Women who quickly bring up their boyfriends

[oldmanofthesea]

As I've dropped OLD and focus more on cold approach and day game, I'm noticing some things and have some questions.

I am taking more notice when women look at me, and I'm currently focusing on approaching those women instead of just any women I find attractive who hasn't looked at me. I'll work on approaching the latter in the future.

But here is what I'm noticing: When I approach women and start conversation with them, they VERY quickly bring up their boyfriends. None of the women I've approached so far have rings, and I'm approaching them in the day, at events, on the street, at a coffee shop, in a grocery store, etc. Literally every single woman I have approached has brought up her boyfriend within the first 30-60 seconds of the conversation. It's never "Hey, I have a boyfriend." It's more that they weave it naturally into whatever topic was are discussing.

Two examples from the last couple days:
1. At an airport bar, I took a seat next to a woman who wasn't very physically attractive. She wasn't ugly either, but she was the type of girl who I felt confident would be attracted to me (at least physically). After I sat down and immediately started talking with the bartender to order my drink, she jumped into the conversation. So I started talking to her and asked her if she was flying away or flying back home. She said she was flying home from a work assignment and I asked her where home was. She said, "My boyfriend and I live in <wherever>".
2. At a marathon the other day, a bunch of people were hanging out at the finish line talking and this girl stared at me as she walked past me. She sat by herself in the grass a ways away so I walked up to her and she stared right at my face as I approached her. I said hi and asked her if she was running in the race and she said yeah I just finished. I asked her how she did and she said she got third place so I congratulated her and asked her if this was her first time running the race and she said, "No, my boyfriend and I have run this race for the last three years. He's still out on the course right now."


So what does it mean when a woman brings up her boyfriend so quickly? I feel like it could mean a lot of things....
- She isn't interested in you and wants to be polite, but also ensure you don't start flirting or get the wrong idea
- She has a boyfriend and feels guilty talking to a strange guy alone
- She doesn't have a boyfriend and is testing to see your reaction

I'm still new to cold approach so my experience is limited, but I'm really confused by two things:
1. The number of women with no ring who say they have boyfriends (90% of the women I approach - in your experience approaching women during the day, is this what I should expect and not bother reading anything else into it?)
2. How quickly they inject it into the conversation. Do I need to start taking this as an indication of my game being off and needing adjustment? I don't cold approach as often as I should but when I DO make up my mind to approach a girl, I am calm, not nervous, smiling naturally, and just making conversation about topics that are natural (as exampled above).

 

[wifehunter]

IOIs + boyfriend = slut

cold approach + boyfriend = not available

At the end of the day, you're better off putting your energy into your mission.

 

[nismo-4]

They bring it up early because you're not attractive to them. Or they're faithfully committed.

Your values don't align with theirs. Move on unless you want to be an orbiter.

 

[zekko]

So what does it mean when a woman brings up her boyfriend so quickly?

I just think it means "If you're hitting on me, I'm seeing someone else, so don't bother". I suppose some girls make up having a boyfriend as a way to easily reject you, but I think most unmarried girls have boyfriends anyway. The only question then is are they willing to branch swing, or to "cheat" on them?

Sometimes I will just be casually talking to some girl for no particular reason, and she will quickly bring up her husband or her boyfriend. I always want to say "I'm not hitting on you, you stupid b!tch", but I don't. Wouldn't be "socially calibrated".

 

[wifehunter]

Sometimes I will just be casually talking to some girl for no particular reason, and she will quickly bring up her husband or her boyfriend. I always want to say "I'm not hitting on you, you stupid b!tch", but I don't. Wouldn't be "socially calibrated".

This has happened to me more times that I want to say.

I wanted to say "Look lady, we were 'just chatting'."

 

[flowtheory]

As I've dropped OLD and focus more on cold approach and day game, I'm noticing some things and have some questions.

I am taking more notice when women look at me, and I'm currently focusing on approaching those women instead of just any women I find attractive who hasn't looked at me. I'll work on approaching the latter in the future.

But here is what I'm noticing: When I approach women and start conversation with them, they VERY quickly bring up their boyfriends. None of the women I've approached so far have rings, and I'm approaching them in the day, at events, on the street, at a coffee shop, in a grocery store, etc. Literally every single woman I have approached has brought up her boyfriend within the first 30-60 seconds of the conversation. It's never "Hey, I have a boyfriend." It's more that they weave it naturally into whatever topic was are discussing.

Two examples from the last couple days:
1. At an airport bar, I took a seat next to a woman who wasn't very physically attractive. She wasn't ugly either, but she was the type of girl who I felt confident would be attracted to me (at least physically). After I sat down and immediately started talking with the bartender to order my drink, she jumped into the conversation. So I started talking to her and asked her if she was flying away or flying back home. She said she was flying home from a work assignment and I asked her where home was. She said, "My boyfriend and I live in <wherever>".
2. At a marathon the other day, a bunch of people were hanging out at the finish line talking and this girl stared at me as she walked past me. She sat by herself in the grass a ways away so I walked up to her and she stared right at my face as I approached her. I said hi and asked her if she was running in the race and she said yeah I just finished. I asked her how she did and she said she got third place so I congratulated her and asked her if this was her first time running the race and she said, "No, my boyfriend and I have run this race for the last three years. He's still out on the course right now."


So what does it mean when a woman brings up her boyfriend so quickly? I feel like it could mean a lot of things....
- She isn't interested in you and wants to be polite, but also ensure you don't start flirting or get the wrong idea
- She has a boyfriend and feels guilty talking to a strange guy alone
- She doesn't have a boyfriend and is testing to see your reaction

I'm still new to cold approach so my experience is limited, but I'm really confused by two things:
1. The number of women with no ring who say they have boyfriends (90% of the women I approach - in your experience approaching women during the day, is this what I should expect and not bother reading anything else into it?)
2. How quickly they inject it into the conversation. Do I need to start taking this as an indication of my game being off and needing adjustment? I don't cold approach as often as I should but when I DO make up my mind to approach a girl, I am calm, not nervous, smiling naturally, and just making conversation about topics that are natural (as exampled above).

I’ve noticed this a fair amount too.. but to me it doesn’t matter. If she mentions she has a boyfriend, I don’t want anything to do with her, because I’m not going to go after her sexually anymore; as if she is receptive to me while she is exclusive with someone, that’s an indictation she could do that to me if I went exclusive with her.
Moreover, I don’t want to pursue someone in a relationship - even if just for a night - as that’s bad karma if I knew. And having been cheated on myself, I can’t do that in good conscience.
It’s better to pursue available women for ease of ones own life. Otherwise there will be constant shady behaviour.

I’ve also talked to many women who I know are in relationships, who do not mention they have boyfriends; and then I see them out together on the streets. And this is dangerous too, as these women lavish the attention and being flirted with; which to me is shows poor character.

My point... Don’t care. Ask yourself if it aligns with your values and what you want your life to be about. If you don’t care about going after a woman with a boyfriend, do that. If she mentions nothing and has a guy, keep flirting and do your thing.
Most women are monkey branching left and right and are always open to the better option, so there’s that aspect too.

Until there’s an actual ring on that finger, I suppose it’s all fair game.

I feel like I need a drink after writing this post.

 

[wifehunter]

it could be a number of things really. it could obviously be a polite way to say shes not interested so i wont focus on that. anyone should be able to tell if a girl has low interest whether they have a bf or not.

but if sleeping with girls with bfs has taught me anything, its that you shouldnt view girls with bfs as off limits or off the market. even women will openly admit to this. if something better comes along or they can get a need met somewhere else, they wont hesitate to do so.

what does that mean for your question? it means that in my experience, "i have a bf" has many times been a sort of a disclaimer. kinda like "i like you, but i have a bf, therefore i cant be held responsible or blamed for anything that happens between us, seduce at your own risk"

in other words, its just a way of them to wash their hands of cheating, in whatever form they might define it. either talking to you behind the bfs back or banging you.

ive had women tell me they had bfs 10 mins before im inside them.

just food for thought

I agree women with boyfriends is a 'grey area'....though, It's one I'd rather avoid.

Because, who knows, what's really going on in her background?

 

[skinnyguy]

Maybe work on areas where the women are guaranteed to be looking for something, like speed dating or bumble. If a girl on bumble talks about her boyfriend now THAT would be really interesting lol

I got shot down last night by this HB 9 who told me she had a husband. But after that I built up tons of rapport with this HB 8 blonde girl. I told her I was a banker at JP Morgan in New York and I was visiting California cause I wanted to be here for mother’s day. Her and her friend asked me who my wealthy clients were and I said “I can’t tell you it’s confidental” and they said “good answer now we know you’re telling the truth” LOLL they had no idea I was lying off my ass. The blonde girl said she lived in NY for two years and asked me where I lived so I told her the cross streets and she said yeah I like that area. I have no idea if what I said was a cool area lol.

I asked the blonde if she wanted to hang out on Sunday and she was like “shouldn’t you be with your Mom on Mother’s Day?” and I said uhhhhh I already brought her flowers today (not a lie lol). But yet she kept talking to me and wanted to know more about me. Moral of the story: some chicks will be married but you really never know which single chick is going to be interested in you.

 

[wifehunter]

why havent you said this to them by now?

Lolz! Too busy walking away!

 

[Banelord]

This hot co worker told and incel she has a husband. Then she tell me they are going to seperate and then getting really close to me that other people start to notice....so i guess your ugly.

 

[Soflobro#2]

As I've dropped OLD and focus more on cold approach and day game, I'm noticing some things and have some questions.

I am taking more notice when women look at me, and I'm currently focusing on approaching those women instead of just any women I find attractive who hasn't looked at me. I'll work on approaching the latter in the future.

But here is what I'm noticing: When I approach women and start conversation with them, they VERY quickly bring up their boyfriends. None of the women I've approached so far have rings, and I'm approaching them in the day, at events, on the street, at a coffee shop, in a grocery store, etc. Literally every single woman I have approached has brought up her boyfriend within the first 30-60 seconds of the conversation. It's never "Hey, I have a boyfriend." It's more that they weave it naturally into whatever topic was are discussing.

Two examples from the last couple days:
1. At an airport bar, I took a seat next to a woman who wasn't very physically attractive. She wasn't ugly either, but she was the type of girl who I felt confident would be attracted to me (at least physically). After I sat down and immediately started talking with the bartender to order my drink, she jumped into the conversation. So I started talking to her and asked her if she was flying away or flying back home. She said she was flying home from a work assignment and I asked her where home was. She said, "My boyfriend and I live in <wherever>".
2. At a marathon the other day, a bunch of people were hanging out at the finish line talking and this girl stared at me as she walked past me. She sat by herself in the grass a ways away so I walked up to her and she stared right at my face as I approached her. I said hi and asked her if she was running in the race and she said yeah I just finished. I asked her how she did and she said she got third place so I congratulated her and asked her if this was her first time running the race and she said, "No, my boyfriend and I have run this race for the last three years. He's still out on the course right now."


So what does it mean when a woman brings up her boyfriend so quickly? I feel like it could mean a lot of things....
- She isn't interested in you and wants to be polite, but also ensure you don't start flirting or get the wrong idea
- She has a boyfriend and feels guilty talking to a strange guy alone
- She doesn't have a boyfriend and is testing to see your reaction

I'm still new to cold approach so my experience is limited, but I'm really confused by two things:
1. The number of women with no ring who say they have boyfriends (90% of the women I approach - in your experience approaching women during the day, is this what I should expect and not bother reading anything else into it?)
2. How quickly they inject it into the conversation. Do I need to start taking this as an indication of my game being off and needing adjustment? I don't cold approach as often as I should but when I DO make up my mind to approach a girl, I am calm, not nervous, smiling naturally, and just making conversation about topics that are natural (as exampled above).

It depends. In my opinion there is only two reasons she will bring it up and it depends on HOW she brings it up and her attitude. 1. She wants you to think she's desirable. Or 2. She is really into him so she likes to talk about him a lot.

 

[ohrein]

She's either rejecting you early or has a boyfriend. Either way, it's a sign of lack of interest. Not low, lack.

I've seen guys advocate for pushing through it and I'm sure there are women out at clubs who are looking to cheat, but personally I don't think it's worth the time or energy. If I'm meeting a woman and I get the boyfriend mention I just finish up the conversation in a friendly way and move on.

The reason I think it's most often a sign of no interest if it's not true, is that women who do have boyfriends, and who have interest in you, will often wait until crucial moments to tell you. I had a girl one night tell me after we were naked in bed but just before we did anything! If they're interested in you, they hide it. They'll enjoy the attention for a bit, then tell you. That's just my two cents.

Anyway, boyfriend mention is a good time to disconnect and find someone with high interest who is single.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Thanks for the replies.

For those of you who cold approach during the day, what percentage of women tell you they have a boyfriend?

@skinnyguy - I've tried Bumble. I can get a lot of dates on it but have had all the same issues most people have with online dating so I'm trying to move on to greener pastures. I'm too old for night clubs. Haven't tried speed dating though. Was focusing on day game and cold approach. Bars and pubs as well though I run into the same issue there. Very quickly "I" turns into "we" in the conversation.

 

[flowtheory]

Thanks for the replies.

For those of you who cold approach during the day, what percentage of women tell you they have a boyfriend?

@skinnyguy - I've tried Bumble. I can get a lot of dates on it but have had all the same issues most people have with online dating so I'm trying to move on to greener pastures. I'm too old for night clubs. Haven't tried speed dating though. Was focusing on day game and cold approach. Bars and pubs as well though I run into the same issue there. Very quickly "I" turns into "we" in the conversation.

It varies. Cold approaching is such a crap shoot. Most women do have little boyfriends, wether they’re into them or not. And sometimes they can drop the boyfriend line because they’re so used to saying ‘me and my boyfriend’

Honestly.. what I’m slowly realizing about life.. there’s always reasons showing you NOT to do something (in this case “I have a boyfriend”). But if you really want something, disregard everything except what YOU want. Be ruthless. Because at the end of the day people will choose the thing or person with the most perceived value. Remember; women are hypergamous. And they do things opportunistically.

 

[ohrein]

Thanks for the replies.

For those of you who cold approach during the day, what percentage of women tell you they have a boyfriend?

@skinnyguy - I've tried Bumble. I can get a lot of dates on it but have had all the same issues most people have with online dating so I'm trying to move on to greener pastures. I'm too old for night clubs. Haven't tried speed dating though. Was focusing on day game and cold approach. Bars and pubs as well though I run into the same issue there. Very quickly "I" turns into "we" in the conversation.

It's luck of the draw. That's one of the benefits of OLD over cold approaching. They're both numbers games but at least on OLD you're getting single women (usually haha) who have enough attraction to you to match. I'm not advocating one way or the other and I actually enjoy cold approaching a lot more. But there are pros/cons to both. Cons of cold approaching is you do not know the relationship status or mood of the woman you're interacting with. So you get a lot of "rejection" based on that alone and nothing to do with you or your game.

As for percentages, varies. But keep this in mind, if you're approaching attractive women, they're the demographic most likely to have boyfriends. Cold approaching is more of a numbers game than Tinder in my experience. I'd say maybe ten percent of interactions ended in a number, and that's not always enough if you didn't leave her wanting more. I'd say at least 30-40% of attractive women are in relationships. But that's a guess on my limited experiences.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Yeah, these days, what with all the "PUA" and "Player" popularization females of the previous 2 generations have gone through, I'm sure females (via private message, text, facebook, and on and on and on) have developed "I have a boyfriend," to hold up any guy even TALKING to them, EVEN IF he is not trying to get into her panties, just, you know, doing what humans with half a brain do, Talk. But they always interpret it as "you're hitting on me" I guess because they usually ARE getting hit on by a dude OR they think so puffed up of themselves ALWAYS because t!ts, vagina. Lord knows, they look like sh!t without makeup on, the majority. "I have a boyfriend/husband" or "my husband/boyfriend blah blah.." used to NEVER happen in the 80s, OR 90s to ME personally. It's only a last 15 years phenomenon for Me witnessing. Where I get "my husband/boyfriend" the MOST is at the hairstylist. They all I guess think that just cause I talk or open my mouth as an aggressive male, I must be hitting on them ALL, not matter the fatness or the multiple tats or the multiple piercings or the ugly faces no t!ts whatever, possible STDs by my summation of her.

I guess if you brag about yourself in convo as well she'll interject her boyfriend/husband, because obviously if you say anything good about yourself to "market" yourself to a woman in convo you MUST be wanting her and trying to get into her panties. You must be.

 

[Masculinity]

IOIs + boyfriend = slut

cold approach + boyfriend = not available

At the end of the day, you're better off putting your energy into your mission.

I've dropped this response on the a few times and it usually works. If they have a boyfriend, at least you get to regain some energy after the rejection and if they don't have a boyfriend, their hamster may start spinning.

Her: blah blah blah my boyfriend blah
You: Well, I guess if I were interested in you that would be a problem. But I'm not, so you can relax, tiger ; ] I'm a friendly guy in general. (At this point, I usually give them an excuse to leave; the excuse is so ridiculous that is kind of funny: "Well...I've to go floss my cat. Take it easy it [her name here]!"

This situation usually shocks them.

 

[MatureDJ]

It's an indication of "I'm not interested", whether it's because she does have a steady boyfriend, or she doesn't, but just doesn't want to do anything with you. Consider it a blessing that you didn't invest any time or money with her.

Think of it this way: do you think women tell Brad Pitt that they "have a boyfriend"? Q.E.D.

 

[Trump]

It varies. Cold approaching is such a crap shoot. Most women do have little boyfriends, wether they’re into them or not. And sometimes they can drop the boyfriend line because they’re so used to saying ‘me and my boyfriend’

Honestly.. what I’m slowly realizing about life.. there’s always reasons showing you NOT to do something (in this case “I have a boyfriend”). But if you really want something, disregard everything except what YOU want. Be ruthless. Because at the end of the day people will choose the thing or person with the most perceived value. Remember; women are hypergamous. And they do things opportunistically.

The problem with that is all the blame and fault and repurcussions will fall on you if the situation goes haywire.

If a girl tells you her situation and you still move in on it, you are putting yourself at risk.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

This is the problem with stone cold approach. Better to dial it down a little, and look for the warmer approach.