How do I make myself have the same attitude towards dating as I do in making friends??

[bigdave17]

friends - I pretty much automatically assume everyone will like me no matter how attractive they may be, how successful, famous, rich, whatever... I sold a car once to a professional athlete and I'm pretty sure I could have gotten him to want to hang out with me


Dating - I doubt myself like crazy, I think it's basically impossible unless I turn myself into the most perfect man to ever live.


How do I get this notion out of my head that attractive young women have impossible standards and never want to be approached? Wouldn't I have the same success in dating as I do in making friends If I believed in myself?

 

[fanatic22]

Stalk their ex boyfriends

 

[bigdave17]

seems like you are putting women on a pedestal. Realize women ****, pee, fart, and are retarded like we all are. Girls HAVE to put on this ***** persona due to society but in reality, inside, they are just human like everyone else and want to meet cool people (you) and have fun!

good post

 

[Jareamee]

seems like you are putting women on a pedestal. Realize women ****, pee, fart, and are retarded like we all are. Girls HAVE to put on this ***** persona due to society but in reality, inside, they are just human like everyone else and want to meet cool people (you) and have fun!

I’m literally going to look at women as little piglets now before I approach. Why didn’t I ever tap in to this!!?

 

[bigdave17]

Loads of great stuff floating around this forum for decades. Take something and experiment the same day. Stop creating repeat threads to just whinge like a depressed menopausal woman.

honestly man, when people get to know me and see my combination of being extremely successful, a genuinely great person but not afraid to ever stand up for myself and being able to have an intelligent conversation about any subject matter, people just fall in love with me. I'm sure it would be the same thing with the females


I can't get this defeatist mindset out of my head of feeling like women are impossible and have impossible standards. I'm trying so hard

 

[Fzatf]

honestly man, when people get to know me and see my combination of being extremely successful, a genuinely great person but not afraid to ever stand up for myself and being able to have an intelligent conversation about any subject matter, people just fall in love with me. I'm sure it would be the same thing with the females


I can't get this defeatist mindset out of my head of feeling like women are impossible and have impossible standards. I'm trying so hard

Have you made an online dating profile and started swiping/messaging? Have you started a game out of approaching and challenged yourself to a minimum number of approaches a day?

Just put yourself out there and get to work. Let the forum know how it goes and you'll get advice on how you can do better.

 

[Mike32ct]

At the risk of sounding blue pill, I will say, “Don’t be afraid of friendzone.”

You need to play to your strengths. F your weaknesses (real or perceived).
So, you’re great at befriending people. You need to use that.

What if you interacted with attractive women in the same friendly way, AND you didn’t give a shyte if they ended up (worst-case) being your friend?

Don’t you think you would do much better? And at least some of them might actually end up attracted to you?

 

[bigdave17]

At the risk of sounding blue pill, I will say, “Don’t be afraid of friendzone.”

You need to play to your strengths. F your weaknesses (real or perceived).
So, you’re great at befriending people. You need to use that.

What if you interacted with attractive women in the same friendly way, AND you didn’t give a shyte if they ended up (worst-case) being your friend?

Don’t you think you would do much better? And at least some of them might actually end up attracted to you?

I agree

I don't think I really need to game hot women because my superficial and personality traits are so strong that they would naturally be attracted to me if i was my natural confident self around them

I mostly fail due to anxiety because I've convinced myself that dating is impossible and women never want to be approached. I really really need to be my true self around them

 

[bigdave17]

Have you made an online dating profile and started swiping/messaging? Have you started a game out of approaching and challenged yourself to a minimum number of approaches a day?

Just put yourself out there and get to work. Let the forum know how it goes and you'll get advice on how you can do better.

I badly want to approach women but I always psyche myself out and don't even try because I feel like its totally hopeless

 

[fanatic22]

How are you both so full of yourself and so insecure at the same time?

 

[bigdave17]

A lot of things seem to be in extremes with you, whether good or bad, and the views you hold on women's standards seem no different. You make women's standards seem as if they divine commandments carved into the face of an immovable stone. But they are not. All standards are malleable, some standards more than others depending on the woman.

A 5'2" woman who has the standard of a man who is 6 feet or taller, for example, is going to be flexible with that if she finds a 5'10" guy who possesses several of the other attractive traits she desires. A woman who is 5'10", on the other hand, will likely hold to that height standard a little more, but is going to be more flexible on some other trait all the same, such as a man who makes a little less money or isn't quite as buff.

If every woman held out on dating until a man who meets all of their standards came along, they would all be virgins sitting home alone indefinitely without dates. Obviously this is not happening.

Each standard by itself is often idealistic. All idealistic standards combined are often unrealistic. Your mindset essentially pedestals the idealistic and unrealistic desires that women impulsively dole out, which is why you think you have to be a Prince Charming or Chad Thunderc0ck to even have a chance with them. You are starting out with ZERO FRAME right from the get go with this mentality, and it is most likely that reason that contributes to your failure; not because you fail to meet those impossible standards, but because you believe you have to meet them. You don't have the will to TEST their conviction to these ideal/unrealistic standards they have so you can see where the real line in the sand is: the realistic and quite attainable standards that gets you the date.

On the flip side of that, you have often said here that you would be "happy with a 6 or 7", yet any woman who would have an opportunity to read your laundry list of standards would believe she would have to be a 10 to get with you. You are a victim of your own game.

Having specific standards and extremely high standards are 2 different things. I would categorize me as having specific standards - I want a 6-8/10 who has the personality type I like, ethnicity I like, is into working out, has a decent professional job, etc... Having extremely high standards is more like Guru1000 only wanting a 9 to 10/10

I agree with everything else you said, I just can't seem to hammer it into my subconscious. I can't stop feeling like dating is completely hopeless

Here's the weird thing - I don't think there's any level of perfection I could attain to make me feel like I was good enough. Here's what I mean - when I was a young kid, I told myself I would get girls when I was in shape and attractive. I'm the most in shape now I've ever been. I told myself I would get girls when I would become successful- well I was making 150K and bought my first house at 25

My point is even if I do go from a 7.5 to a 6'3 10/10 with a perfect hairline, I would probably find something else to feel like I'm not good enough. I convinced myself long time ago that women are completely impossible

 

[bigdave17]

How are you both so full of yourself and so insecure at the same time?

I'm really not full of myself IRL

I'm chill as f**k in real life. I get along great with almost everyone I meet