Looking for some opinions and thoughts on my employment, living situation, and general well being.

[dazedconfused]

Hi, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so thought I'd post it here.

I got a B.S. degree in IT because I thought that since I "enjoyed computers" it would be a good fit. I would say I've done alright over the years I guess, nothing amazing to brag about, but my last few job changes have been really subpar to say the least, and, in addition to an hour long commute every day, in addition to a shifting value system, I really question my decision to enter the field and may have a job offer coming my way for a less stressful position in an IT-ish role that I’ve done before but would like to return to because it’s easy.

My current position is as a system admin for SharePoint. Don’t worry if you don’t know what it is but it’s basically a content management system that a lot of companies try to use to force a square peg into a round hole. It requires a lot of monetary support in the form of add-ins or custom development, in my opinion, to make it useable, and so to me this is stressful because a lot of my job instead focuses on the stuff in IT that I seriously don’t care about (like how can I get notifications via a workflow when one of my co-workers marks an Excel spreadsheet as “finished” or whatever). My true passion, if I had one, is for the infrastructure and hardware architecture side of things. Virtualization, etc. In addition, a lot of my time is actually spent managing people and expectations. It sounds like a good skill to pick up but from my perspective again it’s stressful because I just feel like I’m ****ing around with my time.

I’ve been in this role for around 1.5 years. I’ve been in IT since 2012 and I think after 5 or so years I just haven’t really made it to where I want to be. I started in a tier 1 capacity (think help desk but not exactly) and sort of “moved up” to this specialized application support and administration role where, before, SharePoint, I managed another product but in a much less stressful capacity. I’ve sort of realized what being in IT is all about and I’m coming to the conclusion that I believe it’s not just for me professionally. Here are my thoughts on why.

So, in my current position, I had accepted it on the personal condition that I would be taking a job in the city because I had planned to get a place in the city (the location is Houston, Texas, if it matters, but I reside in Greater SE Houston area personally). To change my lifestyle up a bit or something. Who knows.

Well, I’ve been commuting an hour to work and an hour from work since May of 2017. And it’s been draining me mentally and physically. I haven’t been able to find a place that I would consider up to my standards (which are relatively low, actually) that I believe is worth the rent. In Houston, you are paying for the convenience and location, and then everything else after that is tertiary. So rental prices are pretty marked up compared to suburbs. This is for apartments and condos. In my opinion, it’s not a practical way to spend money when I could get more for less out in the area where I live. Also, the longer time went by, the more I realized that this temporary plan of working and moving into the city made less sense because I never planned to buy in the city since it’s too expensive and because your dollar can be stretched much further outside of the city.

Secondly, I’m starting to discover slowly that I’m just not very ambitious. My primary goal is to have stable, relatively relaxed employment where I can perform primary duties during business hours and then not have to worry about anything work related after I leave. Right now in my current capacity this isn’t really possible. My co-worker is constantly bugging me via text asking if I can do something or take care of something “If I am able” when I’m off, or if I call in sick, or if we close due to bad weather. And having to deal with updates, backups, and scheduled maintenance windows during off-hours, when I just want to relax and chill in my personal space when I’m away from work, is just eating away at me. When people text me off hours for stuff I always feel like I am obligated to them because I’m being paid you know, and I hate that feeling. It’s almost like enslavement I guess. I want to just be left alone when I’m not at work.

Another thing I’m realizing is to be successful long term in IT is that you have to invest personally (financially and mentally) in your own skills away from work, on things like a home lab. A home lab is where you purchase computer equipment and set it up in a way that closely resembles enterprise architecture so you can pick up skills and learn things that are applicable to the workforce (e.g. so you can move up or find another job). I’ve sunk a lot of money into buying equipment and over time my requirements have just constantly changed so much that I’ve gotten zero value out of it. At this point staying in IT and continuing down this path is just sunk costs fallacy 101. It’s draining me mentally. Instead of buying this stupid computer crap and “furthering my skills” outside of work I’d rather just have a relatively stress free and okay-ish paying job where I can accumulate money from pay checks over a few years of being salaried and get into real estate (obviously on a suburban scale, I am not deluding myself by thinking I am going to be flipping properties like they do in LA for example).

So, I have the opportunity to accept a position at an employer that is much closer to where I currently live, however, there is a very good chance I’ll take a minor pay cut and that the position while somewhat loosely related to IT, could probably shoe-horn me back into a role where IT is sort of like a secondary growth path (or non-existent), if that makes sense. But in my opinion the benefits to me are huge. I would be able to continue to live out where I already currently am and stay at an apartment paying what I believe to be fair rent prices. And the commute would be halved. No longer would I be waking up at 5:00 AM, drained every morning, to leave by 5:30 AM just to get to work at 6:30 AM, and then eventually getting home at 6:00 PM. I could return to a normal wake at 6:30, leave at 7:30, and be there at 8 and be home by 5:30 PM schedule. The position would be less stressful and less demanding of my time outside of working hours since the role would involve supporting a product that is not hosted by the employer (it’s in the cloud basically).

Having discovered that my personal values have shifted away so much from career ambition and long term employment growth (which again I don’t care that much about, my only real desire is to have stable employment that pays a decent enough wage for me to live on my own and just relax) it just seems like this is a good choice to make for long term mental and physical well-being. But here’s the kicker. My decision making process is so bad that I really can’t tell if these are the right choices for me. If I’m selling myself short or otherwise. I feel like everything I’m telling myself is a true reflection of my being but in our modern society it is hard to feel okay with decisions and myself because everyone is encouraged to be ambitious and to “get out and there climb the ladder” and to reach the top.

Thank you for your thoughts, considerations, and opinions in advance.

 

[Alvafe]

I think your main problem is your lack of admin your time, serious how is your work time in the paper? are you paid this extra hours? you also should know by now then you don't need to answer every single text they send you, unless its your job to do that, are you even sharing the work flow?

what I think is you are more likely burned out and tired so you want something who will let you lazy around but pretty sure after sometime doing this you will get bored.

the whole problem with your home lab is you don't have to do it, unless you like to do it, keep up in the times with the techs around don't mean you need to own such tech, again unless its your hobby or something, only ones who do this is the ones who would do it anyway workin in IT or not. also understand the high paying jobs on IT are from dealing with people, forget the whole I only will deal with computers mentality, that is for fresh from college or younger, anything well paying is with dealing with people and problems

 

[dazedconfused]

also understand the high paying jobs on IT are from dealing with people, forget the whole I only will deal with computers mentality, that is for fresh from college or younger, anything well paying is with dealing with people and problems

You're right about this, I agree actually. I think it's worth stating though that I don't expect to be making the big bucks or anything. You can still earn a really more than decent wage in Texas as a system admin / analyst.

But I guess to be more specific. I don't want to just "deal with computers". Aka, be that help desk schmuck. Like I said, my passion is for the high end infrastructure stuff. The newest server, storage, and networking gear. It's not like I don't enjoy people. But I think in my current position, in my current role, I don't have the right tools to I guess really do what was maybe oversold in the past by our current CMS aka SharePoint? Maybe my approach to this is all wrong. I enjoy working with people too. So I'm definitely not against that.

I actually do have a hobby for homelab but I think at a certain point it just isn't a good way to spend money or time. I would like for someone to tell me I'm wrong but IDK.

 

[Alvafe]

here is the thing if you think you never have the tools, you will never have the tools, you learn if tehy toss something new you learn, I never really said I can't do that or won't do that, because I know I will learn on the fly if I must if I really want to.

the home lab like I said is more like a hobby if you really like it, but even so you don't spend too much, reading about techs nowadays is more then enough for you get the gist of it and you should apply

 

[ubercat]

If you do the home lab stuff I would keep it very focused and quick fire.by-a-home lab I hope you mean a fast Internet connection and a couple of servers hosted in the cloud for say $50 a month. Playing with hardware is way out of date. And I d forget SharePoint no money in it learn Dynamics CRM.

 

[evan12]

I work in tech industry too, IT job in general require continues learning otherwise you will be out of job, however this is the reason why they are paid well, because few people have a passion to continue learning.
I think you need to set boundary and turn your phone off after the work, or to be more practical, only respond for emergency issues such as network failure , etc.
I suggest find a job in virtualization or cyber security, these are the hot trends these days.
Back again to continues learning , you need to learn to make your company give you a time for exploring or investigating about the subject , so you will not do it in your free time, ex: tell them we need to try to deply this app in cloud, so they give you enough time to learn that and to make it happen.

 

[MatureDJ]

I stopped the learning train and became early-retired at age 38. I tried to get back in at age 42, but by then I was obsolete, so instead I just filed bankruptcy to get 6 figures of unsecured debt discharged, and a now living a lifestyle of "college poverty plus", traveling for most of the year, picking up some private English language consulting gigs here & there.

 

[dazedconfused]

I stopped the learning train and became early-retired at age 38. I tried to get back in at age 42, but by then I was obsolete, so instead I just filed bankruptcy to get 6 figures of unsecured debt discharged, and a now living a lifestyle of "college poverty plus", traveling for most of the year, picking up some private English language consulting gigs here & there.

Wait, what?

 

[dazedconfused]

If you do the home lab stuff I would keep it very focused and quick fire.by-a-home lab I hope you mean a fast Internet connection and a couple of servers hosted in the cloud for say $50 a month. Playing with hardware is way out of date. And I d forget SharePoint no money in it learn Dynamics CRM.

Any recommendations on how to get into Dynamics CRM? We have it at work with our O365 business subscription but obviously we don't use it.

My complaint with SharePoint is for it to be useful you have to train a bunch of idiots and old farts(no offense to anyone middle to late aged here) to use it when honestly network shares "just werk" for them. The agency I'm employed with has a lot of old timers that just will never quite "get it". And also, like I said, it's very square peg in a round hole when people want/expect it to do a lot of random stuff because it tends to be over-sold.

As for what my lab is right now, it's actually a Dell VRTX enclosure that I built out from getting stuff on ebay. What's nice is it's a tower form-factor with blade like infrastructure all built into it, with compute, storage, and networking all combined on 3 fabrics. But I might sell it off. Though I think I would have a hard time convincing myself to let it go, because, it's kind of a hard thing to get a hold for a fair price and it packs a LOT of enterprise features all at once into the enclosure. Kind of hard to really find the same thing or get as good of a value, in my opinion.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I'll toss in my two-cents. You're passionless. You have no drive, nothing which propels you to further self-exploration. That's your sole problem. The sh!t you do for a paycheck doesn't define you; it makes you ill if you hate it. Stop and truly look inside and find that which makes you smile and feel good in this world.

Once you've figured that part, the rest is easy-peasy, Report back to me once you've found that, then we'll continue getting you on the right track.

 

[ubercat]

True we need more info.

 

[ohrein]

IT is so broad spectrum and from what I've heard will pay at least a livable wage. Seems like you just need to refocus a bit? Sounds like you're a bit depressed as well. As KS said, seems like you need to have a little think about what would make you happy and try and make some changes when you figure it out.

 

[dazedconfused]

IT is so broad spectrum and from what I've heard will pay at least a livable wage. Seems like you just need to refocus a bit? Sounds like you're a bit depressed as well. As KS said, seems like you need to have a little think about what would make you happy and try and make some changes when you figure it out.

I would definitely say I'm a bit depressed but for me it comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I'm relatively happy then other times my mood /demeanor is just flat lined. Nothing too major or awful to be around. But yeah. Problem is I can't figure out what makes me happy or where I want my life to head. I feel like an indecisive mess and it's hard for me to look internally to know what decisions are right for me. I think this is one of my biggest problems that I have zero clue how to address. Like I said, a primary goal of mine is just to earn a livable wage that will sustain my independence. I have this now but the position demands more of me than I like because I am always having to worry about looking good for management and stuff.

 

[SoSuave666]

Have you considered consulting? If you don’t want to leave the IT world and want a diverse client base, this may be for you. You will learn a lot more about emerging technologies just through work alone. That way you don’t have to spend a lot of time out of the workplace on industry knowledge.

For reference this is what I do.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I was thinking the same thing karmasutra said about passion - you just haven't found yours yet.

If you are willing to step out of the air-conditioning and get sweaty and dirty, it will open up a lot of new job opportunities. A friend of mine in Austin designs fire-protection and security systems for schools and has also built irrigation controllers. It's not exactly the bleeding edge of technology, but it's still too technical for your average joe who gets dirty at work.

 

[dazedconfused]

I was thinking the same thing karmasutra said about passion - you just haven't found yours yet.

If you are willing to step out of the air-conditioning and get sweaty and dirty, it will open up a lot of new job opportunities. A friend of mine in Austin designs fire-protection and security systems for schools and has also built irrigation controllers. It's not exactly the bleeding edge of technology, but it's still too technical for your average joe who gets dirty at work.

That sounds fine to me. Another field I was thinking about pursuing was working out at the plants. Where I'm at (SE Houston again), a lot of the community colleges have 2 year PTEC programs (process tech) that are popular for getting people into them and into some pretty decent jobs. Wouldn't cost that much to get through it. And it would probably be far more active physically.

 

[dazedconfused]

I'll toss in my two-cents. You're passionless. You have no drive, nothing which propels you to further self-exploration. That's your sole problem. The sh!t you do for a paycheck doesn't define you; it makes you ill if you hate it. Stop and truly look inside and find that which makes you smile and feel good in this world.

Once you've figured that part, the rest is easy-peasy, Report back to me once you've found that, then we'll continue getting you on the right track.

edit: sorry, I accidentally deleted a post. I have a post that's stuck in limbo because it's waiting approval since I think the original had some weird acronyms in it

Well, I can tell you easily that I've always had an armchair passion for clinical psychology. I would love to go back to school for it. I know what you're thinking but trust me, my goal would be focused on this, none of this "i'm in school for psychology" bull cause I couldn't figure out a major. The end goal would be to get a master of arts/science in clinical psychology and then become a licensed professional counselor. It seems kind of ironic since I'm asking for advice on here but I've always greatly enjoyed psych topics in depth and I love meeting new people and listening to their stories, giving input and having that feedback loop between two people.

Only problem with this is I'd have to go back to university. Bleh. I already have a bachelors of science in IT and a decent paying job so I wouldn't really qualify for financial aid. But maybe it would be easier to do if I took the other job that didn't have an annoying commute.

 

[ubercat]

You have a job offer on the table? Coz that's a whole different conversation

 

[dazedconfused]

You have a job offer on the table? Coz that's a whole different conversation

Yeah, I briefly mentioned it in my OP. Well, there's like a 90% chance I'm going to have one coming my way shortly. But like I said, it'll probably be a very very minor pay cut, but I won't have a **** commute anymore, and the position will only be like pseudo-IT/technical. Not really as technical as my current role is. Mostly it'll just give me some time to chill and figure out WTF I'm doing with my life.

 

[ohrein]

I would definitely say I'm a bit depressed but for me it comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I'm relatively happy then other times my mood /demeanor is just flat lined. Nothing too major or awful to be around. But yeah. Problem is I can't figure out what makes me happy or where I want my life to head. I feel like an indecisive mess and it's hard for me to look internally to know what decisions are right for me. I think this is one of my biggest problems that I have zero clue how to address. Like I said, a primary goal of mine is just to earn a livable wage that will sustain my independence. I have this now but the position demands more of me than I like because I am always having to worry about looking good for management and stuff.

Try Jordan Petersons self authoring. It costs money but you might be able to find it pirated. It's designed to do exactly what you're struggling with. Figure out what you want to do with your life.