Texting than disappeared?

[Dingo]

OK... Add "tele" with "uni" as words I can't stand...

But I digress...

You got to remember that women are also spinning plates... You just didn't rank. She probably had two or three guys lined up for the week and picked the best to go out with.

 

[flowtheory]

OK... Add "tele" with "uni" as words I can't stand...

But I digress...

You got to remember that women are also spinning plates... You just didn't rank. She probably had to or three guys lined up for the week and picked the best to go out with.

Very true. They just never relinquish this information. Even women friends don’t openly admit to doing this.

 

[CMNILS87]

I literally just had this problem with my internship. Reputable company offers internship for engineering and I accept the offer by email. They say they want to get together end of the week and then radio silence for awhile. Absolutely nerve racking, accept the offer, put in your notice for other job then sit on your thumbs like wtf.

Scarcity mindset for jobs really sucks too

 

[CMNILS87]

Very true. They just never relinquish this information. Even women friends don’t openly admit to doing this.

Just like job interviews. We’ll make our decision and get back to you

 

[EyeBRollin]

Maybe. I would think a certain amount of rapport and attention needs to be built and given before the first date? (Not that I’m a huge advocate of this)

Naw. Over two years and 100+ first dates of data. It's random. She's either going to meet you or she won't. She's less likely to meet you the longer you open your mouth / more texts you send. You have to meet them as soon as possible. The longer it takes to meet, the more you become part of the herd of text-orbiters.

I had a date planned for today; plans made a week ago.

Little too far in advance for someone you haven't met yet. Try 2-3 days max. If you ask a chick on Monday, make it for Wednesday or Thursday. She will forget about you by Friday, because she hasn't met you yet.

She bailed last night when I confirmed the date for today, with no counter date.

Never confirm dates. Just show up. If she's interested, she will either be there or will text you to confirm you are still showing.

And I think she bailed because everytime she asked a question like ‘what do you do for fun? ’ I said something like ‘go on dates with British women’ (she’s british).
And so I wasn’t answering her questions seriously or in depth and deciddd to be playful instead, which she was boring towards..

Yep, you were being evasive. There's a difference between being evasive and gently guiding a conversation into a date-close. How that exchange should have went:

Her: What do you do for fun?
Me: I train for marathons. What do you do for fitness?
Her: <her answer>
Me: That's great, tell me more over a drink. How's <location> on <date> at <time>?

But because of that lack of attention, her interest went from higher to lower, so I noticed based on the frequency of texts.

So I don’t know if it’s as cut and dry as the quote above. I think maybe women require a fair amount of attention right from the jump. Especially within the OLD realm as they’re being bombarded. So it’s as if we need to text to stay relevant? I dunno.

No, it's an art. Your goal is to get the date. Don't be evasive, but you have to lead the conversation gently. You can't be cold about it, just be focused.

 

[flowtheory]

Little too far in advance for someone you haven't met yet. Try 2-3 days max. If you ask a chick on Monday, make it for Wednesday or Thursday. She will forget about you by Friday, because she hasn't met you yet.

I usually do. I don’t like planning for next weeks. I was slammed with work last week and this. It’s all I could do. And I think her schedule was packed too.

Never confirm dates. Just show up. If she's interested, she will either be there or will text you to confirm you are still showing.

Really? Seems like one may get stood up often this way.

Yep, you were being evasive. There's a difference between being evasive and gently guiding a conversation into a date-close. How that exchange should have went:

Her: What do you do for fun?
Me: I train for marathons. What do you do for fitness?
Her: <her answer>
Me: That's great, tell me more over a drink. How's <location> on <date> at <time>?



No, it's an art. Your goal is to get the date. Don't be evasive, but you have to lead the conversation gently. You can't be cold about it, just be focused.

I can be guilty of being evasive after I’ve set the date. I tend to go cold after the dates been set. Which I don’t know why... I think I could improve on warming up via text? I’m not sure. I just hate the texting thing back and forth. I usually just say statements which may work against me.
In this case..
The date and time had already been planned she was just asking me questions.. here’s the actual texts.. and generally how I text with most women these days..

(Sunday)
Me: I’m still deciding where I want my adventure to be this year; I was thinking Portugal, Spain, and Morocco
Her: That's awesome, Barcelona is beautiful!! The Gaudi, Dali and Miro exhibitions are incredible. Do you go travelling often? Also, which area do you live?
Me:I’m in K—. You live in North (location) right?
Her: That's right! What do you want to do Thursday?
Me: With the bears (grimace text face and bear emoji)
Her: Yes, we have tea parties in the forest
Me: Ideally a walk on the seawall if the weather is picturesque. We shall see what that Thursday brings though
Her:Sure, it may be quite late though, around 8pm
Me: Twilight walks are my favourite
Her: haha okay! What's it like living in K—?
Me: That’s like asking an angel what heaven is like
Her:I see, so a fun place to live
Me: You will have to come experience it with me first hand
Her:What do you do for fun?
Me:Go on dates with English women
Her: So you do that often?
Me: Just on Thursdays
- - - -
(Wednesday 2:42pm)
Me: Good day! So tomorrow let’s meet at (location) at 8:15. We will go for a walk and see what happens from there
(11:05pm)
Her: Hey, I'm really sorry I'm not able to make tomorrow. Can we reschedule?
Me: Sure
—-end convo—-

 

[marmel75]

Naw. Over two years and 100+ first dates of data. It's random. She's either going to meet you or she won't. She's less likely to meet you the longer you open your mouth / more texts you send. You have to meet them as soon as possible. The longer it takes to meet, the more you become part of the herd of text-orbiters.



Little too far in advance for someone you haven't met yet. Try 2-3 days max. If you ask a chick on Monday, make it for Wednesday or Thursday. She will forget about you by Friday, because she hasn't met you yet.



Never confirm dates. Just show up. If she's interested, she will either be there or will text you to confirm you are still showing.



Yep, you were being evasive. There's a difference between being evasive and gently guiding a conversation into a date-close. How that exchange should have went:

Her: What do you do for fun?
Me: I train for marathons. What do you do for fitness?
Her: <her answer>
Me: That's great, tell me more over a drink. How's <location> on <date> at <time>?



No, it's an art. Your goal is to get the date. Don't be evasive, but you have to lead the conversation gently. You can't be cold about it, just be focused.

I used to believe thst whole set up the date and stop texting but it led to quite a few flakes. Once I continued to text once a day or so with some non lame normal texts the flakes nearly disappeared. So I just don't agree with this.

Yes they will either want to meet or they won't but quite a few will also assume you lost interest/won't show and will not meet irrespective of actual interest in you if you completely disappear. If it works for you thats great but I'd highly suggest others having flake issues try this method to lower them...that being said unless you are good at texting you could do more harm than good so I guess how well it works depends on your ability to not be lame while texting

 

[EyeBRollin]

I usually do. I don’t like planning for next weeks. I was slammed with work last week and this. It’s all I could do. And I think her schedule was packed too.

Really? Seems like one may get stood up often this way.

So what?

The problem with is you still care about getting stood up. Broken dates are part of the game. Once you stop giving a ****, you'll have more success.

Also, why aren't you double and triple booking your first dates?

I can be guilty of being evasive after I’ve set the date. I tend to go cold after the dates been set. Which I don’t know why... I think I could improve on warming up via text? I’m not sure. I just hate the texting thing back and forth. I usually just say statements which may work against me.
In this case..
The date and time had already been planned she was just asking me questions.. here’s the actual texts.. and generally how I text with most women these days..

If the date is already set, there is no reason to talk until the date. You're giving away the store, guy (you are the product). If she texts you, just reply:

"hey, let's save the conversation for the date."

If she keeps texting, "save it for the date". Repeat, repeat, repeat.

If she wants a text buddy, she'll break the date. If she wants to meet, she'll back off.

(Sunday)
Me: I’m still deciding where I want my adventure to be this year; I was thinking Portugal, Spain, and Morocco
Her: That's awesome, Barcelona is beautiful!! The Gaudi, Dali and Miro exhibitions are incredible. Do you go travelling often? Also, which area do you live?
Me:I’m in K—. You live in North (location) right?
Her: That's right! What do you want to do Thursday?
Me: With the bears (grimace text face and bear emoji)
Her: Yes, we have tea parties in the forest
Me: Ideally a walk on the seawall if the weather is picturesque. We shall see what that Thursday brings though
Her:Sure, it may be quite late though, around 8pm
Me: Twilight walks are my favourite
Her: haha okay! What's it like living in K—?
Me: That’s like asking an angel what heaven is like
Her:I see, so a fun place to live
Me: You will have to come experience it with me first hand
Her:What do you do for fun?
Me:Go on dates with English women
Her: So you do that often?
Me: Just on Thursdays

This is all a waste of time. You don't increase interest level by texting. You can only lower it.
- - - -

(Wednesday 2:42pm)
Me: Good day! So tomorrow let’s meet at (location) at 8:15. We will go for a walk and see what happens from there
(11:05pm)
Her: Hey, I'm really sorry I'm not able to make tomorrow. Can we reschedule?
Me: Sure
—-end convo—-

Why is this the end of convo? She brought up rescheduling. You missed another opportunity to close.

"Sure, we can reschedule. What would be a better day?"

 

[EyeBRollin]

I used to believe thst whole set up the date and stop texting but it led to quite a few flakes. Once I continued to text once a day or so with some non lame normal texts the flakes nearly disappeared. So I just don't agree with this.

Nope, they didn't disappear. Flakes are part of the game. If I go win 8 hands in a row of blackjack, it doesn't mean I have an advantage over the house. You can keep telling yourself daily text conversations makes chicks more likely to meet you, but it has no basis in reality.

Yes they will either want to meet or they won't but quite a few will also assume you lost interest/won't show and will not meet irrespective of actual interest in you if you completely disappear. If it works for you thats great but I'd highly suggest others having flake issues try this method to lower them...that being said unless you are good at texting you could do more harm than good so I guess how well it works depends on your ability to not be lame while texting

Lowering flakes isn't the point. The point is to get the most dates. While you're entertaining pointless conversations with 5 chicks, you could have been asking out 20 other chicks - double and triple booking your dates. It's a waste of time to have pointless text conversations.

There was a point before my current girlfriend, where I was scheduling 6,7, and even 8 dates per day, with the intent to only go on 2. Once you get to this level, you always have at least 1 or 2 dates, and end up rescheduling on the chicks that are late to confirm with you.

 

[marmel75]

Nope, they didn't disappear. Flakes are part of the game. If I go win 8 hands in a row of blackjack, it doesn't mean I have an advantage over the house. You can keep telling yourself daily text conversations makes chicks more likely to meet you, but it has no basis in reality.



Lowering flakes isn't the point. The point is to get the most dates. While you're entertaining pointless conversations with 5 chicks, you could have been asking out 20 other chicks - double and triple booking your dates. It's a waste of time to have pointless text conversations.

There was a point before my current girlfriend, where I was scheduling 6,7, and even 8 dates per day, with the intent to only go on 2. Once you get to this level, you always have at least 1 or 2 dates, and end up rescheduling on the chicks that are late to confirm with you.

Except the easiest way to get more dates is to not lose dates you already have just like in business where the easiest way to gain more customers is to not lose the ones you already have...

And once again. People misinterpreting what i am saying...if you think sending a single text out a day is going to prevent someone from looking for more women that just doesnt make any sense. Its an investment of 30 seconds of time.

Flakes are part of things but that doesnt mean you cant actively influence how many you get. That would be like saying dying is part of life...no sh!t, we all know that, but that doesn't mean you can't affect how soon it will be one way or the other by your actions.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Except the easiest way to get more dates is to not lose dates you already have just like in business where the easiest way to gain more customers is to not lose the ones you already have...

You don't "lose" appointments that both parties agree to. If she breaks the date, that's on her. There's nothing you can do to prevent that. She was either lying when you made the date, or she has self-esteem and integrity too low to follow up with you. Men keep their word. Business actually doesn't work the way you are suggesting. I guarantee you if I make an appointment for a time, I will never do business with a person that requires me to "check in" to see if I still have an already confirmed appointment. Would you go to your dentist, doctor, barber, etc. if they had a policy that they could give your appointment away if you don't call them periodically to "check in?"

You're trying to prevent something that is out of your control from happening. It can't be done my friend.

And once again. People misinterpreting what i am saying...if you think sending a single text out a day is going to prevent someone from looking for more women that just doesnt make any sense. Its an investment of 30 seconds of time.

It's an investment that weakens your position. What reason are you texting them? You have the date set up. Other than lowering your own value, what are you trying to accomplish?

 

[marmel75]

You don't "lose" appointments that both parties agree to. If she breaks the date, that's on her. There's nothing you can do to prevent that. She was either lying when you made the date, or she has self-esteem and integrity too low to follow up with you. Men keep their word. Business actually doesn't work the way you are suggesting. I guarantee you if I make an appointment for a time, I will never do business with a person that requires me to "check in" to see if I still have an already confirmed appointment. Would you go to your dentist, doctor, barber, etc. if they had a policy that they could give your appointment away if you don't call the day of?

You're trying to prevent something that is out of your control from happening. It can't be done my friend.



It's an investment that weakens your position. What reason are you texting them? You have the date set up. Other than lowering your own value, what are you trying to accomplish?

This is old school thinking that does not work very effectively in the modern world. Once again...adapt or die. I don't blindly follow "rules". If i see something that isn't working, I question it and start experimenting to see if other approaches work better. My thoughts on this are just from this type of experimentation.

Rigidity always will lose out to fluidity in the long run. If you want to "accept" whatever happens passively then thats you. I dont "accept" anything. I actively try and improve efficiency in pretty much everything I do. I want maximum results for whatever effort I put into anything.

You weaken your position if you are lame. If you know how to handle women you end up building interest. Considering my bang rate actually improved and I also went on more dates I really dont care about "my position" with them. I'm not interested in "theory" or "rules" or anything other than actual real world results---MY results.

Obviously they didnt feel my position was weak because their position was doggystyle on the floor many times.

 

[flowtheory]

So what?

The problem with is you still care about getting stood up. Broken dates are part of the game. Once you stop giving a ****, you'll have more success.

Also, why aren't you double and triple booking your first dates?

I don’t give a damn if I get stood up by a woman. Doesn’t make me feel bad about myself. But I care about wasting my time when I could rather see a friend or relax with a book, or go shred a wave or ride my roadbike. My time off from work, school, and networking is heaven sent time. Why get ready for a date then get stood up? Why put myself in that position when I can simply just text for a confirmation? That doesn’t make me a wimp.

And I don’t do triple headers because I don’t have crazy amounts of options to be able to do that. I dId terrible with OLD; and when I say something to women in public, 95% of the time they blush, mumble something or are tongue tied then walk away. Or don’t say anything back. It’s brutal. I don’t know what that is. And it’s not cause I’m creepy or anything like that. And my approaches are generally personal and lighthearted.

Example: today a woman had her sunglasses in her mouth in the grocery store (the part which rests on your ear), so I went beside her and said.. “you’re so hungry you’re eating your sunglasses. Don’t do it! Eat an apple, it’s more nutritious.” She laughed, blushed and walked away. Haha whatever.
This has happened like three times this week.

If the date is already set, there is no reason to talk until the date. You're giving away the store, guy (you are the product). If she texts you, just reply:

"hey, let's save the conversation for the date."

If she keeps texting, "save it for the date". Repeat, repeat, repeat.

If she wants a text buddy, she'll break the date. If she wants to meet, she'll back off.



This is all a waste of time. You don't increase interest level by texting. You can only lower it.
- - - -

Why is this the end of convo? She brought up rescheduling. You missed another opportunity to close.

"Sure, we can reschedule. What would be a better day?"

I didn’t put forth another date because I already suggested the first. If she has actual interest, I let her plan the second go around. Isn’t this the law around these parts? Why is all this information conflicting with what the vets are saying around here?

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is old school thinking that does not work very effectively in the modern world. Once again...adapt or die. I don't blindly follow "rules". If i see something that isn't working, I question it and start experimenting to see if other approaches work better. My thoughts on this are just from this type of experimentation.

Human nature doesn't change my friend. These principles are timeless. I tried every approach in the book. You don't get any more dates by texting than you wouldn't already get otherwise. You also end up wasting time texting women that have no intention of meeting you.

Rigidity always will lose out to fluidity in the long run.

What does that even mean? Fluidity has nothing to do with broken dates.

You weaken your position if you are lame. If you know how to handle women you end up building interest. Considering my bang rate actually improved and I also went on more dates I really dont care about "my position" with them.

Their position was doggystyle on the floor many times.

You don't build interest by texting. Sorry, bro. You can't bang them over the phone. You are nothing until you are in front of them.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I didn’t put forth another date because I already suggested the first. If she has actual interest, I let her plan the second go around. Isn’t this the law around these parts? Why is all this information conflicting with what the vets are saying around here?

Nah. Men lead. Men make the moves. Men make the dates. She offered you a reschedule and you didn't grab it. That was your opportunity to close. You're lucky you even got a counter-offer.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I don’t give a damn if I get stood up by a woman. Doesn’t make me feel bad about myself. But I care about wasting my time when I could rather see a friend or relax with a book, or go shred a wave or ride my roadbike. My time off from work, school, and networking is heaven sent time. Why get ready for a date then get stood up?

It's part of the game. You have to get a lot of flakes and rejections to get a lot of yesses along the way.

Why put myself in that position when I can simply just text for a confirmation? That doesn’t make me a wimp.

It shows you aren't used to women keeping dates with you. It also gives her an out. If she's on the fence about showing up to your date, your initiation made it easier for her to cancel. Some chicks actually don't have the confidence to hit you up and cancel, so they end up going along with it. Don't make things easy for them. If they want to cancel, let them call or text you to cancel.

 

[flowtheory]

Nah. Men lead. Men make the moves. Men make the dates. She offered you a reschedule and you didn't grab it. That was your opportunity to close. You're lucky you even got a counter-offer.

What!? No way!
If a woman breaks a date shouldn’t she be suggesting the new day? To me, the onus should be on her for that. Counter offer would be her duty there, unless I’m being too hardcore and stubborn on the rules of engagement here

 

[marmel75]

Human nature doesn't change my friend. These principles are timeless. I tried every approach in the book. You don't get any more dates by texting than you wouldn't already get otherwise. You also end up wasting time texting women that have no intention of meeting you.



What does that even mean? Fluidity has nothing to do with broken dates.



You don't build interest by texting. Sorry, bro. You can't bang them over the phone. You are nothing until you are in front of them.

Yes I know. The purpose is to get them in front of you.

 

[flowtheory]

It shows you aren't used to women keeping dates with you. It also gives her an out. If she's on the fence about showing up to your date, your initiation made it easier for her to cancel.

Is that what it’s actually communicating, or is it just communication?
Plus, if she bails via text, it shows her interest wasn’t that high to begin with (as in my most recent case), so therefore it helps me rather then me going to the beach and sitting there waiting while no one shows up..

 

[EyeBRollin]

What!? No way!
If a woman breaks a date shouldn’t she be suggesting the new day? To me, the onus should be on her for that. Counter offer would be her duty there, unless I’m being too hardcore and stubborn on the rules of engagement here

Ideally she should, but she did bring up rescheduling. Reschedule is better than nothing. It's a weak counter offer, but it's still a counter offer. Use it to pin her down. She'll either relent and go out with you (because of your persistence), or reveal her lack of interest level.​

Is that what it’s actually communicating, or is it just communication?
Plus, if she bails via text, it shows her interest wasn’t that high to begin with (as in my most recent case), so therefore it helps me rather then me going to the beach and sitting there waiting while no one shows up..

Yes, let her bail via text. Don't help her do it by extending the invitation to do so. She should have to initiate to break the date. Or just stand you up. It's all frame.