Texting than disappeared?

[RickTheToad]

A younger woman reached out to me a few days ago. She shot me her #, and I called, got a VM. Hung up and was about to send a text and received a text from her saying, sorry I didn't pick up the phone. On the train and it is so quiet. We chatted for a bit and I said we should setup a time to talk. She agreed and said Monday she was busy, but will be available Tuesday evening and she'll call me after work. Nothing.

Do I text her tom. and say up for a drink instead of a call? Or do nothing?

 

[Glassguy]

I wouldn't text her for a minimum of 3-4 days. Be patient and see if she reaches out. That would be my advice for you.

If you have other options (and you should) then you simply wait and dont reach out. So if you have options, do nothing. She said she would reach out and didnt. I wouldn't give any fvcks about some girl who hasn't invested a thing into you and vice versa.

 

[RickTheToad]

I agree and that was my first thought as well. I even re-read the text:

Cut and pasted:
Her
Perfect. I have a meeting tomorrow night after work and won't be home til late but I can give you a call Tuesday night!
Me
That’s works. We’ll speak then. Have a good night.
Her
Same to you.

I have two others I am talking to. I just thought it was interesting that she saved my number in her phone, but flaked on the call.

 

[marmel75]

Stop making things so hard on yourself. Your goal isnt to talk on the phone, your goal is to get them out in person. The easiest way to do that is through text.

In the time you are wasting waiting to play phone tag some other dude(s) has texted her and set up a date and now you are on the back burner. The problem is people are busy these days all day every day. To actually talk on the phone they have to stop what they are doing and give you their undivided attention for however long. That just isn't realistic in most cases.

Again, adapt with the times or suffer the consequences. Things move fast these days, if you want this to keep happening, keep the phone stuff up. You are only losing potential dates and lays.

 

[R.U.G.]

Stop making things so hard on yourself. Your goal isnt to talk on the phone, your goal is to get them out in person. The easiest way to do that is through text.

In the time you are wasting waiting to play phone tag some other dude(s) has texted her and set up a date and now you are on the back burner. The problem is people are busy these days all day every day. To actually talk on the phone they have to stop what they are doing and give you their undivided attention for however long. That just isn't realistic in most cases.

Again, adapt with the times or suffer the consequences. Things move fast these days, if you want this to keep happening, keep the phone stuff up. You are only losing potential dates and lays.

Ehhh, going to have to disagree with you co-cheese. Many women I've spoken to at the date have mentioned many just want to text and meet. Most WILL NOT meet a brother w/o talking on the tele for a bit. This bro is a little lost, but he'll eventually find his way. You know what they say, by feast or famine. Sit back and relax. If she calls, cool, if not. Next.

 

[marmel75]

Ehhh, going to have to disagree with you co-cheese. Many women I've spoken to at the date have mentioned many just want to text and meet. Most WILL NOT meet a brother w/o talking on the tele for a bit. This bro is a little lost, but he'll eventually find his way. You know what they say, by feast or famine. Sit back and relax. If she calls, cool, if not. Next.

I used to meet women all the time without talking on the phone and only texting, thats complete nonsense.

Don't listen to what they say, pay attention to what they do. Out of at least 100 women I met up with only 2 insisted we talk on the phone before meeting. The only place this is true is in your mind.

 

[flowtheory]

Your problem here is that you let her control the interaction. Should have just set up the date from the get go rather than playing in to what she wanted. You didn’t lead properly. Let it go and move on to the next. Lesson learned.
If she reaches out again, fine then go from there. But don’t reach out again.

You’re giving women too much control over you, Toad.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not really sure how I am giving her any control. I called her first, she didn't answer and she immediately texted back even before I could text her. She said she'd call, and I left it at that. The lady before her I attempted to go from text to meet, she wanted to talk first. Perhaps it is different and depends on where one lives. If I had gotten her on the phone, I would had chatted for a few minutes and then set a place to meet. This lady lives in Bridgeport, CT. It's a bit rough down there. I cannot believe ladies meet strangers from the Internet prior to talking. Perhaps I am wrong. I have three other ladies I am chatting with. Once I get their numbers, I will text and then ask to meet. What are some things you text about as an intro?

 

[flowtheory]

Not really sure how I am giving her any control. I called her first, she didn't answer and she immediately texted back even before I could text her. She said she'd call, and I left it at that. The lady before her I attempted to go from text to meet, she wanted to talk first. Perhaps it is different and depends on where one lives. If I had gotten her on the phone, I would had chatted for a few minutes and then set a place to meet. This lady lives in Bridgeport, CT. It's a bit rough down there. I cannot believe ladies meet strangers from the Internet prior to talking. Perhaps I am wrong. I have three other ladies I am chatting with. Once I get their numbers, I will text and then ask to meet. What are some things you text about as an intro?

She controlled when or if she would call you. You had to sit around twiddling your thumbs waiting for her. You allowed her to do that. You allowed this situation to happen the way it did. If she’s lame or not doesn’t matter.

For me, if a girl doesn’t pick up the call and texts back immediately, that’s a flag that somethings up. I want a confident woman, not something who’s afraid to talk on the phone. And if I enter the text realm back and forth we’re now doing what SHE wants; and that puts her in control. And what she wants is probably just attention. A woman who wants to meet and has interest in doing so, generally answers the call. In my experience; if I call.

What do I text as intros? Something funny, original, and then quickly get her number, then plan a date. Streamline the whole process. Don’t waste your own time texting back and forth. Be exciting and confident.

 

[flowtheory]

When she messaged you back and said it was too quiet on the train to talk, you could have replied back...
“Great. I know the loudest bar in the city so you’ll be in your element; Toads. Im free Wednesday at 7pm for a drink if you are too”

 

[marmel75]

Not really sure how I am giving her any control. I called her first, she didn't answer and she immediately texted back even before I could text her. She said she'd call, and I left it at that. The lady before her I attempted to go from text to meet, she wanted to talk first. Perhaps it is different and depends on where one lives. If I had gotten her on the phone, I would had chatted for a few minutes and then set a place to meet. This lady lives in Bridgeport, CT. It's a bit rough down there. I cannot believe ladies meet strangers from the Internet prior to talking. Perhaps I am wrong. I have three other ladies I am chatting with. Once I get their numbers, I will text and then ask to meet. What are some things you text about as an intro?

They do all the time if they are interested enough. If they aren't you will be jumping through every hoop imaginable trying to get them out with you.

 

[RickTheToad]

They do all the time if they are interested enough. If they aren't you will be jumping through every hoop imaginable trying to get them out with you.

Working on it. I will get better with practice. I reached out to the other three to move from online chat to texting. Once I get their numbers, if I get their numbers, going to shoot right for a drink.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The phone is only for getting a date. Everything else is useless chatter. Cut that **** out and make a move. You guys are trying to hard to prime the pump with these women. You can only cut through their bull**** by making moves.

 

[flowtheory]

The phone is only for getting a date. Everything else is useless chatter. Cut that **** out and make a move. You guys are trying to hard to prime the pump with these women. You can only cut through their bull**** by making moves.

I wholeheartedly agree.

However! Many women want to chat and chat and chat, then when they don’t get that, they can often flake. Because as we know, attention for them is a huge aspect, even if their interest level is medium to high. Especially with online dating. They go with the guy whom is sending them plenty of texts (attention; not in a needy way) beforehand. I get a ton of flakes because I don’t lean in too much to the texting aspect. I’m more from the side of ‘let’s just use this texting mode to plan dates’. And then I disappear haha..
And through that I lose about 50% of women.
Interest levels are a factor sure and always are, but lots of women thrive on the attention in the early stages. Especially when they’re getting it from all angles. I could be wrong; if I am, call me out

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, send her this text:

“Hey lets hit up <location> on <date> at <time>. Can you make it?”

You will have your answer within 24 hours. You should have sent this text days ago. She’s either going to agree, counter offer, make up an excuse, or ignore it. Anything other than agree or counter offer means you can delete her number. In the future, don’t waste so much time playing phone tag. If they don’t answer but text you right after use that opportunity to send this text.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I wholeheartedly agree.

However! Many women want to chat and chat and chat, then when they don’t get that, they can often flake. Because as we know, attention for them is a huge aspect, even if their interest level is medium to high. Especially with online dating. They go with the guy whom is sending them plenty of texts (attention; not in a needy way) beforehand. I get a ton of flakes because I don’t lean in too much to the texting aspect. I’m more from the side of ‘let’s just use this texting mode to plan dates’. And then I disappear haha..
And through that I lose about 50% of women.
Interest levels are a factor sure and always are, but lots of women thrive on the attention in the early stages. Especially when they’re getting it from all angles. I could be wrong; if I am, call me out

That’s not true at all. Texting or calling them doesn’t increase your chances of meeting them. They either want to meet or they don’t. No amount of correspondence will change that. The chicks that want texting buddies are attention *****s that use the app for validation and nothing else. You’ll never meet them as it is so stop wasting your time.

 

[R.U.G.]

Guess I am old school, but if she told you she'd text or call you, and then she didn't, I wouldn't reach out again. If she is flaky now, G-d only knows how'd she be if you actually set a date. For a woman to blow a man off after a few texts is pretty lame. Must be a young one.

 

[R.U.G.]

That’s not true at all. Texting or calling them doesn’t increase your chances of meeting them. They either want to meet or they don’t. No amount of correspondence will change that. The chicks that want texting buddies are attention *****s that use the app for validation and nothing else. You’ll never meet them as it is so stop wasting your time.

This.^^^

Most women love attention. If someone is willing to give it to them and get nothing in return, they'd jump at it.

 

[RickTheToad]

So I guess I do nothing with this one then? I should also state, this was a little bit different than online dating. It was through an online matchmaking service. Thus, I was a bit surprised that she flaked. A online matchmaker tries to put to people together and if both agree, the telephone number is sent to each person. Thus, one of the reasons why I called first.

 

[flowtheory]

That’s not true at all. Texting or calling them doesn’t increase your chances of meeting them. They either want to meet or they don’t. No amount of correspondence will change that. The chicks that want texting buddies are attention *****s that use the app for validation and nothing else. You’ll never meet them as it is so stop wasting your time.

Maybe. I would think a certain amount of rapport and attention needs to be built and given before the first date? (Not that I’m a huge advocate of this)

I had a date planned for today; plans made a week ago. She bailed last night when I confirmed the date for today, with no counter date. And I think she bailed because everytime she asked a question like ‘what do you do for fun? ’ I said something like ‘go on dates with British women’ (she’s british).
And so I wasn’t answering her questions seriously or in depth and deciddd to be playful instead, which she was boring towards..
But because of that lack of attention, her interest went from higher to lower, so I noticed based on the frequency of texts.

So I don’t know if it’s as cut and dry as the quote above. I think maybe women require a fair amount of attention right from the jump. Especially within the OLD realm as they’re being bombarded. So it’s as if we need to text to stay relevant? I dunno.