Testing for congruence?

[upcoming_DJ]

This is a bit long but I keep coming back to the master DJs for master advice -

So I've been seeing this girl for 2 months and a half and we've spent almost all weekends together (with some weekends where I go missing and hang out with other women of my choice).

The girl I am seeing is displaying signs of "falling" for me, and moving towards relationship behavior and language. However, I am not sure this is a woman I want in my life for an LTR.

The girl comes from a humble/poor family, growing up with a single mother since she was 7 years old (she is 28 now). Her mom is old now, and cannot work anymore, so she is left with the day to day bills of the house. Has a stable government job but doesn't sound like she makes a lot of money.

For the first few dates, I paid for the weekends we spent together. Then I got her investing, spend up to $100 on some weekends.

However, this past weekend I picked her up (she lives about 2 hours away) and we began the weekend. When I'm ready I'd just tell her something like "babe pay this one" or "babe pick this tab up for us" and she'd do so. However, this weekend she completely refused to spend any money. She even got mad that I was pressuring her and teasing her on it (which maybe I shouldn't have done). She got mad with me saturday night because I dreaded her after she completely refused to pick up the one and only tab I wanted her to pay for the weekend (was around $180). This is after around 7 or 8 dates so far. where I pick up most of the tabs.

As for the pursuing - she has done most of it. Many times her texts and calls go unanswered sometimes up to days before she gets a reply from me. When she's with me, she doesn't get any weird calls or texts.

one thing I noticed this weekend when she was showing me something on snapchat, under "recents" she had the name of a guy friend from her social circle that she had a fling with. Should I be concerned about this? also - should I have brought it up to her? or should I just maintain my frame, confidence and show her I'm unbothered and unthreatened by him?

also - did I do right to straight up tell this girl that I don't expect her to pay 1/2 or many of the tabs, but that I also have standards and I've been use to women picking up tabs and treating me.

She doesn't withhold sex from me and is always compliant with my requests. We have a great time together and laugh a lot. The only and first time she with held sex from me because she was mad was this past Saturday with the situation of paying / picking up the tab I asked her to. She was mad that night and I tried to open her up by insisting she tells me what she's feeling but she refused to (Corey Wayne teaches this) and he also says that if a woman cannot communicate like an adult you've got to cut your losses because it spells trouble in the long term.

She knows I have a lot of options (women are always flirting with me in front of her wherever we go) and beautiful women call me when we're together (she sees their photo pops up when they are calling) and she usually just turns her face.

what would you do in this case? I'd prefer have someone who would be dependent on me and in that case - more humble, caring, loving, giving (apart from financially) that someone who is independent and because of that can move the way SHE wants and move to her sails.

then again - how can I know if she is just using me or going for the free ride???? what type of tests can I do apart from the ones where I tell her to pick up a tab??

thanks for your time and experience / advice in advance !!

 

[marmel75]

If she isnt offering it on her own thats a bad sign. You shouldn't ever have to tell her to do it, she should want to do it.

 

[sph21]

If she isnt offering it on her own thats a bad sign. You shouldn't ever have to tell her to do it, she should want to do it.

^^exactly this. Don't make her pay for it. Let her do it on her own will and you'll know for sure that she's into you. This is another form of investment on her part. There are other investments that you can ask from her that won't cost any money.

 

[flowtheory]

However, I am not sure this is a woman I want in my life for an LTR.

The girl comes from a humble/poor family, growing up with a single mother since she was 7 years old (she is 28 now). Her mom is old now, and cannot work anymore, so she is left with the day to day bills of the house. Has a stable government job but doesn't sound like she makes a lot of money.

You don’t want her for a LTR, so the questions you pose here don’t matter, really.

Continue to have fun with her and don’t take the rest of what’s been stated here so seriously. Your ‘relationship’ sounds a bit immature in parts too. And you’re over invested by the sounds also for someone not wanting a LTR with her.

Finally; stop with the ‘babe pay this, babe pay that”. It’s not a good look even if you’re joking. It’s lame. And would be in whatever stage of relationship you’re in with any person. If money is a big deal for you, ask for split bills. You’re not obligated to pay her way for every meal nor is she obligated to pay for you. If she treats you, she treats you. If you don’t want to treat her ‘split bills, please’.

Edit: If you’re the one asking her out for the weekend, she’s probably under the impression you’re going to pick up the bill. Then when you get mad at her because you expected her to grab the bill, of course she’s going to be out of sorts.

OP: money seems to be an issue for you. It’s riddled all over your post. Why pursue a woman who has financial issues or isnt highly abundant to the status which you like? You seem to want equality in this aspect.

 

[ohrein]

one thing I noticed this weekend when she was showing me something on snapchat, under "recents" she had the name of a guy friend from her social circle that she had a fling with. Should I be concerned about this? also - should I have brought it up to her? or should I just maintain my frame, confidence and show her I'm unbothered and unthreatened by him?

Yes. Never give a **** about other guys in the picture. The only time you react to other guys is if you're exclusive and you know she's done something and the reaction is to break up with her and never go back. However, a woman who encourages orbiters or is spending time with them a lot instead of focusing on you is low quality and should probably be nexted.

then again - how can I know if she is just using me or going for the free ride???? what type of tests can I do apart from the ones where I tell her to pick up a tab??

As someone else said, compliance is really only one component. If you're forcing compliance on things that are important to you, like money, then she's a lower quality woman you're trying to turn into a higher quality woman. Not necessarily impossible but certainly an uphill battle. If you're considering an LTR you really should be looking for high quality from the beginning, rather than trying to craft one. As Snoop says, you can't make a ho a housewife.

Don't ask yourself if she's using you for a free ride, ask if you're getting what you want out of whatever the relationship is.

 

[Serenity]

If she isnt offering it on her own thats a bad sign. You shouldn't ever have to tell her to do it, she should want to do it.

So much this!! That's actually one of those things I like about my girlfriend, she almost compulsively have to give back. On the first date we went out I told her I'd pay, she asked if we should split, I denied her and she insisted on paying the next time which I agreed to. Since then it's been fairly equal, but neither of us keep exact record. That attitude scored some points with me.

She should without being prompted want to keep the relationship balanced. However, money isn't the only unbalanced part here. You mentioned she pursues more than you do, meaning she gives you more attention than you give back. On the financial side it's reversed, you spend more on her than she spends on you. It sounds like a mild form of prostitution.