Explain to me what's going on a psychological level

[bigdave17]

I saw a girl today at my gym who I met 4 or 5 years ago. She was cute then - she is even more attractive now....really attractive now to where she is close to my ideal level. From what I remember, she is a little younger than me, pretty smart and very nice. Right up my alley - dark features, naturally cute, etc...

...and I just could not make myself say anything to her. My automatic first instinct when I saw her - "maybe I'll have a chance with her in future if I continue to self improve and make myself perfect"

this obsessive desire to be perfect is just never ending. I never ever feel like I'm good enough for the women I want. 10 years ago, I told myself I would get girls when I was attractive - I lost my baby fat and was a good looking dude at 18. 5 years after, I thought I would get girls for sure when I started being successful - I made 100K at 23. 2 years after, I thought I would get girls when I had a nice car and had my own house - I had a $70,000 luxury car and my own 2500 square foot house at the age of 25. Yet, none of it convinced me. It's just never enough. I feel like I can never make myself good enough for the women I want to like me.

What is causing this? Why have I convinced myself so deeply that dating is totally impossible and that the challenge of getting a woman to like me is equivalent to climbing mount everest??

 

[Murk]

Google hangman’s noose or pull that thang on yourself.

 

[bigdave17]

A lot of guys get the idea in their head that if they become perfect, if they work hard enough, improve significantly enough and if they do everything right, that they will always get the girl.

That's not how it really works.

Don't get me wrong, self-improvement is vital and it will help tip the scales in your favor, but in this game you can do everything perfect and still get rejected. You can fvck things up and still succeed in spite of it. And it is for these reasons that failure is going to be an essential factor in any success story. It will be a part of the process every step of the way. You cannot rise above and eliminate it. You just have to incorporate it and learn from your mistakes.

I fail every day. I get rejected quite often. But I also succeed every day as well. I learn a little more, I get a little smarter, my approach changes just a bit, and the process of failure > learning > success repeats. And it will always repeat, no matter how far I try to take it.

You're stuck in some kind of "If I'm perfect, I will succeed" frame, which is why you constantly fail. You're failing without learning, and you're not learning because you're stuck in that frame.

You have to learn how to improve with women, rather than improve for women.

I dunno if I'm that afraid of rejection or success brother

 

[derby1]

Roses are red
violets are blue
trolls names bigdave
microwave

 

[Spaz]

I saw a girl today at my gym who I met 4 or 5 years ago. She was cute then - she is even more attractive now....really attractive now to where she is close to my ideal level. From what I remember, she is a little younger than me, pretty smart and very nice. Right up my alley - dark features, naturally cute, etc...

...and I just could not make myself say anything to her. My automatic first instinct when I saw her - "maybe I'll have a chance with her in future if I continue to self improve and make myself perfect"

this obsessive desire to be perfect is just never ending. I never ever feel like I'm good enough for the women I want. 10 years ago, I told myself I would get girls when I was attractive - I lost my baby fat and was a good looking dude at 18. 5 years after, I thought I would get girls for sure when I started being successful - I made 100K at 23. 2 years after, I thought I would get girls when I had a nice car and had my own house - I had a $70,000 luxury car and my own 2500 square foot house at the age of 25. Yet, none of it convinced me. It's just never enough. I feel like I can never make myself good enough for the women I want to like me.

What is causing this? Why have I convinced myself so deeply that dating is totally impossible and that the challenge of getting a woman to like me is equivalent to climbing mount everest??

U r a successful man at a young age and yet can't get girls?

Girls will automatically chase you.

This doesn't make any sense.

Unless your whole body language gives out the "creep" vibe...Now that would even make you repugnant with man.

Go socialise with random crowds like doing charity to boost your confidence level.

That'll help.

 

[bigdave17]

U r a successful man at a young age and yet can't get girls?

Girls will automatically chase you.

This doesn't make any sense.

Unless your whole body language gives out the "creep" vibe...Now that would even make you repugnant with man.

Go socialise with random crowds like doing charity to boost your confidence level.

That'll help.

I was making six figures at 23 dude


and still not enough to give me courage to approach women

 

[Spaz]

My spider senses r telling me either u r lying through your teeth or you r making up stories here.

Either way I'm outta this thread 4ever...

 

[RangerMIke]

Why you are like this and why you posted this is not relevant, if you are indeed like this (which I seriously doubt).

If you have self-esteem issues and are afraid to approach chicks the only way to fix it is to get over your fear and start approaching chicks. It is better to be rejected that to feel regret for not even trying. It's pretty clear you are not in sales because getting rejected is part of the job... dating chicks... getting rejected is part of the job.

If you are a troll, kiss my @ss. But if you really are this fvcked up, then what is the worst thing that can happen to you if you approach a chick... you get rejected? So the fvck what. I was at a party last night and I got rejected by 3 women.... but I also got three dates. That's a good night 3-6, but I'me pretty sure 2 are going to flake on me, and I don't care. I'm pretty sure I have one with high interest. I've been to parties where I got shot down 10 times! It's nothing... really at some point you get to a place where you just say to yourself "Her loss" and move on.

 

[SuckItUp]

The perfection thing is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid rejection. We justify a failure to approach women by defeating all chance to begin with because it’s easier to say I’m too out of shape or too broke or I drive a ****ty car, or my job is boring etc. The problem is that the more you rely on those justification the easier it is to make justifications as to why you can’t.

 

[bigdave17]

The perfection thing is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid rejection. We justify a failure to approach women by defeating all chance to begin with because it’s easier to say I’m too out of shape or too broke or I drive a ****ty car, or my job is boring etc.

the thing for me is I really have no excuses. I'm in great shape, have lots of money, drive a 70,000 car, etc...


but I still keep telling myself that I need to get better and better and better. It's never enough in my head. In my head, women only want the most impossibly perfect men to ever live

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You are still the fat kid from your youth and your self esteem still reflects the same. I think there's still hope for you though. I don't think you need to see a psychologist but if you can't over come this yourself you may need to.

Like Bradd said it's definitely an anxiety issue of some sorts. This delusion that woman want a "perfect men" is also an issue that you can't seem to get over or comprehend. Makes me wonder if you've learned anything at all since joining here.

AND you seem to be completely OBSESSED with all of it. Not healthy.

ZERO FÜCKS GIVEN, sarge on.

 

[salinechow]

Troll or no troll, I know people like this.

Your outer game is strong. Your inner game is sh!t. There is literally 1000+ posts on improving this, on this site alone. Read them.

Also, mind your clothing and style. Your Rolex looks fake if you dont know when to tuck in your shirt or polish your shoes.

 

[bigdave17]

bump