My kids are looking for a father figure

[sweetchild35]

I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them. I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.

Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them. But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.

So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating. There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.

Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so. I appreciate your responses!

 

[skinnyguy]

A lot of the guys you meet online won’t be up for being a daddy especially for children that aren’t theirs.

But your kids are totally rational. If I didn’t have a dad, and don’t know what I would do. Being in a single parent household sucks for any child.

If you have boys, at some point they will want someone to teach them baseball or basketball. They will want to have talks with a father, who will understand them.

I commend you for doing your best. I’m sure that your kids will end up fine. Just be open to guys who seem nurturing. Tons of people get remarried

 

[MatureDJ]

I suggest you find a very unattractive man that has never had any success with women. Only such an extraordinarily desperate man would not have an issue with cuck children.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Gold digger much? Beta provider hunter much?

-Augustus-

 

[RangerMIke]

If you have boys, they definitely need a father figure. But I do not recommend that you settle for a man for the sake of your children. You will be miserable and eventually drive yourself crazy and the poor dude you sucked in off a cliff.

Date men that turn you on... and stop worrying about relationships, and just let sh!t happen.

As far as your kids... find male family members that can help you, brothers, cousins, father.... what about the father of these kids?... are they out of the picture? Whoever fathered these kids have a responsibility, unless these/this men/man are a problem. If the father of your kids is bad news, then you have serious decision making skills... sorry.

If you can't make good relationship decisions you are just like most chicks today, good luck. I would tell you to behave rationally and not be so emotional... but you can't, you are a chick. You live in a culture that rewards your stupid emotional behavior, so you 'go girl'. I'm not tying to be mean or rude, I am just telling the truth... and you know I am right... This is why chicks are so susceptible to cults.... they are dying to be controlled because they know they can not trust their own decision making ability.

All I can tell you is that disciplined people, male or female, are generally happier. If you have bad habits STOP THEM. Work out lose weight if you are fat... men are attracted to looks FIRST. You want to improve the quality of men you attract... LOSE WEIGHT, work out and make yourself more attractive. I'm agnostic, and honestly think all religion is stupid, but find a nice conservative church and join it. Chicks do better when they are surrounded by a social group that holds them accountable for destructive emotional behavior.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, I hope your skin is thick because if it isn't this site is going to commit you to a month on the couch eating BonBons and binging on your favorite soap opera. Or worse yet, commit you to a mental institution. We don't sugar coat anything here.

So with three kids, how many biological dads are there?

What happened to the dads?

Tells us your situation regarding who has allegedly abused you? (notice how I didn't ask if you had been abused, I am assuming that is part of your story because it fits the rest of the profile you have given us. 98% of women like you claim to have been abused. But I may be wrong in your case).

Welcome to SoSuave.

 

[WitnessGR]

Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure.

I'm just gonna assume that the divorce ended of just cause (although I believe this could be avoided by more preemptive due diligence)

This excerpt sums it up, basically. You are looking for a caretaker, a babysitter if you will, for your kids. You're not looking for a partner in fact, not once did you mention it as such. Men (and women to a lesser degree) are genetically predispositioned to be indifferent to/ not care about offspring that doesn't belong to them. It simply comes with all the responsibility and resentment, but yet barring most if not all the rewards of actually having kids yourself.

The effects of children who grow up without a father figure is well documented on the internet however, some of those include:

1. Children are more quickly to anger/less ability to control anger
2. almost 3x likely to develop depression
3. almost 4x likely to be a delinquent/commit crime
4. more likely to do poor in school
5. to use drugs
6. commit suicide
7. prone to low self esteem/more emotionally vulnerable

with that said, children without a father lack protection, direction and provisions.


You have 3 kids already. The average cost of raising one kid in this day and this is only till the age of 18, is $250,000. Any man who is looking to father his own offspring and pass on his own genetics, will not bear the financial burden of 4 kids, when only one is his own. What advantage does your situation offer over another woman's with no or maybe 1 offspring?
I cant say I have particularly hope for your kids at this moment, you are stretched incredibly thin. Who's rasing them? At best it's the grandparents and at worst its the tv/video games, you're working, right? You are spread so thin physically (time) and economically, and that will only increase as the kids get older.

Your children are not the only ones who will need a male figure in their lives, you will too. Wether you care to admit it or not, rasing kids is hard work and you cannot, I repeat you cannot do it by yourself, doing so puts your whole family in a risky and vulnerable spot and I just dont understand the common notion from the media that tells single moms that they can do it themselves because they cant, and if it is done, it is done so poorly that everybody suffers. When it comes to you making the right choice or not, you are. With that said you are defiantly doing it for the wrong reasons because it is evident you are doing notwithstanding what YOUR POTENTIAL PARTNER want and needs are. While this may be expedient, I will tell you right now that acting in a self serving manner will not end well for anyone.

 

[FMCSMT]

So joint custody with 50/50 didn't pan out in your divorce?

I don't want to hear a word about the Dad other than how you are going to foster a 50/50 parenting time share going forward or, at the end of the day, you have and will continue to fail your own children. Good job mom.

 

[logicallefty]

So joint custody with 50/50 didn't pan out in your divorce?

I don't want to hear a word about the Dad other than how you are going to foster a 50/50 parenting time share going forward or, at the end of the day, you have and will continue to fail your own children. Good job mom.

Why would she do this, then she might not get her child support she is 'entitled' to from all of those 'looser' dad(s).

 

[AJ84]

This looks like more of that dating site spam that keeps popping up. A post about some topic with a reference to 'an international dating site' then no one ever hears from the OP again.

I don't know how spam work exactly but seems the more people take the bait the more these kinds of posts will appear. Like answering a telemarketing call, they then know they have a live number so will increase calls.

No sane single mother would post a question like that on a site like this, think about it.

 

[wifehunter]

It's all fun and games, until somebody ends up with no father.

 

[sosousage]

get tinder, u will get 2nd father in no time.

but he will probably pump n dump you unless hes unattractive

 

[btownbuck2012]

I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them. I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.

Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them. But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.

So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating. There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.

Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so. I appreciate your responses!

out of curiosity, who initiated the divorce........?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This looks like more of that dating site spam that keeps popping up. A post about some topic with a reference to 'an international dating site' then no one ever hears from the OP again.

I don't know how spam work exactly but seems the more people take the bait the more these kinds of posts will appear. Like answering a telemarketing call, they then know they have a live number so will increase calls.

No sane single mother would post a question like that on a site like this, think about it.

I was honestly thinking he same thing too. Plus, the avatar was a really dead giveaway tbh. It’s too cut ‘me out of a magazine’ type of thing. A lot of people don’t see through this for whatever reason. Guess because I grew up with technology lol

 

[RedScorpion]

I was honestly thinking he same thing too. Plus, the avatar was a really dead giveaway tbh. It’s too cut ‘me out of a magazine’ type of thing. A lot of people don’t see through this for whatever reason. Guess because I grew up with technology lol

Yeah I agree with both you two. I read the OP thinking it was kind of a dumb question. Such as who cares if you go to this crappy social event? Not really a question that needs answering imo. I noticed the pic was weird too, but I didn't quite catch on it was a fake post. But with that consideration, it definitely makes sense for it to be.

 

[Roober]

This immediately screamed troll to me. I'm surprised so many people have legitimate responses

 

[Macaframalama]

In for JIZZEDBRAW's or whatever his handle is response. Anxiously waiting for the homie to bussa Caps Lock in dat azz.

 

[Stallionstud]

OP, I grew up without a male role model, my mom was a stripper until I was 18. So she was 36

Honestly I accepted the disadvantage I was going to be at early on at a young age and knew that no one she eventually would never meet could give me what I already missed out on.

I personally didn’t really want my life invaded by some other dude anyway. Which is why I’m totally against fathering someone else’s kids now as a single 31 yr old.

Long story short I turned out alright, struggle with some things but overall enjoy more success than most.

 

[skinnyguy]

What OP doesn’t realize is that the new father figure could end up abusing the shut out of her kids and making her life hell.

 

[Stallionstud]

Working construction my entire life I am rarely impressed by the quality of men around me. Nothing is very often better than what these “men” offer as mentors

The point is a tiger will still attack you like a wild tiger even if you domesticate it and teach it tricks. A man raised by a woman is no less a man, in fact he knows some tricks