I really appreciate how nice you have been

[B0redandl0nely]

A girl said this to me before breaking up with me and she was right. How do I change her mind about me being nice? I'm not nice, I was just dealing with low self esteem at the time and it made me seem nice. I don't care if I get her back. I just want her to think I'm attractive and sexy. I'm lying. I do want her back. I just know it's likely I won't get her back at this point.

 

[sph21]

I'm not nice, I was just dealing with low self esteem at the time and it made me seem nice. I don't care if I get her back. I just want her to think I'm attractive and sexy. I'm lying. I do want her back. I just know it's likely I won't get her back at this point.

You're right. I just identified what is causing her to reject you and the end result of being nice. Look at those bold texts. Nice guys are guys who have low self esteem that will make them seem nice and at the same time, they're lying to themselves about what they really want in life.

Women want men who can stand up for themselves. Men who are not afraid to tell the truth from the start. Women want to know right from the start what kind of man are you made of. Are you a soft male or an exceptional male who will stand strong no matter what stands in his way?

How do I change her mind about me being nice?
...
I just want her to think I'm attractive and sexy.

If you want to change yourself to be a better man, don't do it for her. Do it for yourself. You don't change people. You can only change yourself. You're still trapped in nice guy mentality if you still care too much of what other person think of you.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

Ehh I don't necessarily "care what she thinks" in the sense I'm seeking her approval I just know that I would get what i want if she thought of me differently.

 

[BeExcellent]

It's too late for that. Only way she will see you differently at this point is to put a year in between the two of you and bump into her one day as a completely different man.

Anything you try to do now will seem try hard, desperate and just dig you deeper into a pity hole.

The above is the only way. Take the opportunity to grow and develop personally. In time you'll appeal to her...but more than likely you'll appeal to someone else before then.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

It's too late for that. Only way she will see you differently at this point is to put a year in between the two of you and bump into her one day as a completely different man.

Anything you try to do now will seem try hard, desperate and just dig you deeper into a pity hole.

A few weeks ago I texted her telling her that I was dealing with a lot of anxiety at the time we were dating and that I think we would have worked out if it wasn't for that. I also mentioned that I still think about her and miss her. Clearly I came across try hard and desperate I definitely dug myself deeper into a pity hole. I struggle with depression (which I'm getting myself treated for) so I think I was just emotional at the time and ****ed up so that's why I sent it. Anyway ill be optimistic about the possibility of bumping into her when I'm a much improved version of myself. No doubt I've learned a lot from this experience.

 

[marmel75]

A girl said this to me before breaking up with me and she was right. How do I change her mind about me being nice? I'm not nice, I was just dealing with low self esteem at the time and it made me seem nice. I don't care if I get her back. I just want her to think I'm attractive and sexy. I'm lying. I do want her back. I just know it's likely I won't get her back at this point.

She might as well have just kicked you in the nuts

 

[RedScorpion]

As someone who struggles with depression himself - it's best to keep all that stuff away from her. Avoid 'leaning' on a girl for direct emotional comfort. If you have to, talk and vent with your mom or someone very close (family) like that. Now, that doesn't mean you can't get emotional comfort from her... you just have to do it indirectly. Things like hugging or other occasional nice things. You can enjoy being with them.

Here's the truth - nobody knows how to deal with anxiety and depression, and if that person has never experienced it before, they will never understand it. You have a shot of understanding with people that also have had or having depression, but even then. Don't seek to lean on them. You can talk and having a friendly discussion, that's fine. But... seek to keep the deep stuff out or it.

If the subject ever does come up about it, I wouldn't lie about it. First, don't seek to bring it up. But if it does, state it as a fact, like it's a non-issue. Something you can shrug about. 'Yeah, I have depression'. Much like, 'Yeah, I have a car' or something. Definitely not '*sniff* Yeah, I struggle with depression...'. It takes too much emotional understanding from that other person, and they won't get it. They can 'know' mentally that you have it, but don't let them know it emotionally.

That's my advice.

 

[sosousage]

A girl said this to me before breaking up with me and she was right. How do I change her mind about me being nice? I'm not nice, I was just dealing with low self esteem at the time and it made me seem nice. I don't care if I get her back. I just want her to think I'm attractive and sexy. I'm lying. I do want her back. I just know it's likely I won't get her back at this point.

lol at least you are very self aware bro

tbh having low self esteem often means being nice

if you have low self esteem you often wont stand for yourself, you will lack confidence, and simply wont have enough mental power to be coward to someone even if thats proper reaction (and sometimes it is)


There are couple steps:
1. go gym, read about it, get bulky
2. read dj bible and read /r/theredpill too. maybe rational male.
3.bulky already? good. get ripped now. get low BF.
4. get good clothes and haircut
5. get good pics and install tinder
6. btw you can cold approach if you made it to 6.

 

[Urbanyst]

Stop the damn ass licking guys.

If a woman rejects you move the f*ck on.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Avoid 'leaning' on a girl for direct emotional comfort.

This. Probably one of my most cringe moments so far was when I broke up with my ex and I let her drag me into an emotional discussion months later. Admitted I was "a bit lonely" since we split and totally compromised my frame in the process.

If a girl supports you in a relationship occasionally with really major issues in your life that's good, but 90% of the time all the minor stuff is better dealt with on your own. You just make yourself look lame by needing her assistance with small emotional bumps or dents in your self esteem.

 

[B0redandl0nely]

Soft rejection in my opinion.

You have nothing to lose at this point. Invite her to drink with you and offer to pick her up.

Cut through all the bullshiatt analysis and just do it.

St. Pattys day

 

[Murk]

If a women is there for you in your times of stress and anxiety - it just makes it that much harder to move on when they inevitably leave. The bond is even stronger, you can't explain it, it's like this piece of sh!t women is pedestalised automatically because she was there for you. It's not even a conscious thing, you know she was sh¬!t but your soul yearns for it.

Run, run for the hills and don't look back.