Commitment Talk

[EmotionalGeek]

I'm meeting a girl tomorrow. She said "I want to talk". I feel like she wants to talk about commitment. She is alright but I don't want to commit right now but I want to still meet her. What is the good way to answer question "who are we?" and what frame should I hold?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

If you've never even met her she's not going to bring that up. No sane woman would do that on the first date. If she does you simple say NO we just met. Then RUN!

Realistically, IME woman don't bring that up until 2/3mos after dating. If they make it that far.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She is alright but I don't want to commit right now but I want to still meet her. What is the good way to answer question "who are we?" and what frame should I hold?

Plan out your most feared questions and answer them as accurately as they can, from your perspective.

Leave it up to her how to respond.

E.g.

Who are we?

We are two people who get together and enjoy each other's company. I like being with you, and I hope you like being with me.

Is that all?

I like being with you, and I hope you like being with me.

Are we exclusive?

If you are asking me if you want to be exclusive, the answer is no. Maybe in the future, but it takes me a while to figure these things out. If you don't want to see me again I understand. I like you and I like being with you, and I hope you like me and I hope you like being with me. And I don't want an exclusive relationship.

practice saying that (if it's true, if not come up with your own words) and say them with complete evenness while holding eye contact. If anything it will make her hamster brain spin round and round.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

Plan out your most feared questions and answer them as accurately as they can, from your perspective.

Leave it up to her how to respond.

E.g.

Who are we?

We are two people who get together and enjoy each other's company. I like being with you, and I hope you like being with me.

Is that all?

I like being with you, and I hope you like being with me.

Are we exclusive?

If you are asking me if you want to be exclusive, the answer is no. Maybe in the future, but it takes me a while to figure these things out. If you don't want to see me again I understand. I like you and I like being with you, and I hope you like me and I hope you like being with me. And I don't want an exclusive relationship.

practice saying that (if it's true, if not come up with your own words) and say them with complete evenness while holding eye contact. If anything it will make her hamster brain spin round and round.

I thought about similar answer to first question but I like how you put it in better words. Thanks for pointing me her follow up questions. Two first I will answer similary but if she persist I will reflect it back to her and try to keep joking and fun attitude.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

try to keep joking and fun attitude.

No reason for joking or fun attitude. She asks a question, answer it. She wants a relationship, you don't. Attempting to hide your true nature or desire through humor is a sign of weakness.

You want what you want for reasons that you want. Be open about it and let the world sort themselves out. No need for deception.