Feeling blindsided, what happened?

[the_stig]

Been talking to this girl since late January. Had a profile on Bumble for a couple days but deleted it because she didn't like online dating. Super traditional conservative Latina girl. Said she hasn't dated much since her last serious relationship 3 years ago. Was obvious we hit it off immediately.

First date was a huge success. She said the conversation "was amazing". Went on our 2nd date last Wednesday. Met and took my car downtown to see an iMax film then grabbed food afterwards. Excellent conversation again. Felt really comfortable around each other. She remarked we "really click" and even asked if I was dating other girls -- but played it off saying she was curious "how people date these days, but I should". Immediately thought saying I should still meet girls seemed like a flag but hey it's only been two dates. Dropped her off, hug but no kiss, rest of the date felt perfect so I wasn't worried. Sent a follow up text Thursday night and she responded as she normally does. She initiated a text Saturday night. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Sent her a text Sunday afternoon saying "Let's plan another fun date this week, blah blah" and NO RESPONSE. Damn WTF. I know I'm too emotionally invested already but everything seemed like it was going really well, did not see this coming.

I would normally delete and move on, but I'd like to take another crack at her as we shared some core values, common interests and had chemistry that really made her stand out to me. Wishful thinking but maybe by some freak accident the text didn't go through or she missed it.

So assuming she doesn't reach out in a day or two, what's my next best play?

 

[R.U.G.]

No kiss by the second date, then she's not interested in you romantically. And yes, you are a bit over zealous after two dates and no kissing, touching or fvcking. Back off and let the woman come to you.

 

[Spaz]

Prolly Alpha widowed.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

I assume you are over 25 since you are posting in "Mature" section. It could be anything really but man why Imax and dinner on 2nd date? BF's take GF's to movies and dinner. Stop doing extravagant dates before they put out. Please tell me you at least went dutch!

1st few dates are for building rapport and producing tingles, you can't do either sitting watching a movie or sitting across from her stuffing your faces. I don't care if she's "conservative", see still gets wet. Believe me.

 

[Mazer]

"conversation was amazing" You have your answer right there in that statement. Next date, go in for the kiss, no hesitation, it will let you know if she is sexually attracted to you or not so you aren't wasting your time.
Dont think befriending her is going to somehow make her attracted to you in the future, never works, save yourself the heartache. Plus what hockeyfreak said, just drinks for the first three dates, no movies, dinners, etc.

 

[the_stig]

I assume you are over 25 since you are posting in "Mature" section. It could be anything really but man why Imax and dinner on 2nd date? BF's take GF's to movies and dinner. Stop doing extravagant dates before they put out. Please tell me you at least went dutch!

1st few dates are for building rapport and producing tingles, you can't do either sitting watching a movie or sitting across from her stuffing your faces. I don't care if she's "conservative", see still gets wet. Believe me.

I mean

It's winter here
Neither of us drinks
Movie was a 3D Omni 50 minute deal that we both agreed sounded fun.
We took my car. The intimacy of the drive felt like a huge rapport builder alone.
Restaurant was cute but casual walk through a line, select your food, go sit down, upbeat, fun. Perfect setting for a date. She loved it.

But are women seriously this fickle that if you don't plan something exactly perfect, have fun and good conversation, flirt but don't go for sex every possible second, it's going to kill all attraction immediately? Obviously I didn't get my desired results but could the date plan itself really be the reason why? Rapport seemed excellent. It was one of those 2nd dates that felt like you'd already been dating six months.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Been talking to this girl since late January. Had a profile on Bumble for a couple days but deleted it because she didn't like online dating. Super traditional conservative Latina girl. Said she hasn't dated much since her last serious relationship 3 years ago. Was obvious we hit it off immediately.

First date was a huge success. She said the conversation "was amazing". Went on our 2nd date last Wednesday. Met and took my car downtown to see an iMax film then grabbed food afterwards. Excellent conversation again. Felt really comfortable around each other. She remarked we "really click" and even asked if I was dating other girls -- but played it off saying she was curious "how people date these days, but I should". Immediately thought saying I should still meet girls seemed like a flag but hey it's only been two dates. Dropped her off, hug but no kiss, rest of the date felt perfect so I wasn't worried. Sent a follow up text Thursday night and she responded as she normally does. She initiated a text Saturday night. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Sent her a text Sunday afternoon saying "Let's plan another fun date this week, blah blah" and NO RESPONSE. Damn WTF. I know I'm too emotionally invested already but everything seemed like it was going really well, did not see this coming.

I would normally delete and move on, but I'd like to take another crack at her as we shared some core values, common interests and had chemistry that really made her stand out to me. Wishful thinking but maybe by some freak accident the text didn't go through or she missed it.

So assuming she doesn't reach out in a day or two, what's my next best play?

I've had this happen more than a few times. My rule is that I'll try 3 times before nexting her, i.e. if she chooses to reach out to me again, then I'll respond and if not I'm done with her. This goes for women who I've been out with a few times and felt like I had a good "connection" with. Usually that good connection was bullsh*t if she makes no effort to follow up with you or ghosts you completely. Always remember that women will date and f*ck guys they don't like, if they are bored. Just because you felt something doesn't mean she did.

But in this specific case you may be overanalyzing. Reach out a few more times and don't act upset that she didn't respond to your last outreach. If she continues this non responsiveness just drop her and move on.

 

[btownbuck2012]

But are women seriously this fickle that if you don't plan something exactly perfect, have fun and good conversation, flirt but don't go for sex every possible second, it's going to kill all attraction immediately? Obviously I didn't get my desired results but could the date plan itself really be the reason why? Rapport seemed excellent. It was one of those 2nd dates that felt like you'd already been dating six months.

Yeah they're that fickle x 1,000. There are also a ton of different reasons why she ghosts you after what seemed like a good connection. Someone else already mentioned the old BF. She may still be f*cked up from that and when she meets a guy who stirs up those lovey dovey "he could be the one" feels she'll pull the rip cord before she gets too involved, etc. That's reason #1,345 of 5,000 why she potentially went ghost.

 

[Spaz]

I've had this happen more than a few times. My rule is that I'll try 3 times before nexting her, i.e. if she chooses to reach out to me again, then I'll respond and if not I'm done with her. This goes for women who I've been out with a few times and felt like I had a good "connection" with. Usually that good connection was bullsh*t if she makes no effort to follow up with you or ghosts you completely. Always remember that women will date and f*ck guys they don't like, if they are bored. Just because you felt something doesn't mean she did.

But in this specific case you may be overanalyzing. Reach out a few more times and don't act upset that she didn't respond to your last outreach. If she continues this non responsiveness just drop her and move on.

There's a higher possibility of turning a hoe into a faithful wife (provided if you have a strong frame) then it is to an Alpha widow.

It would take many years for an Alpha widow to ween herself out of widowhood - Do not waste your time as success is slim at best.

 

[the_stig]

But in this specific case you may be overanalyzing. Reach out a few more times and don't act upset that she didn't respond to your last outreach. If she continues this non responsiveness just drop her and move on.

What's the best way to reach back out in this scenario without looking desperate? Act like she never ignored my text and just make playful chit chat after a few days pass, or be assertive and jump right back to asking her out again?

 

[The Duke]

OP- you come across as a little inexperienced but with time you will begin to realize things you don't see now. Don't get too worried about the no reply. First give her the chance to miss you and wonder what you are up to. The one who cares the least has more power(stop caring so much about what she does or doesn't do).

You can have great rapport with a girl yet not make the vagina tingle and end up in the situation you have here. Next date needs to be one that pushes
the sexual boundaries. If she doesn't like it she'll tell you to stop. I've had a few tell me to stop but they never hold it against me for trying. They will hold it against you for not trying!

 

[Murk]

Avoid saying you are dating other girls, you risk making them feel like a plates they are. Don't lie, just side step.

 

[the_stig]

It was a truth or dare in the cinema - you should have the ballz to get physical. Your hands should be all over her no matter how good was the movie.

So no physical escalation was strike one. No escalation from you.

That talk from her was teasing - strike two - no powerful reaction from you.

Saturday night text and your weak date proposition was strike three.

I'm not saying she saw a husband in you, perhaps she just wanted to **** and you missed the opportunity by playing nice?

Don't do that again - she was interested in you, so don't blame her now. Just smile and carry on.

If you think that it was improper to get physical - man, when my ex started teasing me in near-empty bar, I just spanked her ass there several times out of nowhere - and she looked like an angel. She was incredibly ****ing horny at that moment. I could **** her on the spot if not being in public place and that was the moment she started being sexual with me.

Remember, the darkest place is under the lantern my friend...

So just a few more details to see if they change your mind..

So when we first started talking, I did bring up sex really early. She told me she did not have sex outside of relationships. I know we've all heard that but several times over text in an attempt build sexual tension I would say stuff like "don't worry I'll critique your cuddling skills soon" and she would never really directly respond, she just didn't really respond to sexual advances, but all other signs of interest were there so I didn't give it much thought and figured she did indeed just move slow.

First date I absolutely did a little kino. Second date I would lock elbows to lead her around, grabbed her hand sarcastically saying "you can hold my hand you know". She wasn't overly receptive about touching. Dropping her off at the end of the second date, yeah I should have leaned in and kissed, but knowing she might be weird about touch I playfully said "alright give me a hug and maybe even a kiss". The night went so well I just expected her to lean in and kiss. She laughed and said too soon for a kiss but here's a hug. I said that's fine I'll kiss you soon. She laughed and said there's you and your ego again.

As far as missing me... I didn't text her at all last weekend, when I finally reached out, her response was "I thought I had lost you there for a minute". I mean so many of her responses came off as a traditional girl who wanted to be courted. I'm used to being chased so this threw me off, but short of sending d!ck pics and crap like that I definitely made it known I wanted to get physical with her. We didn't text all the time but had good fun exchanges when we did.

Avoid saying you are dating other girls, you risk making them feel like a plates they are. Don't lie, just side step.

Yeah when she asked I said "not really" and that I like to see where it goes when I meet someone I click with.

 

[Murk]

Well, maybe she's just frigid/shy/weird. Seems like hard work, either through low interest, low attraction but wanted some company, who knows. The point is she rebuffed your advances and it's time to move on to the next one.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Sometimes a girl will dump you early on out of nowhere if she likes you too much. I am not making that up. It has happened to me. It is a flight mechanism designed to protect her emotions, an immature response that is common in women with very little dating experience. She sees herself getting hurt, and hits the eject button.

 

[the_stig]

I'll let it sit for a few more days, but I definitely want to take another crack at her since there's nothing to lose. What would be a good text to send to in an attempt to rekindle?

 

[BeExcellent]

Sometimes a girl will dump you early on out of nowhere if she likes you too much. I am not making that up. It has happened to me. It is a flight mechanism designed to protect her emotions, an immature response that is common in women with very little dating experience. She sees herself getting hurt, and hits the eject button.

I concur with @Bible_Belt but also wanted to add the following perspective from the ladies' locker room...

You note that she was not terribly receptive to kino. She stated that her last relationship was 3 years ago. She also stated that she only has sex when in a relationship. So here's how I would interpret your physical escalation on the second date...

Too aggressive. Look at how she reads you:

She laughed and said there's you and your ego again.

As far as missing me... I didn't text her at all last weekend, when I finally reached out, her response was "I thought I had lost you there for a minute".

If you were radio silent over an entire weekend (you aren't signaling availability for Friday or Saturday dates), then she will assume there are other girls. This chick already asked you directly about other chicks on a date. Then you go radio silent over a whole weekend, and then she says to herself:

Gee, he's already getting touchy and he didn't ask me on a date over the weekend. Hmmmm. Smells like he just wants sex. I don't think I want to be part of the rotation, I'm better than that.

And so when you send her the consolation prize text on Sunday to touch base? She's gone already.

So in her response as well as in her inquiry about whether you date other girls, therein lies one of her insecurities. She worries about having to compete for you and she doesn't want to compete. The end result is a variation of one of these:

1. Drops you as BB mentioned, even though she's attracted,
2. Dates you but becomes clingy and all "where have you been/who have you been with" from the get-go
3.Gets very jealous. None of those outcomes are good.

If you like a girl and it's really early on like this you have to get better at reading her covert cues.

To me here are the concerns this chick has:

1. He is a man other women will want
2. He is getting physical already
3. He is talking about sex already
4. He is used to getting what he wants (referenced in the 'ego' comment)
5. He ignored me over the weekend and I'm getting the Sunday afternoon text, (which tells her you are merely looking to keep her on the hook.)
6. He is mostly interested in sex and not much else

She is a more conservative girl than many if what she is saying is true. You didn't read her well and you were too forward in person while being too distant in communication. Too aggressive, but more importantly not matching that physical aggressiveness with contact and setting up another date.

To be frank this is exactly how the better quality women screen out ONS and STR type guys. She has classified OP as a seeker of ONS or STR and she has disqualified you. That is my opinion.

If you really do like her, wait until midweek and ask her out for this weekend. If she still does not respond, you have your answer. If she accepts? You have your answer. If you want to ask her out, then ask her out.

 

[the_stig]

I concur with @Bible_Belt but also wanted to add the following perspective from the ladies' locker room...

You note that she was not terribly receptive to kino. She stated that her last relationship was 3 years ago. She also stated that she only has sex when in a relationship. So here's how I would interpret your physical escalation on the second date...

Too aggressive. Look at how she reads you:



If you were radio silent over an entire weekend (you aren't signaling availability for Friday or Saturday dates), then she will assume there are other girls. This chick already asked you directly about other chicks on a date. Then you go radio silent over a whole weekend, and then she says to herself:

Gee, he's already getting touchy and he didn't ask me on a date over the weekend. Hmmmm. Smells like he just wants sex. I don't think I want to be part of the rotation, I'm better than that.

And so when you send her the consolation prize text on Sunday to touch base? She's gone already.

So in her response as well as in her inquiry about whether you date other girls, therein lies one of her insecurities. She worries about having to compete for you and she doesn't want to compete. The end result is a variation of one of these:

1. Drops you as BB mentioned, even though she's attracted,
2. Dates you but becomes clingy and all "where have you been/who have you been with" from the get-go
3.Gets very jealous. None of those outcomes are good.

If you like a girl and it's really early on like this you have to get better at reading her covert cues.

To me here are the concerns this chick has:

1. He is a man other women will want
2. He is getting physical already
3. He is talking about sex already
4. He is used to getting what he wants (referenced in the 'ego' comment)
5. He ignored me over the weekend and I'm getting the Sunday afternoon text, (which tells her you are merely looking to keep her on the hook.)
6. He is mostly interested in sex and not much else

She is a more conservative girl than many if what she is saying is true. You didn't read her well and you were too forward in person while being too distant in communication. Too aggressive, but more importantly not matching that physical aggressiveness with contact and setting up another date.

To be frank this is exactly how the better quality women screen out ONS and STR type guys. She has classified OP as a seeker of ONS or STR and she has disqualified you. That is my opinion.

If you really do like her, wait until midweek and ask her out for this weekend. If she still does not respond, you have your answer. If she accepts? You have your answer. If you want to ask her out, then ask her out.

Thanks for the female perspective.

Just to be clear, it was the weekend before our second date that we didn't text and she said "thought I lost you" -- not the weekend after the date Regardless we were sitting at dinner on that 2nd date talking about dating. She was curious "how people date these days". I made it crystal clear that when I met someone and thought there was a spark, I like to give them a chance and not date a bunch of people. Shortly after I told her I thought we really clicked and she agreed. It was my way of trying to overtly say I LIKE YOU.

What gave me pause was when she asked me if I was dating other people, I said "not really", and she responded with "but you should" with something to the effect of "I'm just curious how it works because I haven't dated much lately". I playfully responded with something like "oh so this isn't your way of saying we shouldn't see others" and smiled at her. She laughed and said no.

I do agree I was forward, this one gave me tons of internal conflict. On one hand everything you read on these sites says "you have to get physical right away or she'll friendzone" but on the other I could sense she wasn't like other girls and I needed to be a gentleman. Tried to do both I guess.

I'm just not sure how to open her up again.. maybe something like "Hope I wasn't too forward because that wasn't my intention, it would be nice to see you again this weekend if you're interested"..

 

[ohrein]

I concur with @Bible_Belt but also wanted to add the following perspective from the ladies' locker room...

You note that she was not terribly receptive to kino. She stated that her last relationship was 3 years ago. She also stated that she only has sex when in a relationship. So here's how I would interpret your physical escalation on the second date...

Too aggressive. Look at how she reads you:



If you were radio silent over an entire weekend (you aren't signaling availability for Friday or Saturday dates), then she will assume there are other girls. This chick already asked you directly about other chicks on a date. Then you go radio silent over a whole weekend, and then she says to herself:

Gee, he's already getting touchy and he didn't ask me on a date over the weekend. Hmmmm. Smells like he just wants sex. I don't think I want to be part of the rotation, I'm better than that.

And so when you send her the consolation prize text on Sunday to touch base? She's gone already.

So in her response as well as in her inquiry about whether you date other girls, therein lies one of her insecurities. She worries about having to compete for you and she doesn't want to compete. The end result is a variation of one of these:

1. Drops you as BB mentioned, even though she's attracted,
2. Dates you but becomes clingy and all "where have you been/who have you been with" from the get-go
3.Gets very jealous. None of those outcomes are good.

If you like a girl and it's really early on like this you have to get better at reading her covert cues.

To me here are the concerns this chick has:

1. He is a man other women will want
2. He is getting physical already
3. He is talking about sex already
4. He is used to getting what he wants (referenced in the 'ego' comment)
5. He ignored me over the weekend and I'm getting the Sunday afternoon text, (which tells her you are merely looking to keep her on the hook.)
6. He is mostly interested in sex and not much else

She is a more conservative girl than many if what she is saying is true. You didn't read her well and you were too forward in person while being too distant in communication. Too aggressive, but more importantly not matching that physical aggressiveness with contact and setting up another date.

To be frank this is exactly how the better quality women screen out ONS and STR type guys. She has classified OP as a seeker of ONS or STR and she has disqualified you. That is my opinion.

If you really do like her, wait until midweek and ask her out for this weekend. If she still does not respond, you have your answer. If she accepts? You have your answer. If you want to ask her out, then ask her out.

I didn't kiss my gf until the 4th date, didn't sleep with her until the 10th date. I'm pretty sure she picked up on player vibes early on, despite being really interested in me. She'd not been in a relationship for years, is far more shy/conservative than most girls. By far the most quality woman I've ever dated. It's why my advice is generally keep asking them out and keep escalating. Of course if you're just looking for easy lays then I wouldn't waste your time.

 

[MrWood]

I want to agree with @ohrein, especially if over 38yo or so... they seem to want you to show initiative, but dont blow up her phone.
She wants the player inside you, not a player from the club.
She want to believe she is not a slvt, 4th date full kiss is not uncommon. IOI are reasonably fast replies to text etc and no bs excuses = she is actually interested