How to get over being seen as shy?

[RichardTheFrog]

I am pretty quiet and introverted. I'm pretty sure girls will mistake this for shyness, which they will associate with weakness, which no girl wants.

Now truthfully, I've been to prison, broken my neck, broken my back, and a million other things. But it's true that I don't talk much, and this is probably my #1 problem. I don't necessarily enjoy socializing a lot. I don't feel that it's necessary 99% of the time, but I can talk business with anyone.

For example, I could talk to the lady at the bank taking my loan application today. Things like that are obviously no problem.

This may seem like a simple matter to you, but I think this might be a personality trait I was born with that will doom me to a life of being alone. I've been alone for so long, I don't even miss people anymore. I live alone and have for almost 4 years. I couldn't even imagine living with another person.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Dude why is it always doom and gloom with you? You have all these excuses in your head, you should give zero fücks what they think. Fake it til you make it, if you have to.

There are plenty of introverted chicks out there just like you. If I had to guess I'd say 70% of broads I've dated leaned more towards intro. Listen man once you build rapport with a chick, all they do is talk talk talk. You can't shut them up, even introverted chicks. 65-35, let them do all the talking! Nothing better than a broad that does enjoy silence tho.

I use to think I was introvert but I'm probably more in the middle as an ambivert. I enjoy social settings with close friends/fam but yeah "water cooler talk" blah. I've lived alone for the last 5yrs and absolutely love it.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Don't be shy

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Don't be shy

But I am. I think it may be a personality trait I was born with.

 

[papa]

I am pretty quiet and introverted. I'm pretty sure girls will mistake this for shyness, which they will associate with weakness, which no girl wants.

Now truthfully, I've been to prison, broken my neck, broken my back, and a million other things. But it's true that I don't talk much, and this is probably my #1 problem. I don't necessarily enjoy socializing a lot. I don't feel that it's necessary 99% of the time, but I can talk business with anyone.

For example, I could talk to the lady at the bank taking my loan application today. Things like that are obviously no problem.

This may seem like a simple matter to you, but I think this might be a personality trait I was born with that will doom me to a life of being alone. I've been alone for so long, I don't even miss people anymore. I live alone and have for almost 4 years. I couldn't even imagine living with another person.

I overcame my shyness by joining meetups. I hunt for events/workshop/meetup in my city and just attend. Then I try to make small talks with people who are sitting next to me. I didn't segregate between men and women. I just talked. Slowly by slowly I started overcoming my shyness.

 

[GoodOne123]

If you're introverted then that's who you are. Accept that about yourself.

But being introverted does not mean you are doomed with women. An introvert can be social, and a good communicator. All introvert means is that you need a certain amount of alone time in the day to feel energised.

Quiet is different from shy. A quiet person still expresses his opinion, and engages in conversations. A shy person does none of these things because usually they suffer from anxiety/lack of confidence and worry too much about what others think. Girls perceive you as weak when you're shy, not when you're quiet.

 

[corrector]

I
But being introverted does not mean you are doomed with women.

But it does effect the motivation of whether or not you want to be social with them or NATURALLY want to talk or engage in small talk.

An introvert can be social, and a good communicator. All introvert means is that you need a certain amount of alone time in the day to feel energised.

Yeah, can put up an act, but it comes across as forced if you are not really like that. But look at it, if you are used to buying escorts, then the mode of communication of interest is to make a phone call, meet someone, and exchange money and get to business. How do you translate that type of expression into a social format so you can get women for free. I think that's the OP's dilemma. He doesn't ALWAYS want to be getting hot girls THAT way. In other words, his introvert or shy ways is not a barrier from an escort hook-up (i.e. he probably has to talk with them at some point so he shouldn't be shy there), but it is with civvies.

Quiet is different from shy. A quiet person still expresses his opinion, and engages in conversations. A shy person does none of these things because usually they suffer from anxiety/lack of confidence and worry too much about what others think. Girls perceive you as weak when you're shy, not when you're quiet.

This might be a LOOKS vs GAME thing. If you are up on a certain scale of looks (i.e. have piercing blue eyes, have a very handsome face, etc...) then quiet could work. If you look spaced out or not sure of yourself then if you are really quiet then that would still be off-putting.

 

[GoodOne123]

But it does effect the motivation of whether or not you want to be social with them or NATURALLY want to talk or engage in small talk.



Yeah, can put up an act, but it comes across as forced if you are not really like that. But look at it, if you are used to buying escorts, then the mode of communication of interest is to make a phone call, meet someone, and exchange money and get to business. How do you translate that type of expression into a social format so you can get women for free. I think that's the OP's dilemma. He doesn't ALWAYS want to be getting hot girls THAT way. In other words, his introvert or shy ways is not a barrier from an escort hook-up (i.e. he probably has to talk with them at some point so he shouldn't be shy there), but it is with civvies.



This might be a LOOKS vs GAME thing. If you are up on a certain scale of looks (i.e. have piercing blue eyes, have a very handsome face, etc...) then quiet could work. If you look spaced out or not sure of yourself then if you are really quiet then that would still be off-putting.

As a man these things are all the motivation you need to talk to women or socialise in general: not end up all alone forever, gain a close group of friends, have a woman by your side to support you through life, and fulfill your romantic and sexual needs. Regardless if you're introverted or not this is all the motivation you need.

I've also never met any man who didn't NATURALLY want to approach and talk to a woman they found attractive. It's hard wired in us to do so, again, regardless if you're introverted. What usually stops men from doing so is the negative talk in their heads, or the fact that they have no confidence in their social skills because they know they're underdeveloped. This is typically true for introverts, which is why they must work on improving them.

As far as I'm concerned there is no choice for OP but to get out there and be more social. Not many women want a man with little to no social life. And if OP was lucky enough to find a woman who was just like him, it would be very difficult to have an abundance mentality because women like that are rare. The more people you know and hang out with, the higher your chances and more opportunities you have for meeting women. That's why being social is crucial.

I'm not advocating OP put on an act, I'm saying he must make an effort to change himself, to improve himself. There's a difference. And if needed at first, fake it till you make it. I'm an introvert myself and I have done the same thing to improve my social skills back when I was shy. The point is to learn to be social enough to get what you want out of life.

A guy at my workplace is quiet, but not that great looking. He's a short 5 ft 6 , decent face, decent body but that's it. But this guy pulls his fair share of women, more so than guys better looking or more extroverted. But what makes him different is that he is socially confident, witty, masculine, despite being quiet. He's the typical strong silent type women talk about. I've met quite a few guys like that who pull like crazy. So I'm not too sure your theory holds much water.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

As a man these things are all the motivation you need to talk to women or socialise in general: not end up all alone forever, gain a close group of friends, have a woman by your side to support you through life, and fulfill your romantic and sexual needs. Regardless if you're introverted or not this is all the motivation you need.

I've also never met any man who didn't NATURALLY want to approach and talk to a woman they found attractive. It's hard wired in us to do so, again, regardless if you're introverted. What usually stops men from doing so is the negative talk in their heads, or the fact that they have no confidence in their social skills because they know they're underdeveloped. This is typically true for introverts, which is why they must work on improving them.

As far as I'm concerned there is no choice for OP but to get out there and be more social. Not many women want a man with little to no social life. And if OP was lucky enough to find a woman who was just like him, it would be very difficult to have an abundance mentality because women like that are rare. The more people you know and hang out with, the higher your chances and more opportunities you have for meeting women. That's why being social is crucial.

I'm not advocating OP put on an act, I'm saying he must make an effort to change himself, to improve himself. There's a difference. And if needed at first, fake it till you make it. I'm an introvert myself and I have done the same thing to improve my social skills back when I was shy. The point is to learn to be social enough to get what you want out of life.

A guy at my workplace is quiet, but not that great looking. He's a short 5 ft 6 , decent face, decent body but that's it. But this guy pulls his fair share of women, more so than guys better looking or more extroverted. But what makes him different is that he is socially confident, witty, masculine, despite being quiet. He's the typical strong silent type women talk about. I've met quite a few guys like that who pull like crazy. So I'm not too sure your theory holds much water.

I don't need or want "a woman" by my side at all times. I'm content alone. 99% of females would be a liability. I have no "romantic" needs. I don't even know what that means.

As far as sexual needs, I think it would be rather selfish of me to expect a girl to spend her life fulfilling my sexual needs without giving her something major in return.

I have socialized much more in the past.

But don't you see how 95% of the things people say and ways people socialize is just putting up an act? That's why it's so hard at a bar or club, because the girls are lying to begin with.

I'm being told to "improve myself" to impress someone who is putting on a fake personality in the first place.

 

[GoodOne123]

I don't need or want "a woman" by my side at all times. I'm content alone. 99% of females would be a liability. I have no "romantic" needs. I don't even know what that means.

As far as sexual needs, I think it would be rather selfish of me to expect a girl to spend her life fulfilling my sexual needs without giving her something major in return.

I have socialized much more in the past.

But don't you see how 95% of the things people say and ways people socialize is just putting up an act? That's why it's so hard at a bar or club, because the girls are lying to begin with.

I'm being told to "improve myself" to impress someone who is putting on a fake personality in the first place.

From your original post I just got the impression you care how you were perceived by women since you did not want them to see you as shy/weak. So I think it was safe to assume you still want to attract women, and most likely deal with them in your life. Otherwise why would you have cared how you were perceived by them?

My impression is that you're not like a mgtow monk that is completely content being alone with no woman in their life. If you were you wouldn't have made this thread in the first place.

But hey I could be wrong.

Your partner fulfils your sexual needs and you fullfill hers. An equal transaction. Where's the selfishness in this?

If you don't like pretense and small talk then just be verbally bold and direct. Look into mode one by Alan Roger Currie.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

From your original post I just got the impression you care how you were perceived by women since you did not want them to see you as shy/weak. So I think it was safe to assume you still want to attract women, and most likely deal with them in your life. Otherwise why would you have cared how you were perceived by them?

My impression is that you're not like a mgtow monk that is completely content being alone with no woman in their life. If you were you wouldn't have made this thread in the first place.

But hey I could be wrong.

Your partner fulfils your sexual needs and you fullfill hers. An equal transaction. Where's the selfishness in this?

If you don't like pretense and small talk then just be verbally bold and direct. Look into mode one by Alan Roger Currie.

Of course I want to attract them. But I don't necessarily need or want a "companion" all the time.

I also don't think they make very good companions!!!!

In fact, the personality of many girls is so awful that if they were a guy, they would get their a$$ beat every day.

Also, if you have one as a "companion," like it or not... She will cost money. It might be excessive if that's the type that she is, or it might just be simple things like food and water.

And she will NEVER ADMIT that she is just a human being. She will always hold on to some fairytale delusion that she is somehow "special" because she is female. And THAT is my #1 "sticking point." The B$ that goes on in their brains. Not my fault.

Show me one girl who doesn't think in some way, shape, or form that being female makes her "special," when in FACT, it means she is the inferior half of our species.

 

[corrector]

As a man these things are all the motivation you need to talk to women or socialise in general: not end up all alone forever, gain a close group of friends, have a woman by your side to support you through life, and fulfill your romantic and sexual needs. Regardless if you're introverted or not this is all the motivation you need.

Having been through a break-up and divorce I can say that I know how it feels like to have all of that, and then having that all pulled out and ending up with nothing twice. I'm back to normal now, but I can remember either the very strong depression where I lost appetite, or anxiety/panic attacks which sort of make me feel that I would be better off if nothing happened then experience these types of emotional bombs at the end of the day. Your close group of friends can side with her and become your enemies, etc...

What you are saying is right if you meet a loyal woman that doesn't pull out or doesn't cheat on you or doesn't turn on you. The OP can understand that 99% of women are a liability because when you factor these other aspects in, it's a nasty emotional roller-coaster.

I've also never met any man who didn't NATURALLY want to approach and talk to a woman they found attractive. It's hard wired in us to do so, again, regardless if you're introverted. What usually stops men from doing so is the negative talk in their heads, or the fact that they have no confidence in their social skills because they know they're underdeveloped. This is typically true for introverts, which is why they must work on improving them.

But what men do you know who NATURALLY like being rejected? What you are saying is valid if there is IOI's, AI's, or some sort of non-verbal openness on the part of the lady. However, if you are getting non-verbal rejections or getting nowhere, then it's not negative talk or no confidence because social skills are underdeveloped. If someone was popular with woman then they'd have all the social practice they need.

As far as I'm concerned there is no choice for OP but to get out there and be more social. Not many women want a man with little to no social life. And if OP was lucky enough to find a woman who was just like him, it would be very difficult to have an abundance mentality because women like that are rare. The more people you know and hang out with, the higher your chances and more opportunities you have for meeting women. That's why being social is crucial.

So you really think a woman will take a broke guy with a social life vs a guy who has his act together with no social life?

I'm not advocating OP put on an act, I'm saying he must make an effort to change himself, to improve himself. There's a difference. And if needed at first, fake it till you make it. I'm an introvert myself and I have done the same thing to improve my social skills back when I was shy. The point is to learn to be social enough to get what you want out of life.

So your social skills landed you with your dream gf, plenty of options to keep your dream gf in place, and a social life? If so we are all ears. Share us your success story!

A guy at my workplace is quiet, but not that great looking. He's a short 5 ft 6 , decent face, decent body but that's it. But this guy pulls his fair share of women, more so than guys better looking or more extroverted. But what makes him different is that he is socially confident, witty, masculine, despite being quiet. He's the typical strong silent type women talk about. I've met quite a few guys like that who pull like crazy. So I'm not too sure your theory holds much water.

What is his position at work? Maybe he has status at his job and the women he's pulling is under him in some way?

 

[corrector]

My impression is that you're not like a mgtow monk that is completely content being alone with no woman in their life. If you were you wouldn't have made this thread in the first place.

We are getting into definitions of mgtow here. The OP is definitely MGTOW, he's just not monk. He is visiting escorts therefore he is getting his sexual needs fulfilled and has temporary female companionship in these encounters. If he's visiting escorts because he believes that real "civvie" woman are full of themselves and are a pain to be around with because they are spoiled by the feminist society into being entitled, and he don't want to deal with that, then you can't really get MGTOW then that.

I personally, on the other hand, do not feel the need of any female compansionship in the flesh because I believe that connection with God is the first thing and there is enough virtual stuff going around that it's not hard to feel occupied enough not to be lonely.

But hey I could be wrong.

Your partner fulfils your sexual needs and you fullfill hers. An equal transaction. Where's the selfishness in this?

It's lust and that is selfish by the nature of what it is. Love on the other hand is self-less. Sex can be a by-product out of love in a marriage with an intent of procreation for it to not be selfish. If it's an equal transaction, then it's mutual selfishness rather than selfgiving.

If you don't like pretense and small talk then just be verbally bold and direct. Look into mode one by Alan Roger Currie.

May take allot of practise talking to yourself in the mirror. A cousin of mine who is successful with the ladies talks about how he has conversations with himself in the mirror and builds himself up. If you are used to saying something and practise it outloud to yourself and visualize talking to a woman, then the nerves may not block you when a real opportunity comes up because you practised.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

We are getting into definitions of mgtow here. The OP is definitely MGTOW, he's just not monk. He is visiting escorts therefore he is getting his sexual needs fulfilled and has temporary female companionship in these encounters. If he's visiting escorts because he believes that real "civvie" woman are full of themselves and are a pain to be around with because they are spoiled by the feminist society into being entitled, and he don't want to deal with that, then you can't really get MGTOW then that.

I personally, on the other hand, do not feel the need of any female compansionship in the flesh because I believe that connection with God is the first thing and there is enough virtual stuff going around that it's not hard to feel occupied enough not to be lonely.



It's lust and that is selfish by the nature of what it is. Love on the other hand is self-less. Sex can be a by-product out of love in a marriage with an intent of procreation for it to not be selfish. If it's an equal transaction, then it's mutual selfishness rather than selfgiving.



May take allot of practise talking to yourself in the mirror. A cousin of mine who is successful with the ladies talks about how he has conversations with himself in the mirror and builds himself up. If you are used to saying something and practise it outloud to yourself and visualize talking to a woman, then the nerves may not block you when a real opportunity comes up because you practised.

What's the need to put labels on things?

I got kicked off the MGTOW forums before I even came here.

If I could get it for free, that would be preferable. But did you see the pictures of those Backpage hookers I posted? I don't think anybody on the planet fvcks hot girls like that in rotation without paying them. Donald Trump included.

 

[corrector]

Deleting post. Too personal.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I got kicked off enotalone, no-porn (site for porn addicts) and incel sites in the past. Labels are a way of identifying with a group of people who may think or feel a similar way. MGTOW does not have a stigma to it, IMO, it sounds more like social commentary.



They are okay, however, I'm good with the memories of my own hooker experience back in Dec 4, 2014.

This youtube video resonates with the experience: It's the Spanish lady in the elevator:

Like around 1:30 or so in the video

The other one in Dec 5, 2014 resonates with this youtube video:

She wore something that looked like that, was white, Brunette, Spanish.

So I think my two are better than your dozen. First one was like a gf, the other one was like a slvt -- real madonna hor complex. First one was a softcore experience other one was too dirty. I was shy to re-book a second with the first gf like one and went dirty with another one I didn't care that much about and felt like I cheated on the first.

I've owned up to what I did though and have repented for all of this. However, even if I totally am against this, a memory is a memory. Unless I can erase memories, there is nothing I can do about this.

A hooker was your gf? I don't get it.

I've seen probably close to 200. I've never seen the same one twice, except once by accident.

 

[corrector]

A hooker was your gf? I don't get it.

I've seen probably close to 200. I've never seen the same one twice, except once by accident.

No, I meant girlfriend experience. It's the style of the session. I made sure underware stayed on and was deathly afraid of being completely naked by this woman. We danced together to her Spanish music. I held her hard and kissed her cheeks and smelled her body touched her raven black hair and saw her nude pvssy infront of me. She was shaved. I felt like I just absorbed her.

I felt shy booking with her again because I felt that she may not feel like that moment I had with her again. Something about that session felt magical with me. I couldn't imagine being really sexual with her and sort of respected her and went with someone else the second night.

It's a good thing I quit this since I'm liable to just stick with one or something and that would be sick since she's seeing other guys. If you deal with more than one it feels like an orgy.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

No, I meant girlfriend experience. It's the style of the session. I made sure underware stayed on and was deathly afraid of being completely naked by this woman. We danced together to her Spanish music. I held her hard and kissed her cheeks and smelled her body touched her raven black hair and saw her nude pvssy infront of me. She was shaved. I felt like I just absorbed her.

I felt shy booking with her again because I felt that she may not feel like that moment I had with her again. Something about that session felt magical with me. I couldn't imagine being really sexual with her and sort of respected her and went with someone else the second night.

It's a good thing I quit this since I'm liable to just stick with one or something and that would be sick since she's seeing other guys. If you deal with more than one it feels like an orgy.

I guess we're different people.

If I paid a hooker and she didn't have sex with me, I would feel like kicking her teeth in.

 

[StrayCat]

Have you tried doctors on demand? They have psychiatrists there to help you via an app. You need to speak to a professional. It clear you are unhappy with your life.

 

[corrector]

I guess we're different people.

If I paid a hooker and she didn't have sex with me, I would feel like kicking her teeth in.

She offered to have sex with me and asked me if I wanted to F**k her. If she offers and you refuse then she's off the hook.