I can't put my finger on why every chick blows me off after initially showing signs of interest

[Spaz]

I don't think you're getting signs of sexual interest. It sounds like you're just being a fun and chatty guy. That's great if you want to make friends, but not ideal if you're trying to build attraction and express your sexual interest in them.

It also sounds like you're being a little bit weak with your interactions. Be short, direct and clear. "Hey, let's go out for a drink this week, when are you free?"

It seems to me you're not approaching enough women to find the interested ones. Biggest reason a girl blows a guy off is because she's not interested in him. That simple.

That's it^^.

Lack of sexual vibe from you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm convinced it's a waste of time and energy asking or knowing this.

Only thing that matters is that you pursue what YOU want with zero regard for/knowledge of their approval or interest.

Are we saying to pursue them even if they don't show interest? Explain. My most recent life lesson was that interest level is huge and cannot be overlooked.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In my opinion it's almost always best to be PROACTIVE rather than REACTIVE.

Mystery was spot-on when he advocated the Three Second Rule.

DJs, and successful men in general, are built by failing. Better to try and fail rather than not try at all. The LAST thing I'm gonna do is wait for some sign or signal. I'm just gonna go for what I want and let the chips fall where they may.

In my experience it NEVER hurts to invite them to drink with you, even when they appear to be not interested. Rejection stings but it also builds character and makes DJs of us all.

I'm cool with a few rejections. My question pertains to someone who you've been dealing with. If they continually show low interest. Flake 80% of the time we should be using our time elsewhere right?

 

[ohrein]

That dude hijacked my thread

Haha, most threads here tend to branch out into other topics and linking ideas. I think you got some solid answers for your questions, is there anything you want clarified?

 

[ohrein]

I completely relate to the OP's problem because I have the same one. Guys like us have no problem talking with people, being funny, getting to know them, and getting them to like us, but that's the extent of it -- just being cool with people. I've read tips like "talk to the girl like any other guy or human being" and I think the advice is more wrong than right. You talk to a girl like any other person and you'll just end up with phone numbers that go nowhere.

I wonder if these flakes are resulting mostly from an SMV issue, particularly looks/appearance, rather than tight game. I thought you can only amplify sexual attraction that's already there, not build it in a girl who wasn't that interested to begin with. Also, the other idea on this forum is to filter and approach only interested women or you're wasting your time with high % of flakes.

I agree sexual communication is a lot more subtle, but if the girl is standing around like a marble pillar and not touching you back after you kino, is she really that interested? Are you really building sexual attraction? Sounds like an uphill battle that's not worth the time, which is why there's threads here that say to approach women who are open and likely to be interested. And if the girl is initially interested in you before you walk across the room to her and open your mouth, isn't your SMV doing the first impression?

I'm not saying that OP, I, or anyone else should only approach girls who give us a sign or only approach after building up our SMV. As men, we approach the women that we're attracted to whether there's an initial interest or not. I just think it's stupid swinging the bat 100 times just to run to 1st base. As DJs, we're looking for successful conversions from approaches to dates to lays. We're not approaching 100 girls in the hopes of getting first dates out of 3 women who said yes simply because we're lucky that she was in a good mood that moment. I would think if a suave, high SMV guy came into the picture, it wouldn't matter what kind of mood the girl is in...she'd be sexually interested.

How I see it @GeeMale is that we're practicing our approaches so that by the time we build up our SMV high enough to prevent excessive flaking, our game is sharp enough to close on dates consistently.

Any DJs out there who had this same problem and figured out how to break out of the social, funny guy mold and into a sexual frame?

It's all shades of grey but you're thinking about all the important factors. Yes, some women will just have zero interest in you and there's no amount of game that can change that. Conversely, some women will have such high interest in you that you won't need game initially (most guys will need game to keep a FWB or LTR around). But I think if you're an average guy, which I imagine most of us on here probably are, then your interactions will fall somewhere in the middle. She's receptive to you but on first glance there's nothing about you that particularly stands out, except maybe you have a great confident posture or are dressed well. There are some guys who advocate and filter for only high interest women, and that's not a terrible strategy if your time is valuable. But when I was dating, I was filtering for women I was interested in, not women who had interest in me. I happened to meet one who had a very high IL in me and so I didn't have to game much at all, but I wouldn't say my game didn't matter. I lead in the beginning by asking her out, keeping texts to a minimum and just being myself. After she'd gotten comfortable with me, I just started letting her chase a bit. "I can't figure you out", "You didn't text me for days, I thought I'd done something wrong" and making sure when we'd hang out it was as intensely fun or passionate as possible.

So, I guess the question is, is her high initial IL a reflection of my SMV or game? If I hadn't done the initial work, even though she was interested in me, nothing would have come of it. If I had poor game and had been weak in the initial interactions, would her high IL have dropped? If she'd had only moderate interest in me, would my game have brought her interest level up to high with my game? The point I'm trying to get at, is that I think it's all important. I think you should aim for as high SMV as you are willing to, then ignore that element of the dating game for the most part, and game/screen for women you want.

As for the sexual frame, that really is about flirting versus chatting. If you're talking to a woman like you'd talk to your male friends, you're not building attraction. I think that's simplest way to get you thinking about the difference.

 

[Stallionstud]

My last ltr came from a girl I wasn’t crazy about, and I treated her as such but she just would not give up and kept throwing wild sex at me. She had options. We started dating when mine all went cold on me

 

[MatureDJ]

I read on other sites when a chick blows a guy off its because:

1. You are wishy washy about the date(you didn't set up a day,place,and time)

2. Didn't want to say no to your face and legit doesn't like you

3. Said yes only because you used technique,strategy where its almost impossible for her to say no and she realized she isn't actually attracted to you

4. You could be good looking/charming and got something going on for you and they don't want their heart broken which I think is BS cause that sounds way too good to be true as guys would never do that to gorgeous women when getting their number

1. If the gal is into you, it doesn't matter what your plans are.

2 & 3. This is main reason (it's the same thing).

4. You would have to be pursuing something so beneath your Sexual Market Value that the gal can't find it believable. And most gals think they deserve a Chad, so this reason only makes sense if you're a fratboy on a dare to see who can nail the fattest chick.

 

[GeeMale]

1. If the gal is into you, it doesn't matter what your plans are.

2 & 3. This is main reason (it's the same thing).

4. You would have to be pursuing something so beneath your Sexual Market Value that the gal can't find it believable. And most gals think they deserve a Chad, so this reason only makes sense if you're a fratboy on a dare to see who can nail the fattest chick.

Are u telling me that if a chick is into me she wouldn’t care how fast or slow I initiate dates because she will most likely say yes to anything?

 

[GeeMale]

Haha, most threads here tend to branch out into other topics and linking ideas. I think you got some solid answers for your questions, is there anything you want clarified?[/QUOTE
Is it pointless to ask a chick for date and number when there is nothing there in that initial convo and just because she is hot?I notice these are the chicks that ghost me once I text them. It’s a pattern I’m understanding now lol. Like I remember each interaction wasn’t interesting at all.Id feel like it’s wasting time and being immature actually to go forward and exchange numbers and like I’m just doing it for validation.

What is your stance for chicks at work who seem to be into you? There’s a rule here that’s says not to date chicks at work and I agree. Sometimes I want to go out with one outside of work if not meeting chicks.

 

[ohrein]

What is your stance for chicks at work who seem to be into you? There’s a rule here that’s says not to date chicks at work and I agree. Sometimes I want to go out with one outside of work if not meeting chicks.

I had two plates I worked with at the same time at one point in my life. It wasn't a job I cared about so when the inevitable happened, it wasn't the end of the world. Was getting some high fives from the guys at work. I think don't **** where you eat is good advice. If it's a corporate job or a job you care about I'd avoid it if possible or at the very least be cautious. I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish between workplace friendliness and actual interest.

Is it pointless to ask a chick for date and number when there is nothing there in that initial convo and just because she is hot?I notice these are the chicks that ghost me once I text them. It’s a pattern I’m understanding now lol. Like I remember each interaction wasn’t interesting at all.Id feel like it’s wasting time and being immature actually to go forward and exchange numbers and like I’m just doing it for validation.

It's never pointless to ask a girl out you are interested in. Don't be invested in the outcome. I'm at a stage in my growth where I don't care how hot a woman is, I'm interested in character. Your millage may vary. If they ghost you, you're not generating enough initial interest or they have too many options. Either or, doesn't matter. Just keep moving on to more women. Took me a year of Tinder before I found a woman I wanted to date. I think it was like 100 matches, 10 dates, 1 LTR. That said I was using it very rarely, you could probably do those states in a month if you're putting more effort in. Approaches are about the same stats probably. A lot of girls give out numbers when they're only mildly interested in you but they have other guys around them. It's too hard to try and figure it all out. Just keep moving forward and focus on the ones who are interested.

 

[GeeMale]

I had two plates I worked with at the same time at one point in my life. It wasn't a job I cared about so when the inevitable happened, it wasn't the end of the world. Was getting some high fives from the guys at work. I think don't **** where you eat is good advice. If it's a corporate job or a job you care about I'd avoid it if possible or at the very least be cautious. I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish between workplace friendliness and actual interest.



It's never pointless to ask a girl out you are interested in. Don't be invested in the outcome. I'm at a stage in my growth where I don't care how hot a woman is, I'm interested in character. Your millage may vary. If they ghost you, you're not generating enough initial interest or they have too many options. Either or, doesn't matter. Just keep moving on to more women. Took me a year of Tinder before I found a woman I wanted to date. I think it was like 100 matches, 10 dates, 1 LTR. That said I was using it very rarely, you could probably do those states in a month if you're putting more effort in. Approaches are about the same stats probably. A lot of girls give out numbers when they're only mildly interested in you but they have other guys around them. It's too hard to try and figure it all out. Just keep moving forward and focus on the ones who are interested.

What does plates and plate spinning mean on here?

Lately in last few months randomly I check out other sites/YouTube for guys game advice and it's mostly because im lookong for validation or answers on why I don't get success as much as I think I can. Even worse...i look at what females have to say as well from their pov. What do you recommend I do? I'm tired of thinking I have to be chained to the internet and just want to keep on experimenting with what works and doesnt...besides all of the techniques, rules,info I learned on here already several months ago of course.

 

[GeeMale]

I had two plates I worked with at the same time at one point in my life. It wasn't a job I cared about so when the inevitable happened, it wasn't the end of the world. Was getting some high fives from the guys at work. I think don't **** where you eat is good advice. If it's a corporate job or a job you care about I'd avoid it if possible or at the very least be cautious. I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish between workplace friendliness and actual interest.



It's never pointless to ask a girl out you are interested in. Don't be invested in the outcome. I'm at a stage in my growth where I don't care how hot a woman is, I'm interested in character. Your millage may vary. If they ghost you, you're not generating enough initial interest or they have too many options. Either or, doesn't matter. Just keep moving on to more women. Took me a year of Tinder before I found a woman I wanted to date. I think it was like 100 matches, 10 dates, 1 LTR. That said I was using it very rarely, you could probably do those states in a month if you're putting more effort in. Approaches are about the same stats probably. A lot of girls give out numbers when they're only mildly interested in you but they have other guys around them. It's too hard to try and figure it all out. Just keep moving forward and focus on the ones who are
I saw somewhere that a reason a chick flakes from initial interaction is because it's too short and they want to meet someone who'd like to get to know them. This is the opposite from what you told me the other day of keeping it short and concise. What do you think?

 

[ohrein]

What does plates and plate spinning mean on here?

Lately in last few months randomly I check out other sites/YouTube for guys game advice and it's mostly because im lookong for validation or answers on why I don't get success as much as I think I can. Even worse...i look at what females have to say as well from their pov. What do you recommend I do? I'm tired of thinking I have to be chained to the internet and just want to keep on experimenting with what works and doesnt...besides all of the techniques, rules,info I learned on here already several months ago of course.

A plate is a woman you're sleeping with. Spinning plates means sleeping with multiple women, presumably as an analogy to the balancing act of actually spinning plates because it can become a handful.

Mmm, game advice can be hit and miss. The DJ bible (http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/) should be more than enough to give you some starting ideas. You absolutely want to keep experimenting and developing yourself. If you get stuck on here you're not learning. You should be out there failing and succeeding with women. Trying being ****y and funny, trying to get numbers from women you like, trying to go out with them, make them laugh and sleep with them. Learn about kino and escalation and go nuts. But you do also want to be pairing experience with knowledge you can use in the future, not just aimlessly doing things.