Taken girls who chase

[The Accountant]

Still in HS. Been working on becoming a DJ for the past 6 months and my mindset has almost completely changed. But there's one issue. Every girl I'd consider is taken. Every single one.

Switched schools this year to one of those public "charter schools" where all the smart kids hang. I fit better there anyways. School of about 300. Turns out, most of those guys are terrible with girls. I'm not the best, but I've got pretty much no real competition here. There are 6 girls that I've built flirty relationships with, have been slowly escalating the kino, been going to parties and dances. Two of these girls are all over me. But they're all in relationships of ~1 year. One girl I asked to leave her BF for me but because we had zero physicality and I was more beta at the time she said no. Then I dropped contact. Ever since then I've been completely stuck. I can't get past this point with any of these girls. I don't want to be the **** that ruins relationships, but at the same time I know what I want. And now that girl is saying that "we should talk".

Some of these girls are giving me every possible signal. One even told me she was basically in love with me. I'm not here to be anyone's fvck buddy, maybe these girls are just dreaming of the only non afc guy but don't want to leave the safety of their relationships. So what's my next move with these girls? Keep escalating until they make themselves available? Seems like a waiting game I don't want to play. Thanks.

 

[Igetit!]

Still in HS. Been working on becoming a DJ for the past 6 months and my mindset has almost completely changed. But there's one issue. Every girl I'd consider is taken. Every single one.

You say that "every girl you'd consider is taken". Allow me to make a suggestion then.......

CONSIDER SOMEONE ELSE.

Stop wasting your time with chicks already in relationships.

Switched schools this year to one of those public "charter schools" where all the smart kids hang. I fit better there anyways. School of about 300. Turns out, most of those guys are terrible with girls. I'm not the best, but I've got pretty much no real competition here.

Hmm... So this new school that you're in,you say that most of the guys ARE TERRIBLE with girls,and cause of that,you pretty much don't have any competition from other guys....

Ok,I just wanted to point that out and emphasize it at the moment,cause I'm going to return to it later on.

Again.... You have NO REAL COMPETITION from other guys at your school.....got it.....

There are 6 girls that I've built flirty relationships with, have been slowly escalating the kino, been going to parties and dances.

This is A MISTAKE. If you want a SERIOUS relationship or girlfriend,you need to stop toying around with "flirty" relationships. You have flirty relationships with them,while they have ACTUAL,REAL RELATIONSHIPS...where they spend time with,go out on dates with,and HAVE SEX with their ACTUAL boyfriends.

Yeah....the same chicks you toy around and "flirt with",after they finish toying with you,they go suck off and sleep with their boyfriends.

Two of these girls are all over me. But they're all in relationships of ~1 year.

We used to have a name for what you're doing here. You're what's known as a "surrogate" boyfriend.

Basically the chicks use you to get ego boosts,and possibly to fulfill emotional needs their boyfriend doesn't fill.

See,chicks are EMOTIONAL. Toying and playing around with you stimulates them EMOTIONALLY.....but that's as far as it goes. They don't have to have sex with or fool around with you.....that's what they have their boyfriends for.

So the boyfriends get sex...
the girl gets sex from her boyfriend and emotional stimulation from YOU...

And you get.....umm,well.......

What was it you're getting from your "flirty" relationships with all these TAKEN girls again???

One girl I asked to leave her BF for me but because we had zero physicality and I was more beta at the time she said no.

You have A LOT to learn.....a LOT. It's understandable though,since you're still in high school.

You shouldn't have asked her to leave her boyfriend for you. Dude,you don't understand....

She has AN ACTUAL,REAL RELATIONSHIP with her boyfriend. You're just some dude who flirts with her from time to time.

Her relationship IS SERIOUS. You're just somebody to play around with from time to time. There's nothing real between the two of you.

You expected her to leave an ESTABLISHED relationship for that?

Then I dropped contact. Ever since then I've been completely stuck. I can't get past this point with any of these girls.

That's because there's NOTHING THERE. Dude...you're NOT REAL. You're NOT SERIOUS. Their relationships ARE REAL.

AS LONG AS you continue to have "flirty relationships" with girls who are TAKEN,YOU WILL CONTINUE to run into this.

You either need to go for girls who ARE SINGLE,or...
If you are going to go for taken girls,you need to stop the "flirty relationship" BS,and SERIOUSLY GO AFTER THEM...meaning,ask her out,go for the date,etc,etc. I suggest you go for the single girls.

I don't want to be the **** that ruins relationships, but at the same time I know what I want.

You know what you want. And you're certain about that,right? Ok,question.....

What DO YOU WANT? What SERIOUSLY do you want?

And now that girl is saying that "we should talk".

So this chick who's saying you two should talk,it's the one who you asked to leave her boyfriend for you,correct? If so,question.....

IS SHE STILL SEEING HER BOYFRIEND? She still in a relationship with him? Cause if so,you two HAVE NOTHING to talk about.

You say you pulled no contact on her,now she suddenly wants to talk.

Well if she's still in a relationship,she can go screw off.....
If she's available,but isn't receptive to you two going out,she can go screw off.

Some of these girls are giving me every possible signal. One even told me she was basically in love with me.

OK...you remember what I said earlier,about how you said you basically had NO COMPETITION from other guys at your school.

Well if you have no competition from other guys....
have girls giving you "every possible signal"....
and even had one girl tell you she's in love with you,then ok..........what's the problem? What's the hold up?

You don't have any competition. Got girls giving you all sorts of signs and signals,girls telling you they're in love with you,etc,etc. All that,but you say you're "stuck". And these same girls...the ones who give you all sorts of signals and who tell you they're in love with you,you can't make anything happen with them?

Would you like to take a guess as to why?

I'm not here to be anyone's fvck buddy, maybe these girls are just dreaming of the only non afc guy but don't want to leave the safety of their relationships.

BINGO. Well,you're half right.

They're "not dreaming" about non afcs,but yeah.....they likely don't want to leave their established relationship...at least,not for you. You're NOT SERIOUS.

So what's my next move with these girls?

Honestly....I'd leave them ALONE. Or at least,I'd stop trying to flirt with them in hopes that it might lead to something. If you wanna talk,be civil,friendly or whatever,fine...but DROP those "flirty" relationships. And for pete's sake....PLEASE don't start any more up.

If you wanna go out with a girl,then just ASK HER OUT.....STOP THAT "flirty relationship" bullsh*t.

Keep escalating until they make themselves available? Seems like a waiting game I don't want to play. Thanks.

NO...don't even do that. I TOLD YOU....you're NOT SERIOUS. They don't look at you SERIOUSLY as someone they could SERIOUSLY date cause those those bullsh*t "flirty relationships" you keep doing. And if you keep that nonsense up,you're going to be in for one RUDE awakening.....


You're going to keep flirting and "escalating"...waiting for one of them to become available,only when she becomes available,she's gonna go for SOMEONE ELSE to seriously date. She may momentarily drop by you to get an emotional charge or jolt,but when it comes to attraction and CHEMISTRY.....WHICH ARE REQUIREMENTS for her to want a RELATIONSHIP,you're gonna be outta luck.

You can get you a chick,but you have to BE SERIOUS when you pursue her......not do those "flirty" relationships that last for weeks and weeks with the girl (taken or not).

 

[TheGambino]

I'll tell you a little story, maybe it will help you in your ''search'' for answers. Yet again, the only way to get a real answer for your problem is too keep lurking this forum and experience yourself by keep approaching women, falling down and getting back up over the years. Then you will understand how this game works. And believe me it's nothing but a game if you want it to be a game. I am not looking for a serious LTR any soon so I see it as a game.

I've f8cked a girl two times, she's in a ltr for 3 years.

She cheated and opened up to me in bed afterwards about some problems that dictate her life like family trouble. Her dad is a d1ck, he doesn't respect her mother, her and her little brother but her mother keeps loving him blindly even though he tells the family he doesn't really give a crap about the kids etc.
Why? I don't know but it makes cheat girl cry.

I listened to her and gave her a shoulder to cry on. (that's what she needs)

In the meantime the girl knows im a player, I make her pvssy wet, she is attracted to me, her friend tells her im a player so i'm probably the perfect guy around to satisfy her missing needs that her bf can't give her. But why doesn't she leave her bf?

She has a emotional bond with him. He gives her safety and Im pretty sure this girl needs a bf in her life, she's not stable alone.

Why doesn't she break up with him for me? Im pretty sure she will break up with him eventually but I don't think she will consider me as ltr potential.

Why? She knows im a player, she sees me talk to several girls in the club and she knows I got game. So that means, im a thot like her self so im not SERIOUS. Will she come around again soon? I feel like she will. She will f8ck me again when I run into her randomly, seduce her and take her for a lay. Will she contact me? Chances are slim to none because she will feel super bad about it.
Will she contact me if her bf breaks up with her? Probably not.

The whole thing is, the way you handle yourself around a woman is the way she will perceive you.

 

[The Accountant]

This is A MISTAKE. If you want a SERIOUS relationship or girlfriend,you need to stop toying around with "flirty" relationships. You have flirty relationships with them,while they have ACTUAL,REAL RELATIONSHIPS...where they spend time with,go out on dates with,and HAVE SEX with their ACTUAL boyfriends.

Okay, done. Already decided to do that with the girl who told me she was in love with me a few days ago. Just stopped being receptive to her flirting. She just tried harder then almost immediately asked if I was seeing other girls. Just said that I've always talked to many.That's something I've noticed with all of these girls. They get jealous easily and try to keep me exclusively succulent to them but I don't fall for that sh1t.

Basically the chicks use you to get ego boosts,and possibly to fulfill emotional needs their boyfriend doesn't fill.

I was worried you'd say that. I'll drop all of them.

NO...don't even do that. I TOLD YOU....you're NOT SERIOUS. They don't look at you SERIOUSLY as someone they could SERIOUSLY date cause those those bullsh*t "flirty relationships" you keep doing. And if you keep that nonsense up,you're going to be in for one RUDE awakening.....

Hmm, yeah you're totally right. From the girl I asked I could see that the thought of anything more serious with me seemed like a joke to her, I assume it's the same with the rest.

What DO YOU WANT? What SERIOUSLY do you want?

I just want some decent relationships to learn from.

You can get you a chick,but you have to BE SERIOUS when you pursue her......not do those "flirty" relationships that last for weeks and weeks with the girl (taken or not).

I feel ill be a d1ck if I seriously go after these taken girls, that's the only thing that's kept me from being "serious". But none of them are that amazing anyways, so I think I'll drop them. Thanks for the advice, and yeah I've got a lot to learn.

 

[djthiago1]

All you can do is wait for them to get rid of the BF.

Find girls who are single. Please.
I don't want a young guy like you getting shot or stabbed over a girl. People are crazy these days.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Lots of good stuff in this thread. Here's something else to think about. @Gambino touched on it.

If you are a good looking guy with game and you are a flirty social type (my guess is both @TheGambino and @deesade are in this category - or they overcome any looks liability with unapologetic sexually forward *read super confident* behavior-) then you are going to intimidate young girls unless you learn to adjust that energy down to a less threatening level to give women some comfort with you.

The "player" archetype is inherently NOT a stable choice for a boyfriend unless the woman thoroughly understands the type and understands his game. Even then it's an emotionally charged interaction that requires high confidence and adroit social calibration on the woman's part. Inexperienced young women are too insecure and too Disney indoctrinated to feel safe & secure with a player. There IS no safety or security...certainly not at first...So you'll get attention...because you turn them on...but they'll shy away from you because they will assume they can't keep you (due to a combination of what they percieve to be your roving eye combined with their insecurities.). So they fear getting hurt & disqualify themselves even if they feel desire.

That is the whole thing with "bad boy" types. The way women percieve you is to both your advantage and disadvantage depending on your goal.

This is why Gambino can bed women as he describes above who don't even bother to keep contact with him, and they go back to the security of the boyfriend...with whom a (safe) emotional bond is built.

It is also why players can end up lonely and isolated. The skillset for being a player is different from the skillset for being a boyfriend and transitioning between the two can be challenging.

Concentrate on available women. Look for the less flashy women who might be just as hot as these 5 or 6 with boyfriends but less made up or less in your face. And tone down the flirting in favor of some comfort.

Welcome

 

[Bible_Belt]

The "player" archetype is inherently NOT a stable choice for a boyfriend unless the woman thoroughly understands the type and understands his game. Even then it's an emotionally charged interaction that requires high confidence and adroit social calibration on the woman's part. Inexperienced young women are too insecure and too Disney indoctrinated to feel safe & secure with a player. There IS no safety or security...certainly not at first...So you'll get attention...because you turn them on...but they'll shy away from you because they will assume they can't keep you (due to a combination of what they percieve to be your roving eye combined with their insecurities.). So they fear getting hurt & disqualify themselves even if they feel desire.

There's the story of my dating life. You hit the nail on the head there.

I just happened across this article on trust issues, the author makes some great points. People with trust issues live in "a world of anticipated loss." It also says that they trust people that they shouldn't, which often explains the cheating:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2016/11/trust-issues/

 

[The Accountant]

Advice from the old lady:

Lots of good stuff in this thread. Here's something else to think about. @Gambino touched on it.

If you are a good looking guy with game and you are a flirty social type (my guess is both @TheGambino and @deesade are in this category - or they overcome any looks liability with unapologetic sexually forward *read super confident* behavior-) then you are going to intimidate young girls unless you learn to adjust that energy down to a less threatening level to give women some comfort with you.

That's probably part of it. I'm pretty close to the center when it comes to being social, maybe leaning on the quiet side. But I definitely come off strong, I'm pretty much as disagreeable as it gets. I can tone it down though.

The "player" archetype is inherently NOT a stable choice for a boyfriend unless the woman thoroughly understands the type and understands his game. Even then it's an emotionally charged interaction that requires high confidence and adroit social calibration on the woman's part. Inexperienced young women are too insecure and too Disney indoctrinated to feel safe & secure with a player. There IS no safety or security...certainly not at first...So you'll get attention...because you turn them on...but they'll shy away from you because they will assume they can't keep you (due to a combination of what they percieve to be your roving eye combined with their insecurities.). So they fear getting hurt & disqualify themselves even if they feel desire.

I honestly don't know what I am. Maybe a regular guy acting like a player. It seems that there has to be a balance between the two attitudes really. On one end I might get one-itis and screw myself over, and on the other intimidate and scare off.

 

[nismo-4]

All you can do is wait for them to get rid of the BF.

Find girls who are single. Please.
I don't want a young guy like you getting shot or stabbed over a girl. People are crazy these days.

And just how long of a wait do we expect the OP to do?

OP, fellow mod Igetit! really laid down some pointers. Judge nismo will do the same.

1. Alpha gets laid, beta gets played. Guess which one you are? Hint: the latter.

2. Second place is first loser. Read the above.

3. Anything other than an enthusiastic yes with its backing actions is a no.

OP, in your case, the BF's they have are doing the alpha stuff (sex, dating, etc.) and they just come to you for attention, favors, ego boosts, pic likes, etc. AKA, friendzone you (keep you as a beta orbiter), keep their current BF. Sorry.

Nice guys finish last. To get an edge, start saying things in terse terms even if you sound like a assh0le. Terse terms being: we're going out on X day, Y time, at Z place. If she doesn't comply after you've spoken to her for a while, blow her off or simply drop her. If she flakes, automatic delete.

It's better to have true enemies that false friends. It's better a woman hates you than her being indifferent toward you.

Start with the one strike rule for new girls. You'll learn not to waste time with uninterested girls, and become better at screening. Also, you'll be making it clear through actions that you won't join her orbiters. Being an orbiter is no good.

Learn to walk away, delete, move on. You don't have time for bulls**t.

Case closed. Have a backbone.

 

[djthiago1]

And just how long of a wait do we expect the OP to do?

OP, fellow mod Igetit! really laid down some pointers. Judge nismo will do the same.

1. Alpha gets laid, beta gets played. Guess which one you are? Hint: the latter.

2. Second place is first loser. Read the above.

3. Anything other than an enthusiastic yes with its backing actions is a no.

OP, in your case, the BF's they have are doing the alpha stuff (sex, dating, etc.) and they just come to you for attention, favors, ego boosts, pic likes, etc. AKA, friendzone you (keep you as a beta orbiter), keep their current BF. Sorry.

Nice guys finish last. To get an edge, start saying things in terse terms even if you sound like a assh0le. Terse terms being: we're going out on X day, Y time, at Z place. If she doesn't comply after you've spoken to her for a while, blow her off or simply drop her. If she flakes, automatic delete.

It's better to have true enemies that false friends. It's better a woman hates you than her being indifferent toward you.

Start with the one strike rule for new girls. You'll learn not to waste time with uninterested girls, and become better at screening. Also, you'll be making it clear through actions that you won't join her orbiters. Being an orbiter is no good.

Learn to walk away, delete, move on. You don't have time for bulls**t.

Case closed. Have a backbone.

haha
personally, i'd wait about 3 seconds.

 

[The Accountant]

OP, in your case, the BF's they have are doing the alpha stuff (sex, dating, etc.) and they just come to you for attention, favors, ego boosts, pic likes, etc. AKA, friendzone you (keep you as a beta orbiter), keep their current BF. Sorry.

Learn to walk away, delete, move on. You don't have time for bulls**t.

Case closed. Have a backbone.

I don't do favors, I don't like pics, I don't do **** for these girls. I think I'm still moving out of being an orbiter. I definitely used to be, but that attitude is gone just maybe not 100% yet. But can I really be an orbiter if I have the DJ mindset that I'm the prize? It feels more like I'm the guy they want to cheat with, not the shouler-to-cry-on beta, but when they've made moves I've always pushed them back because I don't want the complications of dealing with a bf plus I don't think anything straight out of something else is of any value. But I'm still learning and that's just the vibe I get. Anyways, I'm not in the friendzone. I've focused on getting rid of that the most. Seems like I'm somewhere inbetween.