I'm not entirely certain what the goal of this post is, but I do know that it is my first post in close to 8 years on this site. This site truly changed my life when I found it in Grade 10. I'm since well and graduated from University now and sometimes I will run into people that could have been me: incredibly socially awkward, doing all the wrong things with girls, and never doing a thing to change.
Thankfully I found this site when I did, I maintained my will to change and push myself out of the comfort zone, and I saw results. In my near decade pursuing the Don Juan path I've had a couple of wonderful relationships with awesome girls, hooked up with 30-40 girls for only being single 5 years, and improved so many areas of my life. I don't write these things to brag, I write them to give you a sense of my accomplishment and resulting gratitude for what this site has given me.
I'm 25 years old now and I've really entered into a slump. It stems from a 'recent' breakup with a girl I was dating for ~2.5 years. The breakup happened 9 months ago, but I still think about her and our relationship every day. We were living together when the breakup happened, and it was pretty nasty. It was the culmination of many things, but I was the spark that started the raging fire in which she ultimately dumped me. To summarize, she was miserable with her new job and would come home from work miserable and make me miserable. We fought all the time. I was working a new job from home, making twice what she was, and I was really enjoying it. This created a bigger rift between us, and I eventually told her that her mood was bringing me, and us, down and I couldn't take it anymore. I told her that she needed to figure herself out. This created a huge fight in which we both said terrible things I'm sure we both regret, and ultimately with her ending the relationship.
I was rather unfazed in the moment and left to go stay with some friends of mine for a few days. I was happy that I was out of this toxic relationship, but still rather hollow on the inside. When I went back to the apartment to get my stuff, she was there, and guys, I folded like a leaf. It's quite pathetic to think about, and to write, but I quite literally pleaded with her to take me back. At one point I was even on my knees...
Thankfully she didn't. When I knew it was done, I went no-contact and packed all my stuff up and left to go live on a couch for a month: full-on divorced dad mode. It ended up being the best month I've had in a long time. I was living in the big city with some close friends of mine who were all single and we would go to the bars every weekend, hit on girls, and have a blast. I did some travelling for a couple of months and thought less about her all the time.
However, in September I moved to a much smaller city where I only have a few friends. All of these friends have girlfriends, and the city itself has hardly any single girls that are my age. Any single 25 year old girls gtfo out of this city.
I work from home and really only interact with my business partner every day. I work two jobs: one from around 7-3 (at home), and then another from 4-8 (at home). Sometimes a week will go by and I have not left my apartment. I feel so isolated. I've never felt like this before. I'm used to having lots of friends, social engagements, and being in environments where single girls are ubiquitous.
I know I'm depressed, but that doesn't exactly make snapping out of it any easier. It's also quite difficult to go out and do things when I'm almost always working ( I also work majority of the weekends). At the beginning I would tell myself that I was just focusing on work right now, and when I finally solved the big problem I am working on right now I would get back into the swing of a regular life. That mindset seems to have been quite detrimental to my mental health. Anyway, the point is that the more depressed and in this rut I have gotten, the more I keep thinking about my ex girlfriend. I dream about her at least twice a week and I am always stuck thinking about our relationship when I lie down at night. Multiple times a day I catch thoughts that sound something like, "I miss Sarah". It's straight up awful.
I've been on a few dates since moving here and had sex with 3 different girls, but it just feels hollow. I feel like my standards are now almost unrealistic for my next girlfriend. I feel the crunch of time and I'm frustrated by how almost every girl I meet in this city is in a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need you guys again. I broke off on my own, internalized the DJ mindset for a long time, had incredible success in my romantic and personal life, and it truly felt like I finally "made it". However it seems I have neglected my mindset, and life in general, and I need to sharpen things up again. I still have no problem talking to girls and if I do have a conversation with them I can almost always make them laugh and get a phone number (IF THEYRE SINGLE). They're all in relationships FFS. Lol. I digress...
This post will be the start of a weekly, possibly daily, journal of my progression out of this slump.
To begin I'll do a quick analysis of my life as it is broken down into strengths and weaknesses.
Strengths:
Weaknesses/Areas for Improvement:
I could almost certainly continue this list, and probably will as time goes on. The goal is to move the items from the Areas for Improvement list into the Strengths list. I have been thinking about my need to start another regime of self improvement for the last couple of weeks now, and I have made some progress already. I started taking an Acro yoga class a couple of weeks ago, which is almost entirely girls btw, and I've had a ton of fun. I've been playing it extremely cool with the girls there, as I don't want to be 'that guy'. All of the other girls I've had conversations with have worked in 'their partner' or 'boyfriend' into the conversation, but I still noticed interest signals from a few of them anyway. I've been making an attempt to be very social, jovial, and confident at these classes. I'm most definitely not pursuing those leads though as I'm not a homewrecker. It is quite difficult finding girls I would be interested in that are also single at this age in this town for some reason. Anyway, I know they are out there and I plan on finding them through finding myself...
My goals for the following week:
Your encouragement, opinions, and criticism are more than welcomed. I truly need you guys more than ever at this moment in my life. I am at rock bottom, and I am looking forward to climbing out with your help. I've overcome challenges much greater than this when I first started out, so this should be a piece of cake in comparison. Here we go.
Thankfully I found this site when I did, I maintained my will to change and push myself out of the comfort zone, and I saw results. In my near decade pursuing the Don Juan path I've had a couple of wonderful relationships with awesome girls, hooked up with 30-40 girls for only being single 5 years, and improved so many areas of my life. I don't write these things to brag, I write them to give you a sense of my accomplishment and resulting gratitude for what this site has given me.
I'm 25 years old now and I've really entered into a slump. It stems from a 'recent' breakup with a girl I was dating for ~2.5 years. The breakup happened 9 months ago, but I still think about her and our relationship every day. We were living together when the breakup happened, and it was pretty nasty. It was the culmination of many things, but I was the spark that started the raging fire in which she ultimately dumped me. To summarize, she was miserable with her new job and would come home from work miserable and make me miserable. We fought all the time. I was working a new job from home, making twice what she was, and I was really enjoying it. This created a bigger rift between us, and I eventually told her that her mood was bringing me, and us, down and I couldn't take it anymore. I told her that she needed to figure herself out. This created a huge fight in which we both said terrible things I'm sure we both regret, and ultimately with her ending the relationship.
I was rather unfazed in the moment and left to go stay with some friends of mine for a few days. I was happy that I was out of this toxic relationship, but still rather hollow on the inside. When I went back to the apartment to get my stuff, she was there, and guys, I folded like a leaf. It's quite pathetic to think about, and to write, but I quite literally pleaded with her to take me back. At one point I was even on my knees...
Thankfully she didn't. When I knew it was done, I went no-contact and packed all my stuff up and left to go live on a couch for a month: full-on divorced dad mode. It ended up being the best month I've had in a long time. I was living in the big city with some close friends of mine who were all single and we would go to the bars every weekend, hit on girls, and have a blast. I did some travelling for a couple of months and thought less about her all the time.
However, in September I moved to a much smaller city where I only have a few friends. All of these friends have girlfriends, and the city itself has hardly any single girls that are my age. Any single 25 year old girls gtfo out of this city.
I work from home and really only interact with my business partner every day. I work two jobs: one from around 7-3 (at home), and then another from 4-8 (at home). Sometimes a week will go by and I have not left my apartment. I feel so isolated. I've never felt like this before. I'm used to having lots of friends, social engagements, and being in environments where single girls are ubiquitous.
I know I'm depressed, but that doesn't exactly make snapping out of it any easier. It's also quite difficult to go out and do things when I'm almost always working ( I also work majority of the weekends). At the beginning I would tell myself that I was just focusing on work right now, and when I finally solved the big problem I am working on right now I would get back into the swing of a regular life. That mindset seems to have been quite detrimental to my mental health. Anyway, the point is that the more depressed and in this rut I have gotten, the more I keep thinking about my ex girlfriend. I dream about her at least twice a week and I am always stuck thinking about our relationship when I lie down at night. Multiple times a day I catch thoughts that sound something like, "I miss Sarah". It's straight up awful.
I've been on a few dates since moving here and had sex with 3 different girls, but it just feels hollow. I feel like my standards are now almost unrealistic for my next girlfriend. I feel the crunch of time and I'm frustrated by how almost every girl I meet in this city is in a relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need you guys again. I broke off on my own, internalized the DJ mindset for a long time, had incredible success in my romantic and personal life, and it truly felt like I finally "made it". However it seems I have neglected my mindset, and life in general, and I need to sharpen things up again. I still have no problem talking to girls and if I do have a conversation with them I can almost always make them laugh and get a phone number (IF THEYRE SINGLE). They're all in relationships FFS. Lol. I digress...
This post will be the start of a weekly, possibly daily, journal of my progression out of this slump.
To begin I'll do a quick analysis of my life as it is broken down into strengths and weaknesses.
Strengths:
- I'm in pretty good shape
- I'm doing 'cool' work, I make good money, and I'm my own boss.
- I live alone in a beautiful apartment downtown on the water
- I have a solid friendship with my business partner who I spend 10 hours every day with.
- People generally like me and I can make people laugh.
- I have (or use) to have a ton of diverse hobbies.
- I'm taking an Acro Yoga class with lots of girls in it.
Weaknesses/Areas for Improvement:
- All I do is work. This has isolated me, prevented me from having a real life, and has probably been the main contributor to this depression.
- I don't work out as much as I should/could. Lately I've only been running/working out once a week. I'm thankful that I have a body where I don't have to exercise and I'll never get fat, but I have definitely lost muscle/bulk from my sedentary, working lifestyle.
- I smoke pot almost every night before bed. While I do enjoy this activity, it is probably messing with my brain chemistry in a negative way and could be replaced with something more productive (e.g reading a book).
- I don't have a social circle. The only person I spend time with is my business partner. He and his girlfriend don't have a large network and they don't have any get-togethers or anything like that. I have a few friends here in town, but they are also busy with work and their relationships.
- I don't maintain relationships with people well. I'm terrible at texting people back or calling my friends from out of town to stay in touch.
- I don't keep up on errands and the minutia of life as well I could.
- I have an ever-increasing ToDo list.
I could almost certainly continue this list, and probably will as time goes on. The goal is to move the items from the Areas for Improvement list into the Strengths list. I have been thinking about my need to start another regime of self improvement for the last couple of weeks now, and I have made some progress already. I started taking an Acro yoga class a couple of weeks ago, which is almost entirely girls btw, and I've had a ton of fun. I've been playing it extremely cool with the girls there, as I don't want to be 'that guy'. All of the other girls I've had conversations with have worked in 'their partner' or 'boyfriend' into the conversation, but I still noticed interest signals from a few of them anyway. I've been making an attempt to be very social, jovial, and confident at these classes. I'm most definitely not pursuing those leads though as I'm not a homewrecker. It is quite difficult finding girls I would be interested in that are also single at this age in this town for some reason. Anyway, I know they are out there and I plan on finding them through finding myself...
My goals for the following week:
- Read a book instead of smoking pot before bed
- Do some sort of exercise every day
- Go to some sort of social event this week (in addition to my weekly yoga class).
Your encouragement, opinions, and criticism are more than welcomed. I truly need you guys more than ever at this moment in my life. I am at rock bottom, and I am looking forward to climbing out with your help. I've overcome challenges much greater than this when I first started out, so this should be a piece of cake in comparison. Here we go.
