Had a horrible night out at local bar

[bigdave17]

We met these 2 girls at our local dive bar. At first conversation flowed very smoothly and freely but I just ran out of things to talk about and I just couldn't keep conversation going at all. I don't know if it was anxiety or self doubt or being too desperate

the girl was maybe a 6/10 27 year old so nothing special plus she wasn't really my type personality wise so nothing is lost but I'm frustrated that I couldn't keep her very heavily interested in me

I'm happy I experienced this rejection though. I need to be very comfortable with rejection but I have to find a way to always keep conversation free and smooth

 

[Von]

"We meet" .. Implies you were with someone.

"I" ran out of things to talk about... Did you unwind on them?

You did the first step approach. Running out of things to say, happens to all beginner and it's a beginner mistake.

You cant "run out" ... It implies you trying to force a conversation with the others or that you are the only one talking.

The girls must be doing 80% of the talk... So ask them something open, and pick on her words to develop the conversation.

If it's hard.... Always reuse what she said, like the 3 last words. Ex: "i am so into biggies" ... "You into biggies?" or "would biggies be into you"

I always loved the.. What's your top 3 passions?
Than you make a conversation of passion 1, than 2, than 3.. Each passion can be like her talk 1 hour lol.

In your case, you had a "We" ... So you might want to involve them in the discution, like guiding support.

Anyway, good job on making 1 approach. The 1st step is always the hardest

 

[bigdave17]

"We meet" .. Implies you were with someone.

"I" ran out of things to talk about... Did you unwind on them?

You did the first step approach. Running out of things to say, happens to all beginner and it's a beginner mistake.

You cant "run out" ... It implies you trying to force a conversation with the others or that you are the only one talking.

The girls must be doing 80% of the talk... So ask them something open, and pick on her words to develop the conversation.

If it's hard.... Always reuse what she said, like the 3 last words. Ex: "i am so into biggies" ... "You into biggies?" or "would biggies be into you"

I always loved the.. What's your top 3 passions?
Than you make a conversation of passion 1, than 2, than 3.. Each passion can be like her talk 1 hour lol.

In your case, you had a "We" ... So you might want to involve them in the discution, like guiding support.

Anyway, good job on making 1 approach. The 1st step is always the hardest

for me I'm usually very good once I get the approach going so this was a very frustrating night. I think my problem is still true confidence

True confidence = you be yourself and automatically assume every woman will like you

I'm struggling because I'm still trying to make the girl like me instead of just being myself and assuming that they will like me. I'm trying too hard and they can sense I'm not being myself. I'm still not believing in myself

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

rue confidence = you be yourself and automatically assume every woman will like you

True Confidence = be yourself and not give two fvcks who likes you.

 

[bigdave17]

True Confidence = be yourself and not give two fvcks who likes you.

yea but you have to believe that you will be successful

 

[Spaz]

True Confidence = be yourself and not give two fvcks who likes you.

Go with this @bigdave17

 

[Chev.Chelios]

90% of the girls your not even going to connect with.

10% of the girls you'll meet will have chemistry.

go out have fun and fvck with everyone the girls usully come when your not even thinking about it.

 

[guru1000]

I'm happy I experienced this rejection though. I need to be very comfortable with rejection ...

Guru1000 approves of this message.

 

[QuadDeuces]

To keep her interested you make the interaction playful with sexual tension.
You make naughty remarks, you push her a away, you bring her close, you talk to her friend, you touch her, etc

You don't go stand there all serious talk about middle eastern politics or something.

 

[guru1000]

Dave, you keep going.

Once you begin to succeed, you’ll enter a confident state.

It seems my confidence is so high (based on my track record), failure on first dates is almost non-existent. And the more I try to fail (because success is so damn easy), the more failure escapes me and greater success I have with seemly ANY woman.

It’s all about your vibe. And once women sense it—which is within the first few minutes—they become addicted to it ... like crack ...because men with this kind of vibe are extremely few and far between.

Success or failure is a self-perpetuating loop. Get on to the right side of this loop.

 

[RangerMIke]

90% of the girls your not even going to connect with.

10% of the girls you'll meet will have chemistry.

go out have fun and fvck with everyone the girls usully come when your not even thinking about it.

Yea... you really can't beat yourself up when there is no chemistry... it is what it is. If a chick isn't working to keep the conversation going just excuse yourself and move on to someone else because if she isn't working to keep your attention, then it's a pretty good bet she's just not feeling it.

 

[fanatic22]

Dude this is not a horrible night. I went out on Friday and talked to 8 girls, got rejected by all 8 almost immediately, and I still thought it was a good night because I had a fun time and felt like the rejections were having no effect on me whatsoever.

A "horrible night" for me is one where I don't have any prospects to approach at all and some drunk idiot spills a beer on me.

 

[sazc]

For interest to be genuine you really do have to have commonalities. It's the shared/ common stuff that makes conversation easy, keeps interest high, and leads to something ongoing.

Not to mention, you are not a circus animal....SHE should also be making an effort to keep the conversation going. Don't put all the blame on you.

That said, your op comes if like you were a PUA, trying to practice your PUA skills, looking for a lay. If that is the case, okay then, work on your PUA skills. If that is not the case then, for God's sake, give yourself a break and realize that common interests are necessary for attraction/interest and half the onus of meeting the conversation going is on her.

Idk why you guys best yourselves up for some things. No wonder your self esteem is in the toilet.

Bright side, you went out.
Bigger bright side, you engaged women in conversation. Take the wins and look to get better

 

[Bible_Belt]

Bars are for drinking, in my mind anyway. That's why I go there. Like any other activity, it will work to get girls if getting girls is not your #1 goal.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

yea but you have to believe that you will be successful

I'm not sure you understand what that means.

A guy selling vaccuum cleaners believes he'll be successful.

But that doesn't translate into him selling a vacuum cleaner to every house.

That belief in his "success" allows him to knock on 100 doors and shrug off 100 rejections for every one sale. EVERY FVCKING DAY.

Believing in your success isn't a magic trick to MAKE you successful.

Believing in your success gets you through the necessary WORK (pain, rejection, struggle, etc.) that creates your success.

Work, trial and error growth, learning by YEARS of experience. THAT (work, effort, learning) creates success.

Believing you'll EVENTUALLY be successful is what keeps you going all those YEARS.

You think that "believing you'll be successful" means making up some fantasy about your value and talking to ONE girl who is supposed to fall down and worship your awesomeness.

You talked to ONE GIRL, got blown out and think this is a traumatic event worthy of another endless thread about the horrors of the dating market.

It's like you did one sit up, looked in the mirror and are angry that you don't have a six pack.

 

[bigdave17]

I'm not sure you understand what that means.

A guy selling vaccuum cleaners believes he'll be successful.

But that doesn't translate into him selling a vacuum cleaner to every house.

That belief in his "success" allows him to knock on 100 doors and shrug off 100 rejections for every one sale. EVERY FVCKING DAY.

Believing in your success isn't a magic trick to MAKE you successful.

Believing in your success gets you through the necessary WORK (pain, rejection, struggle, etc.) that creates your success.

Work, trial and error growth, learning by YEARS of experience. THAT (work, effort, learning) creates success.

Believing you'll EVENTUALLY be successful is what keeps you going all those YEARS.

You think that "believing you'll be successful" means making up some fantasy about your value and talking to ONE girl who is supposed to fall down and worship your awesomeness.

You talked to ONE GIRL, got blown out and think this is a traumatic event worthy of another endless thread about the horrors of the dating market.

It's like you did one sit up, looked in the mirror and are angry that you don't have a six pack.

I didn't get blown out, at first the conversation flowed very smoothly and then I just couldn't keep it going. I'm very frustrated because I usually struggle immensely to get the process going...once the process is going, I'm usually very charismatic and the women are all over me. In this scenario, I got the process off the ground well but I just couldn't keep it going

I don't know if my problem was anxiety, desperation or lack of self confidence. I'm strictly frustrated at my effort. I wasn't really interested in her - I wouldn't have dated her even if she did like me.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I didn't get blown out, at first the conversation flowed very smoothly and then I just couldn't keep it going.

However you defined it, you labeled this thread as a HORRIBLE NIGHT at a bar.

This HORRIBLE NIGHT is one. You need to experience and learn from hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of nights just like this if you EVER hope to have success with ladies.

If you turn EVERY unsuccessful conversation with a woman into some soul searching whine fest, I'd recommend joining forces with Froggy.

Maybe you and he can share a lambo...

 

[bigdave17]

However you defined it, you labeled this thread as a HORRIBLE NIGHT at a bar.

This HORRIBLE NIGHT is one. You need to experience and learn from hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of nights just like this if you EVER hope to have success with ladies.

If you turn EVERY unsuccessful conversation with a woman into some soul searching whine fest, I'd recommend joining forces with Froggy.

Maybe you and he can share a lambo...

My point is that I expect myself to be very successful just about everytime when I'm able to get past that initial awkwardness

The initial awkwardness is what I always struggle with. Once I get comfortable, I'm usually very good

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The initial awkwardness is what I always struggle with. Once I get comfortable, I'm usually very good

This is a common self reframe by guys who post endless flipflopping threads about the horrors of dating.

Their first post is something about horrible the dating market is.

Then somebody posts something that essentially says suck it up cupcake.

Then the original poster reframes their original post to mean, "oh, i'm not that bad, I only have this tiny problem."

The initial awkwardness is what I always struggle with. Once I get comfortable, I'm usually very good

Says the guy who said talking to a girl and then losing the conversation was a "horrible night."

 

[BeExcellent]

True confidence = you be yourself and automatically assume every woman will like you

This realization is honestly progress. The other thing to keep in mind is that most other people are just as neurotic and you are (don't take that the wrong way.) What I mean in saying this is that everyone is caught up worried about their own stuff and thinking everyone else is judging them and etc. It's a form of arrogance and self absorption many/most people indulge in.

Once you understand that everybody else is just as neurotic as the next guy, then you realize everyone else is too worried about their "stuff" to be critical of you. And then you can just relax and learn to chill out.

Dave, I have a question for you. Do you think that coming from a sales background that you are selling yourself too much? If you are do you think dialing that back and picking out interesting things the chick says and asking more about that might help keep conversation going?

Believe it or not years ago I was painfully shy. And as I emerged from painfully shy I went through a painfully self-conscious (see self absorbed, above) stage. So I've been through this evolution myself. Now I am truly confident and I have been for years. I don't care what people think about me, I'm not afraid to say what I think, I'm not afraid to open up emotionally, I'm good with who I am and that energy radiates from me and is extremely attractive.

I remember a big epiphany in my journey was realizing everybody else is just as worried about what everyone thinks as I was...so much so that they probably don't even notice whatever thing I was doing that I was hyper self criticizing myself about. Here on the board you are revealing your internal dialogue so it's here for the observing...so we can see it and speak to it. In real life nobody cares nearly as much as you think they do. That was a great relief once I digested it.