Is She BPD?

[rayv12]

Met this girl through a common friend.
First date:
Met at a local bar for a drink, had good time.
When i started to leave, keeps insisting on dropping me home even though she lives on the other end of the city. Acted strongly and asked her to leave. Throws a tantrum but agrees.

At this point had decided to not really go out with her moving forward.
After 3 weeks, calls me stating she has something important to talk and i agree to speak, apologizes for the behavior and the reason was that she wanted to be with me and was drunk. I forgive and ask her on a second date next week.

Second date:
Firstly, had a few drinks (as she did not want to get drunk) we go for a movie, make out like crazy and then leave. Good behavior through out the date.

Third date:
Meets me after work wanting be alone with me, we visit a nearby resort get drunk. Short of Condoms wants me to do it without it i deny. Oral sex Only. Good Behavior

Fourth date:
We visit the resort have sex. Everything was fine. Agrees to everything makes me feel good about myself.

Fifth date:
Great Sex, Gets drunk behaves crazy talking to no one in the room asking me to tell the person to leave. Abusive ex boyfriend drama. Tells me She is faithful and a loyal person. Past self harm marks seen on wrists. Ex boyfriend was the reason. He made her crazy. Weird stories about she being molested as a teen by her friends and how her best friend asked her to sleep with one of her uncles for money and she could not understand what is going on. Does not want to go back home wants to be with me. When denied, says she doesn't need me and i can leave of i want to. I wait outside and try again get her stuff and take her back. Cries and says she wants to be with me to which i again show indifference and say it is fine.

Keeps calling me and texting how she is bored and is missing me wants to talk to me all the time.


A few observations:
- Very Possessive
- wants to marry me stating i am perfect
- Hates other girls stating they are evil
- Constantly making me feel good.
- Will you leave me?
- Blames it on the alcohol
- constant biting

The sex is amazing, makes me feel good about myself.
I am enjoying the possessiveness and the affection she is showing.

What would you do?

 

[Thomas553]

I dated a girl like this and it made me want to kill myself so...

 

[Murk]

I think less BPD more sexually abused, confused and erratic. Read up on the mental illness that sexual abuse causes. Get her to therapy/counselling and leave her alone. Of course you will continue to smash because you're human, at the very least try to get her help. Don't blame BPD as the cause when this girl has clearly had a fvcked up life. Don't treat her like sh!t either or you will further her decline.

 

[051AV]

You've opened Pandora's box your fvcked try get away from her, she sounds like she's got some serious problems, drinking heavy seems to be one of them. She doesn't sound like a BPD, a BPD hides the fact they have issues until they know they have you hooked. It usually takes a couple months or longer for a BPD starts to show their ugly side, this woman your talking about is showing her ugly side in a short period of time. You should be planning an exit quickly more time you spend with this girl the deeper in schit you going to get, I've got a feeling you're going to need a restraining order for this broad. I would be scared of her calling the cops on you claiming you abused her, she will get all juiced up and lose her mind.

BPDs usually stem from hating her parents or she's had absentee parents, hating her father is a good red flag for a BPD, you have to look at this girls past does she have a path of destruction? that's common for a BPD, if she doesn't have many friends or no friends at all, she claims she hates a lot of people or they hate her. In any case your fvcked, you stepped in the dog sh!t its not going to come off easy.

 

[rayv12]

I think less BPD more sexually abused, confused and erratic. Read up on the mental illness that sexual abuse causes. Get her to therapy/counselling and leave her alone. Of course you will continue to smash because you're human, at the very least try to get her help. Don't blame BPD as the cause when this girl has clearly had a fvcked up life. Don't treat her like sh!t either or you will further her decline.

I try to be indifferent on whatever she says or tries to do. She has been very good apart from the parts where she gets drunk and does not remember about the behaviour. All this time I haven’t really bothered her and been as logical and simple I could be. I do understand it may be sexual abuse and she is not making up all this. Direct rejection won’t do any good to her as she will try to get back on me (She will). What would you suggest.?

 

[rayv12]

You've opened Pandora's box your fvcked try get away from her, she sounds like she's got some serious problems, drinking heavy seems to be one of them. She doesn't sound like a BPD, a BPD hides the fact they have issues until they know they have you hooked. It usually takes a couple months or longer for a BPD starts to show their ugly side, this woman your talking about is showing her ugly side in a short period of time. You should be planning an exit quickly more time you spend with this girl the deeper in schit you going to get, I've got a feeling you're going to need a restraining order for this broad. I would be scared of her calling the cops on you claiming you abused her, she will get all juiced up and lose her mind.

BPDs usually stem from hating her parents or she's had absentee parents, hating her father is a good red flag for a BPD, you have to look at this girls past does she have a path of destruction? that's common for a BPD, if she doesn't have many friends or no friends at all, she claims she hates a lot of people or they hate her. In any case your fvcked, you stepped in the dog sh!t its not going to come off easy.

I never really saw any hate for her parents she actually says she wants to be with them and she loves them. She does have friends not many but a few very good friends. She does have some pictures of me sleeping next to her on her bed(clicked while I was sleeping). That probably scares me . She definitely does like clicking pictures (Instagram 986k followers). Going no contact and running away , avoiding her is not an option as you clearly understand.
She speaks about her ugly side when she is drunk and not really when she is sober. Do you still believe it is BPD ? Or just sexual abuse

 

[skinnyguy]

The fifth date was a mistake

 

[soulforge]

• She will trap you with the hot sex!

That is the only thing she has to offer, and the ONE thing weak naive men become addicted to.

She is a fukin train wreck.. If you want to be driven to SUICIDE

 

[ohrein]

Jesus, ****ing, Christ. It doesn't matter what she is, I think you know exactly how good an idea it is to keep seeing this girl. Good ****ing luck, my friend.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Met this girl through a common friend.
First date:
Met at a local bar for a drink, had good time.
When i started to leave, keeps insisting on dropping me home even though she lives on the other end of the city. Acted strongly and asked her to leave. Throws a tantrum but agrees.

At this point had decided to not really go out with her moving forward.
After 3 weeks, calls me stating she has something important to talk and i agree to speak, apologizes for the behavior and the reason was that she wanted to be with me and was drunk. I forgive and ask her on a second date next week.

Second date:
Firstly, had a few drinks (as she did not want to get drunk) we go for a movie, make out like crazy and then leave. Good behavior through out the date.

Third date:
Meets me after work wanting be alone with me, we visit a nearby resort get drunk. Short of Condoms wants me to do it without it i deny. Oral sex Only. Good Behavior

Fourth date:
We visit the resort have sex. Everything was fine. Agrees to everything makes me feel good about myself.

Fifth date:
Great Sex, Gets drunk behaves crazy talking to no one in the room asking me to tell the person to leave. Abusive ex boyfriend drama. Tells me She is faithful and a loyal person. Past self harm marks seen on wrists. Ex boyfriend was the reason. He made her crazy. Weird stories about she being molested as a teen by her friends and how her best friend asked her to sleep with one of her uncles for money and she could not understand what is going on. Does not want to go back home wants to be with me. When denied, says she doesn't need me and i can leave of i want to. I wait outside and try again get her stuff and take her back. Cries and says she wants to be with me to which i again show indifference and say it is fine.

Keeps calling me and texting how she is bored and is missing me wants to talk to me all the time.


A few observations:
- Very Possessive
- wants to marry me stating i am perfect
- Hates other girls stating they are evil
- Constantly making me feel good.
- Will you leave me?
- Blames it on the alcohol
- constant biting

The sex is amazing, makes me feel good about myself.
I am enjoying the possessiveness and the affection she is showing.

What would you do?

1. Doesn’t mind going raw.
2. Possessiveness bordering psychotic behaviour
3. Ex boyfriend Drama
4. Self Harm [Nuclear Red Flag]
5. Admits being crazy [Believe her]
6. Sexual molestation past
7. Says she hates other girls when in reality possibly other girls don’t want her company. [ girls look right through other girls]


Read this over and over again, RUN FOR THE HILLS.


You are enjoying the possessiveness because she’s inflating your ego and making you feel extremely desirable. When she paints you black, you’ll be wondering what you did wrong in a loop till you realise that
NOTHING YOU ARE DOING IS MAKING HER BEHAVE LIKE THIS.

She repeats the same cycle with every guy, with each guy wondering what went wrong at the end.

LOOK AT THE RED FLAGS, DONT STICK IT IN CRAZY.

 

[rayv12]

1. Doesn’t mind going raw.
2. Possessiveness bordering psychotic behaviour
3. Ex boyfriend Drama
4. Self Harm [Nuclear Red Flag]
5. Admits being crazy [Believe her]
6. Sexual molestation past
7. Says she hates other girls when in reality possibly other girls don’t want her company. [ girls look right through other girls]


Read this over and over again, RUN FOR THE HILLS.


You are enjoying the possessiveness because she’s inflating your ego and making you feel extremely desirable. When she paints you black, you’ll be wondering what you did wrong in a loop till you realise that
NOTHING YOU ARE DOING IS MAKING HER BEHAVE LIKE THIS.

She repeats the same cycle with every guy, with each guy wondering what went wrong at the end.

LOOK AT THE RED FLAGS, DONT STICK IT IN CRAZY.

Yeah I’m just gonna slowly dump her, no sex meeting in public places only and slowly start avoiding her . Yeah I do feel the same about her that’s what I always felt. Will this help or I have to go full blown no contact. No contact makes the normal ones go crazy to so she would probably go more nuts? Any suggestions to get rid of her

 

[Twodogs]

LAR nailed it straight up. Run, full NC. Don't piss around the edges with the slow ghosting.

 

[QuadDeuces]

You can turn BPD's into casual plates very easily.
But it is essential that you have more women in you rotation.
The issue with BPD is their abandonment and attachment issues, and this is where a lot of green guys mess up, they tell you they have been abandoned by everyone, they tell you they are the victim of everyone in their past. SO the natural instinct of the guy is to tell her, "baby I'm here for you I will help you, I won't hurt and abandon you" and then shower them with love and attention.
She will hate you for this, because in her inner core she doesn't love herself, so she will hate you for it. How crazy this might sound she doesn't want to get what she says she wants to get, she wants to get what she has always got, she is addicted to that (abandonment and pain).
So if you use her as a casual plate, only for fun dates, sex. And then before she gets too close you push her away and ignore her for a while and give other women in your rotation the priority, she will feel very comfortable with you, because that is exactly how she is programmed (not being worthy of being a primary girlfriend).

The moment you start caring more about her than she cares about herself is when she starts to push you away and hate you and cheat on you. Never make them your gf, never knock them up. Just bang them have great dates lots of fun and keep them as a low priority girl in your rotation and you have a great fvckbuddy addicted to you. And she might even be loyal to you too how crazy it sounds.

 

[Twodogs]

^ True. Or you can just avoid the inevitable drama and just fvck her straight off.

 

[051AV]

I would be running away from this one immediate no contact with her that's for damn sure.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You can turn BPD's into casual plates very easily.
But it is essential that you have more women in you rotation.
The issue with BPD is their abandonment and attachment issues, and this is where a lot of green guys mess up, they tell you they have been abandoned by everyone, they tell you they are the victim of everyone in their past. SO the natural instinct of the guy is to tell her, "baby I'm here for you I will help you, I won't hurt and abandon you" and then shower them with love and attention.
She will hate you for this, because in her inner core she doesn't love herself, so she will hate you for it. How crazy this might sound she doesn't want to get what she says she wants to get, she wants to get what she has always got, she is addicted to that (abandonment and pain).
So if you use her as a casual plate, only for fun dates, sex. And then before she gets too close you push her away and ignore her for a while and give other women in your rotation the priority, she will feel very comfortable with you, because that is exactly how she is programmed (not being worthy of being a primary girlfriend).

The moment you start caring more about her than she cares about herself is when she starts to push you away and hate you and cheat on you. Never make them your gf, never knock them up. Just bang them have great dates lots of fun and keep them as a low priority girl in your rotation and you have a great fvckbuddy addicted to you. And she might even be loyal to you too how crazy it sounds.

To add to this for the guys who read this and think "that sounds easy"

Well...she will get angry with you for not trying to get close to her..until you do and then the crazy **** starts. It's not as if they enjoy being a booty call..they don't. Until you make them more than a booty call and then they get really upset.

Sounds fun, huh?

 

[Bible_Belt]

You can turn BPD's into casual plates very easily.
But it is essential that you have more women in you rotation.
The issue with BPD is their abandonment and attachment issues, and this is where a lot of green guys mess up, they tell you they have been abandoned by everyone, they tell you they are the victim of everyone in their past. SO the natural instinct of the guy is to tell her, "baby I'm here for you I will help you, I won't hurt and abandon you" and then shower them with love and attention.
She will hate you for this, because in her inner core she doesn't love herself, so she will hate you for it. How crazy this might sound she doesn't want to get what she says she wants to get, she wants to get what she has always got, she is addicted to that (abandonment and pain).
So if you use her as a casual plate, only for fun dates, sex. And then before she gets too close you push her away and ignore her for a while and give other women in your rotation the priority, she will feel very comfortable with you, because that is exactly how she is programmed (not being worthy of being a primary girlfriend).

The moment you start caring more about her than she cares about herself is when she starts to push you away and hate you and cheat on you. Never make them your gf, never knock them up. Just bang them have great dates lots of fun and keep them as a low priority girl in your rotation and you have a great fvckbuddy addicted to you. And she might even be loyal to you too how crazy it sounds.

Everything you said is very true. And if anyone ever accuses you of being a bad person for treating a bpd girl that way, remember that you are giving her the only thing that will make her happy. She will destroy every relationship by trying to turn it into that scenario of being kept on the edge of a man's life.

 

[GoodOne123]

Dude, tell tale signs are there: molestation in past, self harm, idealising you with the possesiveness, general crazy behaviour.

She may not be bpd per se, but she most likely has cluster b character traits.

You should leave by slowly fading away. Cancel dates every now and then. Make excuses. Hope she doesn't know where you live cos she might hunt you down...

If you make the bad decision to stay with her, just make sure you don't end up with any assault charges or a total loss of sanity.

 

[AJ84]

Everything you said is very true. And if anyone ever accuses you of being a bad person for treating a bpd girl that way, remember that you are giving her the only thing that will make her happy. She will destroy every relationship by trying to turn it into that scenario of being kept on the edge of a man's life.

No.
Maybe it's because I work with people who are mentally ill, but I think gaming someone who is emotionally vulnerable with a history of abuse and self harm just to use them for sex is bottom of the barrel behaviour.

I think the decent human being and adult thing to do is end it clean and clear and move on. OP please don't be someone who would take advantage of someone's weak mental state just to have a steady plate, there's zero dignity in that.

 

[rayv12]

What i am going to do:
- no sex
- meeting up in public places
- be myself (polite and funny)
- slowly cancel dates and no calling or texting.
- indifference
- i am going to document this on the thread.

I am not really a bad person nor i have any issues with her but she has more problems and someday they will affect me, so she needs to go.
I do like her and i wish her all the good luck in life without me.

I met her yesterday for lunch. Saying "no" was not an option.
I acted funny and nice. She seemed happy. Wants to be with me on the weekend.
I decline stating i have something important come up and it won't be possible.
I inform her it won't be possible next weekend as well. She was disappointed and stated if i don't meet her this weekend she will not meet me ever after this.
I smile with a grin and say it is fine if you don't want to meet me after this. i quote " You are an ******* and you will meet me Friday night if not the weekend".
It won't be possible i reply and joke about how much i want to be with her and miss her and how i am okay with her going out with someone else. Says she does not want to be with anyone else. I joke about the Fifth date without the self harm and molestation stories. But her talking to Ghost was a performance to be remembered and i did bring it up, we both laughed over it.
We leave and she seemed normal,Goodbye!.

No calls or text messages after the date! - Good sign
i will keep you guys updated