I can't put my finger on why every chick blows me off after initially showing signs of interest

[GeeMale]

I'm almost 25 and I've been on this site since May so more than 9 months and learned quite a lot pertaining to women and dating. I'm proud of myself in that I learned things I didn't know before and I also approach almost any cute chick that doesn't have a ring on her left ring finger.I'm not gonna lie though rejection still hurts a bit when it happens lol....but I get a rush when a cute chick actually agrees to hang out and gives me number!!!


One thing I can't put my finger on is why I get blown off by almost every chick that gives me their number when I set up a date.

I read on other sites when a chick blows a guy off its because:

1. You are wishy washy about the date(you didn't set up a day,place,and time)

2. Didn't want to say no to your face and legit doesn't like you

3. Said yes only because you used technique,strategy where its almost impossible for her to say no and she realized she isn't actually attracted to you

4. You could be good looking/charming and got something going on for you and they don't want their heart broken which I think is BS cause that sounds way too good to be true as guys would never do that to gorgeous women when getting their number


There's others but those are the most common a chick would blow a guy off after giving her number to him

I am supposedly good looking from what a lot of chicks say who are ugly,avg,and pretty

I believe when observing myself from the outside when looking back on interactions with cute chicks I act charismatic,funny,intelligent and collected most of the time. If not then detached.

One thing I will admit is that when first chatting with a chick I sometimes don't give an exact place,day,and time. Like I'd be vague and say let's go play pool or bowling in a few days. She would eventually agree but sound like she doesn't care for it after I would ask if she does that or what she normally does.Than I'd ask for number to text in a few days.Than when I do text her she replies one word or doesn't reply at all when I remind or ask again if she'd like to go to a place this day at this time and that I'd pick her up(sometimes lol).

Now I flirt or conversate and am funny with chicks all the time whether I ask them out or not for example at work I I'm cool with them although I don't date chicks from work as a rule. So wtf could be going on with the ones outside of work I do ask out?? It seems chicks at least think I'm funny and cool to talk to and think I'm at least okay looking and sometimes attractive depending on who she is.

I'm starting to lose faith that I'd find a cute chick that I'll date and marry long term. I don't feel like I need one to be happy but I want one.I legit think I could do good without them but they just make life more fun like she is another hobby or interest like how I am with NFL,NBA, working out, hanging out with friends,reading self help,etc.

Could someone with experience with this help me get over it?? I prefer one of you Don Juans to help a brother out lol

 

[ohrein]

I don't think you're getting signs of sexual interest. It sounds like you're just being a fun and chatty guy. That's great if you want to make friends, but not ideal if you're trying to build attraction and express your sexual interest in them.

It also sounds like you're being a little bit weak with your interactions. Be short, direct and clear. "Hey, let's go out for a drink this week, when are you free?"

It seems to me you're not approaching enough women to find the interested ones. Biggest reason a girl blows a guy off is because she's not interested in him. That simple.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Good advice above IMO.

Also I'd say you're overthinking it, trying to analyse all these different reasons for getting nexted when in reality it's nowhere near that logical.

For me the mind-opener was to realise in the last few months that many women, especially in their twenties, aren't rational about what they want. At all.

The less mature girls might decide to chat to you one day, date you the next, and then completely lose interest 2 days later. She might go date some fat slob who is less attractive and less intelligent than you, and then she'll be b*tching about how much of a loser he is or how cool he is. And yet she'll never think "Maybe I should have dated the other guy?" It's almost random sometimes.

I'm doing better now that I just assume everything a girl's saying is BS. Sounds depressing but it's the reality - talk and flirtation is cheap. Chat s***, don't get invested, realise that at any moment she could just lose interest for Obscure Reason #438230958.

Your job is not to understand the random whims of immature twenty-something girls who have no idea what they want. It's to play the field and get a level of confidence that makes them approach YOU and start bending over backwards for you, worrying about what YOU think of them rather than the other way round.

 

[GeeMale]

I don't think you're getting signs of sexual interest. It sounds like you're just being a fun and chatty guy. That's great if you want to make friends, but not ideal if you're trying to build attraction and express your sexual interest in them.

It also sounds like you're being a little bit weak with your interactions. Be short, direct and clear. "Hey, let's go out for a drink this week, when are you free?"

It seems to me you're not approaching enough women to find the interested ones. Biggest reason a girl blows a guy off is because she's not interested in him. That simple.

How would I interest them them more sexually? I thought chicks things of guys as avg joe when guys flirt about how fine they are and such. Thats at least what bradd said who has a sticky and I took his advice on complimenting what they're wearing instead.


I'll make sure I'm short, direct,and clear(although I don't drink or go to bars/clubs lol) every single approach cause I noticed the dates I do get that is exactly how the interaction is

What would be enough approaches to get more dates from interested chicks? I got 4 numbers of cute girls in 1 week and all of them blew me off. Don' tell me 5-10 a day cause I work 11 hours and work out plus other things so thats not even possible lol

But Holy crap you're totally right in that chicks see me as more fun and chatty than a sexual attraction.

Also reading posts from guys on the net and adopting their perceptions of failures and blames on chicks character is messing with my interactions as well because Im judging them now. Im going to stop that ish too.

 

[GeeMale]

Good advice above IMO.

Also I'd say you're overthinking it, trying to analyse all these different reasons for getting nexted when in reality it's nowhere near that logical.

For me the mind-opener was to realise in the last few months that many women, especially in their twenties, aren't rational about what they want. At all.

The less mature girls might decide to chat to you one day, date you the next, and then completely lose interest 2 days later. She might go date some fat slob who is less attractive and less intelligent than you, and then she'll be b*tching about how much of a loser he is or how cool he is. And yet she'll never think "Maybe I should have dated the other guy?" It's almost random sometimes.

I'm doing better now that I just assume everything a girl's saying is BS. Sounds depressing but it's the reality - talk and flirtation is cheap. Chat s***, don't get invested, realise that at any moment she could just lose interest for Obscure Reason #438230958.

Your job is not to understand the random whims of immature twenty-something girls who have no idea what they want. It's to play the field and get a level of confidence that makes them approach YOU and start bending over backwards for you, worrying about what YOU think of them rather than the other way round.

I understand about playing the field and getting them to be all over me as I felt like I was about that when I was adopting techniques,strategies, and lines when I first joined. I think it got me tired as memororizing all that stuff made me not want to follow my dreams and be me and to just compete with don juans.Plus I got oneitis for the first chick that made me join this site lol.It made me think how many and what type of women one gets is a badge of successful a guy is. Which is kind of true on his status but not if he is a bum or a lump lol.

A couple months ago I found a sticky in tip section that was mind opening to me as well and it drops all those as its not doable long term and to just follow my dreams,take the road of self improvement and if I do see cute chicks just sell myself to impress them in the beginning than be my self once she falls in love.


But back to your point about being the one who is being chased and not the other way around. Idk what made me start thinking this way oh yea it was when I lost hope in the summer when getting a few hot chicks numbers and losing hope thinking that Im flawed or something deep deeep inside esp this one I had oneitiz for. Than reading dudes posts that and their failures with their misogynisitoc blame shifting lol. And than eventually feeling like another victim.

Youre right it is depressing. How do I become irrisistible without feeling guilty its somewhat a front? Remembering that chicks are selfish helps but being honest with myself doesnt

 

[CMNILS87]

Overthinking. Be direct. Hey I’m free blah blah, let’s play pool at 7 and blatneys?

When a girl is interested, they usually eye **** the **** out of a guy. Some talk too much, some not st all. Let them talk.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Youre right it is depressing. How do I become irrisistible without feeling guilty its somewhat a front? Remembering that chicks are selfish helps but being honest with myself doesnt

Just don't think about it. At least not so much.

I feel I can comment on this because it's my main weakness too. Overthought breeds overcomplexity, overcomplexity breeds indecision and indecision breeds lack of confidence. Finally, lack of confidence results in less success with women and then you become depressed about the whole thing. I've been there...I kind of am there at the moment actually.

Have you ever noticed how guys who are mentally pretty thick often seem to do better with women than the smart dudes? It's the same reason less intelligent people apparently have lower rates of depression. They don't think about things. They just do them.

While this impulsive borderline stupidity is bad for activities like driving a car, safely navigating a railway track or avoiding unwanted pregnancies...it's also pretty good at coming across as cool confidence.

I'm not saying you should brainlessly hit on every woman you meet, but the less you analyse things and the more you just go with the flow the easier it will be. Even if your success doesn't increase due to bad luck, you won't get so frustrated if you don't mentally consider it so much.

 

[Herb]

I've had that problem a lot too, and still do sometimes. In my case I know it is actual sexual interest early on based on body language, type of convos, the kinds of texts and snaps I get (and the timing/context of these too), and so on. But a lot of times if I don't act effectively within the appropriate time or respond the way they want me to, they change their mind and there's almost no going back. The most annoying thing is when you know they were into you at first, and because you took longer to get to her due to life and other things, when you actually do act, they try to reframe everything as if they were never into you in the first place, and recolor all your past interactions in an innocent, platonic kind of way, which is BS in many cases. It's like playing dumb or they're acting as if you're dumb or naive. I don't know whether they actually think you'll believe that or if it's just some low key way of telling you that things have changed on their end and you should move on. But one thing I do understand is when its time to move on.

It seems to me you're not approaching enough women to find the interested ones. Biggest reason a girl blows a guy off is because she's not interested in him. That simple.

So what exactly is it that makes a girl interested to begin with? You almost make it sound like it's just some simple black and white thing, something almost instant that they decide within the first few seconds of seeing you? I feel like it's a little more complex than that and it can change based on their impression of you? Like I know it's not all physically based. And you should give up as soon as you notice their interest is wavering a bit? And what's the best strategy for filtering low interest from others, aside from simply playing the numbers game and casting a wide net? Seems like a rather un-nuanced approach, like taking a bludgeon to something. But don't get me wrong, I do believe it can work in the long run.

 

[ohrein]

How would I interest them them more sexually? I thought chicks things of guys as avg joe when guys flirt about how fine they are and such. Thats at least what bradd said who has a sticky and I took his advice on complimenting what they're wearing instead.


I'll make sure I'm short, direct,and clear(although I don't drink or go to bars/clubs lol) every single approach cause I noticed the dates I do get that is exactly how the interaction is

What would be enough approaches to get more dates from interested chicks? I got 4 numbers of cute girls in 1 week and all of them blew me off. Don' tell me 5-10 a day cause I work 11 hours and work out plus other things so thats not even possible lol

But Holy crap you're totally right in that chicks see me as more fun and chatty than a sexual attraction.

Also reading posts from guys on the net and adopting their perceptions of failures and blames on chicks character is messing with my interactions as well because Im judging them now. Im going to stop that ish too.

Sexual communication is difficult to explain on a post. It's flirting with a woman versus chatting to one. It's making eye contact in a certain way, looking them up and down, touching them on the arm or hand, making jokes that are sexually charged. It's also about reading her subtle reactions. Women are subversive with their sexual interest, men need to be overt. You're right that flirting in a boring way will make you an average Joe. I'd recommend finding a character from something that is close to your personality. I chose Hank Moody from Californication. Watch how they interact and see if you can figure out how you can adopt that into your personality and humor. It's a really complicated and nuanced topic though. Kino and sexual humor is the best place to start.

4 numbers is pretty good. I'm surprised all of them blew you off. Sounds like you got numbers, not actual interest. I think it's definitely your game. I take it you've read PUA material because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but numbers don't mean a lot. You really need to be focusing on the quality of your interaction rather than trying to get a number.

Finally, yes. Take everything on here with a grain of salt, including what I say. You want to take all the information you read on here and test it for yourself. Make it fit with your goals and who you are. Don't ever think anything anyone says is 100% true all the time. People are complicated, there is no singular rule.

 

[ohrein]

So what exactly is it that makes a girl interested to begin with? You almost make it sound like it's just some simple black and white thing, something almost instant that they decide within the first few seconds of seeing you? I feel like it's a little more complex than that and it can change based on their impression of you? Like I know it's not all physically based. And you should give up as soon as you notice their interest is wavering a bit? And what's the best strategy for filtering low interest from others, aside from simply playing the numbers game and casting a wide net? Seems like a rather un-nuanced approach, like taking a bludgeon to something. But don't get me wrong, I do believe it can work in the long run.

It's definitely not black and white leading up to that decision. But when she gets a text message from you and decides not to see you, it's because she's not interested. It means you didn't spark her interest enough to bother trying to see you. Sometimes they do decide in the first few seconds of seeing you, most of the time they're neutral, and sometimes they're immediately interested. Low/Moderate/High IL (interest levels). High IL is hard to screw up, Low IL is hard to develop. Moderate is where most interactions fall. If you're an average looking guy, you really do have to make an impression within a short time frame (but you're right, it's not immediately). So you need to spark something in her to build attraction. That could be confidence, humor, a shared interest, kino etc. If you're failing a lot on moderate IL women, then there's something about your approaches that is off. You maybe need to work on your appearance, maybe you're lacking confidence (most women can smell low confidence a mile away), maybe you're just boring. Hard to go into more depth without specific examples.

 

[mellow_yellow]

I completely relate to the OP's problem because I have the same one. Guys like us have no problem talking with people, being funny, getting to know them, and getting them to like us, but that's the extent of it -- just being cool with people. I've read tips like "talk to the girl like any other guy or human being" and I think the advice is more wrong than right. You talk to a girl like any other person and you'll just end up with phone numbers that go nowhere.

I wonder if these flakes are resulting mostly from an SMV issue, particularly looks/appearance, rather than tight game. I thought you can only amplify sexual attraction that's already there, not build it in a girl who wasn't that interested to begin with. Also, the other idea on this forum is to filter and approach only interested women or you're wasting your time with high % of flakes.

I agree sexual communication is a lot more subtle, but if the girl is standing around like a marble pillar and not touching you back after you kino, is she really that interested? Are you really building sexual attraction? Sounds like an uphill battle that's not worth the time, which is why there's threads here that say to approach women who are open and likely to be interested. And if the girl is initially interested in you before you walk across the room to her and open your mouth, isn't your SMV doing the first impression?

I'm not saying that OP, I, or anyone else should only approach girls who give us a sign or only approach after building up our SMV. As men, we approach the women that we're attracted to whether there's an initial interest or not. I just think it's stupid swinging the bat 100 times just to run to 1st base. As DJs, we're looking for successful conversions from approaches to dates to lays. We're not approaching 100 girls in the hopes of getting first dates out of 3 women who said yes simply because we're lucky that she was in a good mood that moment. I would think if a suave, high SMV guy came into the picture, it wouldn't matter what kind of mood the girl is in...she'd be sexually interested.

How I see it @GeeMale is that we're practicing our approaches so that by the time we build up our SMV high enough to prevent excessive flaking, our game is sharp enough to close on dates consistently.

Any DJs out there who had this same problem and figured out how to break out of the social, funny guy mold and into a sexual frame?

 

[GeeMale]

I completely relate to the OP's problem because I have the same one. Guys like us have no problem talking with people, being funny, getting to know them, and getting them to like us, but that's the extent of it -- just being cool with people. I've read tips like "talk to the girl like any other guy or human being" and I think the advice is more wrong than right. You talk to a girl like any other person and you'll just end up with phone numbers that go nowhere.

I wonder if these flakes are resulting mostly from an SMV issue, particularly looks/appearance, rather than tight game. I thought you can only amplify sexual attraction that's already there, not build it in a girl who wasn't that interested to begin with. Also, the other idea on this forum is to filter and approach only interested women or you're wasting your time with high % of flakes.

I agree sexual communication is a lot more subtle, but if the girl is standing around like a marble pillar and not touching you back after you kino, is she really that interested? Are you really building sexual attraction? Sounds like an uphill battle that's not worth the time, which is why there's threads here that say to approach women who are open and likely to be interested. And if the girl is initially interested in you before you walk across the room to her and open your mouth, isn't your SMV doing the first impression?

I'm not saying that OP, I, or anyone else should only approach girls who give us a sign or only approach after building up our SMV. As men, we approach the women that we're attracted to whether there's an initial interest or not. I just think it's stupid swinging the bat 100 times just to run to 1st base. As DJs, we're looking for successful conversions from approaches to dates to lays. We're not approaching 100 girls in the hopes of getting first dates out of 3 women who said yes simply because we're lucky that she was in a good mood that moment. I would think if a suave, high SMV guy came into the picture, it wouldn't matter what kind of mood the girl is in...she'd be sexually interested.

How I see it @GeeMale is that we're practicing our approaches so that by the time we build up our SMV high enough to prevent excessive flaking, our game is sharp enough to close on dates consistently.

Any DJs out there who had this same problem and figured out how to break out of the social, funny guy mold and into a sexual frame?

I kind of exagerrated on being funny. I think im more fun than funny. My sense of humor is the type that you wont knw im joking and on my wavelength till a few times later youre laughing hilariously.

Also I did put on weight recently and Im slightly overweight looking now(tho not ugly) however cute chicks still flirt when I initiate but even when slim It was almost the same lol kind of makes me realize when I get slim again and even cut there wont be much of a diff in success with chicks? But I do know for sure that im more confident and accepting of myself than when overweight. More self respect.

Does flirting more initially(more than what ive been doing but not a horn dog) make her more attracted and less chance of blowing me off when i hit her up a couple days later?

 

[marmel75]

Remember its not what you are or think you are its how women perceive you. Until you can understand how they perceive you is different from how you think you are and more importantly WHY, you will have trouble trying to get this resolved...

 

[Stallionstud]

We're not approaching 100 girls in the hopes of getting first dates out of 3 women who said yes simply because we're lucky that she was in a good mood that moment. I would think if a suave, high SMV guy came into the picture, it wouldn't matter what kind of mood the girl is in...she'd be sexually interested.

How I see it @GeeMale is that we're practicing our approaches so that by the time we build up our SMV high enough to prevent excessive flaking, our game is sharp enough to close on dates consistently.

I completely agree, success is the light I seek. It is easy to find failure, even in success you can find it. What I want is hard. Lack of failure.

 

[Herb]

It's definitely not black and white leading up to that decision. But when she gets a text message from you and decides not to see you, it's because she's not interested. It means you didn't spark her interest enough to bother trying to see you. Sometimes they do decide in the first few seconds of seeing you, most of the time they're neutral, and sometimes they're immediately interested. Low/Moderate/High IL (interest levels). High IL is hard to screw up, Low IL is hard to develop. Moderate is where most interactions fall. If you're an average looking guy, you really do have to make an impression within a short time frame (but you're right, it's not immediately). So you need to spark something in her to build attraction. That could be confidence, humor, a shared interest, kino etc. If you're failing a lot on moderate IL women, then there's something about your approaches that is off. You maybe need to work on your appearance, maybe you're lacking confidence (most women can smell low confidence a mile away), maybe you're just boring. Hard to go into more depth without specific examples.

I see. Nah for me the appearance is one of the few decent things that spark their interest initially. I have to put extra work into seeing if they're *really* interested in me rather than just simply thinking I'm physically attractive on some superficial level, which most women do. I see the signs of that kind of interest and would often mistake it for more genuine interest in potentially moving things forward. It could be misleading a lot of times (even girls with s/o's do that sometimes). If you were average or unattractive and a girl still seemed into you, then you know with better certainty that she's actually into you.

For me it's maybe the low confidence thing (they can probably see through the facade I may put on) and possibly being a bit boring to some, although I don't think that's the case as much anymore. I changed from being boring to almost weird, (partly in an effort to compensate for it) which isn't great either. But I'll figure it out slowly, and try to learn something from each interaction.

 

[GeeMale]

Remember its not what you are or think you are its how women perceive you. Until you can understand how they perceive you is different from how you think you are and more importantly WHY, you will have trouble trying to get this resolved...

Well how and when would I know the truth of how women are perceiving me initially?

 

[ohrein]

I see. Nah for me the appearance is one of the few decent things that spark their interest initially. I have to put extra work into seeing if they're *really* interested in me rather than just simply thinking I'm physically attractive on some superficial level, which most women do. I see the signs of that kind of interest and would often mistake it for more genuine interest in potentially moving things forward. It could be misleading a lot of times (even girls with s/o's do that sometimes). If you were average or unattractive and a girl still seemed into you, then you know with better certainty that she's actually into you.

For me it's maybe the low confidence thing (they can probably see through the facade I may put on) and possibly being a bit boring to some, although I don't think that's the case as much anymore. I changed from being boring to almost weird, (partly in an effort to compensate for it) which isn't great either. But I'll figure it out slowly, and try to learn something from each interaction.

You're on the money. I think just paying attention to your interactions will give you some insights. Try and be really objective and pay attention to how you're standing, how your voice sounds, what you're saying and her reactions. It's a lot to try and concentrate on while also interacting with a woman, but you will definitely learn a lot from really paying attention. Body language is super important, can't recommend reading about it enough. Being weird isn't great, no. Better than boring, but not very attractive unless it's combined with other things like confidence and humor. The goal I had with interactions was to get her smiling and/or laughing as quickly as possible. For initial interactions I personally think positive emotions are the way to go. Not that negging or being aloof can't work, but they can be off putting to some women. Depends what you want as well. I think you're on the right track though. Just keep trying things.

 

[GeeMale]

That dude hijacked my thread

 

[the_stig]

I think most guys who have been here awhile will agree it's probably the toughest it's ever been.

8 years ago we joked that you had to be at the top of your game because of all the other messages she was getting on POF. Now it's 2018 and you have to compete with her smart phone. That means guys on Tinder, Bumble, Snapchat, Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, whatever dating sites, Seekingarrangements, guys at work, guys she meets on out on the weekends, guys she meets through friends. That smartphone funnels them all to her fingertips 24/7/365 and it's just more difficult than ever before to maintain their attention and interest.

I had a date Saturday night, the best date I've had in a very long time. We instantly clicked and two hours of chatting felt like 5 minutes. Felt ultra comfortable with each other. Constant laughing and smiling. Had a few things in common that genuinely astonished me. Same morals and values on about everything. I know I'm already too attached to the idea of her LOL but it felt like I just met my future wife and fifteen years ago a date like that almost always progressed into a relationship. She's been receptive and wants to meet again but I just get that nagging feeling her interest will wander. It's what always happens even when you seem to do everything right. There's still enough dudes with girls so I don't even know what to say other than you have to be the right guy, at the right time, and have the chemistry to let them experience a wide range of emotions with you.

 

[Spaz]

I think most guys who have been here awhile will agree it's probably the toughest it's ever been.

8 years ago we joked that you had to be at the top of your game because of all the other messages she was getting on POF. Now it's 2018 and you have to compete with her smart phone. That means guys on Tinder, Bumble, Snapchat, Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, whatever dating sites, Seekingarrangements, guys at work, guys she meets on out on the weekends, guys she meets through friends. That smartphone funnels them all to her fingertips 24/7/365 and it's just more difficult than ever before to maintain their attention and interest.

I had a date Saturday night, the best date I've had in a very long time. We instantly clicked and two hours of chatting felt like 5 minutes. Felt ultra comfortable with each other. Constant laughing and smiling. Had a few things in common that genuinely astonished me. Same morals and values on about everything. I know I'm already too attached to the idea of her LOL but it felt like I just met my future wife and fifteen years ago a date like that almost always progressed into a relationship. She's been receptive and wants to meet again but I just get that nagging feeling her interest will wander. It's what always happens even when you seem to do everything right. There's still enough dudes with girls so I don't even know what to say other than you have to be the right guy, at the right time, and have the chemistry to let them experience a wide range of emotions with you.

2 hours chatting ? She just got a new girlfriend whom she's so comfortable to talk with who happens to be a male.

Wonder where all the sexual attraction went to....