The most mature and appropriate way to act around an ex

[oldmanofthesea]

Here's the situation: Girl I dated last year for a while dumped me over text out of the blue with no warning. I posted another thread about what happened so I don't want to re-hash all that and get into her and I but the bottom line was that it was pretty f*cking lame that she did it over text after what we had, and with no warning or valid explanation. She said she "wasn't ready for a relationship," but then a month later she jumps into a relationship with some other dude.

Problem is, we share a hobby and some friends and acquaintances and I seem to run into her once or twice a month. First time I saw her since the breakup, I approached her, did a "hi, good to see you, how are you, talk to you later" kind of thing. She approached me the next time and we talked for 1-2 minutes or so.

She's clearly moved-on and I am working toward the same. My gut says the right thing to do is smile and be cordial, but don't be as friendly or talkative or engaging with her as I would be with other acquaintances or people I'm just getting to know in my friend group. I have been doing that but feel a bit weird doing it - as if the bit of disinterested indifference projects my being butt-hurt or a baby about it. I'm sure the "DJ way" would be to get myself to a point where I truly DON'T care about her, and then act accordingly, but while I am trying, I'm not there yet and I still run into her so I need to figure something out for the meantime. So do you think my approach is correct?

 

[Billtx49]

Your approach when you do see her is easy going, unfazed, and correct. Avoiding her would make you look butthurt. Caring about what she thinks about you though is something only time and other women will help.

 

[wifehunter]

Dumped you over text? WTF??? No respect = trash.

Nothing wrong with avoiding misbehaving women. If more guys did it, women would get in line.

People think your butthurt. Who the fukk cares?

I'd avoid her like she's got the bubonic plague.

 

[Poonstra]

I think you're correct in handling this. As you say, smile and be cordial, but put her waaaaaayyyyyyyyy down on your priorities list.

 

[ohrein]

Being the bigger person is about accepting that while people can be ****ty, you're going to be better than that. Keep being polite because it's better for you to treat people with respect, even if they don't deserve it.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

had a hard time getting over my baby's mother. it was fvcked. couldn't even think straight for years.

when the relationship is over to a girl, it really is like it never happened. it's a dead dog, over and done, the fact girls do this is fvcking cooollddd man.

I treat her that way now, our relationship never existed.. it was a false reality(cause it was) waste of time etc.. now I actually respect girls for not getting into a relationship with men, I'd rather all girls never bar themselves to one man.

thats exactly why when girls are done with a dude, they leave him cold and out to die.

from a woman's perspective, these stupid azz exclusive relationships are fvcking trash.

some chodey idiot locked them down into a monogamous reality where the girl can't do what she wants and just act like herself.

as a matter of fact, it disgusts me seeing woman in relationships with most guys, cause I know how desperste, needy, and judgemental that dude is with her.

if I were to talk to most these girls their boyfriends would literally start shaking and threatening violence, at that point.. the girl isn't even a girl to the guy. it's a peice of property that he owns. like a shiny object he was lucky enough to aquire.

/rant.. just giving you perspector of why woman act so fvcking mean after a breakup lol.

I can hang out with her now and literally give 2 chits about what she does, who's she's fvcking, guys that are pimping her, I'm completely open about what I'm doing now instead of micromanaging my emotions and everything I'm sayin or doing, I'm no longer trying to fix things or think up little scammy ways I can get back at her. life's amazing being a pimp moutherfvcker

 

[wifehunter]

White knights respect misbehaving women.

Walk away.

 

[Alvafe]

I ignore, don't care enough to avoid and even less to talk, don't care if she thinks if I was buthurt or not, I have better things to worry about then a low class girl, if sending a msg to me or I ignore or just answer the question without follow up

 

[Spaz]

Treat all Ex with respect and kindness.

Just place those Ex at the bottom list of women in your life and accord them time, effort, love, etc per their ranking in your list. Since they have been demoted to the last rank, then they get little to nothing from you.

 

[Paradiddle]

I would simply give her a 'Hey!' and walk pass her. That's it. Exes don't even deserve a strand of our pubes.

 

[speed dawg]

Here's the situation: Girl I dated last year for a while dumped me over text out of the blue with no warning. I posted another thread about what happened so I don't want to re-hash all that and get into her and I but the bottom line was that it was pretty f*cking lame that she did it over text after what we had, and with no warning or valid explanation. She said she "wasn't ready for a relationship," but then a month later she jumps into a relationship with some other dude.

Problem is, we share a hobby and some friends and acquaintances and I seem to run into her once or twice a month. First time I saw her since the breakup, I approached her, did a "hi, good to see you, how are you, talk to you later" kind of thing. She approached me the next time and we talked for 1-2 minutes or so.

She's clearly moved-on and I am working toward the same. My gut says the right thing to do is smile and be cordial, but don't be as friendly or talkative or engaging with her as I would be with other acquaintances or people I'm just getting to know in my friend group. I have been doing that but feel a bit weird doing it - as if the bit of disinterested indifference projects my being butt-hurt or a baby about it. I'm sure the "DJ way" would be to get myself to a point where I truly DON'T care about her, and then act accordingly, but while I am trying, I'm not there yet and I still run into her so I need to figure something out for the meantime. So do you think my approach is correct?

I would go 100% no-contact even if it meant giving up this hobby. That's just me.

 

[btownbuck2012]

had a hard time getting over my baby's mother. it was fvcked. couldn't even think straight for years.

when the relationship is over to a girl, it really is like it never happened. it's a dead dog, over and done, the fact girls do this is fvcking cooollddd man.

I treat her that way now, our relationship never existed.. it was a false reality(cause it was) waste of time etc.. now I actually respect girls for not getting into a relationship with men, I'd rather all girls never bar themselves to one man.

thats exactly why when girls are done with a dude, they leave him cold and out to die.

from a woman's perspective, these stupid azz exclusive relationships are fvcking trash.

some chodey idiot locked them down into a monogamous reality where the girl can't do what she wants and just act like herself.

as a matter of fact, it disgusts me seeing woman in relationships with most guys, cause I know how desperste, needy, and judgemental that dude is with her.

if I were to talk to most these girls their boyfriends would literally start shaking and threatening violence, at that point.. the girl isn't even a girl to the guy. it's a peice of property that he owns. like a shiny object he was lucky enough to aquire.

/rant.. just giving you perspector of why woman act so fvcking mean after a breakup lol.

I can hang out with her now and literally give 2 chits about what she does, who's she's fvcking, guys that are pimping her, I'm completely open about what I'm doing now instead of micromanaging my emotions and everything I'm sayin or doing, I'm no longer trying to fix things or think up little scammy ways I can get back at her. life's amazing being a pimp moutherfvcker

Makes you wonder if monogamy was ever even a real thing. I know that in nature there a species that pair bond for life. I'm not some animal expert either, it's just something I've seen on a few documentaries, lol.

Although what we're seeing from women today, in my opinion, is more of a drunk on power sort of thing, a kid in a candy store with no adult supervision. Women are gorging themselves on men, sex and casual relationships back to back to back to back. I can't for the life of me see how this is normal or natural but it's the way of the world. I don't think women naturally are scum bags like this but in this environment you can see how they behave. Also, they're not strong enough, emotionally or intellectually, to be introspective about the situation. It's NEVER their fault, no way no how.

They're herd animals. They follow the pack, the herd. Herd animals don't ever look in the mirror and say "Am I f*cking up?"

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Also, they're not strong enough, emotionally or intellectually, to be introspective about the situation. It's NEVER their fault, no way no how.

I've wondered about this quite a bit. Since they will never tell you honestly why they are dumping you, it leaves you to wonder if they themselves actually know. Like they are just along for the ride, as victims of their own emotions. Or they may know and just don't want to tell you because they are non-confrontational and don't want to get into a logical conversation with you. Unfortunately, you will never know which is the case.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I've wondered about this quite a bit. Since they will never tell you honestly why they are dumping you, it leaves you to wonder if they themselves actually know. Like they are just along for the ride, as victims of their own emotions. Or they may know and just don't want to tell you because they are non-confrontational and don't want to get into a logical conversation with you. Unfortunately, you will never know which is the case.

Well they dump you for a better option, at least perceived in their own mind (better is highly subjective), or because they aren't willing to work on the relationship. Women have to value commitment in order to make a relationship work. It's a belief a person has to have. You can be the best man in the world but if she doesn't value commitment it won't last. Why would a woman value commitment today?

Same thing goes for infidelity. A person has to have a belief of "I Could f*ck around but I choose not to". I am constantly amazed how many people don't think like this. It's overwhelming at times to be honest.

 

[Desdinova]

Girl I dated last year for a while dumped me over text out of the blue with no warning. I posted another thread about what happened so I don't want to re-hash all that and get into her and I but the bottom line was that it was pretty f*cking lame that she did it over text after what we had

I don't know why guys are so fvcking butthurt over the whole 'dumping over text' thing. It's a woman's job to bytch about how she was dumped.

Let me put it this way to you... Would you rather her lead you on for a few days or a few weeks until she meets up with you and dumps you in person? Or would you rather know right away?

Dumping via text is quick, easy, and prevents bad 5hit from happening when you're face-to-face with the person. It's IMO the best way to do it. You fire off that text (or email, or Facebook message) and within the hour you can start moving on with your life.

I've been dumped via text and honestly I'm glad they did it that way. I just send an "Okay, bye" message, deal with how I feel about it for the next few days, and move on. Simple, easy, convenient, and no arguing.

She said she "wasn't ready for a relationship," but then a month later she jumps into a relationship with some other dude.

In other words, she used one of the standard phrases to try and let you down nicely. She won't be the only girl who uses this fabricated answer. I've received it, many others here have received it, it's just part of dating.

My gut says the right thing to do is smile and be cordial, but don't be as friendly or talkative or engaging with her as I would be with other acquaintances or people I'm just getting to know in my friend group. I have been doing that but feel a bit weird doing it - as if the bit of disinterested indifference projects my being butt-hurt or a baby about it.

You need to start fvcking a different chick. Once you're doing that, you won't feel weird about being cordial to your ex.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I don't know why guys are so fvcking butthurt over the whole 'dumping over text' thing.

Hey thanks for the reply. I agree with all your points. I wouldn't say I was overly upset over the text thing; I've done it before. But where it rubs me a little raw is that I've only used it to dump girls who I was just casually dating. This girl told me she loved me. She practically worshiped me - introducing me to her family, friends, and staring at me after sex. We went on two weekend getaways together. It was like a honeymoon. To go from that, to receiving a text out of the total blue saying "I can't see you anymore and I'm not even willing to talk to you about it" is fvcked up in my book. She could have said we need to talk and then met me for a coffee and told me to my face, or at least called me. She can do that without leading me on. I see it as class and courtesy, given what we had. If we had just been casually dating, it would have been different. If I told a girl I loved her, and it was that serious, I wouldn't dump her over text. But I understand women do it because they are cowards, can't say no, and probably have had some bad experiences with guys reacting to their rejections (only the latter I accept as understandable).

In the grand scheme of how things played out, only 5% of my anger is about the fact that she did it over text and the other 95% is that it was out of the blue and that she said she wouldn't talk about it and that she used BS generic excuses. Back when it happened, I hadn't been here and hadn't learned that women aren't honest in their reasons so it made me really mad when I found out she was with another guy just weeks later. But I get it now though still confused over what happened; in a place where I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong so I can learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes, but you can't do that unless you know the real reason she left - which you'll never know because women aren't honest. My gut tells me I was too nice and over-pursued and mirrored her enthusiasm instead of holding back and being more of a challenge, so I'm just going to have to go with that. The hardest part for me is knowing that I did something to fvck things up. If I knew it was all her, it would be easier to take.

 

[Spaz]

It's normal for a woman to be enthusiastic of her new man, she'll want to show him off to everyone.

She's trying to capture your heart and love.

If the mouse is easily captured, where's the fun.

A cat will be obsessed if the mouse is hard to capture

 

[oldmanofthesea]

A cat will be obsessed if the mouse is hard to capture

That's what I have learned by reading here and other places. I'm upset with myself for probably blowing something good with someone I was really attracted to and who was a catch, but hopefully I'll find someone equally or more attractive and not make the same mistake again.

 

[Spaz]

That's what I have learned by reading here and other places. I'm upset with myself for probably blowing something good with someone I was really attracted to and who was a catch, but hopefully I'll find someone equally or more attractive and not make the same mistake again.

Since u r the provider of DNA, Protection, Resources etc, then u r the "catch".

Be reminded of this always and stay on top of it, peak performance always.