One of the biggest things that kills me with Dating

[RangerMIke]

My advice to you is to change the way you approach women. You really have to treat all women the same, look at them all as someone that you might like to go out with. I know it's hard because you are not going to be attracted to most of them, but keep your options open, go ahead and date them... you don't have to do anything else... turn the ones you are not attracted to into friends and try and seduce the ones you want.

You really can not lock onto one chick ever, because there really is nothing you can do to change her mind if she is not attracted to you. Even if you managed to pull off converting a low interest chick into a girlfriend, she will NEVER really be happy with you, you will start off immediately dealing with b!tchy BS. Just because you like a chick is meaningless. She has to like you first. If you are looking for a girlfriend think about it as putting out a job announcement... interview as many candidates that you can... filter out the ones you don't like, or who don't like you... find one that is head over heals in love with you, and things are fvcking easy as hell at that point. You would be a BAD manager if you just hired someone on a whim.

All women are the same, turn off the lights and there really is little difference. The only thing that really matters is if she likes you enough to chase you, and she is attractive enough to turn you on.... that's it.

 

[bigdave17]

First mistake here - and one tons of guys with high libido and low rationality make. You are not "in love" with this girl. Nowhere near.

You are experiencing a chemical infatuation based off of lust. I remember I was once in a bar and I locked eyes with this girl that was actually stunning - just exactly my type physically. Gorgeous face and long flowing dark hair. My mouth was literally open slightly, it felt like time stopped. I couldn't help it.

That does not mean I was "in love" with her, to say so would be laughable. I just thought she was incredibly hot. You're "in love" with someone when you're married for 20 years and you have kids...don't jump the gun and start whisking out the pedestal and worshipping this woman immediately. She's just another woman, just like that girl over there that you have zero interest in.

Also, I'm seeing a recurring theme with you Dave in that you seem to idolise sexual, physical features above all else. There are tons of women out there with massive butts and long legs, I wouldn't search for that as the #1 thing in a potential mate, personally.

dude you wrote this giant essay when I was obviously exaggerating?? I am just very attracted to her. Nobody is in love with someone they don't know

Dude, have you ever considered that maybe these women ARE in "your league"? In all your threads you're complaining that women are always below you, it sounds like you need a reality check. Stop thinking of everything in terms of leagues, start looking at women as humans that have needs.

Also, just going to the gym lots and being ripped does not guarantee getting with loads of your idealised women. It's not like that, and expecting yourself to be entitled to score with tons of chicks because you're muscular will not get you any good results.

I've seen empty-walleted fat guys score with girls that are incredibly sexually attractive, and it's because they're funny and friendly and intelligent, not everything is about some sort of medieval league system or how big your kn*b is.

so a 29 year old very attractive, muscular and stylish man making a top 0.01% income nationally for his age should be dating 6/10s who are 8 years older than him nowadays?

Even though if I went to the gay part of my town, I would have model looking gay men asking me out??

BTW I'm friendly and intelligent also

 

[bigdave17]

My advice to you is to change the way you approach women. You really have to treat all women the same, look at them all as someone that you might like to go out with. I know it's hard because you are not going to be attracted to most of them, but keep your options open, go ahead and date them... you don't have to do anything else... turn the ones you are not attracted to into friends and try and seduce the ones you want.

You really can not lock onto one chick ever, because there really is nothing you can do to change her mind if she is not attracted to you. Even if you managed to pull off converting a low interest chick into a girlfriend, she will NEVER really be happy with you, you will start off immediately dealing with b!tchy BS. Just because you like a chick is meaningless. She has to like you first. If you are looking for a girlfriend think about it as putting out a job announcement... interview as many candidates that you can... filter out the ones you don't like, or who don't like you... find one that is head over heals in love with you, and things are fvcking easy as hell at that point. You would be a BAD manager if you just hired someone on a whim.

All women are the same, turn off the lights and there really is little difference. The only thing that really matters is if she likes you enough to chase you, and she is attractive enough to turn you on.... that's it.

you make some really good points here

with that being said, I can't make myself settle down with someone I feel is not a great match for me. The rest of my life is so unbelievably perfect - I need a woman who is very attractive, in great shape and a genuinely good person

but no, I won't go out with her if she is not head over heels for me. That's my point though, I should have no problem having a very attractive 25 year old be head over heels for me. I keep procrastinating because I feel like it's hopeless.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

dude you wrote this giant essay when I was obviously exaggerating?? I am just very attracted to her. Nobody is in love with someone they don't know

Okay, fair enough. I've legit seen men "loving" women they haven't even been on a date with though. Good to hear you're not feeling that.

so a 29 year old very attractive, muscular and stylish man making a top 0.01% income nationally for his age should be dating 6/10s who are 8 years older than him nowadays?

Even though if I went to the gay part of my town, I would have model looking gay men asking me out??

BTW I'm friendly and intelligent also

Women are not gay men is the obvious point here. I have a friend who is gay and dating is a whole different game for him. It's a lot harder for him to date conventionally (due to the awkwardness of not knowing if someone you like is even the same orientation), but at the same time I've noticed physical relationships seem to be a lot easier for him. I guess because gay people are rarer, they are less choosy. (Generalisation, but you know what I mean).

Basically, you cannot extrapolate how gay guys hit on you to how women hit/do not hit on you. The two are completely different.

Also I hear what you are saying, yes, you should be able to score "top" girls. I'm not being down on you or saying you should just get with any chick you meet, but I am saying that you should not focus so much all the time on your idea of physical perfection.

I'm pretty fit myself, and I can tell you now that there are guys who are massively out of shape, ugly, they do hard drugs, they act like selfish losers and they will still sometimes score scorching hot chicks while I don't. This is because It's not a simple "I am A+ League, every girl I meet at B and C League will want me", there are tons of other factors.

Being wealthy, built and good looking will increase the chances that you will find the woman you want. It does not guarantee it. Just focus on being happy, dating someone that makes you feel good. That matters more than if they have a 10/10 bubblebutt 5* TripAdvisor "would bed again" rating.

 

[bigdave17]

Okay, fair enough. I've legit seen men "loving" women they haven't even been on a date with though. Good to hear you're not feeling that.

anybody who loves someone they don't know should be institutionalized

Women are not gay men is the obvious point here. I have a friend who is gay and dating is a whole different game for him. It's a lot harder for him to date conventionally (due to the awkwardness of not knowing if someone you like is even the same orientation), but at the same time I've noticed physical relationships seem to be a lot easier for him. I guess because gay people are rarer, they are less choosy. (Generalisation, but you know what I mean).

Basically, you cannot extrapolate how gay guys hit on you to how women hit/do not hit on you. The two are completely different.

Also I hear what you are saying, yes, you should be able to score "top" girls. I'm not being down on you or saying you should just get with any chick you meet, but I am saying that you should not focus so much all the time on your idea of physical perfection.

I'm pretty fit myself, and I can tell you now that there are guys who are massively out of shape, ugly, they do hard drugs, they act like selfish losers and they will still sometimes score scorching hot chicks while I don't. This is because It's not a simple "I am A+ League, every girl I meet at B and C League will want me", there are tons of other factors.

Being wealthy, built and good looking will increase the chances that you will find the woman you want. It does not guarantee it. Just focus on being happy, dating someone that makes you feel good. That matters more than if they have a 10/10 bubblebutt 5* TripAdvisor "would bed again" rating.

I should note here that I just want 1 girlfriend

I don't care about scoring 10 such hotties. I would be totally happy being monogamous with that blonde from last night

 

[devilkingx2]

so a 29 year old very attractive, muscular and stylish man making a top 0.01% income nationally for his age

If a guy like that can't find the girl he wants then he's looking for someone that doesn't exist

 

[Scope]

I've been doing the same, not at such extreme, but unconscious. Thanks, because your experience helped me realize it. I think this guys are right about the pedestal. Also I would recall "Perfect is boring", this helps me.

You story is a great parallelism of a female friend of mine:

She studies physics. She study a lot, she's the ideal student. But she gets super nervous on exams and she get mediocre qualifications and sometime fails. To avoid failing she study harder and harder, and because of that on the exam day she gets more and more nervous. I think she should focus on solving his anxiety problems instead of trying to accomplish it by brute force.

So I think you should do the same. I know it is easy to say, and I think it's that kind of matters that have to be solved by oneself. Listening to your emotions and believes. But it's worse to lie to yourself and keep on that deceptive rail. Also is sad to improve your life because of what hot chicks would like.

Just what I think, I know I got to learn a lot. Thanks for sharing it.

 

[bigdave17]

If a guy like that can't find the girl he wants then he's looking for someone that doesn't exist

a guy like that? that's me

 

[ubercat]

This ignore button really is good. Goodbye BigDave.

 

[bigdave17]

I've been doing the same, not at such extreme, but unconscious. Thanks, because your experience helped me realize it. I think this guys are right about the pedestal. Also I would recall "Perfect is boring", this helps me.

You story is a great parallelism of a female friend of mine:


So I think you should do the same. I know it is easy to say, and I think it's that kind of matters that have to be solved by oneself. Listening to your emotions and believes. But it's worse to lie to yourself and keep on that deceptive rail. Also is sad to improve your life because of what hot chicks would like.

Just what I think, I know I got to learn a lot. Thanks for sharing it.

yes

we have to believe we are worthy the way we are. We are pounded this notion through popular culture 24-7 that you have to be totally perfect to be good enough for women and it's nonsense

 

[bigdave17]

bump

 

[bigdave17]

I can relate to this. When I grew up secondary school kids were brutal. At home my mum said I wasn't her son. My dad expected me to get 99% in everything I did because "I don't want stupid people in the family"

So when it comes to women I feel that I am not good enough for them. And when I choose women, they tend to have issues or are abusive towards me. Then I think to myself that is only the type of women I can get or none at all.

At the moment I am trying to be motivated in attending college whilst working part-time, and I am seriously considering going the gym to bulk up - I look about 17 because I am slim - Probably why I am invisible to healthy women (I look like a child)

I have no excuses though myself. I am 5'10 195 lbs of muscle and I make a ton of money

I have very manly facial hair and look 35

 

[sazc]

@Glassguy has just said these threads are getting old....i have stated this numerous times previously

OP starts a thread and blanks any constructive criticism or acceptance he is to blame with his approach and beliefs

Wind up Merchant , yet everyone keeps responding,

That's because there will always be someone who wants to say something.

Better to just ignore the posters/threads. Dont read them.

In general ....
this gets back to people showing you WHO THEY ARE. When you see who someone is, step back and decide of it's worth your investment (time, emotions, energy, intellect) this idea is as simple as taking control of your situation.

Frustrated with someone's behavior? Stop investing in it. Whether that is reading their threads or returning their calls/texts.

Its as simple as "Frustrated? Stop investing"

#lifelessons