Advice on how to handle a TINDER match...hmmmm

[harrison9876]

Hey guys,

Well...I don't "usually" use Tinder...but about a week ago, I matched with this gorgeous fitness trainer. Usually I prefer younger women, but she is 43 (same age as me), and we have a lot of similar interests...we are also both vegan.

I initiated convo, and messages back and forth were pretty cool...lots of good teasing and playful banter, etc.

A buddy of mine told me that when he matches with someone online...if he doesn't get a # within a few messages, then he knows he is wasting his time. And to be quite honest, there is only so much one can write IN a message...so I rather speak on the phone anyway.

So...in one of our last msgs., I joked about how though I am vegan, my dog is not. She teased about it a bit and told me that with her being a good cook and vegan for 25 years, FOR SURE she could convert her over.

I responded with:

ME - Wait a sec...are you insinuating that I am not a good cook?? Ummm...just for that...you are making us BOTH dinner...haha..."



Anyway...shoot me your # and I'll hit you up next week."

This is when things appeared to go downhill...

HER - "lol...next week...lol" (not sure what she meant by this)
where do you live? Nah, just saying that I can try to get her to try other foods she may like"

ME - "lived in Malibu until recently...now just north of there. Por que?"

HER - "Oh wow. When I swiped you, it said you were like a mile away. now says 30" (i know she lives in West Hollywood)

ME - I am back and forth between LA every other day...plus I have a class every thursday night in West Hollywood...so that's probably why."

HER - "oh I see...swiping in class and not paying attention, huh?...bad student.

ME - "yup...I am a hardcore badass".


So it where it left off yesterday.

The fact that she did not give me her #, along with her reaction to realizing I am not a close to her as she thought...my feeling is that her interest level is LOW. Or am I reading into things here?

Don't want to ask for her # again...and I don't really want to ask her out IN a message. I figure if she wanted to hang out, she would have at least given me her #...right?

Is this a "stop communicating...waste of time" situation?

TIA

 

[Bible_Belt]

Every woman has had a bad experience or two giving out her number, where the guy then blows up her phone and becomes a nuisance. Younger girls use kik and snapchat, largely because it is easy to block people when they get annoying, but at 43 she is a little old for that.

I would let a day or two go by, to show that you are not an obsessed desperate clinger, and then simply ask again. Tell her you are not on tinder much and a real number is more convenient.

 

[harrison9876]

sounds like a plan...

 

[Killakittie]

She's being an attention *****.. a lot of women use dating apps to boost their selfish esteem and egos and want to text and text and text. I ask pretty directly if their interested in meeting up within the next week. If they say yes I'll ask if we can text. If I sense they don't want to I ignore em.

 

[EyeBRollin]

What the **** is all this chit chat for? You can't create chemistry over text.

Ask every match out immediately. Use this: (directly from signature)

Me: Hey how are you
Her: Good, u?
Me: I'm well, just got back from the gym. How often do you work out?
Her: <answer>
Me: Nice. Let's get to know each other over drinks.
Her: Sure.
Me: Ok, let's meet at <location> at <time>. Does that work for you?
Her: Yes sounds good.
Me: Great, I'll see you there. <phone number> if you need to reach me
Her: ok <phone number>

If she gives you the run around, you apply basic sales techniques. Agree, persist, close:

Me: Nice. Let's get to know each other over drink
Her: I'd prefer to chat more before meeting
Me: Sure we can talk, what is your phone number?

More resistance = more persistence. Agree, persist, close. GET THE DATE.

Her: I need to know more about you before I give you my number.
Me: What would you like to know about me?

Do this for your next 100 matches.

 

[Knight of Roses]

Hey guys,

Well...I don't "usually" use Tinder...but about a week ago, I matched with this gorgeous fitness trainer. Usually I prefer younger women, but she is 43 (same age as me), and we have a lot of similar interests...we are also both vegan.

I initiated convo, and messages back and forth were pretty cool...lots of good teasing and playful banter, etc.

A buddy of mine told me that when he matches with someone online...if he doesn't get a # within a few messages, then he knows he is wasting his time. And to be quite honest, there is only so much one can write IN a message...so I rather speak on the phone anyway.

So...in one of our last msgs., I joked about how though I am vegan, my dog is not. She teased about it a bit and told me that with her being a good cook and vegan for 25 years, FOR SURE she could convert her over.

I responded with:

ME - Wait a sec...are you insinuating that I am not a good cook?? Ummm...just for that...you are making us BOTH dinner...haha..."



Anyway...shoot me your # and I'll hit you up next week."

This is when things appeared to go downhill...

HER - "lol...next week...lol" (not sure what she meant by this)
where do you live? Nah, just saying that I can try to get her to try other foods she may like"

ME - "lived in Malibu until recently...now just north of there. Por que?"

HER - "Oh wow. When I swiped you, it said you were like a mile away. now says 30" (i know she lives in West Hollywood)

ME - I am back and forth between LA every other day...plus I have a class every thursday night in West Hollywood...so that's probably why."

HER - "oh I see...swiping in class and not paying attention, huh?...bad student.

ME - "yup...I am a hardcore badass".


So it where it left off yesterday.

The fact that she did not give me her #, along with her reaction to realizing I am not a close to her as she thought...my feeling is that her interest level is LOW. Or am I reading into things here?

Don't want to ask for her # again...and I don't really want to ask her out IN a message. I figure if she wanted to hang out, she would have at least given me her #...right?

Is this a "stop communicating...waste of time" situation?

TIA

She's bored with the convo, charm her ass a bit and then re-ask for the number. If she still playing hard to get, next her and move on.

 

[Knight of Roses]

What the **** is all this chit chat for? You can't create chemistry over text.

Ask every match out immediately. Use this: (directly from signature)

Me: Hey how are you
Her: Good, u?
Me: I'm well, just got back from the gym. How often do you work out?
Her: <answer>
Me: Nice. Let's get to know each other over drinks.
Her: Sure.
Me: Ok, let's meet at <location> at <time>. Does that work for you?
Her: Yes sounds good.
Me: Great, I'll see you there. <phone number> if you need to reach me
Her: ok <phone number>

If she gives you the run around, you apply basic sales techniques. Agree, persist, close:

Me: Nice. Let's get to know each other over drink
Her: I'd prefer to chat more before meeting
Me: Sure we can talk, what is your phone number?

More resistance = more persistence. Agree, persist, close. GET THE DATE.

Her: I need to know more about you before I give you my number.
Me: What would you like to know about me?

Do this for your next 100 matches.

This

 

[Bible_Belt]

What the **** is all this chit chat for? You can't create chemistry over text.

Ask every match out immediately.

I think that suggestion would very likely improve the miserable experience that most men have with online dating.

But fwiw, I never did that at all. You have to understand that almost every guy online acts like a salmon swimming upstream on a mission to get his d!ck wet or die. Everyone is persistent. Your advice is putting some suaveness on that persistence and making it less obnoxious, which is why it works. Alternately, you could just be different from other guys. I really don't what to meet a girl just because I saw a pic of her and she said hello back to me. I need a lot more qualifying than that, to make sure she is not a boring waste of my time. The chemistry created over text is just as much for me as it is for her. I don't want a beautiful moron who is boring in bed. And I think a lot of women find that attractive.

For guys getting zero dates, then yeah, persistence is your friend. Guys getting dates but having a bad time need to back off on the persistence and do more qualifying.

 

[harrison9876]

Well...as stated earlier...I told her to shoot me her # within a couple messages.

nada...she blew by that one, and kept communicating.

After that...from advice above...suggested that we get together later this week.

nada...same as above...kept communicating

In my last message to her, I told her that I prefer speaking, as opposed to messaging - easier to communicate, etc.

She messaged me yesterday and wrote this:

"Hi Mike. Sorry, so tired.
Working too much.
Not really living, honestly...
Just existing.

Sure, you can find me on insta or text or both".

Her # was at the end of her msg.

So either she is really jaded...or was just looking for a pen pal or another instagram follower

Not really sure why she would bother telling me to text her...when I clearly told her I was interesting in "speaking"...not messaging.

Of course...I did not reply.