Now I'm intrigued. What do you believe constitutes a good lover?
The succinct response given by
@strikerace13 is pretty spot on. There are men who don't take the time to invest in the other person's pleasure and experience. In other words there are men who assume that if they are getting their rocks off that sex is good and everybody is happy. This is a lazy and selfish attitude. There are also women who have psychological barriers to intimacy that might be entirely independent of the man in the equation and there is every variation under the sun between these extremes.
Great lovers exhibit the following characteristics:
1. They are forthcoming and communicate what they seek in the sexual interaction for their own gratification
2. They are attentive and concerned with /listening/learning what their partner needs for the partner's gratification
3. They are emotionally open and engaged (this one is most important IMO)
4. They are not goal oriented insofar as climax is concerned (climax happens naturally more often than not when goal oriented pressures are alleviated)
5. They do not assume they know everything
6. They are willing to invest into the partner and the interaction. This investment can be for anything from a ONS to a lengthy marriage. The investment facilitates openness from the partner as well as acceptance.
7. They have a desire to learn or expand their technical skill and enjoy the sexual experience
8. They seek intimacy and connection (again whether in a ONS or an LTR); what the intimacy/connection looks like is going to vary depending on the relationship between two people
9. They are not judgemental
How all that manifests itself is going to vary tremendously based on the variables present in any given interaction between lovers. But finding all those 9 things together in one person is unusual. And worth something.