She seems to be uninterested after 2nd date. What went wrong?

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

i met this girl (24 years old) during the day. First date was a week later. She came to my place (it was her idea), we cooked and had a lot of fun. I tried escalating many times and she let me kiss and touch her a bit but nothing came from her. I wanted to go further but she blocked.

Second date was again at my place. We cooked again and i was trying to escalate and wanted to go a bit further but she blocked. Like on the first date, she was only passive (she touched me only a few times slightly). Nothing else. So it went on and on like that and i got annoyed. So I told her that I have no time for that and if she is not into me she should not hanging out with me. She started saying, that she is just careful and wanted to be sure that im serious about her. I told her if I wouldnt be serious I wouldnt spend time with her. She seemed happy about it. After that she started touching and kissing me. Everything went a bit further but no sex cause she blocked again (Trust me, i really tried).

After we spent a bit more time she had to go. I made the mistake to ask her (while she was leaving) when she is free and she told me a day where she is MAYBE free (1 week later). She told me she will let me know when she is sure she can meet on that day. Later i texted and asked if she came home well and got short, cold answers.

Now 4 days went by and I didnt hear anything from her. I also didnt text anymore.

What do you think, did I do something wrong? How should I act to get her on another date? I was thinking about waiting for her to contact me or contacting her in a few days again to ask if she can do it on that day.

Regards
summersky

 

[marmel75]

Too much desperation and no confidence on your part. You acted like a hurt little boy when she wouldn't have sex with you.

In her mind she dodged a bullet. Nothing you can do just start dating other women and next time don't get all butt hurt on a second date.

 

[wifehunter]

You are trying too hard.

 

[The Duke]

You didn't raise her temperature high enough before you pushed sex. Further attempts at forcing it things accomplish nothing and can backfire on you like this did. You should have realized this after the first time. Never make sex your goal. You showed your cards that your main purpose for her was sex and this turns women off. Work on building a better connection next time.

You getting butthurt also led to your demise. Grow some thicker skin, control your emotions better.

Also, I wouldn't have done the cooking at your place twice in a row. Keep it fun and do something different each time.

 

[summersky]

Thank you for your opinions.

So my main mistake was trying too hard and calling her out on being so passive? I was just annoyed because there was zero affection from her side. So u think I should have been more patient and wait for her to be more open to it? Even if that would be on date number 10?

And now i can do nothing to save the Situation?

 

[spred]

OP I understand you might be confused because you did what this forum and DJ bible teach, escalate, escalate, escalate, escalate x 1 000 times; sex by 3rd date or Next!
But this is only a guideline, in real life each girl is different and reacts in her own way.

You missed the calibration bit with this one.

Your best action is keep dating her but take a step back with physical escalation, create fun.

Then try again more slowly and watch how she reacts.

 

[Spaz]

I suspect she's used to bad boy types and now wants something safer - you. That's why she has confidence to date you at your man cave.

And I suspect she's doesn't like what she saw in her experiment.

She's going back to her bad boy type, sorry.

 

[Spidah]

You came on way too heavy like you lack abundance.

You go for sex by the second date. If you get shut down, you put the bytch on ice for two weeks. No contact.

Try her again after that. If she's still acting stupid, you just drop her.

Get more plates man.

 

[AJ84]

Hi everyone,

i met this girl (24 years old) during the day. First date was a week later. She came to my place (it was her idea), we cooked and had a lot of fun. I tried escalating many times and she let me kiss and touch her a bit but nothing came from her. I wanted to go further but she blocked.

Second date was again at my place. We cooked again and i was trying to escalate and wanted to go a bit further but she blocked. Like on the first date, she was only passive (she touched me only a few times slightly). Nothing else. So it went on and on like that and i got annoyed. So I told her that I have no time for that and if she is not into me she should not hanging out with me. She started saying, that she is just careful and wanted to be sure that im serious about her. I told her if I wouldnt be serious I wouldnt spend time with her. She seemed happy about it. After that she started touching and kissing me. Everything went a bit further but no sex cause she blocked again (Trust me, i really tried).

After we spent a bit more time she had to go. I made the mistake to ask her (while she was leaving) when she is free and she told me a day where she is MAYBE free (1 week later). She told me she will let me know when she is sure she can meet on that day. Later i texted and asked if she came home well and got short, cold answers.

Now 4 days went by and I didnt hear anything from her. I also didnt text anymore.

What do you think, did I do something wrong? How should I act to get her on another date? I was thinking about waiting for her to contact me or contacting her in a few days again to ask if she can do it on that day.

Regards
summersky

Female perspective: she's at some guy's house, alone, and she doesn't really know him. He:

Tries really hard to get in her pants (your words).
Gets verbally annoyed with her when she is resisting his sexual advances.

And you're wondering what went wrong? Everything.

You're not a female, so you may not realize how you came across to her, and I would imagine you made her very uncomfortable.

If I were you I wouldn't contact her again. Move on and take the advice given here about not comimg on too strong.

Also not every girl wants to put out after date one, two, or three or four. The whole bit you gave her about being serious about her otherwise you wouldn't spend time with her is BS because your actions said " I want date two sex and I want date two sex now damn it'. That's not what being serious about a female means, to a female, and at 32 years old I'm sure you know that. She would have to be a complete idiot to fall for that line on a second date of you trying to get in her pants, and it appears she is not an idiot.

If what you want is fast sex, don't even waste your time making dinner or taking anyone out to dinner. This is what Tinder is for, hook ups, and that seems to be what you want so just change your strategy so you don't get annoyed like that again.

 

[flowtheory]

You go for sex by the second date. If you get shut down, you put the bytch on ice for two weeks. No contact.

Haha sounds like a rap lyric.
And every memeber here is correct in their analysis above.

Just let this plate go man. I imagine it will be hard to come back from. You calling her out on the date in your house was super beta and wimp mode. You threw a tantrum because she was playing coy when in reality she just wasn’t hot for you. For her, you would be a dangerous investment.

Enough dwelling though. Because the past is past. So what now?

The silver lining is that it’s all good, man! Will this isolated interaction matter in 5 years? NOPE!
So simply take this situation and learn from it. Don’t beat yourself up and dwell on the fact that you messed up. Instead, find some humour in it. Take a step back and look at it all from a third person perspective and see what can be made better for the next women you will encounter and engage with.

Next time: don’t cook dinner at your place twice in a row. First date should always be out of the house (unless it’s a straight hook up) with the focus of making her comfortable, teasing, kino and a kiss at some point. Leave her at the end of the night with a great impression of you. That’s all. Have fun experiencing your life and don’t be so geared towards an expected outcome.
Then on the second date maybe suggest dinner together at yours, if you’re so inclined. Or have an appetizer then shimmy her back to your place once she’s all hot and bothered from the foreplay of words and touches on the date. And even if she’s not willing to have sex.. play it cool, man. Water off a ducks back on every rejection! Because rejection with women and in any situation in life, need not any sulking. Life is literally rejection over and over. So reframe what rejection means. To me, it’s the most opportunistic time for learning about how I am.

“Sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn.”

 

[AJ84]

Just want to add too, OP, that her suggesting to meet at your place was a bad move on her part as I can see how that would send a msg that maybe sometime may happen. So what went wrong happened on both sides here. It's not all on you. Sorry if my post came off harsh but I hope that you get what I put out there.

 

[ohrein]

You can not, and should not, try to negotiate desire. One, because it's like an obese woman trying to get you to have sex with her using logic. Two, and more importantly, it's actually going to kill attraction with a woman. Sex should be spontaneous and urgent.

As for your specific example, you were probably getting the anti-slut defense. If she's coming to your house and being physical that early on, she had reasonable interest. When you pressured her with logic ("So I told her that I have no time for that and if she is not into me she should not hanging out with me.") you killed the attraction and demonstrated you are sexually starved and needy. The only way you'll be seeing her again is if her interest level was astronomical before that incident but my guess would be that it's done.

In future you want to continue to escalate and be sexual, but when you get rejected, you play it cool, you smile and continue the night. One step forward, two steps back. If you're past the third date with a woman, 99% of the time she'll want to sleep with you soon so just follow that structure. Always be chill about it, you don't need sex from her. Ask her out, escalate, one step forward, two steps back.

As an aside, one step forward two steps back is a great way to tease a woman anyway. I use it on my girlfriend a lot. You get to the groping stage, get to the peak of the passionate kissing and touching and you slowly back off and start stroking her arm with one fingertip. Keep doing that and she'll be begging for you in no time. One step forward, two steps back!

 

[Knight of Roses]

Escalation and aggression need to be laced with confidence and also only after you have built adequate attraction and comfort. Coming on too soon will backfire, and you calling her out on it didn't do you any favors.

 

[summersky]

Thanks for your opinions.

I have to add that I was not annoyed because she didnt want to have sex - I was annoyed because she was totally cold on the second date and even didnt let me kiss her. After i called her out she said she is playing being cold on purpose because she doesnt want to go fast.. The weird thing is, she said that now she believes that I am serious about her (maybe because I showed my feelings?) That would be the total opposite of what you all said she was thinking. And after that she started kissing and sit on me. But when I wanted to go further she blocked and i was cool with it.

But you are right, by showing neediness and acting hurt I made a big mistake.

@AJ84: I know what you mean. Before the FIRST date she even asked me what underwear I want her to wear!! She also was playing with her tongue while eating and stuff like that. Wtf..

@flowtheory: It may be true that she wasnt hot for me. Maybe she is just not attracted and thats why she is cold. But in her mind she make it up as waiting.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Second date was again at my place. We cooked again and i was trying to escalate and wanted to go a bit further but she blocked. Like on the first date, she was only passive (she touched me only a few times slightly). Nothing else. So it went on and on like that and i got annoyed. So I told her that I have no time for that and if she is not into me she should not hanging out with me. She started saying, that she is just careful and wanted to be sure that im serious about her. I told her if I wouldnt be serious I wouldnt spend time with her. She seemed happy about it. After that she started touching and kissing me. Everything went a bit further but no sex cause she blocked again (Trust me, i really tried).

Dude, this comes across as creepy tbh - it's a SECOND DATE ffs, and you're trying to escalate constantly towards sex at every opportunity like some sort of perv. Especially that line of "I got annoyed"...Jesus, my r*pe alarm nearly started sounding.

You have no entitlement or reason to get "annoyed" if a chick on THE SECOND DATE doesn't want to f*ck you. And the same on the third, fourth or fifth date. It's a choice between the two of you, not just your choice whether you have sex or not.

This girl's clearly just not some club sl*t who bangs every guy she meets on the first date. And yet you're punishing her for not putting out instantly.

If you want sex on the first or second date, your target group is sl*tty girls who f*ck everyone they go near. Not my scene, but knock yourself out. They're out there.

But if you're trying the same thing with a girl who likes to take things a bit slower, all you're doing is coming across like a desperate jerka*s "nice" guy who isn't nice.

If you just play it cool, these more classy girls will be begging to have sex with you after the fourth or so date. I'm not even kidding. I had a girl trying to get me drunk and asking if I wanted to f*ck once after we'd been on 5 dates, and she was very shy at first.

 

[flowtheory]

I didn’t mean she wasn’t attracted to you (this is your belief system interpretation). I mean she wasn’t hot for you, as in warmed up by you like the metaphorical oven she is.
If she went over to your house for one on one, the first encounter she would have to find you attractive in some sense, I believe.

And you said she is saying things now.. don’t believe what she is saying. Look at what she is doing; her actions. It’s a hard one to wrap your head around, believe me.

If you must get together with her again, be cool. Slight touches and be easy going and have no expectations! And I wouldn’t bring her back to your place for at least the next two dates until you’ve extinguished the weird vibes of your initial encounters; there is some cleaning up to do and some rebranding to do in your department. Always brief hangouts where YOUR time is limited; and do not talk about the previous encounters as they have a bad taste.

There is also a part of me that thinks is she is using you for an ego boost or just to play with your mind to create you as an orbiter; which she is being successful at.

What would I do? Let her go. Just drop it and start pursuing other women while taking the advice given in this thread. Her first impressions on you WILL last. And if she doesn’t respect you from the start you’re always going to be fighting this subconscious thought of hers. Not to mention; all her friends probably know what you did in this scenario too, and once a woman’s friends know you went beta weirdo.. they will chirp forever in her ear “you can do betteerrrr” (even if she can’t).

 

[summersky]

Thanks again.

@flowtheory: I get what you are telling me.. I was talking to her and offered a day. She said she cant make it but offered another day. We didnt talk about what we will do but I had the feeling she doesnt want to come to my place. So I thought about texting her a few days before the date that I want to take her out for drinks.. Good idea?

 

[The Diver]

We didnt talk about what we will do but I had the feeling she doesnt want to come to my place. So I thought about texting her a few days before the date that I want to take her out for drinks.. Good idea?

I would say forget about inviting her to your place until you feel she warm up to you in the next few dates (Her initiating much more touching and kissing ).
Go do some fun dates together and give her the opportunity to drop her walles and feel comfortable with you.

A woman who's really attract to you will want to sleep with you sooner than later.

 

[soulforge]

Just want to add too, OP, that her suggesting to meet at your place was a bad move on her part as I can see how that would send a msg that maybe sometime may happen. So what went wrong happened on both sides here. It's not all on you. Sorry if my post came off harsh but I hope that you get what I put out there.

EVERYTIME a female has come straight to my house for the very first date.. I have aimed to BANG.

Especially an online chick, why else would a chick come right over to a strangers house.. This is straight up HOOK UP strategy!

If she shows a lack of interest, or doesn't want to escalate to sex, then I NEVER force the situation.. I aim for a second date, if we haven't banged by the 2nd or 3rd date??

I simply move the fuk on.. What you don't do, is get fuking upset, and starting calling a hoe out.. That shows emotional weakness, and pure desperation.

Her puzzy dried up the moment, you behaved like a 12 year old.. You also creeped her out for pushing sex too hard!

However.. If she came straight to your house first date, then she also has to take responsibility for not behaving like a quality woman.

I normal woman, would not come straight to a strangers house, unless sex is possibly on the cards!