Attention: here is what happens with women nowadays

[AJ84]

That is exactly what she wants to do, keep me as a side plate, but not gonna happen LOL

My take on this is simple as this: she might be trying to use him for resources, but she works and got her own money. She has worked for two months for this guy and still no money from him for club manager role or at least so I've been told.

And I agree that we were not exclusive, but a woman will stay exclusive to a man she really wants even if he's not to her. And I was not exclusive to her cause she did not deserve that and she ultimately proved me right about my doubts about her by acting this way, so yeah

Not all women will stay exclusive with a man she really wants even if he is not being exclusive with her. I would say most would not. Esp if she has options.

I think some guys need to get out of this way of thinking because it's not accurate and sets them up for unpleasant surprises when they assume and expect certain behaviours from women based on that way of thinking.

Most women who are attractive and have options are not going to settle for exclusivity with a guy who continues to f**k other women. They have options, they will use them.

 

[lizardking82]

Not all women will stay exclusive with a man she really wants even if he is not being exclusive with her. I would say most would not. Esp if she has options.

I think some guys need to get out of this way of thinking because it's not accurate and sets them up for unpleasant surprises when they assume and expect certain behaviours from women based on that way of thinking.

Most women who are attractive and have options are not going to settle for exclusivity with a guy who continues to f**k other women. They have options, they will use them.

And I am not saying they shouldn't. This is her judging the value of me and someone else on the scale and if she thinks/feels someone else's OVERALL (not just money) is higher, be my guest and go ahead with him. The way you do that transition especially taking the situation into account, I think tells a lot about the woman. And it already told a lot about her.

 

[sazc]

Essentially you said to her " I'm not ALL about you"

She totally heard you, attempted to play games to draw you towards her, that didn't work so she essentially said to you "I'm not ALL about you"

This isn't "here is what happens with women now adays" lol, ur just butthurt.

 

[lizardking82]

Essentially you said to her " I'm not ALL about you"

She totally heard you, attempted to play games to draw you towards her, that didn't work so she essentially said to you "I'm not ALL about you"

This isn't "here is what happens with women now adays" lol, ur just butthurt.

Maybe, but not about what she did, just the way she did it. Wouldn't feel this way if this was just some other guy. With a guy who held her hostage LOL makes me doubt my choice of spending anytime with her and I am more disappointed at myself than her.

 

[sazc]

Maybe, but not about what she did, just the way she did it. Wouldn't feel this way if this was just some other guy. With a guy who held her hostage LOL makes me doubt my choice of spending anytime with her and I am more disappointed at myself than her.

Idk about that hostage thing ...

If it was a total lie then this woman has questionable character.
If it was the truth, and now she is dating that man (in some capacity) this woman has questionable character.
In my world, of the kidnapping thing was true, and she didn't at least quit immediately, right there I know I am dealing with someone who had sub par character.

Any way I slice it, this woman has sub par character and you deserve a better quality chick in your life. Standards dude. U deserve better.

Let her go permanently.

 

[lizardking82]

Idk about that hostage thing ...

If it was a total lie then this woman has questionable character.
If it was the truth, and now she is dating that man (in some capacity) this woman has questionable character.
In my world, of the kidnapping thing was true, and she didn't at least quit immediately, right there I know I am dealing with someone who had sub par character.

Any way I slice it, this woman has sub par character and you deserve a better quality chick in your life. Standards dude. U deserve better.

Let her go permanently.

Oh well you can be sure of that. I told her what I had to tell her last night and that's it, took her off any kind of social media, she begged me not to do that, but it's done and dusted. She made her choice, let her live with it. I got other more easy going chicks around me for the sex and let's see if someone of relationship quality or maybe something more stable comes around.

Apparently, her girl best friend is almost not talking to her anymore either after finding out what happened and she stayed in the job regardless LOL so I guess thinks are shaping up "for the best" for her.

 

[The Duke]

I wouldn't entirely buy the story about her being taken hostage. She isn't telling you the part about what she did.

Also why does this bother you? You weren't taking her seriously, so she decided not to take you seriously. That's basically what I get from what you posted. If I am wrong please correct me.

Stop caring so much, that's the only way you win.

 

[AJ84]

And I am not saying they shouldn't. This is her judging the value of me and someone else on the scale and if she thinks/feels someone else's OVERALL (not just money) is higher, be my guest and go ahead with him. The way you do that transition especially taking the situation into account, I think tells a lot about the woman. And it already told a lot about her.

You're right, it says a lot about her.

But like I said you dodged a bullet. She did some messed up stuff like say she was a hostage (wtf?) and wants someone to take care of her.

You both clearly are not a good match and now you know.

Onwards and upwards Just have fun, date other people, assume they are doing the same, and if it turns into something more you both want then awesome, if not, no expectations = no disappointments.

 

[sosousage]

bs bs bs bs. guy had more game or bigger SMV.

 

[fastlife]

My take:

• Other guys called it, but the whole 'hostage situation' was just trickle truth. Tell enough truth to alleviate guilt about lying; distort enough truth to alleviate guilt about being in that situation in the first place--while painting herself as the victim, creating adversarial drama between two competing males (when men compete, girls win), and absolving herself of personal responsibility. You bought this frame hook, line & sinker.
• You pedestalized a low quality (or low self-esteem, interchangeable for me) woman into the image you desired, instead of dealing with reality. No biggie, happens to me a couple times a year.
• You fvcked up any chance of commitment by not offering enough Comfort/Security, which I imagine is more necessary with more conservative girls (like in Albania, I imagine) than would be necessary/beneficial in America. Remember, calibrate! But, she also showed her true colors, so no harm, no foul! But next time, if you want the 'relationship experience,' for gods sake, USE COVERT COMMUNICATION!!! Don't lie, but also don't OVERTLY rub it in girls' faces that you're seeing other girls.
• Be glad you're in Albania & this kind of thing gets you as riled up as it does. In US, this is par for the course.
• Bro, internalize a little abundance! Plenty of cute girls with curly hair--plenty of cute girls with any physical/personality features you could possibly want.
• Less salt. She was just doing the best she could with what she had--and she actually made the best possible move given her circumstance.
• Girls dating older ain't all that weird or unusual. That's a young man's mental schema. Someday, hopefully, you'll be a 40 y/o dude who can attract & bed girls in their prime. If you judge her for that kinda thing, you'll have all kinds of mental hurdles to running game as you get older. And by the time you're 40, she'll most likely be pretty washed up & you'll see her on Facebook & breathe a sigh of relief lol. Abundance, bro.
• Good recovery time. Everyone loses frame from time to time, but glad to see you already see some of the ridiculousness of your own reaction.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Idk about that hostage thing ...

If it was a total lie then this woman has questionable character.
If it was the truth, and now she is dating that man (in some capacity) this woman has questionable character.
In my world, of the kidnapping thing was true, and she didn't at least quit immediately, right there I know I am dealing with someone who had sub par character.

Any way I slice it, this woman has sub par character and you deserve a better quality chick in your life. Standards dude. U deserve better.

Let her go permanently.

Every one made up all these systema to deal with h0es .just let em go? Why deal with a chick that's still checking other dudes out? Why care? Why get caught up on her?

 

[Macaframalama]

No, we did not make it clear

Dude, are you delusional?

She was my main plate

Yea, a plate, not a gf.

we were heading down to a possible girlfriend road and had an unspoken understanding about it.

Still not your gf. Keyword "possible" and "unspoken".

Some people here think I am butthurt over nothing, here's a short example to prove it's not like that: yesterday at around lunch time I had sex with one of my plates. We had not had it for about 2 months, mainly cause of my ACL surgery. About two weeks ago she told me she could not see me anymore cause she was seeing this boy bla bla and I told her "Alright, fine by me". She didn't talk to me for 2 weeks then yesterday I get a phone call and she tells me she wants to come over. So she does, we have fun, she leaves. Same situation, my reaction was (cause the context allowed it) totally different.

Don't understand what an absolutely different scenario has to do with this one and you not being butthurt, but whatever you have to tell yourself. Your post says it all.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Was just reading your story and something stood out to me: The part where you asked her where she was and who she was with.

I've instinctively (even before discovering TRP) avoided ever asking these two questions because I feel it can come off as being jealous, controlling, smothering, and crossing boundaries. Unless I'm in a steady LTR with someone, I'd never ask these questions of a girl. I won't even ask "what are you doing this weekend" to a girl I've been seeing less than 2 months.

I'm not saying this because I'm suggesting my tactic is right and what you did is wrong; I'm bringing it up because I'm curious to get opinions about this specific strategy. Not asking comes at a cost of not knowing that the girl may have things going on that I don't know about but if we are dating non-exclusively, then I've always felt that's her business and not mine. I feel like it makes them feel like they have the space and freedom they need. Plus, they can always lie if I ask them. And worse yet, they sh*t test you just like she did to you by purposely being very vague in their answer to you so they can see exactly how curious you are based on the number of times you keep pressing them for further details.

 

[ubercat]

One thing the guys haven't commented about is the timing of all this. Normal timing for a chick to want exclusivity is 3 to 6 months. If a year later she doesn't have it of course she's going to branch swing.

The Hostage thing is hilarious of course the the poor sweet little thing shouldn't have to take accountability or responsibility for letting patron bust a nut in her arse.

Normally your game is tight my friend you were probably thrown off a little bit by the ACL thing. You were thinking of her as a girlfriend who would give you a bit of love and support when you were down and instead you got another helping of the bitter red pill.

 

[Jareamee]

There’s some really solid advice from many members in the responses. I hope the OP sees this, and can get past his temporary loss.

It’s clear the circumstances have riled you up and you’re placing blame in areas. However I think all the signs and red flags were evident and you played in to it, forgoing your better judgement. As long as you learn from it and not beat yourself up; it’s all good.

I’ve dealt with some women like this too before. And the hostage thing is surely to engage ones own inner saviour. Every man has it, naturally. I think it’s just a matter of discerning between fact and fiction. And by her staying to work at the club after that incident (if even true) means she lacks judgement with clarity and would actually be a great liability in many senses if you had even won her confidence and secured her for a LTR.

Take responsibility for your broken game in this case. With great responsibility comes great power.

Namaste.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There’s some really solid advice from many members in the responses. I hope the OP sees this, and can get past his temporary loss.

It’s clear the circumstances have riled you up and you’re placing blame in areas. However I think all the signs and red flags were evident and you played in to it, forgoing your better judgement. As long as you learn from it and not beat yourself up; it’s all good.

I’ve dealt with some women like this too before. And the hostage thing is surely to engage ones own inner saviour. Every man has it, naturally. I think it’s just a matter of discerning between fact and fiction. And by her staying to work at the club after that incident (if even true) means she lacks judgement with clarity and would actually be a great liability in many senses if you had even won her confidence and secured her for a LTR.

Take responsibility for your broken game in this case. With great responsibility comes great power.

Namaste.

So "game" could've stippst his thrill seaker gf from checking her boss out?

 

[lizardking82]

Guys, some of you seem to misunderstand one main thing here: I am not surprised much by the fact she is checking another dude. I am surprised by the way she did it and the type of dude she is checking.

Not you, nor me can know for sure what happened in the supposed helding hostage night, but I think I can tell a person that is scared and terrorized and she sounded like that when she spoke to me for about half an hour. Maybe she facked him until she couldn't and went home satisfied, but she would have to be a perfect actress to play that role and I know her not to be an actress at all, let alone a perfect one. The way she did this whole thing caught me a bit off guard.

A month ago, I approached her sexually, teasing her with words. She was acting weird so I asked her what's up and she said "I don't know, I need to meet you first" and in that moment I knew sth was up and withdrew quite a large size of my emotional investment in that whole thing. I was expecting her to tell me she was seeing another guy, just not this guy, that is all.

 

[lizardking82]

Was just reading your story and something stood out to me: The part where you asked her where she was and who she was with.

I've instinctively (even before discovering TRP) avoided ever asking these two questions because I feel it can come off as being jealous, controlling, smothering, and crossing boundaries. Unless I'm in a steady LTR with someone, I'd never ask these questions of a girl. I won't even ask "what are you doing this weekend" to a girl I've been seeing less than 2 months.

I'm not saying this because I'm suggesting my tactic is right and what you did is wrong; I'm bringing it up because I'm curious to get opinions about this specific strategy. Not asking comes at a cost of not knowing that the girl may have things going on that I don't know about but if we are dating non-exclusively, then I've always felt that's her business and not mine. I feel like it makes them feel like they have the space and freedom they need. Plus, they can always lie if I ask them. And worse yet, they sh*t test you just like she did to you by purposely being very vague in their answer to you so they can see exactly how curious you are based on the number of times you keep pressing them for further details.

I never ask girls where they are or who they are with, no need for that. This time I knew where she was and it was more of a "I know where you've been and what you been doing, so tell me". Wanted her to tell me and she did.

 

[lizardking82]

theres tons of red pill and game lessons in your post that you shouldve and wouldve paid attention to had you not let yourself develope a budding oneitis

nothing to do with how she handled things. it was pretty text book. this should be an example of how not to handle a situation like this.

youre clearly upset about this. well your days about to get ****tier cause i assure you shes not gonna have hard time living with anything. she'll be over it in a few days

when girls want to pull away you shrug and show them the door. not try and "get to the bottom of things" especially if shes not your gf. that was your first hint

Second, you fell for her power moves albeit not out in the open but definitely internally. And you didn’t mind her ploys to draw you in while she was checking out. Women communicate covertly remember? She absolutely did warn you. You just chose to ignore the signs.

What’s done is done. Weren’t you messing 2 other girls anyway? The ones that want to make music or something




You make sense every now and then

Again, I smelled this sh1t about a month ago. I was half expecting her to come up with some sh1t like this, just not this type of sh1t. Still I see room for improvement in the type of sh1t I expect from girls so will work on that and will expect anything from now, I guess there is nothing humans won't do.

I did not "try and get to the bottom of things" I said what I had to say in a call today and that's it, ignored all her beggings to keep her on social media and "please, don't do this to me, I wanna have you in my life aka = please be my plate" without ever doubting I should.

She did not get exclusivity cause she did not deserve it, but I was open to it and I always encouraged her good behaviour by getting closer to her when she behaved well for a while and withdrawing attention when she behaved badly. Some people here said "don't expect her to be loyal when you go around messing with other chicks". I know most women communicate covertly, but if you don't hold them accountable and ask to find out what is up, I think it just keep the whole thing going. In cases like this, I demand them to fackin' speak, enough of treating women like little children who cry if they wanna eat and go to the bathroom. Enough of this enabling behaviour. I can smell her sh1t from far away, doesn't mean I will not hold her accountable for her facked up actions and way of doing things.

I have two other plates and a couple of more girls, two more quite possibly becoming plates shortly. Abundance is not the problem, sometimes some things just catch you off guard for the way they happen.

 

[Jareamee]

Lizard.

The fact that you are defending yourself continually and justifying behaviour while focusing on the details, shows that there has been some damage done to you, in whatever avenue of sense of self; a reluctance to accept. And so be it. First accept that. That’s where it’s at, and where you’re at. The members who have responded can see you are out of sorts. The number of your responses indicates that with clarity.

So. Relinquish the unwanted emotions, excavate them entirely, and begin to channel your valuable pshycic energy on a growth mindset which can be cultivated now. This situation and case can be a wonderful catalyst for even higher self knowledge and growth.

It doesn’t matter if anyone is misinterepting anything. You know your truth and some facts to base your current decision and situation on. Know how everything played out didn’t work and wasn’t congruent with what it is you desired. If you got out played by her or some 40 year old it doesn’t matter. That’s not your business. Remember, you started that chain of reaction to create distance between the two of you. And so, for every action there is a reaction.

No one here will say exactly what you want them to say or have some profound paradigm shifting advice for you. That job is beholden to your own self; only you have the words and mental medicine for your own self. You have to put in that work.

Relax. Go meditate, workout, do yoga, make a healthy meal, go for a walk, journal, read a book, look up insightful interviews, go dance, laugh. Engage your mind to the present moment, live consciously and stop reliving the past which is just causing more mental anguish and is the source of this slight depression.

I’m all for reflecting and growing because of it. However this topic is not a growth topic it’s a poisonous one and once which is of a fixed mindset, and I see you drowning in your thoughts as your words make this evident. We’re all here to grow in our own selves as that is true success and the greater goal. So drop this. Because it’s not growing anything, except the distance between you and your ideal self.