how to respond to this situation

[Ryan Adams]

ok met a plate about a month and a half ago. weve been going out a few times a week since the chemistry is unlike anything. there is obviously a "spark" so to say. we get along extremely well like nothing I've ever experienced. here is the thing. I want to take it further. ive still not had sex yet with her I've slept in her bed on numerous occasions. she will not take it that far. weve messed around and every time I pick her up and drop her off we kiss (this is not the same girl in the previous posts a few months back). she'll usually go out whenever I say and me and her are even going on vacation together for a few days. I know she isnt talkin to any other dudes that's not what I'm worried about but I just feel like we're more then friends but less then bf/gf. she would probablyyy go out with her girlfriends instead of me. say I set plans up to go out and her girlfriends had already made plans she would not ditch them for me that's not a bad thing but its annoying lol. when I did vaguely ask what we were drunkenly she kind of smiled and said i dont know. then the subject just changed. what should I do to progress this? help is much appreciated.

should I slow down on the texting and let her Chase me a little more? 9/10 it's me who iniates the convo every day and sets up plans. she has set up plans but I always do it like first thing.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

So you've messed around, you say? How often does that happen and how far does it go?

I never ask a woman "what are we". I let them bring that up.

She might just be the type who is really closed to sex until marriage or for someone she's really into and that just might not be you. She could have some hang-ups about sex.

The important thing is to determine what YOU want and are willing to deal with. Are you ok with not having sex and just continuing on like this? If not, then clearly you want to have sex and have been trying but she isn't providing it. I wouldn't try to figure out what her magic combination is, since it's not something you can figure out. Instead I'd just start doing exactly what you mention and back off. 9/10 initiating is WAY too much IMO. She probably just likes the attention and you bring it to her on a platter. Back off and see if it changes things. Stop contacting her completely. If she doesn't reach out, she wasn't interested. If she does reach out, ask her out on a date. Don't talk/text between dates - maybe 2-3 messages once per week max. Save the conversation for the dates, not the phone.

 

[Ryan Adams]

it happens every time we both drink which is maybe once a week. the farthest weve gone is I've fingered her.... and she only grabbed my dvck then stopped. if I didnt text her for a day she would definitely reach out. yes i would like to have sex but I don't think I can really tell her that.. its confusing...

 

[marmel75]

it happens every time we both drink which is maybe once a week. the farthest weve gone is I've fingered her.... and she only grabbed my dvck then stopped. if I didnt text her for a day she would definitely reach out. yes i would like to have sex but I don't think I can really tell her that.. its confusing...

There is nothing confusing. She isn't into you like that and sees you as a valuable orbiter. Women dont confuse guys they are into and women love sex more than most guys do. You feel confused because you desperately want this to be something she doesn't.

You should be dating multiple women so this shouldn't phase you in the least. This is what happens when you try and hold out for the one woman...it doesn't work out, likely because she senses that you would drop everything to be with her which is Insta-turnoff.

 

[Ryan Adams]

so drop her completely?

 

[Fireballs]

so drop her completely?

No, just back off a bit

 

[Ryan Adams]

that's my plan thanks guys

 

[marmel75]

so drop her completely?

At the very least start dating other women and make sure she sees you doing it or at least knows you are doing it. Dont bring it up or tell her just say stuff like "I gotta go... meeting up with a friend". She will automatically assume its a female friend and her hamster will start spinnning if she has any level of interest in you sexually...

even if she doesnt you can still get laid because women are very competitive with each other...she will do it to prove she can have you anytime she wants which means she wins over the other women in her mind.

 

[Ryan Adams]

I'm gonna try and find some woman this weekend. also another tidbit of info when I kind of vaguely questioned what we were she smiled and said idk I kinda of pressed it. and she said "I dont like to let people in" we then changed the subject. what that means. im assuming she has trust issues. she isnt lying to an extent her friend circle is very small. shes very friendly but who she chooses to hang out with personally is like literally 3 people.

she doesnt do the whole Facebook Instagram social media thing either

 

[marmel75]

Dont ever ask that question to a women again. Ever.

 

[Ryan Adams]

agreed! and point taken

 

[The Duke]

Ryan- this girl is never going to respect you as a man if you don't start acting like one.

-You don't take girls on vacations that you haven't had sex with.
-She hasn't given you the keys to the golden vagina because you aren't manly enough.
-So you have been out with her 12-15 times and still haven't had sex with her. I promise you she is questioning your ability to act like a man. You aren't flipping the right switches or not aggressive enough.

I'd tell her you can't sleep in her bed with her anymore. Don't tell her why, she'll get the hint women are smart like that. I'd also cancel my vacation with her and tell her its not right to go on vacation with someone you haven't even had sex with.

 

[Ryan Adams]

I'm pretty aggressive but she'll literally stop me and roll over... and I agree but I'm not gonna sit and figure out what secret formula of talking will work to make her want to have sex. I'm just gonna sit back and cool it on texting so damn much. I'm not going to cancel the vacation as we both have already taken off work and planned this but I'm thinking she might have sex on vacation horrible thing to think and slightly pathetic but it is what it is. she is so friendly and happy all the time I cant really read her. I genuinely like hanging out with her we get along so incredibly well it's amazing. she might not want sex because shes not into me or she only bangs guys she dates or sex might be super special to her idk.....I want to find out though and if I ask I know damn well shes not going to answer. when we sleep in the bed sober well just kiss and she will "cuddle" me. if I try to make out she will turn her head and smile and roll over

she will give no reason but when we are together she always does find excuses to be with me longer like she wony eat and roll out she will be like let's do this and this and she'll want to be with me. (and no I dknt buy her stuff when we do this)

I like texting her I like the banter we have she is the only girl i genuinely find funny. so it's hard not to shoot her a few texts during the day. I literally enjoy our conversations its not only just me being pressed on her. I feel like If I dont keep contact then it will fade out. and I dont want that

 

[Ryan Adams]

I'm loving this Input. anyone have anything else?

 

[_sideways_]

I like texting her....RIP boner

 

[Ryan Adams]

so lame I know lol

 

[greatsnake]

you'll probably end up an orbiter or in the friend zone if you don't escalate soon. Why not back off the seeing/texting each other and do your thing and wait on her reaction?

when I just want to get laid, I keep the reaching out at a minimum.

 

[marmel75]

you'll probably end up an orbiter or in the friend zone if you don't escalate soon. Why not back off the seeing/texting each other and do your thing and wait on her reaction?

when I just want to get laid, I keep the reaching out at a minimum.

He already has ended up there he just doesnt know it yet. Her actions show she is having fun playing this game with him.

What this tells me is she might not have a guy she is riding the c0ck carousel with at the moment which explains why she spends so much time with OP, but she DEFINITELY DOES NOT want to ride OPs c0ck carousel.

 

[greatsnake]

He already has ended up there he just doesnt know it yet. Her actions show she is having fun playing this game with him.

What this tells me is she might not have a guy she is riding the c0ck carousel with at the moment which explains why she spends so much time with OP, but she DEFINITELY DOES NOT want to ride OPs c0ck carousel.

there is only one remedy then, unless the OP wants to continue suffering.

 

[Ryan Adams]

when I back off 99.9% chance she will reach out to me. so what does this tell me? also yes she maybe banging a dude butttt I'm with her alot and she leaves her phone in front of me and I know her friends etc etc if she is banging a dude it's right before work at 6 am or at after work at midnight so thars something I kinda feel like she isnt doing. when we arent together she will snapchat me and show herself wherever she is and it's usually at her scene with her girlfriends...