Escalation and getting laid, what am i doing wrong ?

[ZaCool]

I decided after reading a lot of good informative answers on one of my questions to start this thread, mainly to find a solution or something to guide me towards the solution of my problem .

I will start by presenting myself -
Basically my dating life started around 18 (during highschool never cared about girls or was in shape) after school i found a good job, made some good friends, started working out and learning how life works, and a year later i got into the dating game ... right now i am a college student, iam broke (working on that) , live at home (40 mins away from college) have no car or a friend that has a place near my college ( i have many friends though) , iam 6'2, average build but not fat and in terms of looks according to every girl i ever met and my ex iam a very good looking guy, and indeed i do get plenty of attention and have been approached few times by girls ... i look my best when out (beard and hair on point, stylish fitting clothes) and always make sure to smell nice, i can be quite funny and entertaining and quite smart, but overthink stuff a lot , and while i do lie sometimes, i have no problem telling the truth, so you could say i have no confidence issues (Not the most confident dude ever but iam doing just fine) .

Most guys have a problem getting girls to date them and wanna know what to do make the girl likes them enough to be in a relationship with them ... now iam not saying iam special or anything but relationships were never my problem, on the contrary girls always see me as the guy they date, the good looking tall guy that they are interested being in a relationship with ... and that is fine, actually more than fine when i find the woman i want to spend my life with , but iam not at that point in my life , right now as a college student iam not getting laid, iam not living the full college life and i want that to change ASAP .

As i mentioned above attracting girls is never an issue, i get looks, stares, eye contact, the hottest girls around have their eyes on me sometimes even smile and are pretty much inviting me to approach, female classmates that have "access" to me since we're in the same classes talk to me a lot and many knew who i were way before i ever met them or knew who they were ...

when i see a girl showing a lot of interest i either talk to her face to face (Done that few times) or through social media (facebook or instagram) which is easier ... we talk for few days, get to know her a little more then tell her " lets sit somewhere and talk " or just ask her to go to the beach/mall ...etc with me ( as i said iam broke and this is the first time we talk face to face despite seeing each other around so my options are limited) .... and here where things start getting tricky, most girls say yes but a lot of them flake or simply give me lame excuses why they cant make it , i ask again a week or so later and if she gives me more excuses i move on .

another issue are the girls that go out with me, once ,twice and even sometimes thrice and yet there is no sign of anything sexual happening ... iam nice yes but i have been sexual with girls iam not lacking in that department, yet iam not the guy they fvck ... but i want to be that guy , iam assertive and confident when dealing with women, but for some reason iam never the guy they want sexually even when i flat out tell them iam in this just for sex ...

also ... the taken girls ... yes half of the chicks i met and were very into me had bfs, even right now a girl who has a bf is playing hot and cold, iam not really playing that game with here since i dont play games, but she messages me from time to time and even met her few times, i told her i know shes not entire "single" and she said its nothing to worry about, yet flaked on a date and blocks/unblocks me , but as i said i dont play games and iam ignoring her, next time talks to me i will tell her flat out to cut the crap and be real with me cause iam not her back up plan nor interested in her plans .


keep in mind iam respectful, and nice but iam also assertive, honest, confident and not the nice guy who is manipulated and does nice things expecting sex i know it doesnt work that way , but iam still struggling to get the hang of it ...

Dont be nice to me, just tell me the truth, and be brutally honest i want to improve i want to get past the she likes me i like her phase yet not proggressing any further .

 

[wifehunter]

you're chasing

 

[ZaCool]

you're chasing

if you mean it as in being too easy and too avaiable for girls ... then i dont know anymore i was like that once years ago but i made an effort to change, iam trying to pursue instead of chase right now, but then again maybe my idea of pursuing is different from the actual thing and thats why i need someone who does it right to tell me the difference .

 

[wifehunter]

if you mean it as in being too easy and too avaiable for girls ... then i dont know anymore i was like that once years ago but i made an effort to change, iam trying to pursue instead of chase right now, but then again maybe my idea of pursuing is different from the actual thing and thats why i need someone who does it right to tell me the difference .

Pursue, chase, escalate, etc. etc. etc.. ...it's feminine. ... Let her do it.

Unless you like turning women off.

Too many fukks are given during any sort of 'escalation'. If you feel the need to take action, you should focus it on your mission.

 

[R.U.G.]

You are the typical nice guy or gay boyfriend (I.E. beta orbiter which in not be putting anything inside of her.) Here's the plan of action.

1) Make some money. Switch that sh!t up. Work during the day, night school and such. You need $$$. I did this when I was in college, not sure why others can't.
2) Get your own car. It could be a beater for a 500 bucks.
3) Get your own pad or live with roommates. Not girl wants to fvck a guy living with mommy & daddy. I'd rather live in a hole in the wall than with my parents.

For the women. Yes, you are chasing, and chasing hard. You are looking like you have no options in their eyes. You chat them up and get their numbers. Wait a few days, CALL NOT TEXT. Chit-chat for a bit and then set a date to meet up. You cannot go for drinks yet, as you are too young. You have no money, so you cannot do an activity. Meetup up at the beach, do a picnic, go to the zoo. If she says yes, then you are game. If no, try one more time a week later. No chit chat on the phone or texting. Phones are for setting dates, not chatting about nothing. Second date is hard for you as you have no car to pick her up. No place to fvck her at. Three, no money to do an activity.

If I was in your position, I'd put the women on hold and work on getting a good paying side job while in school. Save up for a car (PAID IN CASH, NO LOAN) and a pad you can live in either by yourself or with some friends.

 

[fanatic22]

Why does every guy on this forum stress how good looking they are? It has little to do with getting laid if you're above a minimum threshold.

Give us a few samples of text convos. You're probably boring as fvck and bad at flirting.

 

[ZaCool]

You are the typical nice guy or gay boyfriend (I.E. beta orbiter which in not be putting anything inside of her.) Here's the plan of action.

1) Make some money. Switch that sh!t up. Work during the day, night school and such. You need $$$. I did this when I was in college, not sure why others can't.
2) Get your own car. It could be a beater for a 500 bucks.
3) Get your own pad or live with roommates. Not girl wants to fvck a guy living with mommy & daddy. I'd rather live in a hole in the wall than with my parents.

For the women. Yes, you are chasing, and chasing hard. You are looking like you have no options in their eyes. You chat them up and get their numbers. Wait a few days, CALL NOT TEXT. Chit-chat for a bit and then set a date to meet up. You cannot go for drinks yet, as you are too young. You have no money, so you cannot do an activity. Meetup up at the beach, do a picnic, go to the zoo. If she says yes, then you are game. If no, try one more time a week later. No chit chat on the phone or texting. Phones are for setting dates, not chatting about nothing. Second date is hard for you as you have no car to pick her up. No place to fvck her at. Three, no money to do an activity.

If I was in your position, I'd put the women on hold and work on getting a good paying side job while in school. Save up for a car (PAID IN CASH, NO LOAN) and a pad you can live in either by yourself or with some friends.

i do lack moeny a place and car, i dont think i can get a car anytime soon since i have to help my parents ... now as for a place, i have a couple friend who wanna rent a place with me and iam about to start a new job so iam actively trying to fix some of these issues, but till then i will have to just suck it up and find a way to overcome this and increase their attraction to see if they really are cool with me lacking so many things ...

 

[R.U.G.]

I'd work on the car and the place first. You know why? When they ask, hey, can you pick me up and let's hang out? You have to decline and say, I do not have a car. Hey, let's netflix and chill at your place (I.E. sex), nope, I live with my parents. You can look like Channing Tatum, but with no money, car and your own place, they are going to think they are higher value than you are. Especially if they have a car and/or their own place.

I just did a quick search on Autotrader. You can certainly get a beater car on Autotrader for 500 - 700 bucks and go on your parent's insurance. You can ask your parents for a cash loan so you can get your own car. Say you want to start being more independent and you will pay them back 50 bucks a week or something. They will prob. help you if they can as they want the best for their child. Plus, you are showing intuitive in bettering your life.

You say you have the looks. Great. Now work on the $$$ and the status (car/place/threads).

You can, if you want to play the game rent out a AirBnB pad as needed and tell them it's your place. Then, when you have enough money for your own, say you moved. It's better than nothing.

 

[ZaCool]

Why does every guy on this forum stress how good looking they are? It has little to do with getting laid if you're above a minimum threshold.

Give us a few samples of text convos. You're probably boring as fvck and bad at flirting.

Whether we admit it or not, looks do play a role in everything , even though iam not getting laid and some other guy is, the other dude had to work hard just to make the girl notice him while all i had to do is look at her once, but of course looks alone dont mean much if you dont know what to do with it ...

as for being boring iam not boring at all, my texts range from overly flirty to just talking about school stuff when iam not feeling it, i will give you an example :

this girl messaged me after 2 weeks of not talking (we met by accident at some mall) :

Girl : hey, i wanted to stay a bit longer and spend some time with you
Me : yeah i had something and couldnt stay either way
Girl : ok ... so i thought of you today and wanted to see you
Me : oh really ? so youre thinking about me all the time (with a smirk)
Girl : yep i sure do ... no not really iam kidding
Me : of course you are, most humasn sleep for 6-8 hours so you cant think of me while asleep
Girl : arent you being a bit too confident (With a smiley face)
Me : nope not at all

the she started telling me how she sees me around sometimes and wants to come say hi but doesnt wanna bother me since iam with friends and i kept teasing and flirting with her for a couple hours

 

[fanatic22]

So she said "I wanted to see you" and you suggested no time or place?

 

[R.U.G.]

Whether we admit it or not, looks do play a role in everything , even though iam not getting laid and some other guy is, the other dude had to work hard just to make the girl notice him while all i had to do is look at her once, but of course looks alone dont mean much if you dont know what to do with it ...

as for being boring iam not boring at all, my texts range from overly flirty to just talking about school stuff when iam not feeling it, i will give you an example :

this girl messaged me after 2 weeks of not talking (we met by accident at some mall) :

Girl : hey, i wanted to stay a bit longer and spend some time with you
Me : yeah i had something and couldnt stay either way
Girl : ok ... so i thought of you today and wanted to see you
Me : oh really ? so youre thinking about me all the time (with a smirk)
Girl : yep i sure do ... no not really iam kidding
Me : of course you are, most humasn sleep for 6-8 hours so you cant think of me while asleep
Girl : arent you being a bit too confident (With a smiley face)
Me : nope not at all

the she started telling me how she sees me around sometimes and wants to come say hi but doesnt wanna bother me since iam with friends and i kept teasing and flirting with her for a couple hours

Stop with the texting games. It oozes that you are trying to justify yourself more to you than her. Instead of saying, nope not at all, you should had said, We should meetup and hang out. When are you free. If she said, don't know or I will get back to you. Say, no prob. Then WAIT until she contacts you. Do NOT contact her again. If she contacts you again to chit chat, you say, listen really busy studying for an exam (or work, etc.). But I'd love to spend some time with you. Let me know what works for you. Also, reply hour + later. This will show her you are busy, which you should be busy anyway. Never respond instantaneously with a woman you are or are trying to be intimate with. Shows that you have nothing else going on in life.

 

[ZaCool]

Stop with the texting games. It oozes that you are trying to justify yourself more to you than her. Instead of saying, nope not at all, you should had said, We should meetup and hang out. When are you free. If she said, don't know or I will get back to you. Say, no prob. Then WAIT until she contacts you. Do NOT contact her again. If she contacts you again to chit chat, you say, listen really busy studying for an exam (or work, etc.). But I'd love to spend some time with you. Let me know what works for you. Also, reply hour + later. This will show her you are busy, which you should be busy anyway. Never respond instantaneously with a woman you are or are trying to be intimate with. Shows that you have nothing else going on in life.

yeah i get what youre saying and youre right about everything, i did ask her out i just didnt wanna post the entire thing since its way too long lol , i told her to join me at the mall cause iam going to do something and theres a nice park by that mall where we can spend some time and have fun , she said " yea cool lets do it , just tell what time you want me to be there when you decide " ..... i was busy so didnt respond right away and a couple hours later i messaged her with " be there at 6 " and her response was : " iam so sorry my mom asked me this morning to give here a ride to the supermarket so i wont be able to make it " i answerd with ok ( p.s she said her mom told her this morning she needs a ride, yet when i asked her out at around 12-1 pm she didnt seem to have a reason to flake but an hour later suddenly she cant make it )

then she sent me another message telling me how she wants to go out with me next time i ask her with a flirty emoji ( keep in mind this is the second time i ask her out) and i replied with " yeah, sure" and stopped contacting her, its been a week but f*ck her iam already talking to 2 chicks and i am already meeting one next week (hopefull she doesnt flake )

 

[R.U.G.]

Just a few things. Do not text too much on the phone either. By the third or third text exchange you should be asking to her to do something. If she says no or busy, no prob. You have to jet and get back to work, studying, etc. Very busy vibe. Also, do not set dates a week in advance. Women make dates with a pencil, not a pen. In other words, if some other bro comes along or her friends want to do something, she will bail (like above). If you want to see the woman on Friday or Saturday, ask her Wednesday or Thursday. Then, on the follow-up, wait a week or so and ask again. Reason for this, again you are a busy guy. You do not have time for bvll**** or games. Are you in are you out. That's it. It takes time to learn, but it is effective IF the woman has medium interest in you or higher. It if is low, she will keep on blowing you off. If that happens and she still reaches out to say hey, say, busy, but I hit you back later. Of course, you never hit her back. She may reach out again, rinse and repeat. Just reply, so busy at work, but I will get back to you. Hope all is well. This may increase her attraction level to you. Women (and men) usually want what they cannot get. You are creating this illusion that you are super busy and high potential.

 

[ZaCool]

Just a few things. Do not text too much on the phone either. By the third or third text exchange you should be asking to her to do something. If she says no or busy, no prob. You have to jet and get back to work, studying, etc. Very busy vibe. Also, do not set dates a week in advance. Women make dates with a pencil, not a pen. In other words, if some other bro comes along or her friends want to do something, she will bail (like above). If you want to see the woman on Friday or Saturday, ask her Wednesday or Thursday. Then, on the follow-up, wait a week or so and ask again. Reason for this, again you are a busy guy. You do not have time for bvll**** or games. Are you in are you out. That's it. It takes time to learn, but it is effective IF the woman has medium interest in you or higher. It if is low, she will keep on blowing you off. If that happens and she still reaches out to say hey, say, busy, but I hit you back later. Of course, you never hit her back. She may reach out again, rinse and repeat. Just reply, so busy at work, but I will get back to you. Hope all is well. This may increase her attraction level to you. Women (and men) usually want what they cannot get. You are creating this illusion that you are super busy and high potential.

interesting way of looking at this, i should try this sometimes, i mean in theory i know what youre saying is true but in practice i dont do it 100% i either chicken out and message her again after she shows some interest or i dont seem busy enough ... I will try this and see how it goes, this chick has a bf ( i think ) i mean i saw them a once but she says its cool and hes nothing to worry about , and every 2-3 weeks she reaches out to me, but yeah iam done with her BS, bf or not i have no time for BS

 

[R.U.G.]

Trust when I say it works. I am entertaining a few women right now. One told me we'd meet for drinks when she's free. I didn't hear from her in a week or so. Out of the blue, she text me and thought I was on vacation. Then she starts rambing on her job bs that I really do not care about. I said let's meet and we can get a few drinks. It seems you need one. We're meeting this weekend. Another one did something similar. I called a few days ago and left a message after a couple of weeks (she was away) when we first met. Typical woman, she waited a day to call me back, and we set something up. Amazingly they were both free when I suggested this weekend. How magical (sarcasm). As a man, your natural instinct is to chase. This is a turn off to women. Different in business, but for sex, no chase. Let them chase you. Why? Because most men are doing what you are doing. Chasing the pvssy and are very thirsty as they now say. Me? I couldn't care less if they stay, pray or lay. If then want to spend some time with me, cool. If not, fvck em. Basically, you need to be aloof and distant. Not available and never chase. All in all, anything you think you should do, do the opposite. Again, because, if they are average or above in looks, they have no issues getting a man's attention. However, when a man is selective or not giving that attention right away, then that peaks their interest more. Their mind is wondering why? Why isn't he bombarding me with messages, calls and texts. Makes you appear higher value and more interesting. Point being, never give a fvck. And when you are with them, just let them talk and you listen and expand on what they are saying. Never give too much info on you and make yourself seem interesting, even if you aren't. Use your imagination.

In short, if you are thinking of doing something to communicate with a potential woman, do the opposite. You'd be surprised at the results.

 

[ZaCool]

Trust when I say it works. I am entertaining a few women right now. One told me we'd meet for drinks when she's free. I didn't hear from her in a week or so. Out of the blue, she text me and thought I was on vacation. Then she starts rambing on her job bs that I really do not care about. I said let's meet and we can get a few drinks. It seems you need one. We're meeting this weekend. Another one did something similar. I called a few days ago and left a message after a couple of weeks (she was away) when we first met. Typical woman, she waited a day to call me back, and we set something up. Amazingly they were both free when I suggested this weekend. How magical (sarcasm). As a man, your natural instinct is to chase. This is a turn off to women. Different in business, but for sex, no chase. Let them chase you. Why? Because most men are doing what you are doing. Chasing the pvssy and are very thirsty as they now say. Me? I couldn't care less if they stay, pray or lay. If then want to spend some time with me, cool. If not, fvck em. Basically, you need to be aloof and distant. Not available and never chase. All in all, anything you think you should do, do the opposite. Again, because, if they are average or above in looks, they have no issues getting a man's attention. However, when a man is selective or not giving that attention right away, then that peaks their interest more. Their mind is wondering why? Why isn't he bombarding me with messages, calls and texts. Makes you appear higher value and more interesting. Point being, never give a fvck. And when you are with them, just let them talk and you listen and expand on what they are saying. Never give too much info on you and make yourself seem interesting, even if you aren't. Use your imagination.

In short, if you are thinking of doing something to communicate with a potential woman, do the opposite. You'd be surprised at the results.

During my first year of college i was aloof , distant and had the attention of so many girls but i had a gf and wasnt really o need of any of these girls.... surprisingly i got 4 numbers , lots of compliments, hot chicks showing interest in me and almost banged this chick (we were on my friends bed making out and having fun but some friends showed up ... sh!t happens) ... when i started giving more i started getting less so iam thinking of getting back to my old strategy and doing what youre doing right now ... the girl i was talking about reaches out every once in a while and shes not alone girls have done that in the past ,so yeah what youre saying does indeed get the job done

 

[Soflobro#2]

I decided after reading a lot of good informative answers on one of my questions to start this thread, mainly to find a solution or something to guide me towards the solution of my problem .

I will start by presenting myself -
Basically my dating life started around 18 (during highschool never cared about girls or was in shape) after school i found a good job, made some good friends, started working out and learning how life works, and a year later i got into the dating game ... right now i am a college student, iam broke (working on that) , live at home (40 mins away from college) have no car or a friend that has a place near my college ( i have many friends though) , iam 6'2, average build but not fat and in terms of looks according to every girl i ever met and my ex iam a very good looking guy, and indeed i do get plenty of attention and have been approached few times by girls ... i look my best when out (beard and hair on point, stylish fitting clothes) and always make sure to smell nice, i can be quite funny and entertaining and quite smart, but overthink stuff a lot , and while i do lie sometimes, i have no problem telling the truth, so you could say i have no confidence issues (Not the most confident dude ever but iam doing just fine) .

Most guys have a problem getting girls to date them and wanna know what to do make the girl likes them enough to be in a relationship with them ... now iam not saying iam special or anything but relationships were never my problem, on the contrary girls always see me as the guy they date, the good looking tall guy that they are interested being in a relationship with ... and that is fine, actually more than fine when i find the woman i want to spend my life with , but iam not at that point in my life , right now as a college student iam not getting laid, iam not living the full college life and i want that to change ASAP .

As i mentioned above attracting girls is never an issue, i get looks, stares, eye contact, the hottest girls around have their eyes on me sometimes even smile and are pretty much inviting me to approach, female classmates that have "access" to me since we're in the same classes talk to me a lot and many knew who i were way before i ever met them or knew who they were ...

when i see a girl showing a lot of interest i either talk to her face to face (Done that few times) or through social media (facebook or instagram) which is easier ... we talk for few days, get to know her a little more then tell her " lets sit somewhere and talk " or just ask her to go to the beach/mall ...etc with me ( as i said iam broke and this is the first time we talk face to face despite seeing each other around so my options are limited) .... and here where things start getting tricky, most girls say yes but a lot of them flake or simply give me lame excuses why they cant make it , i ask again a week or so later and if she gives me more excuses i move on .

another issue are the girls that go out with me, once ,twice and even sometimes thrice and yet there is no sign of anything sexual happening ... iam nice yes but i have been sexual with girls iam not lacking in that department, yet iam not the guy they fvck ... but i want to be that guy , iam assertive and confident when dealing with women, but for some reason iam never the guy they want sexually even when i flat out tell them iam in this just for sex ...

also ... the taken girls ... yes half of the chicks i met and were very into me had bfs, even right now a girl who has a bf is playing hot and cold, iam not really playing that game with here since i dont play games, but she messages me from time to time and even met her few times, i told her i know shes not entire "single" and she said its nothing to worry about, yet flaked on a date and blocks/unblocks me , but as i said i dont play games and iam ignoring her, next time talks to me i will tell her flat out to cut the crap and be real with me cause iam not her back up plan nor interested in her plans .


keep in mind iam respectful, and nice but iam also assertive, honest, confident and not the nice guy who is manipulated and does nice things expecting sex i know it doesnt work that way , but iam still struggling to get the hang of it ...

Dont be nice to me, just tell me the truth, and be brutally honest i want to improve i want to get past the she likes me i like her phase yet not proggressing any further .

To me chasing sounds like you're being obsessed or something. Pursuing seems like it's trying to get what you want in a laid back manner. Like you could take it if available, or leave it if not.

 

[R.U.G.]

During my first year of college i was aloof , distant and had the attention of so many girls but i had a gf and wasnt really o need of any of these girls.... surprisingly i got 4 numbers , lots of compliments, hot chicks showing interest in me and almost banged this chick (we were on my friends bed making out and having fun but some friends showed up ... sh!t happens) ... when i started giving more i started getting less so iam thinking of getting back to my old strategy and doing what youre doing right now ... the girl i was talking about reaches out every once in a while and shes not alone girls have done that in the past ,so yeah what youre saying does indeed get the job done

We've all been there brother. We've all been there. Need to stop caring and giving a sh!t about them. It's against my nature too, but that's how the women want to be played. Weird, but that's the game. Makes no logic or sense. But when have you met a woman who's made any logical or sensible decisions in regard to relationships in their lives?

 

[R.U.G.]

To me chasing sounds like you're being obsessed or something. Pursuing seems like it's trying to get what you want in a laid back manner. Like you could take it if available, or leave it if not.

He's 19 (I think) and hungry for pvssy. It's understandable. He just has to slow his role and do the opposite of what his heart tells him to do. It's just how it is.

 

[flowtheory]

R.U.G. has solid advice. I support for an all encompassing growth with autonomy.
- - -
Based on your original post, you’re being self-deceptive in some aspect. A man who is tall, attractive, sweet, with game, confident and assertive, does not have woman problems.... yet you are not obtaining your desired outcome.

Being successful in any facet of life requires we acknowledge our weak spots which are hindering us from obtaining our desired result. Acknowledge yours and give real examples with vulnerability and many men will help you exponentially here.