Regaining Frame

[highSpeed]

So question for all of the veterans here. If you have lost frame, is there a good way to regain it in an LTR? Suggestions?

 

[ohrein]

Shame this didn't get more replies, I think it's an interesting question. Can you go into detail on exactly what's happened? If you've gone AFC then it's very hard to get that frame back but basically just withdraw attention. It's good to do that sporadically in general, keeps her guessing. I've been dating a girl for months but I very, very rarely "chat" to her outside of seeing her in person. If you've just lost frame from one interaction then you probably shouldn't worry about it and keep going like nothing happened. Focus on maintaining frame in future.

 

[Glassguy]

Losing frame is like taking good, pure drinking water and slowly adding poison. A small drip at a time. Just a little is enough to do you in, but the longer it happens, the worse it gets.

Its normally best to grab a new bottle of water rather than attempt to sift out the poison from the current one and I will tell you why:

-She will notice the sudden change and you will all of a sudden be a jerk
-She has more than likely been holding the majority of the power in the relationship. Even though she wants you to hold a strong frame, you've lost it which puts her into a lose/lose situation.
-Things are never the same as they once were
-Things are obviously getting bad or you wouldnt have posted this

Maybe give her the "Things really dont feel right and I need to step away from this for a little while. I will catch up with you once I get things figured out" and then ghost her for a few days. A knee jerk reaction from her and you taking a few days to get back into a strong frame mindset is the only thing that could get this back on track for you......and her.

Just my opinion.

 

[highSpeed]

Losing frame is like taking good, pure drinking water and slowly adding poison. A small drip at a time. Just a little is enough to do you in, but the longer it happens, the worse it gets.

Its normally best to grab a new bottle of water rather than attempt to sift out the poison from the current one and I will tell you why:

-She will notice the sudden change and you will all of a sudden be a jerk
-She has more than likely been holding the majority of the power in the relationship. Even though she wants you to hold a strong frame, you've lost it which puts her into a lose/lose situation.
-Things are never the same as they once were
-Things are obviously getting bad or you wouldnt have posted this

Maybe give her the "Things really dont feel right and I need to step away from this for a little while. I will catch up with you once I get things figured out" and then ghost her for a few days. A knee jerk reaction from her and you taking a few days to get back into a strong frame mindset is the only thing that could get this back on track for you......and her.

Just my opinion.

see this is the problem that I have with long term relationships. you do this wrong, you get docked this much respect. you do this wrong, you get docked that much respect. it is extremely frustrating, I don't do that to her. If she has a bad day, I chalk it up to a bad day and move on. If I have a bad day, I'm still hearing about it months from now.

And that's the problem I have with long term relationships and marriages, the risk is mostly on the guy. I honestly wish I had realized this before I got married. All the risk is on me. All of the benefit is on her. That in and of itself makes an LTR pretty difficult to maintain. If you're going to stand around waiting for me to do something wrong, let me save you the trouble, I'm going to do something that you perceive as wrong or is actually wrong but either way, you're going to look down on me. So when I am weak, she's going to kick me. When she is weak, I'm going to try and help. Doesn't work. Might as well f*ck em and forget em.

 

[Glassguy]

see this is the problem that I have with long term relationships. you do this wrong, you get docked this much respect. you do this wrong, you get docked that much respect. it is extremely frustrating, I don't do that to her. If she has a bad day, I chalk it up to a bad day and move on. If I have a bad day, I'm still hearing about it months from now.

And that's the problem I have with long term relationships and marriages, the risk is mostly on the guy. I honestly wish I had realized this before I got married. All the risk is on me. All of the benefit is on her. That in and of itself makes an LTR pretty difficult to maintain. If you're going to stand around waiting for me to do something wrong, let me save you the trouble, I'm going to do something that you perceive as wrong or is actually wrong but either way, you're going to look down on me. So when I am weak, she's going to kick me. When she is weak, I'm going to try and help. Doesn't work. Might as well f*ck em and forget em.

The risk of LTRs, engagement and marriage is ALL on the man. Given the current failure rate of those relationships in today's market and it's not worth it.

 

[wifehunter]

Go fishing aka disappear for awhile.