. I've seen it play out many times before. No kids we're not living together. If she cares less and walks what exactly have I lost? Remember when they walk they are doing you a favour. Better to find out earlier.

 

[wifehunter]

Probably a good answer. However women will often create incentives and make your life much easier, a deal hard to refuse, especially when you lack resources.

This is one of the many ways they set themselves up as 'the boss'.

"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." - KJV

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Thanks @Scaramouche

I didn't see your post it until after the event however all played out as you predicted my friend.

I apologized for my lack of sensitivity as I believe in personal accountability and it wasn't up to my standards. Then played the Daddy card and gently told her how it was going to be. Basically bit of firmness bit of reassurance as you said. All good.

I will say to @ChristopherColumbus that like most men I leave all my women better off. This girl now speaks perfect English is computer literate has a post grad qual and a better job. Remember b4 u go white knight on the bros we built civilization we r natural improvers.

I was running around buying her laptop last weekend so you wouldn't think reassurance would be needed but you know women every moment is a new world to them.

Sure, but at your age will you be OK to see her leave? I say that because it sounded to me from your earlier post that she was wondering if you guys had a secure future together [she is Chinese after all... and no doubt wants you to help support her family...….. ok, that could be a deal breaker... I had a Chinese girl mentioning her family to me the other day on a date...].

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Uber,
Played rather nicely Old Chap...They are lovely aren't they?..You are her Man in the eyes of people who matter all Chinese of course...She will be loyal unto death,forgive you most things,but Infidelity No,so make sure you cover your tracks well LOL!

 

[Glassguy]

f she cares less and walks what exactly have I lost? Remember when they walk they are doing you a favour. Better to find out earlier.

I agree that its better to find out early but be real here. Its been 2.5 years so at this point, you know what you have with her.

If it doesnt bother you to see her walk then tell her that you dont want to see the relationship come to an end, but you want to focus on your career for the next 6 months and dont want to do the living together thing just yet. If she agrees, take the next 6 months, focus on your career and enjoy your time with her while deciding what you really want to do. Let her know that in 6 months you both will have a discussion at that point about the living together situation.

And at 6 months do just that. Make her that promise and keep it, and make your final decision then.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks guys. TBH i don't post looking for support. I m interested in the different viewpoints and happy to be one of the few senior members to let it all hang out here for learnings.

 

[ubercat]

@deesade nailed it. Marriage is for raising kids unfortunately that didn't happen for me. Once your past the childbearing years I don't see much point in cohabitation. If you look at fruitbats post on his girlfriend annoying the s*** out of him at ragtime you'll see why. The ability to Retreat to your neutral corners is a Godsend.

I've probably bought 6 months. One thing I have experienced in the past is your ltr peeling some of your friends off. Basically the couples as the wife always sides with the girl her husband does as he is told. So I better head that off

 

[guru1000]

Let her you know you are definitely considering it in due time;
Create a cohabitation agreement;
Seek effective counsel to review/revise the agreement.

If she's a good girl, concessions will eventually be made; just don't go in "naked."

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

@deesade nailed it. Marriage is for raising kids unfortunately that didn't happen for me. Once your past the childbearing years I don't see much point in cohabitation. If you look at fruitbats post on his girlfriend annoying the s*** out of him at ragtime you'll see why. The ability to Retreat to your neutral corners is a Godsend.

I've probably bought 6 months. One thing I have experienced in the past is your ltr peeling some of your friends off. Basically the couples as the wife always sides with the girl her husband does as he is told. So I better head that off

You should be honest with her.... I mean c'mon...is that what game is... Machiavellian tactics to win against the opposite sex? Is it an art of war, where you are supposed to practice deception to the best of your ability? She is giving you the best years of her life... you should be honest with her if you're not interesting in spending many more years together. Anything less, is unethical.

Game, if it must be played, should be reserved for the barbarous chaos of casual 'relationships' out there, not for civil LTRs with a partner that is sincere.

 

[ubercat]

Right and when a chick pretends to still be into you but you are dead to her and prepares months earlier to Monkey branch. Or systematically skins as much resource as she can off you in a break-up. No deception there then?. C'mon yourself everybody is going through their best years.

It's pretty clear a woman's best years r her peak smv years when her reproductive value is high. Whether she's with me or not they are over for her I can't bring them back.

And you seem to have ignored all the significant ways that I have improved her life in that time. Do you honestly think that woman stick around if they are not getting a good deal?

I always give value in all of my relationships. If you think that I should be organising my life around a female agenda perhaps you might enjoy the company of the like minded Souls over at love shack.

Obviously this is a very common agenda for women. Most guys are playing for time while they make up their mind. Things change I may be open to the idea in a few months time. Making a decision now based on how I might feel in the future is simply speculation. I prefer to make serious decisions on evidence or if I can't get that the balance of probabilities.