Contacting Ex

[L0bsang]

hey fellas,

I didn’t do it yet! Here is the short version you guys have seen posted thousands of times...

We were together 5 years, I went beta, caught her cheating (my fault and I don’t blame her), texted her to leave and haven’t contacted her for almost 2 years.

I have been with a few other women since then and for some reason I have been getting an urge to send her an email the last 2-3 months. I don’t want her back and really am not sure what my intentions are... I keep going over this in my head so many times and there probably isn’t any good that can come from this. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her or anything so I’m not sure where these feelings are coming from. Maybe because there wasn’t any closure? I just texted her to leave and that was it.

Guess I am just here for support and to see if anyone else has had experience with this. I have asked some friends for insight but there hasn’t been much help. I’m just confused.

Thanks fellas

 

[Paradiddle]

caught her cheating (my fault and I don’t blame her)

Are you kidding me?

 

[Paradiddle]

hey fellas,

I didn’t do it yet! Here is the short version you guys have seen posted thousands of times...

We were together 5 years, I went beta, caught her cheating (my fault and I don’t blame her), texted her to leave and haven’t contacted her for almost 2 years.

I have been with a few other women since then and for some reason I have been getting an urge to send her an email the last 2-3 months. I don’t want her back and really am not sure what my intentions are... I keep going over this in my head so many times and there probably isn’t any good that can come from this. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her or anything so I’m not sure where these feelings are coming from. Maybe because there wasn’t any closure? I just texted her to leave and that was it.

Guess I am just here for support and to see if anyone else has had experience with this. I have asked some friends for insight but there hasn’t been much help. I’m just confused.

Thanks fellas

Hey bro, it's been 2 years since you have not contacted. Don't you think it's time to let go? What if she doesn't reply after you initiate contact? Wouldn't that make you feel even worse? Screw closure! Move on!
I am posting something posted by Rollo Tomassi, please read each and every word because this **** is a masterpiece. I hope it helps.

"Why do I post here?

Someone’s gotta unplug chumps from the Matrix.

Want to know what my problem is?

My problem is living in a world teeming with grown boys who’ve become so conditioned to believing that anything remotely masculine is to be ridiculed, vilified and subdued until they have no concept of what it truly entails much less pass off even the possibility that it could be something positive and attractive.

My problem is when a personal, AFC friend swallows a bullet because he literally “can’t live without” the girlfriend who left him.

My problem is when a 65 y.o. AFC cries in my lap during a counseling session about how he’s been consistently blackmailed with his wife’s intimacy for the past 20 years of their marriage and wont man-up for fear of losing her.

My problem is talking a close friend out of killing the wife he married at 19 and the man she’s cheatied on him with in the parking lot of the motel he’s spent all night tracking her down to find with their 3 children crying in the backseat of their minivan at 4am.

My problem is civily sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner with a sister-in-law and the new millionaire husband she married just 8 months after her former AFC husband of 20 years hung himself from a tree when she decided “he wasn’t the ONE” for her. My problem is staring at the brand new t_its she bought herself with the money he busted his ass for just 3 months after he was in the ground. My problem is emphatically teaching my 22 y.o. nephew how not to be the AFC his father was, while pointing out the behaviors of his vulgarly opportunistic mother.

My problem is watching my father, though decaying from alzheimers, still playing out the Savior Methodology in an effort to get laid that he’s thought should work for his entire life at 68 y.o. My problem is watching him feebley default to a behavior that obsessively motivated him to succeed until he was forced into early retirement at 53 and his 2nd wife left him promptly after that.

My problem is consoling a good friend who’s fathered 3 daughters with 2 wives and is being emotionally manipulated by his 3rd (another single mommie BTW), who’s become so despondent that he dreads going home from work to deal with his personal situation and wait’s with anticipation for the weekend to be over.

My problem is counseling a guy who thought the best way to separate himself from “other guys” was to be ‘chivalrous’ and date a single mommie with 3 children from 2 different fathers, only to knock her up for a fourth kid and marry her because “it was the right thing to do.”

My problem is dealing with a 17 y.o. girl who’d just witnessed her new boyfriend being stabbed 30+ times by her old boyfriend because “she was his soulmate” and “would rather live in jail without her than see her with that guy.”

My problem is trying to explain to ‘Modern Women’ that — after almost 10 years of marriage, my wife could still model swimwear and confidently respects my judgement and decisions as a Man — I didn’t achieve this by being a domineering, 1950′s caveman-chauvinist who’s crushed her spirit, but that it is a strict understanding and adhereance to living a positively masculine role.

And my greatest fear is seeing 14 y.o. AFC Symps all ready to sacrifice themselves wholesale to this pitiful, mass-media fueled, pop-culture endorsed, idealized and feminized notion of romantic/soulmate mythology, all because some other AFCs trapped in the same quicksand they are, are affirming and co-enabling each other to further their own sinking and spred this disease to other AFCs. It’s infectuous, and complacency, like misery, loves company. My fear is that I’m only one Man, and I can’t possibly be enough to kick these guys in the ass like their AFC fathers were unable or unwilling to do.

That’s why I post here.”

 

[Machine10033]

hey fellas,

I didn’t do it yet! Here is the short version you guys have seen posted thousands of times...

We were together 5 years, I went beta, caught her cheating (my fault and I don’t blame her), texted her to leave and haven’t contacted her for almost 2 years.

I have been with a few other women since then and for some reason I have been getting an urge to send her an email the last 2-3 months. I don’t want her back and really am not sure what my intentions are... I keep going over this in my head so many times and there probably isn’t any good that can come from this. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her or anything so I’m not sure where these feelings are coming from. Maybe because there wasn’t any closure? I just texted her to leave and that was it.

Guess I am just here for support and to see if anyone else has had experience with this. I have asked some friends for insight but there hasn’t been much help. I’m just confused.

Thanks fellas

You were not to blame for her cheating. Get that out of your head!!! Unfortunately I've been the guy that girls cheat with ( not proud). It is them not their husband or boyfriend. They need to rationalize it so she and her friends don't think she's a slut. She was bored and had issues with your relationship and rather than work on it she took the easy way out.

Yes I have reached out to ex's. For me it is purely selfish.. I don't miss them..or want them back.. it feeds my ego. Once I realized how selfish it was I stopped doing it.

 

[L0bsang]

Thank you for your responses, appreciate it. I’m not gonna do it. Still don’t know where or why these thoughts reoccurring.

I still feel like I’m the most responsible for the breakup. I treated her horrible and stopped having sex with her, I don’t blame her.

I found this from another thread that helped

Trap #3: The Trap of the Closed Door

There are millions upon millions of chances, choices, and opportunities we as humans have. It is impossible to take advantage of every one. Most of the time we don’t even see a hundredth of them. When one door in your life closes, always remember there are a million more open ones. Always remember that there are still millions of doors that are always open in your life. Focusing on that one closed door will waste your time on this planet. Every thought you spend on that closed door will bring you closer to the end of your life. Look at the possibilities, not the impossibilities. Why worry about something that never was meant to be? Something that never could be? Never forget that closed door, it will make a nice memory, but do not focus all of your attention to it. It’s pointless, don’t let this trap in life hold you back.

 

[stovepipe]

Don't matter how long you were together, the b!tch cheated on you man! You still sound like a beta, wake up!

I was in a similar situation to yours. I'd rather die with respect for myself than contact an ex cheater.

Some of us get the urge to contact a particular ex, but never act on it. Leave her where she belongs, in the past!

 

[Spaz]

From your opening post, I'd say you seriously need to read the DJ bible, in this order; read - digest it - contemplate - re read it again - and when it finally makes complete sense = apply it in the real world.