I feel like I'm a failure by inaction

[superstorm250]

So I'm 24 (and gonna be 25 in August) and I feel like its pretty accurate description for myself to say that I'm a failure in the dating world by inaction. I've never had a girlfriend, and I've only been on one date and had sex one time and that was almost 3 years ago now. And that girl gave me her number and asked me out, I've never asked a girl out because I thought (and still do) that its pointless because it won't go well, even if she says yes. This all started in elementary school, I had a friend (who I'm still friends with now) who got rejected by every girl he was interested in, they didn't even want to be friends with him. That left a very long lasting impression on me that I would get the same result if I ever tried and that I should save myself the embarrassment and depression by being constantly rejected. Then once I went on to high school, I met other guys who were getting the same results, so that just reaffirmed it for me. I should also mention that the no girls wanting to be friends thing rubbed off on me too, so even when girls would try to introduce themselves or talk to me, I would act very avoidant and closed off.

That led to them eventually stopping trying to talk to me, and I didn't know any of them so I never talked to any of them, and none of them ever got to know me so they never talked to me. Then in 10th grade, I switched high schools and it got even worse because I went into a school where I knew absolutely no one and I fell into the same situation at that school that I just described. Then I went to a commuter college that was super un-social and ended up dropping out and started working instead. But none of the jobs that I had after that put me around girls my age, except for a 1 month summer job that I do every year. Now my current job is a delivery driver for Amazon, so I work alone and I'm never around any girls. Even my parents have basically said that they expect that I'll be alone my whole life at this point when they used to ask about my dating life and encourage me to get a date when I was younger. Even my friend who I mentioned at the beginning of this has found someone now, so I'm literally the only single person I know.

And even if I tried now, its too late because I don't think any girl in my age group out there in the dating world wants or expects to be a 25 year old guy's first girlfriend and I can quote several other guys' experiences of trying to enter the dating world at this age with no experience, they got rejected just for being inexperienced even when the girl was interested in him before knowing that. And to add to that, I have no social circle and the friend that I mentioned is my only friend. So combine no relationship experience with only having 1 friend and I'll come off as a major social reject to any girl. Its over for me, I failed by inaction and I just hope that my drug abuse takes me out sooner rather than later.

 

[sosousage]

no worries, most women are broken anyway. I just was rejected after 5 dates. what a ****load of wasted time LOL

Improve to the point where you dont get rejected that much. I started doing better when I started training body and caring more what I say, and what I do on date, and how the date looks like. thats due to dating experience and some redpill reading.


If you cant resist testosterone, go date uglies, let them support you till you improve more so you can date normal looking girls

 

[MrWood]

do you buy things?
ever say "hello" or "awsome day outside isnt it?" or "Cute girls shouldnt need to work on weekends" to a cashier or .. ?

 

[superstorm250]

no worries, most women are broken anyway. I just was rejected after 5 dates. what a ****load of wasted time LOL

Improve to the point where you dont get rejected that much. I started doing better when I started training body and caring more what I say, and what I do on date, and how the date looks like. thats due to dating experience and some redpill reading.


If you cant resist testosterone, go date uglies, let them support you till you improve more so you can date normal looking girls

Damn that sucks that happened to you after 5 dates! Training body I definitely agree with, but I can't even get to the point of going on a date. I've never tried dating apps before because I still have the mindset that I will get no matches on any of them if I decide to give it a try (I've even had dreams where I signed up for them and I got 0 matches and I became extremely depressed) and I work alone, so I'm just never around giels in my daily life.

 

[superstorm250]

do you buy things?
ever say "hello" or "awsome day outside isnt it?" or "Cute girls shouldnt need to work on weekends" to a cashier or .. ?

No, none of that because I always assume that I'll get a very negative reaction from a move like that.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

And even if I tried now, its too late because I don't think any girl in my age group out there in the dating world wants or expects to be a 25 year old guy's first girlfriend and I can quote several other guys' experiences of trying to enter the dating world at this age with no experience, they got rejected just for being inexperienced even when the girl was interested in him before knowing that. And to add to that, I have no social circle and the friend that I mentioned is my only friend. So combine no relationship experience with only having 1 friend and I'll come off as a major social reject to any girl. Its over for me, I failed by inaction and I just hope that my drug abuse takes me out sooner rather than later.

I'm 25 and I'm in a similar boat, and I can tell you that this is irrational negative thought. You shouldn't worry but I don't blame you for having these feelings. I've been there as well. That feeling you've missed the boat, it's all too late? Yeah, I'm familiar with it.

Thing is, that feeling is total bulls***. You're 25, not 55. You have to start worrying about all this stuff so heavily when you're fat, bald, penniless and divorced not when you're 25.

My personal story is that I was always "the fat guy". I lost a load of weight when I was 21, which made me more attractive. Then I was really busy with work, which meant I only really started dating girls when I was 24.

Had my first girlfriend about a year ago and she was my first kiss as well! Felt totally natural and very easy with her, she was flattered when I told her I was a virgin and said I kissed really, really well. It was all a big turn-on for her, not a turn off. We didn't actually sleep together in the end (due to bad luck) but it was all the same other than the actual act.

Personal confidence is everything, the amount of times you've stuck your d*ck in a girl is very unimportant except as an ego-stroking tool. Girls just want a man who acts like a man, who leads and doesn't take s***. That's all you need to do - be confident, fake it until you make it if necessary.

You are fundamentally no different to the more experienced guys. You might even be luckier than them, they may have had relationships with psycho exes that have messed them up.

There are guys who have had sex with 10 women by the age of 25 and they still have no f*cking clue what they're doing and/or feel profoundly lonely. I've met guys who find getting girls easy, but they're broken and insecure. Every man is different, everyone has a different rhythm with this stuff.

If you don't have a social group, take up a public hobby group like a music group, dance group, sports group or something like that. That'll fix that problem. Double points if it's a group that has girls in. Just work on improving yourself, be positive and stop worrying.

 

[Murk]

Guys, it can all change in an instant. My dating life was terrible until a few years ago. I had a sudden surge of confidence and everything fell in to place. I remember being very passive with women, I'd go for the ones that put it on a plate, and even then sometimes I wouldn't know what to do and I let many women slip by. It's a confidence issue only. You need to care less and start living. Easier said than done, I know, and to be honest I don't know the magic formula to knock everything in to place for you. All I know is it's purely confidence and not some innate deformity that will never allow you to get women.

Work on yourself, your confidence, love who you are, then women will be more receptive. Fvck LMS, the real secret is self confidence, but that's not as quantifiable and marketable as the sh!t that gets peddled by so call PUA's. I'd go as far as saying it's not even a gym thing. I am slightly out of shape, has no bearing on me pulling hot chicks. I do need to hit the gym, but I've gotten by fine without so far.

 

[wifehunter]

You should focus on attracting, not dating. Dating sucks anyway.

Once a woman is attracted, odds are more in your favor.

 

[Spaz]

Women r always looking for men, I mean like constantly. Their eyes r like a 24/7 male detection radar.

Just observe her body language, know when she wants you or is attracted to you. She will make obvious signs. Make your moves then.

 

[superstorm250]

I'm 25 and I'm in a similar boat, and I can tell you that this is irrational negative thought. You shouldn't worry but I don't blame you for having these feelings. I've been there as well. That feeling you've missed the boat, it's all too late? Yeah, I'm familiar with it.

Thing is, that feeling is total bulls***. You're 25, not 55. You have to start worrying about all this stuff so heavily when you're fat, bald, penniless and divorced not when you're 25.

My personal story is that I was always "the fat guy". I lost a load of weight when I was 21, which made me more attractive. Then I was really busy with work, which meant I only really started dating girls when I was 24.

Had my first girlfriend about a year ago and she was my first kiss as well! Felt totally natural and very easy with her, she was flattered when I told her I was a virgin and said I kissed really, really well. It was all a big turn-on for her, not a turn off. We didn't actually sleep together in the end (due to bad luck) but it was all the same other than the actual act.

Personal confidence is everything, the amount of times you've stuck your d*ck in a girl is very unimportant except as an ego-stroking tool. Girls just want a man who acts like a man, who leads and doesn't take s***. That's all you need to do - be confident, fake it until you make it if necessary.

You are fundamentally no different to the more experienced guys. You might even be luckier than them, they may have had relationships with psycho exes that have messed them up.

There are guys who have had sex with 10 women by the age of 25 and they still have no f*cking clue what they're doing and/or feel profoundly lonely. I've met guys who find getting girls easy, but they're broken and insecure. Every man is different, everyone has a different rhythm with this stuff.

If you don't have a social group, take up a public hobby group like a music group, dance group, sports group or something like that. That'll fix that problem. Double points if it's a group that has girls in. Just work on improving yourself, be positive and stop worrying.

Thanks for your reply, its good to hear from someone who's in such a similar situation to me. How did you get rid of the mindset that its too late and that no girls will want you because you're inexperienced? I've had this mindset since I first turned 20 and its really held me back. I just assume that its gonna be brought up by her at some point and that once its revealed, she'll automatically go cold on me. As far as public hobby groups go, my state actually got ranked as worst in the nation for community participation/engagement and there really isn't any public groups like that in my area. I know that some dating coaches have advised against dating unless you have a social circle, would you say its a bad idea to date without one or does it not matter? I could see girls viewing a lack of a social circle as a turn off as well.

 

[superstorm250]

Guys, it can all change in an instant. My dating life was terrible until a few years ago. I had a sudden surge of confidence and everything fell in to place. I remember being very passive with women, I'd go for the ones that put it on a plate, and even then sometimes I wouldn't know what to do and I let many women slip by. It's a confidence issue only. You need to care less and start living. Easier said than done, I know, and to be honest I don't know the magic formula to knock everything in to place for you. All I know is it's purely confidence and not some innate deformity that will never allow you to get women.

Work on yourself, your confidence, love who you are, then women will be more receptive. Fvck LMS, the real secret is self confidence, but that's not as quantifiable and marketable as the sh!t that gets peddled by so call PUA's. I'd go as far as saying it's not even a gym thing. I am slightly out of shape, has no bearing on me pulling hot chicks. I do need to hit the gym, but I've gotten by fine without so far.

Yeah I know that confidence is my main issue with this and always has been, I'm probably gonna hire a dating coach though. His name is Frank Kermit and he's not your run of the mill PUA, he actually has some pretty impressive qualifications and has addressed several of my issues in what I've seen so far of his materials.

 

[sosousage]

I been rejected a lot regardless confidence. Lms is real. Confidence is required too, but not without lms. Fix ur lms and confidence will come. Unless you are @RichardTheFrog



No amount of game/confidence will make ugly bob working minimal wage with overweight attractive to women, unless they are drunk. That would counter any logic.

Women are selfish and very picky creatures and her pickyness depends on her current options. (Men are similar)

With online dating and social media, average woman options SKYROCKETED (doesnt apply to average men). You could maybe pull this thing before internet, being ugly and unnatractive, but now? Even fatties think they deserve Chads, just lol


Make her think you are her Chad

 

[Desdinova]

This all started in elementary school, I had a friend (who I'm still friends with now) who got rejected by every girl he was interested in, they didn't even want to be friends with him. That left a very long lasting impression on me that I would get the same result if I ever tried and that I should save myself the embarrassment and depression by being constantly rejected. Then once I went on to high school, I met other guys who were getting the same results, so that just reaffirmed it for me.

This day in age, men are being raised as girls. They have their single moms who tell them to avoid being masculine because it's offensive to people, and therefore turn out to be failures as men. This leaves masculine men in a good position to excel at their masculinity and fvck all the women that the feminine men aren't getting.

You can either become successful at being masculine, or stay in the same category as your schoolmates and be a failure as a masculine man. The benefits await you if you choose to take the reins and improve your masculinity. The best part is you're born with the traits, but you've been taught to suppress them from childhood. All you need to do is remove the barriers and you'll find yourself excelling not only in life, but with women as well.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Thanks for your reply, its good to hear from someone who's in such a similar situation to me. How did you get rid of the mindset that its too late and that no girls will want you because you're inexperienced? I've had this mindset since I first turned 20 and its really held me back. I just assume that its gonna be brought up by her at some point and that once its revealed, she'll automatically go cold on me. As far as public hobby groups go, my state actually got ranked as worst in the nation for community participation/engagement and there really isn't any public groups like that in my area. I know that some dating coaches have advised against dating unless you have a social circle, would you say its a bad idea to date without one or does it not matter? I could see girls viewing a lack of a social circle as a turn off as well.

1. Getting rid of the "too late" mindset: First, use logic. You say you got that that feeling first when you were 20.

Would you say 20 is too late to have a career, make friends with people or take up a hobby? Of course not, it's incredibly rare for a 20 year old to be a towering CEO of a huge business. Similarly, few people are married at 20 unless they are very religious or something.

Dating and girls are absolutely no different to these other aspirations. All you need to do is hone your social skills and start talking to women more and you'll do fine.

I have two particularly close friends at the moment. One lost his virginity at 22, the other at 23. Particularly intelligent and/or studious people tend to (but not always) lose their virginity later than other people. This isn't due to the stereotype of intellectuals all being skinny nerdy dweebs (not all of us anyway), but because we overthink things.

Your post above is textbook overthinking. Don't sit around analysing hypothetical dating situations, just go out there and get stuff done.

2. Social circle is good but not that important. What is important is talk to girls. Go out of your way to do it. This is something I'm trying to make myself do, too. If you're sat on the train with a cute girl, just say hi and try to strike up a conversation. Same if you're alone at a bar. Ignore the nerves and just think of something to say and say it.

The worst that's going to happen is they ignore you or tell you to p*ss off, in which case who cares? You've lost nothing. You've just gained resistance to rejection (which is inevitable). The best that will happen is you might get a date with the girl, or have a decent conversation.

I was working in the library recently and there was a cute girl on the same table. I noticed she was studying some sort of poetry, so I just asked her what it was and mentioned a couple of literary authors I'm into.

She was so surprised that a guy actually started talking to her with no provocation that she became really shy and we hardly talked. But she had a huge beaming smile the whole time.

If you make the effort to initiate you're immediately above the 85% of guys who don't have the balls to do that, even if you lack experience.

3. You already have sexual experience, so you don't even have to worry much about that. Why would a girl go cold if you say you haven't dated 200 girls? Just because you're not a man-sl*t doesn't mean you're lacking something.

It's all about how you frame it. If you're sat there shoulders hunched with a sad expression on your face and you say to your latest woman:
"I might be bad at dating you because I'm not experienced with girls." She'll think you're acting like a loser and find it unattractive.

If you stand with good posture, kiss her and then look in her eyes and say:
"I haven't felt like this with many girls, actually." She'll probably find that enticing and exciting and find it attractive.