First love reaching out

[Murk]

Spanner in the works.

We've always had a thing, known each other since school 13/14 years old. Done stuff but never been in a relationship, I was just never ready and the timing was not right.

She called me today and we spoke for an hour. Afterwards she text me:

I said we should go on a date, she agreed. Honestly, I've never had a true connection with anyone like her before and she feels the same. We finish each others sentences even if we go 6 months without seeing each other. Our family both like each other, she came to my mums funeral and tolerated my GF at the time and had nothing but good things to say. She's loyal, hot, smart, good career, good family. Was engaged but she broke it off as there was no spark with the guy and she wanted a connection.

I've just not been ready until this point. She's 28 I'm 29. I'm really ready to give it a go. She said it's rare you end up with your best friend and asked if I think we would actually end up together.

I'm conflicted now, the thought of being with her puts me at ease, I'd genuinely be happy. She's worried about my wondering eye and said she should not stand for it. We agreed that if either were unhappy we would just let the other know and not disrespect what we have. My aunt has previously told me not to ruin our friendship by going there and said many times when I'm on the phone to her, "when you're sad, you always draw for Katie." It's true, shes like my rock and I do love her.

Thoughts? Similar experience? Need some insight from the brotherhood.

 

[Spaz]

Wait until you've over with your ex.

Don't rush.

Seriously.

Screwing this up would be a serious mind fvck 4 you.

 

[Murk]

Honestly I couldn't give a fvck about my ex when I think about Katie. I can't think about her and any other female in the same instance. My ex is a spec of a distant memory right now.

You're probably right, this need careful consideration. We are all going away to Ibiza in August, she said lets share a room, maybe I re calibrate and plan my move for 5 months down the line, we've both waiting 15 years whats another 5 months?

 

[Spaz]

Agreed.

Take it slow brother.

I've mind fvcked you in the NC thread out of concern, noticed the lingering Ex still occupies some mind space. She can be lingering but taking active steps like communicating with your Ex former housemate on her activities is a pretty big red flag.

 

[Murk]

Nah honestly bro you didn't mind fvck me and i know you were doing it out of concern. If it means anything I spoke to her ex housemate briefly and didn't mention my ex and didn't ask for any info. Nearly a week down the line, I've stayed strong. I'm leaving that one in the dirt where it belongs. She's moved on, I'll do the same.

It was just the chaotic nature of our relationship and the fact she walked away that has me pining for her. It wasn't healthy and I realise that now.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I’ve found this situation tough too. It’s actually far easier to date a woman you don’t care that much about IMO.

I have a really good friend and I couldn’t date her just because I’d hate to lose her friendship. And yet I’d date chicks I don’t like nearly as much without a second thought.

You have to judge whether you are ready to settle before you date someone you like this deeply. It sounds to me from your other posts that you relish your freedom and you bang lots of girls frequently.

It might be that this means you’re incompatible with this girl even though you get on so well. You need to weigh up how it would feel if you lost her.

And as the others have said, being slow and rational is key.

I find really caring about someone also damaged my critical thinking, it’s easy to trap yourself.

 

[Spaz]

It was just the chaotic nature of our relationship and the fact she walked away that has me pining for her. It wasn't healthy and I realise that now.

It's good that u r acknowledging this.

To heal you need time. Women, drink, drugs, random s€x will make a person feel more shallow and become more empty. And it extends the time needed to heal. I trust you know this too.

On the bright side, I think you've come a long way since you broke up with ur Ex and healing along nicely.

Keep up the good work. It will inspire others.

 

[Dingo]

Why the hell would an old flame reach out 15 years later ?

"Fill a void"... "Piece of the puzzle"..... WTF ?

Dude... Something is just not right....

Protect you Heart.

 

[Trump]

We've always had a thing, known each other since school 13/14 years old. Done stuff but never been in a relationship, I was just never ready and the timing was not right.

I love it when guys say "A young, hot, good looking, sweet girl was ready to have a fully committed, loving relationship with me but the timing "wasn't right" for me. For Presidents, billionaires, and Nobel Peace Prize winners, who are "slightly" busier than sosuave members, its right. But for us, we are "too busy" to have sex with these hot hot girls who are desperately in love with us.

Perhaps sosuave members are too busy saving the world?

She called me today and we spoke for an hour.

You know what she is thinking when she is talking to you on the phone with you for 1 hour?

"This guy has nothing to do but talk to me on the phone for ONE hour!"

She's loyal, hot, smart, good career, good family. Was engaged but she broke it off as there was no spark with the guy and she wanted a connection.

LOL. And you believe that?

a) "I was engaged but I broke it off because there was NO spark and I wanted a connection."

b) "I was engaged but I broke it off because he slept with a younger, hotter, sexier, more educated actress."

Which one makes her look good?

I'm conflicted now, the thought of being with her puts me at ease, I'd genuinely be happy. She's worried about my wondering eye and said she should not stand for it. We agreed that if either were unhappy we would just let the other know and not disrespect what we have. My aunt has previously told me not to ruin our friendship by going there and said many times when I'm on the phone to her, "when you're sad, you always draw for Katie." It's true, shes like my rock and I do love her.

Thoughts? Similar experience? Need some insight from the brotherhood.

Bro I don't know if this true but I'm getting trolling feeling here.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Ah **** it all. I hate threads like these where it’s very obvious that you WANT to get with her, but need confirmation. Bro. BRO. BROOOOO!!!!

Go for it.

Here’s the thing that everyone here says about wanting to marry women. You need to screen her for years beforehand. All the older guys say 5 years +/- 2. You’ve known her for about 15 years. That’s twice as long as what’s needed. You may have just found an actual diamond without even knowing it. And now, she’s too old for midlife crisis to even set in. Even better.

Here’s another thing you didn’t think about either: you know how your love life will be like if you don’t go for her. As in, you will likely spin plates till they ask for more and then realize that they’re all too unstable before dumping them and then get some new ones. The cycle continues. How often do you have an opportunity to do this? Less than once in a lifetime. You are just lucky enough to have it happen to you. And if worse comes to worst, you’ll find out that she’s just a normal chick in the end. But if she isn’t, if she actually is someone different towards you, then you may have something here. And that’s a territory that no one on SS, or ANYWHERE in the manosphere has ever had before. That’s why I am telling you to go for it.

 

[marmel75]

Stop overthinking this and just make it happen.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Another thing to note, she likely may have broken off the engagement because of you. Think about it; marriage for women is all about marrying the perfect guy, your soulmate. Someone who you can definitely be with and feel for, and be a best friend with. Kinda like you. Except that her ex-spouse wasn’t you. And when all those people were telling her that she’s gotta find her soulmate to marry (or whatever the ****) then he was definitely not on her mind. You said you two have known each other for a while, as in you were there before anyone could really get high on her high score list. You will always be a guy who she will remember. Even if things go south. I mean you said that you even finish each other’s sentences lol. That’s really rare, especially nowadays.

 

[devilkingx2]

Spanner in the works.

We've always had a thing, known each other since school 13/14 years old. Done stuff but never been in a relationship, I was just never ready and the timing was not right.

She called me today and we spoke for an hour. Afterwards she text me:

I said we should go on a date, she agreed. Honestly, I've never had a true connection with anyone like her before and she feels the same. We finish each others sentences even if we go 6 months without seeing each other. Our family both like each other, she came to my mums funeral and tolerated my GF at the time and had nothing but good things to say. She's loyal, hot, smart, good career, good family. Was engaged but she broke it off as there was no spark with the guy and she wanted a connection.

I've just not been ready until this point. She's 28 I'm 29. I'm really ready to give it a go. She said it's rare you end up with your best friend and asked if I think we would actually end up together.

I'm conflicted now, the thought of being with her puts me at ease, I'd genuinely be happy. She's worried about my wondering eye and said she should not stand for it. We agreed that if either were unhappy we would just let the other know and not disrespect what we have. My aunt has previously told me not to ruin our friendship by going there and said many times when I'm on the phone to her, "when you're sad, you always draw for Katie." It's true, shes like my rock and I do love her.

Thoughts? Similar experience? Need some insight from the brotherhood.

If you do your usual thing this'll be a trainwreck probably, be wary not to jump into a relationship and either

1. Do your usual thing

2. Get suckered into some trap set by her like her just so happening to get pregnant the first night you have sex

 

[marmel75]

You know what she is thinking when she is talking to you on the phone with you for 1 hour?

"This guy has nothing to do but talk to me on the phone for ONE hour"

Considering they are very good friends and have known each other 15 years I highly, highly doubt that is what she is thinking. In fact, I can almost guarantee you that ISN'T what she is thinking.

If it was someone he just met then ya probably...

You need to understand context a little better. Context means everything.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

getting together with her "exclusively" will be the ultimate high for you, and later on it will be the ultimate low..

exclusive relationships/marriage = false reality. don't even go their lol.

 

[Desdinova]

We've always had a thing, known each other since school 13/14 years old. Done stuff but never been in a relationship,

She's 28 I'm 29.

You have to decide what you want out of dating. Do you enjoy the fun of spinning plates, or would you enjoy the progression of a relationship? Once you have the answer to that question, then you can move onto the next one...

If it doesn't work out between you and her, would you be okay with never being friends with her again and never contacting her again?

If you think you still want to continue with her, there is one thing you should make sure she does... Make sure she gets rid of all her orbiters if you decide to be exclusive with her. If she doesn't, then you're going to have a hellish relationship with her.

Given the info that you provided, I honestly believe that you may be at the top of her high score list, and have been for quite a long time. This chick may end up being 100% loyal to you. If you've been on her mind for the last 15 years, you've made one hell of an emotional imprint on her.

If you DO decide to date her, don't fvck it up by doing a bunch of needy AFC bull5hit and you'll be fine. Stand your ground with her, and she'll continue to respect you.

 

[Murk]

Some great advice, thanks.

To make it clear yes we have known each other 15 years and been part of each others lives, birthdays, break-ups, random nights out etc. but not in each others pockets like actual best friends. Last time I saw her was when we went out the day before Christmas eve.

She's a relationship kind of girl, never been on the CC, only small windows of opportunity, me being me seeing girls and her always in relationships we've never had the chance. In my younger days I was not ready for a relationship, plus trouble childhood, it has taken me a while to get up to speed and she herself said she's been very patient with me. She knows me and understands the situation.

I like spinning plates, but I also like bonding with someone worthy, it's a very satisfying and fulfilling feeling. I've seen this girl in relationships so I know she's not some wh0re or spiteful vindictive BPD/XYZ/etc. She's a good women, only downside is she wants children semi soon. I want to wait 3-4 years and not sure she could do that, her older sister has just had a baby and I'm not looking to fast forward my plan, but equally not willing to let her slip by and get into another relationship that could potentially end in kids/marriage. We both agreed that if we went "public" with a relationship nobody would be surprised, people often mistake us for a couple and friends/family all know what's up.

We are going for some food at 6pm tonight then some drinks after.

 

[CBear]

Some great advice, thanks.

To make it clear yes we have known each other 15 years and been part of each others lives, birthdays, break-ups, random nights out etc. but not in each others pockets like actual best friends. Last time I saw her was when we went out the day before Christmas eve.

She's a relationship kind of girl, never been on the CC, only small windows of opportunity, me being me seeing girls and her always in relationships we've never had the chance. In my younger days I was not ready for a relationship, plus trouble childhood, it has taken me a while to get up to speed and she herself said she's been very patient with me. She knows me and understands the situation.

I like spinning plates, but I also like bonding with someone worthy, it's a very satisfying and fulfilling feeling. I've seen this girl in relationships so I know she's not some wh0re or spiteful vindictive BPD/XYZ/etc. She's a good women, only downside is she wants children semi soon. I want to wait 3-4 years and not sure she could do that, her older sister has just had a baby and I'm not looking to fast forward my plan, but equally not willing to let her slip by and get into another relationship that could potentially end in kids/marriage. We both agreed that if we went "public" with a relationship nobody would be surprised, people often mistake us for a couple and friends/family all know what's up.

We are going for some food at 6pm tonight then some drinks after.

Hope all goes well!
My personal experience is that I had a small relationship fling with a girl I knew since we were little kids. Kinda like your situation except I made the move and all went super well. She seemed "in love" for a while and and I thought I was too lmao (this was before I read the red pill so it'll probably be different for you) but eventually her negative qualities came out and I ended it. Now we don't talk and idc about what happened (at the time I did), I'm not attracted to her anymore as well.

But what I'm saying is, back then, I experienced a big high but an even bigger low that I'd never want to experience again and hopefully never will.

Take that however you'd like but you're already moving forward with her so I wish you the best!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Hope all goes well!
My personal experience is that I had a small relationship fling with a girl I knew since we were little kids. Kinda like your situation except I made the move and all went super well. She seemed "in love" for a while and and I thought I was too lmao (this was before I read the red pill so it'll probably be different for you) but eventually her negative qualities came out and I ended it. Now we don't talk and idc about what happened (at the time I did), I'm not attracted to her anymore as well.

But what I'm saying is, back then, I experienced a big high but an even bigger low that I'd never want to experience again and hopefully never will.

Take that however you'd like but you're already moving forward with her so I wish you the best!

Strength and toughness is the key here. A man who is strong and tough enough won’t have a problem dealing with heartbreak. If you aren’t strong enough to handle it now and get hurt, then you will be strong enough after.

 

[Spaz]

Granted, going on a date with other women will make getting over previous break up faster.

1st allow him some time to mourn the death of his previous relationship.