Can't tell if she likes me? What do I do?

[algae]

I've been talking to this girl for a few months now. And it's been a long confusing ride... Just need some advice. I'll sum it up as best as possible. She's VERY VERY VERY closed off, and doesn't let anyone in.

There's this girl, who I was certain was into me, and went out of her way to talk to me at work. We talked for a week or so, got to know eachother a bit, and I asked her out (rejected. Said she didn't know me well enough). So I continued to talk to her, but pulled back a little bit. A month later she had the idea of coming over to my place for a movie night, I asked her out again (rejected again, said she wasn't ready or something).

After all that.. I pulled back hard. Stopped talking to her, even ignored her.
She started texting me "I miss you's", "Let's hang out please..", all while only knowing each-other for at least a month, and hanging out only about 4 times outside of texting.

A few months go by, and she continues to talk to me. I stopped pulling back and started talking to her again. This time we talked so much that she REALLY opened up about everything, life trauma's, deep stuff, depressing stuff. Normal tease flirting, etc.
Talking at least 7 hours a night, everynight. It got to the point where she invited me to a concert with her, and tells me that she really wants to hang out and do things, saying, "please". Making plans to come over again for a movie night, etc.

I can't figure out if she like's me or not. I was rejected 3 months ago by her.. she knows I like her, she knows what I want.. yet she invites me to concerts, constantly talks to me for hours.

 

[ohrein]

You both sound young so I'll assume that and go from there. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Basically she likes you as a person but you don't get her aroused sexually. You're deep in the friend zone and you're gonna need to try and ramp up the sexuality with her or give up. It is almost impossible to escape the friend zone if you're a beginner with no game. If you're realllllyyy young (high school), she might be a virgin which is a big deal for her. In which case you'd have to play the slow game. Either way, you have to get her worked up with flirting and touching, maybe a romantic movie or something. Then you need to slowly escalate the physicality. Touch her hand, touch her leg. Hold her hand. If she rejects you repeatedly you're probably too far in the friend zone to make it happen.

 

[algae]

You both sound young so I'll assume that and go from there. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Basically she likes you as a person but you don't get her aroused sexually. You're deep in the friend zone and you're gonna need to try and ramp up the sexuality with her or give up. It is almost impossible to escape the friend zone if you're a beginner with no game. If you're realllllyyy young (high school), she might be a virgin which is a big deal for her. In which case you'd have to play the slow game. Either way, you have to get her worked up with flirting and touching, maybe a romantic movie or something. Then you need to slowly escalate the physicality. Touch her hand, touch her leg. Hold her hand. If she rejects you repeatedly you're probably too far in the friend zone to make it happen.

I see.
Thing is, she hates romantic movies. When I say she's closed off.. I mean she doesn't tell me ANYTHING, not even if she's going to a concert or not. So to see a text saying "Hey.. you should go with me", really.. idk. Or constantly telling me good morning, etc.

When I was ignoring her, I even blew her off when she said she's going to a concert I was already going too. I didn't see her at it, and for like 2 weeks she continued to tell me how 'I'm still a little butthurt and upset you didn't meet me at the show " . Like why would she care? We barely know eachother. She only went because I told her about the show.. and I decided not to see her there.

 

[ohrein]

I see.
Thing is, she hates romantic movies. When I say she's closed off.. I mean she doesn't tell me ANYTHING, not even if she's going to a concert or not. So to see a text saying "Hey.. you should go with me", really.. idk. Or constantly telling me good morning, etc.

When I was ignoring her, I even blew her off when she said she's going to a concert I was already going too. I didn't see her at it, and for like 2 weeks she continued to tell me how 'I'm still a little butthurt and upset you didn't meet me at the show " . Like why would she care? We barely know eachother. She only went because I told her about the show.. and I decided not to see her there.

Oh, I was under the impression you were friends. I mean everything else I said is true. I'll make it simple for you. Two options.

Ask her out and escalate physically

OR

Give up and find a different girl

 

[algae]

Oh, I was under the impression you were friends. I mean everything else I said is true. I'll make it simple for you. Two options.

Ask her out and escalate physically

OR

Give up and find a different girl

I mean.. we know eachother. But I wouldn’t say in a friend way. Even when we just met I asked her to go get some food to get to know her better.

I guess I can ask her out again ‘after’ the concert, or when she comes over again?

 

[ohrein]

I mean.. we know eachother. But I wouldn’t say in a friend way. Even when we just met I asked her to go get some food to get to know her better.

I guess I can ask her out again ‘after’ the concert, or when she comes over again?

Next time she messages you, ask her out on a date. This will make the process even more simple for you! If she turns down the date, tell her she's only going to be seeing you if it's on a date.

Some other guys might disagree with this advice so maybe wait for more opinions. Either way, you have to be alone with her and try and escalate physically OR give up.

 

[Desdinova]

If you're going to ask this chick out, you need to back it off a bit. You can't ask her out on a real date. Give her the option of a bull5hit date. Tell her "I need to go do some errands on Saturday afternoon. You can come along if you want." (Make sure that IS what you plan on doing). See how she responds to that. If she rejects the idea, then she doesn't really want to spend time with you.

Doing this can help make it clear where her interest lies. You're doing something mundane and boring, and if she's really into you, she'll make sure she takes up this opportunity to spend time with you. If it goes well, then you can turn it into a pseudo date by taking her out to do something fun.

 

[Igetit!]

I've been talking to this girl for a few months now. And it's been a long confusing ride...

Well if you've been talking to her for "a few months",and a date hasn't happened yet.....especially after you've asked her out and tried to make a date happen,I don't see where the "confusing" part comes in. Seems pretty clear to me she doesn't want to go out with you.

Didn't say she doesn't "like" you....but liking someone...and "being ATTRACTED to them" are two DIFFERENT things.

She's VERY VERY VERY closed off, and doesn't let anyone in.

Yeah...I gathered that much from you investing all this time in her,only for her to continually keep rejecting your date requests.

There's this girl, who I was certain was into me, and went out of her way to talk to me at work. We talked for a week or so, got to know each other a bit, and I asked her out (rejected. Said she didn't know me well enough). So I continued to talk to her, but pulled back a little bit. A month later she had the idea of coming over to my place for a movie night, I asked her out again (rejected again, said she wasn't ready or something).

After all that.. I pulled back hard. Stopped talking to her, even ignored her.
She started texting me "I miss you's", "Let's hang out please..", all while only knowing each-other for at least a month, and hanging out only about 4 times outside of texting.

Hmmm..... Let's see here....

You asked her out,she turned you down,saying she didn't know you well enough....
A month later,SHE SUGGESTED coming over to your place for a movie night. You asked her out again...only to be rejected again...

You back off,then she starts texting you that she misses you and asking you to hang out....

So....she doesn't mind "HANGING OUT" with you...but when you ask for a date,she turns you down???

May I ask a question?......

Why are you putting up with this? This has been going on FOR MONTHS....why continue to put up with this nonsense?

Instead of staying in a state of PERPETUAL CONFUSION,wouldn't it be easier just to ask out someone else? I would have been gone after the 1st rejection.

A few months go by, and she continues to talk to me. I stopped pulling back and started talking to her again. This time we talked so much that she REALLY opened up about everything, life trauma's, deep stuff, depressing stuff.

I see.....so you became her THERAPIST. You SHOULD NOT have done that.

Funny how you can get the chick to open up and "hang out" with you.......but the second you go for the date,she turns you down.

Talking at least 7 hours a night, everynight. It got to the point where she invited me to a concert with her, and tells me that she really wants to hang out and do things, saying, "please".

Talking 7 hours a night.....EVERY NIGHT. That's friendzone territory.

Making plans to come over again for a movie night, etc.

SO....when you do these "movie nights".....what EXACTLY do you two do....just hang out and watch movies? You don't try to make any moves on her?

At HER SUGGESTION she'll come over to your place,where the two of you are alone one on one......but she turns you down when you ask for a date...


Ok,dude. But don't be mad at her when one of these times when you two are in the middle of one of your 7 hour talking sessions where she's "opening up",she tells you about the NEW GUY she's been seeing for the past FEW MONTHS.....

That type sh!t DOES happen.

 

[MrWood]

A month later she had the idea of coming over to my place for a movie night, I asked her out again

why did you ask her out when she wanted to come TO YOUR PLACE?

 

[Spaz]

Talking to each other 7 hours a night and it's every night.

You must be her girlfriend.

 

[QuadDeuces]

This time we talked so much that she REALLY opened up about everything, life trauma's, deep stuff, depressing stuff.

She's grooming you to become her psychologist, her white knight, to see if you can become a shoulder to cry on for when Chad doesn't call back.

 

[marmel75]

She likes you being her orbiter or she genuinely likes hanging out with you as a friend. But if you are not getting what you want out of the situation then you nees to stop agreeing to it.

Just start telling hee you are busy, have things to do, etc...she will get the hint...in fact she will probably assume you have another girl in your life and will try harder.

 

[djthiago1]

IMO, i'd say you blew this one.
There are only two steps: Get the NUMBER then get the DATE. You did too many stuff in between.

Ask her out on a DATE and be clear about it, don't try to trick her into a date like some guys suggest, she'll have an excuse to reject your advances, women KNOW when you're being sneaky; if she accepts, i say you're lucky, if she doesn't, you found out sooner she doesn't like you, and you won't have to waste anymore time/money on her.

It's that simple.

 

[The Duke]

She doesn't like you enough to fuhk you. And if a girl won't fuhk you, what is the point? Its a one sided relationship where she gets her needs met and you don't. Congrats, you are the definition on an orbiter!

 

[algae]

She likes you being her orbiter or she genuinely likes hanging out with you as a friend. But if you are not getting what you want out of the situation then you nees to stop agreeing to it.

Just start telling hee you are busy, have things to do, etc...she will get the hint...in fact she will probably assume you have another girl in your life and will try harder.

IMO, i'd say you blew this one.
There are only two steps: Get the NUMBER then get the DATE. You did too many stuff in between.

Ask her out on a DATE and be clear about it, don't try to trick her into a date like some guys suggest, she'll have an excuse to reject your advances, women KNOW when you're being sneaky; if she accepts, i say you're lucky, if she doesn't, you found out sooner she doesn't like you, and you won't have to waste anymore time/money on her.

It's that simple.

But does any of this change in knowing this person in general has severe trust issues? Like PTSD, possibly rape, cheating.

I feel like she was trying to get to know me in the beginning before I cut her off, but I rushed it. So now I’m thinking maybe she’s trying to get to really know me now ?

 

[Von]

But does any of this change in knowing this person in general has severe trust issues? Like PTSD, possibly rape, cheating.

I feel like she was trying to get to know me in the beginning before I cut her off, but I rushed it. So now I’m thinking maybe she’s trying to get to really know me now ?

Ask her to go on a date in a public place with people.

Otherwise... she's using you for attention, validation and have a ''girlfriend Experience''.... until she eventually find a guy that will make her want to commit again / or get lay with him. She will only date people she can have fun with (so it means if you are her drama venting buddy... no chances for you)

If you are talking 7 hours a day with her and its never going further.... wtf... you doing with your life?

 

[Magotrox]

Become less availiable. Reduce the 7 hours of talking to 10 min (you are a busy man). Be the one who finishes the talking. Flirt with at least five other girls. Ask her for Saturday night. Keep developing yourself at all areas of your masculinity. You are here, so you are in the right place to learn. Keep it up.

 

[sazc]

Gawd... fvcking RUN, run away, far far away, EJECT

in your opening post you said once she did open up she"let you in about the trauma and depression she has had in her life"

Let me get this straight.... She's playing extremely cold for a LONG time and, once she finally opens up, you find out that she has a good amount of trauma in her life....?

So now you are so "high" on the adrenaline of her finally paying attention to you that you are completely missing the FACT that she's not someone who can be open and embrace people easily AND that she has serious trauma in her history?

Not to mention NOW she's gone cold on you AGAIN

Games being played by a damaged person

And you WANT this person to be a significant part of your life?

No. Run. Find a girl who isn't damaged.

 

[algae]

Gawd... fvcking RUN, run away, far far away, EJECT

in your opening post you said once she did open up she"let you in about the trauma and depression she has had in her life"

Let me get this straight.... She's playing extremely cold for a LONG time and, once she finally opens up, you find out that she has a good amount of trauma in her life....?

So now you are so "high" on the adrenaline of her finally paying attention to you that you are completely missing the FACT that she's not someone who can be open and embrace people easily AND that she has serious trauma in her history?

Not to mention NOW she's gone cold on you AGAIN

Games being played by a damaged person

And you WANT this person to be a significant part of your life?

No. Run. Find a girl who isn't damaged.

I mean, I didn’t say she went cold again. She’s not cold, She’s actually talking more than ever

 

[sazc]

I mean, I didn’t say she went cold again. She’s not cold, She’s actually talking more than ever

Post #3 says something different, unless i am miss understanding the timeline.

Regradless, the chick has admitted there is trauma in her past and has always run hot/cold.

Go find yourself someone who doesn't leave you confused. You are chasing this girl because she is/has been a challenge. Screw that. Find a girl who wants to be with you without games.

Ur in for hurt and drama with this one