Advice - married with kids, but lonely

[R.U.G.]

Let me add to that, the woman you marry is not the woman you dated. The woman you dated gave a sh*t about you, the woman you marry does not.

That's for sh!t sure. It's like they turn into a new woman. Fvck that sh!t. Everyone gets the opportunity to make mistakes in their lives. However, the one's who fail to learn from them are doomed for failure. Our mistakes and failures we experience are some of our greatest lessons when often do not take advantage of. I learn that a few years ago and incorporate it with everything I do. Along with a zero tolerance for bullsh!t.

 

[R.U.G.]

I'm going through a divorce and am looking to pay child support for the next 14 years. I'm dating again but kind of jaded on marriage. I want to hear from you if it's better to be open to another marriage, or to be a bachelor for the rest of my life?

Sorry to hear brother. No, I highly recommend you stay far away from marriage. Once the family court divvies out the alimony, equity splits and child support, you will know. The laws are very much against men right now. With women starting to earn more than men, I assume the laws will eventually become more fairer to men. Don't marry or co-habitate without an agreement (witnessed with counsel on both sides and a video recorder). I'm on the sidelines for kids, but if I were to have them, I'd prob. hire a surrogate so I do not have to worry about child support (which is BS).

If you are going to date, always use protection, even if they say they are on the pill. It protects against STDS and unplanned pregnancy. If you do not care about STDs, then it is best to store some sperm and get snipped. As you age, you will naturally earn more dough. Thus, you will become a larger target. Especially when the economy turns again.

Be vigilant and careful my brother. It's a warzone for your assets out there.

 

[R.U.G.]

No judgement here...

I'm unhappily married and have had a mistress for five years now.

All I'm gonna say is guard your heart... You catch real feelings and you go deep in the rabbit hole and it is almost impossible to get out without major pain.

Seriously... Screw escorts... have one night stands just don't start another loving relationship...

Good luck.

Aren't you concerned about vice and cops? They do stings all the time in NYC. They are online, they are on the streets, it's just too risky for me.

 

[R.U.G.]

It depends, are you going to treat it as a relationship and leave yourself open to getting screwed again or are you going to treat it like a business? If you treat it like a business, it could work out quite well for you. If you treat it like a relationship, it's most likely not going to go well for you. When you treat it like a relationship, you do stupid things you wouldn't normally do. You leave yourself open to getting screwed when you never would in a business.

Emotions are fine but you have to compartmentalize them, you have to separate them from the actual relationship, especially marriage, which like it or not, is a business. You've found out how much of a business it is when you got dragged into court. And that's the part you're never thinking of when you are finally getting your d*ck wet after however long. That's the part you're never thinking of when someone butters you up with compliments and you're filled with positive emotion about someone you don't know all that well. And this is all the part that helps you to make a bad business decision, marry someone you either don't know well enough or long enough, without any sort of contract in place. Then, the contract in place is the one that the state will enforce and that's one that will not favor the bread winner and/or the man.

You can marry but you have to have things in place that will protect you if for some reason they do not work out. I'm willing to bet, if someone wants to do the research on this as I'd love to see it and think I know the answer already, that those who have prenups in place generally do better in marriage, at least prenups that allow the man some amount of dignity if the marriage does not work out. Like the guy with the mistress said, guard your heart, it's truly the most valuable commodity that you have to give. It is the key to your time, your resources, your love and your future.

Here's how I did under a lawyers advice and consent; which really screwed any prizes for my ex-wife. I moved all my assets, businesses, retirement, and checking/savings accounts into an irrevocable trust two years prior to marriage. I setup a NEW checking account where I'd take my salary. Now, since I owned my house outright, there were no mort. payments to be made (foreclosure, fixed it up myself). I knew how much she made, so I lowered my income to under hers to ensure zero alimony in case the sh!t goes sour. We kept our checking/savings accounts separate, but I helped setup her investments because she was getting screwed by her "advisor". Her money, not mine. Sh!t hit the fan 2 years in. Filed for divorce at that time. She said she had no knowledge of my irrevocable trust, attempted to fight it and lost. I was out legal (near 20k) fees, she was out legal fees (15k), moving expenses, health insurance, etc. She didn't expect that, and I didn't expect he to lie to the court and really who she really was. A selfish woman. I see her in the city from time to time, she's still pretty pissed. However, she's back at her pre-marriage weight.

Nonetheless, I never look back. I would had liked it to work out, but my financial security is the most important thing to me. I've been dirt poor thrown out of my place when I was just starting out with no heat and little food. I'll be damned if some woman or some court would take one red cent from me. Anyway, point being, that is the only way to protect your assets which, as long as you do not co mingle, a court cannot pierce. As always, IANAL, and you need to seek your own legal advice. Prenups get thrown out all the time. Irrevocable trusts, never as long as they are done correctly, filed with the county and not co-mingled.

Horrible litigious society we live in. Cannot trust anyone.

 

[Fzatf]

Sorry to hear brother. No, I highly recommend you stay far away from marriage. Once the family court divvies out the alimony, equity splits and child support, you will know. The laws are very much against men right now. With women starting to earn more than men, I assume the laws will eventually become more fairer to men. Don't marry or co-habitate without an agreement (witnessed with counsel on both sides and a video recorder). I'm on the sidelines for kids, but if I were to have them, I'd prob. hire a surrogate so I do not have to worry about child support (which is BS).

If you are going to date, always use protection, even if they say they are on the pill. It protects against STDS and unplanned pregnancy. If you do not care about STDs, then it is best to store some sperm and get snipped. As you age, you will naturally earn more dough. Thus, you will become a larger target. Especially when the economy turns again.

Be vigilant and careful my brother. It's a warzone for your assets out there.

I do live in a common law marriage state that is also communal property in Texas. Though the marriage has to be agreed upon and you have to declare yourselves as married.

What is the danger of cohabitation without marriage? Can she claim she owns part of your house just because she lives with you?

 

[highSpeed]

Here's how I did under a lawyers advice and consent; which really screwed any prizes for my ex-wife. I moved all my assets, businesses, retirement, and checking/savings accounts into an irrevocable trust two years prior to marriage. I setup a NEW checking account where I'd take my salary. Now, since I owned my house outright, there were no mort. payments to be made (foreclosure, fixed it up myself). I knew how much she made, so I lowered my income to under hers to ensure zero alimony in case the sh!t goes sour. We kept our checking/savings accounts separate, but I helped setup her investments because she was getting screwed by her "advisor". Her money, not mine. Sh!t hit the fan 2 years in. Filed for divorce at that time. She said she had no knowledge of my irrevocable trust, attempted to fight it and lost. I was out legal (near 20k) fees, she was out legal fees (15k), moving expenses, health insurance, etc. She didn't expect that, and I didn't expect he to lie to the court and really who she really was. A selfish woman. I see her in the city from time to time, she's still pretty pissed. However, she's back at her pre-marriage weight.

Nonetheless, I never look back. I would had liked it to work out, but my financial security is the most important thing to me. I've been dirt poor thrown out of my place when I was just starting out with no heat and little food. I'll be damned if some woman or some court would take one red cent from me. Anyway, point being, that is the only way to protect your assets which, as long as you do not co mingle, a court cannot pierce. As always, IANAL, and you need to seek your own legal advice. Prenups get thrown out all the time. Irrevocable trusts, never as long as they are done correctly, filed with the county and not co-mingled.

Horrible litigious society we live in. Cannot trust anyone.

Seeing her in court, 20k, seeing her in town from time to time with her knowing you got the best of her? PRICELESS!!!!!

 

[R.U.G.]

I do live in a common law marriage state that is also communal property in Texas. Though the marriage has to be agreed upon and you have to declare yourselves as married.

What is the danger of cohabitation without marriage? Can she claim she owns part of your house just because she lives with you?

Texas is pro men, so you have that on your side. However, common law or not, an irrevocable trust will protect your assets against all creditors. IANAL nor do I know Texas law, however, typically, if she helps pay for the bills and that is the common marriage domicile, then yes. Same can be said with co-habs. Just look what Jon Cena made his former fiancee sign prior to moving into his mansion is Florida. The only way to protect your asset is through said type of trust. You should also have the trustee (lawyer, sibling, etc) put together a rental agreement between the trust and you and only your name on it. An estate or elder law attorney can help you out with this. It's not hard to do, but will cost a couple of grand.

Seeing her in court, 20k, seeing her in town from time to time with her knowing you got the best of her? PRICELESS!!!!!

Didn't have to go to court, but the looks I get from her, two years later, are still with daggers. As I tell everyone, I wish her the best. Can't fvck around with marriage these days. I can always get another woman, but to rebuild a business and assets, fvck no. I chose my assets and money over her after she wouldn't work on the sham marriage. She's 43 and broke. Good luck to her.

 

[Captain Rahn]

I spent the better part of the last 5 years in your (OP) shoes. I travel a lot for work, make the money, Wife spends the Money, has really no appreciation for my sacrifices, nor is she able to Love me or show affection the way I wish to have it given. Her opinion of my input into my kids upbringing is low...thinks masculine input is unnecessary, dull, crude, whatever. LA LA LA... I agree with a lot HighSpeed says.

I tried the little hook up stuff you are trying... for years... girl at the office, bartender at the Holiday Inn, whatever. By and large its a Beta game, you will always be married to them and they always have that over you so unless can overcome that with game, or looks, or money....your really no where. Anyway. I can only offer what I came up with and share. It wasn't enough for me, and I just felt to guilty and fake and I guess that's a sure fire way not to get enough ASS on the road.

I finally decided to move toward separation. I read a few books on divorce and learned a lot about the process, my kids and the finances held me back at first, but there are positive ways to handle it. Adultery is illegal in my state and the penalties in custody and alimony are steep, deck stacked against us there. BE Careful know the laws. Do not move out of the house without a separation agreement or at least talking to an attorney first many states will nail you to the wall for abandonment.

I am a few months into separation, for me I just had to put the consequences behind me (kids, loosing 50%, etc.) and weigh it against living/dying a lonely, broken man with little to show for a life that was peddled away on...essentially a lie called my marriage. A few months in and I'm the best ME I've felt in 18 years!! This forum has helped and just realizing that the real me was still there, just hiding in a cave is reassuring. I'm 47, was married at 30, its hard to put that into perspective and not be really pissed at myself for letting that time slide. But that feeling does also reaffirm my decision, and helps me project positivity as I move on.

Its hard day to day, yes, the kids and the way they relate to you is not easy. BUT...every book I've read both my therapists, etc...say that the kid anxiety CAN be overcome. You have to shine forth with the positiveness you had trouble mustering while in the marriage and show love. Your kids will love you no matter what, just stay in their lives. among other things. My kids are going to lead their lives, period, with or without me, the quality and scope of that will shift with the choices we make.

You MUST read The Rational Male by Rommo Tomassi BEFORE you make a move. (I'm sure there are other books, too, but this for me described my exact situation note for note) If you still actually find your wife HOT enough to stay with... if only you could flip the script...lessons in this book may help you do that. I read it just a few weeks ago. Employing the knowledge gained here, I've been able to flip it on my Ex a bit. Her outlook on me has changed, she was pissed as hell for months, and was a real cvnt all the freakin time, and I was a chump about it, always sorta feeling guilty and just taking it, always kinda confused around her. Responding to her all the time ... emails, texts. She kept steam rolling me and making me feel like ****.

Now things are changing with me...I'm Alpha, I don't give a ****, I don't answer stupid questions anymore, I don't give her extra money out of guilt, I don't respond to emails, and all my texts are short. So this person is much more easy to deal with, now she is seeking me out for details, can actually have a conversation, etc. I'm no longer interested in her physically so its not like I'd reconcile with her, BUT I can see how one can use the RED PILL knowledge to flip your marriage around.

Hope some of this helps. Like I said, I can only give you what I have lived and I'm in the thick of it now.

 

[Soflobro#2]

Yet another thread about having an affair...

If you want to have an affair but have absolutely no clue how to go about it (or even what you're doing), you should read The Cheat Manual. Before you jump into anything, you need to read this. It will give you the do's, dont's, and everything in there falls in line with the seduction strategies and techniques touted on this site. You can read it here.

Omg. It's like she read this book before she met me.