how to take care of this.

Ryan Adams

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ok as you know I'm the guy who got ghosted. well to no one's surprise she still hasnt responded to me. she hasnt even responded to her cousin who texted her asking her a question. that is beside the point. I have another plate I'm taking out tonight. but her cousin told me her family is royally Fvcked up. as in moms on drugs and a drunk brother is on heroin sister is missing teeth as is mom and brother. I get she is over me I'm aware and have settled with that. it sucks but it is what it is. but the more I think about her I just feel bad as sh!t for her. she is a sweet nice girl who is just trying to make it in this life and has been dealt a bad hand family wise. her one good friend who I met seems to even disregard her and dog her in front of people. why do I feel so bad for her? ahe has her guard up so high because I guess even her own family as basically abandoned her. as pvssy as it sounds I dont wanna be another person to cause drama in her life. i want to let her know that. but how?
 

marmel75

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You need to stop worrying about sh!t like this until you are in a longterm relationship of over 6 months with a woman...

And if you chose to be in a long term relationship with a woman like this I think you should be admitted to a mental institution.

Stop getting into fake relationships in your mind when you haven't even been on a date yet.
 

Ryan Adams

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You need to stop worrying about sh!t like this until you are in a longterm relationship of over 6 months with a woman...

And if you chose to be in a long term relationship with a woman like this I think you should be admitted to a mental institution.

Stop getting into fake relationships in your mind when you haven't even been on a date yet.
I took her out on atleast 15 dates. bought us a vacation as she has never ever been to the beach. your only seeing what what I'm typing but if you saw us together you would understand why this is so odd. she is completely removing me from her life for nothing lol. her and her friend saw me at bar and they up and left 2 min after they saw me. everyone I was with was like wtf did she do that that is so weird. I'm a very laid back and easy going guy it's not like I'm violent or anything or I would of yelled at her. I've been ghosted before absolutly it happens but never anything to this extreme.... she reached back out to me a week ago and set up a date then completely ghosted me again. her excuse is going to be family issues which her brother did get arrested and she isnt lying about that but you would think she could say anything to be less weird about this. everyone I know even thinks what she is doing is extremely odd. shes 29 I'm 28 were grown people we didnt meet on tinder or anything like that. so its not like it's a random meeting. she cant run and hide forever she isnt even responding to her own cousin.... it's just so fvcking weird
 

marmel75

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I took her out on atleast 15 dates. bought us a vacation as she has never ever been to the beach. your only seeing what what I'm typing but if you saw us together you would understand why this is so odd. she is completely removing me from her life for nothing lol. her and her friend saw me at bar and they up and left 2 min after they saw me. everyone I was with was like wtf did she do that that is so weird. I'm a very laid back and easy going guy it's not like I'm violent or anything or I would of yelled at her. I've been ghosted before absolutly it happens but never anything to this extreme.... she reached back out to me a week ago and set up a date then completely ghosted me again. her excuse is going to be family issues which her brother did get arrested and she isnt lying about that but you would think she could say anything to be less weird about this. everyone I know even thinks what she is doing is extremely odd. shes 29 I'm 28 were grown people we didnt meet on tinder or anything like that. so its not like it's a random meeting. she cant run and hide forever she isnt even responding to her own cousin.... it's just so fvcking weird
No its weird to you...it makes perfect sense to most of us here.

She was not sexually attracted to you because you were the typical AFC nice guy and had fun playing around with you for a while. When it got to be too much and she realized it was going too far, or she found a guy she actually was interested in, she walked away.

This isnt weird, this is how women work. Stop saying its weird, this is perfectly normal behavior.
 
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GT40

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Why are you making such an ordeal about this. Her family is a mess. She likely is too. Be thankful you didn’t have kids or marry this chick. Move on
 

Ryan Adams

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why is she ignoring everyone else also? she isnt on social media or anything. ignoring everyone else it's just odd behavior I've never been through this
 

oldmanofthesea

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First of all, sorry that happened to you. I've been there. Almost exactly the same situation with the same outcome, even the reach back out followed up by ghosting.

Women who have a messed up family and poor upbringing without love are literally unable to receive love and form emotional connections. When you date them, it actually seems the opposite is true at first because they love-bomb you. They are likely to tell you they love you just days or weeks into your relationship and they say things to you that leads you to believe they are enamored with you. This is because they CRAVE that missing love they didn't receive growing up and it feels so powerful and amazing to them. The problem is that it is not sustainable for these women. It's like drinking alcohol: Drink for a few hours and you feel great but keep drinking for 24 hours straight and you feel like sh*t and want to die. This is how it works for these women. After some time (could be weeks, could be months, but it's generally 1-3 months), they panic. Something "doesn't feel right" and they "feel overwhelmed". They feel a pressure and an expectation to respond equally to how you are treating them, but they feel unworthy and incapable of doing this (due to their upbringing) so it forces them to question why that is and what it means to give and receive love. That is a VERY difficult subject for someone to address and requires years of therapy and a willingness and desire to face the problem head-on. Unfortunately, the vast majority will not seek therapy and face their demons so instead, they will turn to distractions like serial-dating, drugs and alcohol, or pouring all their focus into a goal-oriented hobby/sport of some kind.

This is a really good read that I think might help you (especially if you have been drawn to damaged or needy women before like I have):
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/white-knight-syndrome/all/1/

At this point, you must stop caring why she's not on social media, talking to friends, etc. You must move on with your life and never look back. You cannot help her and she will bring nothing positive to your life. One thing I can promise you is that you WILL ultimately come to this realization. You can choose to do it now or prolong your own suffering by waiting. Life is too short. We aren't here for very long. Don't waste another minute of your life energy on her. I know it's easier said than done but I've been there and know from experience.

To avoid this in the future, in addition to doing a better job of screening women you meet, I'd pace yourself more with women. No buying vacations and trips and things like that until the the 6-month mark. No grand gestures, gifts, etc. You should treat the woman as an equal, not someone you have to court like in an 1800's romance novel. That can be difficult because when you really connect with someone you are having sex with and your brain is dumping feel-good chemicals into your bloodstream by the truck-load, it's natural for a guy to want to buy gifts and make gestures etc, but this nearly ALWAYS backfires and as good as it may seem to feel, it's actually neediness and represents a loss of focus on yourself and your life outside of your relationship which is a huge turn-off for the woman and is bad for you because you need to remain centered in yourself and your own life and mission and goals.
 

Ryan Adams

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First of all, sorry that happened to you. I've been there. Almost exactly the same situation with the same outcome, even the reach back out followed up by ghosting.

Women who have a messed up family and poor upbringing without love are literally unable to receive love and form emotional connections. When you date them, it actually seems the opposite is true at first because they love-bomb you. They are likely to tell you they love you just days or weeks into your relationship and they say things to you that leads you to believe they are enamored with you. This is because they CRAVE that missing love they didn't receive growing up and it feels so powerful and amazing to them. The problem is that it is not sustainable for these women. It's like drinking alcohol: Drink for a few hours and you feel great but keep drinking for 24 hours straight and you feel like sh*t and want to die. This is how it works for these women. After some time (could be weeks, could be months, but it's generally 1-3 months), they panic. Something "doesn't feel right" and they "feel overwhelmed". They feel a pressure and an expectation to respond equally to how you are treating them, but they feel unworthy and incapable of doing this (due to their upbringing) so it forces them to question why that is and what it means to give and receive love. That is a VERY difficult subject for someone to address and requires years of therapy and a willingness and desire to face the problem head-on. Unfortunately, the vast majority will not seek therapy and face their demons so instead, they will turn to distractions like serial-dating, drugs and alcohol, or pouring all their focus into a goal-oriented hobby/sport of some kind.

This is a really good read that I think might help you (especially if you have been drawn to damaged or needy women before like I have):
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/white-knight-syndrome/all/1/

At this point, you must stop caring why she's not on social media, talking to friends, etc. You must move on with your life and never look back. You cannot help her and she will bring nothing positive to your life. One thing I can promise you is that you WILL ultimately come to this realization. You can choose to do it now or prolong your own suffering by waiting. Life is too short. We aren't here for very long. Don't waste another minute of your life energy on her. I know it's easier said than done but I've been there and know from experience.

To avoid this in the future, in addition to doing a better job of screening women you meet, I'd pace yourself more with women. No buying vacations and trips and things like that until the the 6-month mark. No grand gestures, gifts, etc. You should treat the woman as an equal, not someone you have to court like in an 1800's romance novel. That can be difficult because when you really connect with someone you are having sex with and your brain is dumping feel-good chemicals into your bloodstream by the truck-load, it's natural for a guy to want to buy gifts and make gestures etc, but this nearly ALWAYS backfires and as good as it may seem to feel, it's actually neediness and represents a loss of focus on yourself and your life outside of your relationship which is a huge turn-off for the woman and is bad for you because you need to remain centered in yourself and your own life and mission and goals.
wow this is spot on. my friend that has been through something said almost exactly this. thanks man I needed this
 

Ryan Adams

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with that being said why would she want to cut me completely out of her life? fvck dsting her that's obviously not gonna happen but I care about her as a person I wanna know shes doing ok. I really just want to call her at this point I have nothing to lose
 

D.Savage

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Relax homie, i know how you feel, everyone goes through it, but its not your job to SAVE HER, Take your cape of bro your not superman, "never stress over things you have no control over" leave that up to god or whatever higher power there is lol.
Focus on other things, you sound a good guy so go meet a women who you can show that too, if push comes to shove you can hit her up here and there to just check on her if you can but other than that leave it alone, trust me, dont get caught up in someone elses ****. The sooner you stop thinking about her the better.
 

Ryan Adams

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I know what I should do but for some reason this one hurts like a motherfvcker
 

marmel75

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I know what I should do but for some reason this one hurts like a motherfvcker
Because you saw what you wanted to see not what everyone else saw.
 

D.Savage

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I know what I should do but for some reason this one hurts like a motherfvcker
Life hurts, suck it up, i know it sounds harsh but its tough love bro, pain heals with time.
Its not going to hurt forever.
 

Ryan Adams

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yeah time is the best thing. but as of now it just sucks I'm sure you guys know how it is. and everyone else around us thought we were perfect for each other random people even commented on how cute we were together
 

ohrein

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I'm gonna break out of SS mode for a second, so this isn't dating advice per se.

You can't help someone who doesn't want your help. Everyone is trying to navigate through the problems in their life. Anyone who makes their issues other peoples issues through drama or distance, simply isn't worth helping. If someone asks for your help, respects you for it, and absolutely does not make their problem your problem, then go ahead and give them support. It's hard when your empathy is in overdrive to let people go, but there are some people you simply will not reach, especially if they are trying to create distance.

Move on.
 

Ryan Adams

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I dont want to give her advice I want to let her know I'm there. this girl doesnt know how to be loved and cared for I can tell she comes from a bad family and im.not gonna say anything to her like I will help solve your issues but I just want to have her know that I'm here. if I dont stlewdt reach out one more time its gonna eat me up. if you where here and understood the situation you would understand this isnt a normal female she operates differently. has no social media never has been on vacation. she has no tv etc just a different type of woman
 

D.Savage

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yeah time is the best thing. but as of now it just sucks I'm sure you guys know how it is. and everyone else around us thought we were perfect for each other random people even commented on how cute we were together
Yeah it definitly sucks, i experienced something similar a year ago but i been through so much pain in my life started from childhood on up so im pretty good at handling emotional distress to the point where something distressing to the average would be the equivalent to losing my wallet to me lol, keep ya head up fam, go out, smoke, drink, **** girls, hang wit some friends and dont entertain the thoughts, like i said earlier, if push comes to shove later down the line you can still check up on her here and there but only if you can handle it without getting to attached to the situation which you definitly cant do right now,

Mind over matter fam, control your emotions and your mind and it will be over soon, before you know it you will be able to help someone else out whos going through something similiar. Your going to be stronger mentally and emotionally when its over.
 

ohrein

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I dont want to give her advice I want to let her know I'm there. this girl doesnt know how to be loved and cared for I can tell she comes from a bad family and im.not gonna say anything to her like I will help solve your issues but I just want to have her know that I'm here. if I dont stlewdt reach out one more time its gonna eat me up. if you where here and understood the situation you would understand this isnt a normal female she operates differently. has no social media never has been on vacation. she has no tv etc just a different type of woman
If you really want to reach out to her then do it. But just know if this at all an attempt to get her back, if you end up with her because she's "different", it will fall apart. Both because she's clearly damaged and you have oneitis.
 

Ryan Adams

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ofcourse in the back of my mind I'd love it but it's not gonna happen I care for her and I gotta let her know that I'm here fvck it I'll agree with just being friends. dude her fam is so messed up and her own best friend dogs her in public. she doesnt doesnt need that. she obviously isnt dateable right now I get that but im gonna call her tonight if she doesnt answer I swear on my moms life I'm completely cutting off all contact with this chick unless she reaches out at me. you will not here from me about this chick but I gotta give her a call man it just feels right
 
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