Is my problem that "I'm putting ***** on pedestal"??

[bigdave17]

I saw a very attractive female at my gym today that I actually met 6 years ago (I know her name and everything. She came out to a bar a couple times with another one of my friends). I just couldn't make myself talk to her at all.


Going back to that situation and trying to remember what was going through my head - it's basically a feeling that she would never like me because I'm not impossibly perfect. In my head, I can never be good enough for a quality girl to like me. I have some kind of intense anxiety/love shyness. I feel that women have impossible standards and there's almost no way I could ever make myself good enough to have a quality relationship with an attractive woman. I have very very intense anxiety when it comes to asking out someone I like. It just makes me want to procrastinate and avoid the anxiety and try to self improve in hopes that it will magically lead to me finding the woman I want.

 

[bigdave17]

Your problem is your ego.

it’s beyond me why people continue to respond to your needy cry for attention and approval threads.

You can consider yourself the best at this or that or think your hyper masculine when you and I both know you’re not. You don’t have any real confidence to speak of. You’r sense of pride and achievement is purely external, what you think of as your “confidence” is false because it’s tied ONLY to outside factors. There’s nothing real goin on inside. You’re still that shy fat kid inside and women can see this a mile away

Everything about you screams insecurity and tbh I don’t consider myself a typical “good looking guy”. I hang out with actual beautiful people but I’m WAAYYYYYYYyYyYyYyyyyy better looking than you
You’re not that good looking. Your clothes might just make you slightly above average

If you Got the ego under control, you would pull

But I stand by what I said in your first thread. You’re one of the few guys here I think is a lost cause. Some guys have issues no amount of game or encouragement can help them with

If I were you, I would invest in a sex robot and get her custom built to be the dime you feel you deserve

Best of luck. You’re really gonna need it

i'm much much better looking in real life than pics but I never said I was a 10/10 anyways. I'm realistically about a 7 in the face with excellent presentation/fashion sense/etc... All I want is a 6-8/10 female. I'm not looking for a 10/10 female

I am not disagreeing with most of what you're talking about here BTW. One thing I would say is when I'm around a woman who shows that she is attracted to me, I go into my comfort zone and become my normal charismatic self and I'm very good (i'm very effective on dates because of that reason). I struggle immensely to get into that comfort zone with a woman who has not shown that she is interested in me

I've made dating so much harder than it actually is. I've convinced myself that women do not want a man unless he's completely perfect in everyway. I see a girl I like and I feel very intense anxiety about the prospect of asking her out. The weird thing is that if she shows some interest in me, I become very very confident instantly but getting to that point is so difficult. I would absolutely dominate dating if women were the ones who approached first if that makes sense. I saw a girl today at my gym and I thought about asking her out and my first immediate thought was that she would never like me.

I just need to have a normal f*cking attitude about women and dating. I can't seem to convince myself that if I just have a normal pleasant conversation with a woman that she will like me but again, this isn't really me feeling like I'm inferior. This is a result of me extremely inflating women's standards. I just can't convince myself that women want a normal decent guy who has a good personality and is genuinely a great person without being a pushover *****. In my mind, attractive women my age are impossible to please.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

i'm much much better looking in real life than pics but I never said I was a 10/10 anyways. I'm realistically about a 7 in the face with excellent presentation/fashion sense/etc... All I want is a 6-8/10 female. I'm not looking for a 10/10 female

I am not disagreeing with most of what you're talking about here BTW. One thing I would say is when I'm around a woman who shows that she is attracted to me, I go into my comfort zone and become my normal charismatic self and I'm very good (i'm very effective on dates because of that reason). I struggle immensely to get into that comfort zone with a woman who has not shown that she is interested in me

I've made dating so much harder than it actually is. I've convinced myself that women do not want a man unless he's completely perfect in everyway. I see a girl I like and I feel very intense anxiety about the prospect of asking her out. The weird thing is that if she shows some interest in me, I become very very confident instantly but getting to that point is so difficult. I would absolutely dominate dating if women were the ones who approached first if that makes sense. I saw a girl today at my gym and I thought about asking her out and my first immediate thought was that she would never like me.

I just need to have a normal f*cking attitude about women and dating. I can't seem to convince myself that if I just have a normal pleasant conversation with a woman that she will like me but again, this isn't really me feeling like I'm inferior. This is a result of me extremely inflating women's standards. I just can't convince myself that women want a normal decent guy who has a good personality and is genuinely a great person without being a pushover *****. In my mind, attractive women my age are impossible to please.

Start with ladies who enjoy your company and work from there. It's easier to get a job when you already have one. And the females you think you want is it cause of looks or are they of similar mindset?

 

[bigdave17]

Start with ladies who enjoy your company and work from there. It's easier to get a job when you already have one. And the females you think you want is it cause of looks or are they of similar mindset?

I made another thread about this, the women who show interest towards me are some combination of

too old
not cute enough
not good enough body
have kids
too trashy

 

[zekko]

too trashy

If you don't want trashy women, maybe you should stop looking for women in bars.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Your thoughts create your reality.
Stop telling yourself you have anxiety, you are scared, you are not good enough.
Start telling yourself you're the biggest baddest fearless mawfvcker in the house and take what you want before you start thinking about yourself.

 

[bigdave17]

If you don't want trashy women, maybe you should stop looking for women in bars.

I go out to the city (Chicago) a good amount and plenty of the women there are very classy

 

[Spaz]

Don't think anyone here has the expertise to properly assist persons with Asperger Syndrome.

Anyhow, hv u tried applying any of the advice some hv given you?

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

You don't listen to anything anyone says to you. You just start another thread.

As Midnight said, your ego is problem #1, and you are just clueless about that no matter how many times we all say. You're putting yourself on a pedestal. You're still bragging and humblebragging about yourself in every post even while you fail with women, no humility.

You're also very shallow in what you're looking for, and very judgemental. That's not going to get you cuties.

I've convinced myself that women do not want a man unless he's completely perfect in everyway.

Does that remind you of anyone? Clue: YOURSELF. You don't want a woman unless she's f***ing perfect in every way. You claim you want a 6/10 but you're constantly rejecting people for not being 11/10.

If reading your own quote there and thinking for 10 seconds doesn't trigger a Fight Club style plot twist in your brain, nothing will. You're projecting your own ridiculously high expectations onto women and then claiming that it's the woman's fault that she's too picky...which is BS.

--

I'm done with these threads anyway. Good luck bud, we've all tried to help you so many times and it's a waste of time.

 

[derby1]

pmsl imagine when OP actually pulls a woman its gonna be car crash TV, probably hold a nail gun to her head if she dont reply to his texts quicktime

 

[bigdave17]

Does that remind you of anyone? Clue: YOURSELF. You don't want a woman unless she's f***ing perfect in every way. You claim you want a 6/10 but you're constantly rejecting people for not being 11/10.
.

that's complete BS dude

I just want a woman similar to me. Realistically I'm about a 6-8 in the face, I'm not asking for anything better than that. I do want someone who is mature/responsible/decent job/good head on her shoulders

I'm not going to date a single mom or a chick whose life is a trainwreck. Why would I? Why bust my ass to have a great lifestyle to date someone whose life is a trainwreck?

The chick at the gym yesterday was no better than a 7 in the face and I was very very attracted to her

 

[bigdave17]

pmsl imagine when OP actually pulls a woman its gonna be car crash TV, probably hold a nail gun to her head if she dont reply to his texts quicktime

where are you coming up with this?? I'm not clingy or needy at all

 

[derby1]

where are you coming up with this?? I'm not clingy or needy at all

1.you seek constant validation from a male community.......(female trait)

2. you accept no criticism, or you totally blank anyone who does criticise (female trait)

3. your insecure and consider the female the prize STILL (after months of posting) (Weak Trait)

4. Your very adament about your ideal woman, infact its a shopping list!! (princess syndrome)

5. You do a lot of Wondering (Female Trait)

you would be **** tested to the max and dumped within about 2 weeks!!

we have told you time and time again spin plates to learn , you are spinning nothing apart from your own mind

 

[bigdave17]

1.you seek constant validation from a male community.......(female trait)

2. you accept no criticism, or you totally blank anyone who does criticise (female trait)

3. your insecure and consider the female the prize STILL (after months of posting) (Weak Trait)

4. Your very adament about your ideal woman, infact its a shopping list!! (princess syndrome)

5. You do a lot of Wondering (Female Trait)

1)i'm not seeking any validation, I am trying to legitimately fix this problem

2)I'm admitting my faults in this thread

3)this is a subconscious problem that I'm trying to fix

4)my ideal woman? You mean the female version of me? that's all I'm asking for dude. I'm not a fat guy asking for a hottie

I'm a good looking, extraordinarily successful, responsible, mature, classy, intelligent male looking for a good looking, mildly successful, responsible, mature, classy, intelligent female. Why is that so bad?

you would be **** tested to the max and dumped within about 2 weeks!!

bull****. I have very strong self respect

I've had plenty of attractive women who were very interested in me but I did not date them because I didn't feel like they were in my league. The guys who are weak like that who would fail **** tests and get dumped are super desperate types who take anything they can get

I'm not willing to settle for anybody who does not satisfy my requirements and I'm not willing to tolerate any behavior that I feel is disrespectful

 

[derby1]

bull****. I have very strong self respect

Your the most insecure bloke on the forum

Youve just put a post that states "is my problem that im putting PSSSY on a Pedastal"

What exactly do you thinks gonna happen when you do meat a bit of fine *****?

what you gonna do she asks you to hold her handbag?

what you gonna do when she says are you a player?

what you gonna do when she denies you sex? or acts disinterested to see how you react that specific night?

this is why you date other women cause the current you would melt like an ice cream

Footballers Train with the B side ready for there Chance with the A side

not sit on the bench for a year and get sent on at OLD TRAFFORD infront of 72,000 you gonna be in for a shock

 

[Murk]

Oh finally admitting your faults and being humble Dave now? After months of nonsense. Midnight killed you and smooth/derby have buried the body.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

4)my ideal woman? You mean the female version of me? that's all I'm asking for dude.

I'm a good looking, extraordinarily successful, responsible, mature, classy, intelligent male looking for a good looking, mildly successful, responsible, mature, classy, intelligent female. Why is that so bad?

Point 1:

Okay, you don't know me but let me tell you - I'm better looking than Brad Pitt, more successful than Bill Gates and responsible, mature, classy. I'm a genius. I'm endowed like a shire horse. I'm so hard I could beat up Bruce Lee.

Do you immediately believe that paragraph above about me because I just said it? If you're rational, no. That's because it's a narcissistic self image. Even if some parts of it seem true (like if I I drive a luxury car and I'm good looking), it still doesn't mean all the stuff I project about myself when talking about myself is true. Same with you.

How many short, skinny wimps have you seen walking around like they're the toughest motherf*ckers in the world on a Friday night outside bars? Lots, I bet. Because their self image is totally out of tune with reality.

You might believe you're responsible, mature, confident...other people may all look at you and think "This guy is reckless, immature and insecure." I'm NOT saying they do, I'm saying that your self-image is NOT what you actually are. You need to separate your self-opinion from what you actually come across as, what you actually are. Your ego is not currently in sync with reality, IMO.

Point 2:

You're not looking for that woman, though. You're AGAIN confusing reality with your ideals and projections. You see yourself as this unreal, super demigod of love who is matchless on Earth. So you're looking for a literal Goddess of Love to descend from the heavens and bless you with a relationship.

And then a 9/10 hottie comes over, tells you she wants to get naughty with you and you reject her because she smokes pot. Even though she may have actually been the best woman you've ever met if you went out with her.

In short, get with reality and stop living with your head in the clouds.

 

[zekko]

I go out to the city (Chicago) a good amount and plenty of the women there are very classy

There's a saying here that alcohol = sex, and food = sleep. Meaning that if you want to get laid, take a girl out for drinks instead of dinner.
When you mix men, women, and alcohol together, things are going to happen. The point here is that if you have a woman that is fond of drinking and putting herself in these situations regularly, that increases the chances of her sex partner count going up, and increases the likelihood of her cheating on you should you end up in a relationship.

 

[mellow_yellow]

I commented on your "I can't stop procrastinating going after the women I really want" thread that you need to step away from dating mode, calm down and reset your mind before you jump back in. Did you read it? You're drowning in thoughts of insecurity and self-doubt that's only reinforcing your skewed, negative perspective on dating.

A change in perspective is called for. You need to take something along the lines of a vacation to unwind and reflect. Once you're away from anything related to dating in the city that's triggering you like seeing hot women you should be talking to, people at bars having a great time while you're not...you need to self-reflect on how to stop thinking that you because you have X outer game (money, wardrobe, muscles), you deserve Y women to flock to you. You're betting your entire success that since you feel you've mastered your outer game, everything else is automatic. It's not. Your lack of inner game is letting your mind torture you based on its belief that what you have right now should be an automatic jackpot of women where you don't have to do anything and they approach you.

Like the other guys have said about dropping your ego, you need to let go of your obsession in your looks, money, and clothes. Yes, you've worked hard for all these things, but disconnect it from everything else. Acknowledge you have these things and don't link them to any other ideas like confidence, success, and women. You have looks, money, and clothes just like you have hair, 2 hands, and 2 feet. Strip yourself down just to you and nothing else. Realize you're just a normal guy who's living his life, doing his part in the world, and meeting people, some who happen to be women. Don't treat approaching like an event like you're public speaking to a stadium. It should be normal and mindless like taking a shower or eating lunch. Work on talking to everyone just for a chat without going for their name or number. Not being worried about it at all -- just chatting. At the end, you'll just be you and it's another day in your life no matter what happens.

Let your mind take some time off to self-reflect AND absorb the advice the other guys here have been saying to you. Creating the same threads isn't going to help you except piss off the community of guys trying to help you. They said they'll ignore you before in your previous threads, but haven't ignored you yet because they still want to help despite how irritated they are with your pity party. You keep asking the same question to get a different answer and when you don't get the answer you're looking for, you make a new thread. You're really slapping the face of the DJ community by not taking their advice to heart. You keep ignoring their advice thread after thread like you're doing now and they will eventually ignore you as a lost cause. Deep reflection training starts now.

Take a step back, take a deep breath, suspend and separate your emotions and possessions, reflect, and learn from what's been said by others in your threads.

 

[bigdave17]

Point 1:

Okay, you don't know me but let me tell you - I'm better looking than Brad Pitt, more successful than Bill Gates and responsible, mature, classy. I'm a genius. I'm endowed like a shire horse. I'm so hard I could beat up Bruce Lee.

Do you immediately believe that paragraph above about me because I just said it? If you're rational, no. That's because it's a narcissistic self image. Even if some parts of it seem true (like if I I drive a luxury car and I'm good looking), it still doesn't mean all the stuff I project about myself when talking about myself is true. Same with you.

How many short, skinny wimps have you seen walking around like they're the toughest motherf*ckers in the world on a Friday night outside bars? Lots, I bet. Because their self image is totally out of tune with reality.

You might believe you're responsible, mature, confident...other people may all look at you and think "This guy is reckless, immature and insecure." I'm NOT saying they do, I'm saying that your self-image is NOT what you actually are. You need to separate your self-opinion from what you actually come across as, what you actually are. Your ego is not currently in sync with reality, IMO.

Point 2:

You're not looking for that woman, though. You're AGAIN confusing reality with your ideals and projections. You see yourself as this unreal, super demigod of love who is matchless on Earth. So you're looking for a literal Goddess of Love to descend from the heavens and bless you with a relationship.

And then a 9/10 hottie comes over, tells you she wants to get naughty with you and you reject her because she smokes pot. Even though she may have actually been the best woman you've ever met if you went out with her.

In short, get with reality and stop living with your head in the clouds.

dude I'm not turning down any 9/10 hotties

that chick was maybe a 7/10 but she was a big pothead who got her license taken away from her because of multiple pot possession crimes.

that is not compatible with me. I'm mr responsible and straight edge - outside of maybe drinking once a week. I live a pretty disciplined and healthy lifestyle

I don't need a 10/10...I'm very happy with a 7/10 as long as she's a few years younger than me, no kids and compatible lifestyle/personality