How do you deal with undermining dudes

[PeasantPlayer]

Usually we are talking about women, as this is a forum about self improvement and how to improve a variety of issues, and our daily lives with women

I'm going to change it up to men....everyone wants to talk down on women, but men these days are some of the biggest coward chicken crap spineless B*tches I have ever met.

Long Story short, I'm in a group, in this group is several people some women some guys, this guy joins this group and I feel the tension there right away, never discount your gut feeling. I'm feeling jealous vibes from buddy when I get an occasional compliment. I see it in his body language/demeanor.

One time I actually engaged in a conversation with buddy to try and mend things out on my side, we talked about normal stuff, he started gossiping......then he goes to me "you gossip a lot"

I'm like WTF? This is the first time we ever had a conversation man 2 man. I'm one of the quietest if not the most in the group. I start laughing and was like dude how do I gossip we never talked before, nor do I open up to anyone in the group I just say a few words here and there. The group in general gossips a lot and I listen, sometimes I will offer my opinion, but that's not gossiping.

This guy is quick to take other peoples word as law in the group and suck up to them, but tries and challenges me when I offer my opinion, seems like he is trying to one up me.

One day at a meetup he told one of the females, when he first met me he didn't like me, and rationalized it there was no bond? Dude is standoffish with everyone as it is. I was thinking ok cool, my gut is right.

Now recently dude and me had a discussion, and some people got offended and while he agreed with me, when the other person was offended, he apologized and called me toxic sucking up to this person.

What kind of f*ggot am I dealing with? Haters bro.....

 

[Urbanyst]

Don't hang out with wack people.

Its pretty simple lol.

 

[lizardking82]

Insecure people become so insecure they become desperate and they will try anything at that point.

 

[Billtx49]

Other people do what they’re gonna do.
It only becomes your issue if you let their actions effect you…
Become the rock that rain washes off…
i.e., DGAF

 

[RichardTheFrog]

My contact with other guys is basically limited to business transactions. Mostly people that are doing work for me. I always show everyone respect and treat (pay) them fairly. I don't think of myself as their boss. We're working together and they're independent contractors.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Yea this is like a group project, so I have to be around dude, my guards are up, but I will pay him no mind. I know he wants to see me fail or surpass me in our group endeavors, I'm not even at my full potential, so its pretty sad to see. He genuinely dislikes me and that's fine, I'm not looking to make friends

 

[RichardTheFrog]

If the guy is attacking you for no reason, any girls in the group would probably lean towards your side. The other guy would look like an insecure fool and you just play it cool.

 

[marmel75]

Just laugh at him and ignore.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What kind of f*ggot am I dealing with?.

Well...since you brought it up...it did occur to me that maybe he does have a crush on you. Don't freak out - I don't mean that as an insult to you. But it would explain his odd behavior. He might not even consciously know what is going on, so even if I am right, there's no point in getting angry at the guy. I personally think it would be a hilarious rumor to spread about him, but that is just my sense of humor....or vicious amog'ing, take your pick.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Well...since you brought it up...it did occur to me that maybe he does have a crush on you. Don't freak out - I don't mean that as an insult to you. But it would explain his odd behavior. He might not even consciously know what is going on, so even if I am right, there's no point in getting angry at the guy. I personally think it would be a hilarious rumor to spread about him, but that is just my sense of humor....or vicious amog'ing, take your pick.

In that case, half the people on this site have a crush on me

 

[PeasantPlayer]

just outwit him. the community knows it as "amoging" id say thats exactly what hes doing to you. it doesnt matter if you are "better" than him in one or multiple ways, if hes putting you in your place socially.

busting other guys balls comes natural. but being good at it is an art. you cant go through life wanting to fight every guy that gives you shlt. theres no point in getting worked up about it.

think of it this way, he clearly perceives you as some sort of threat. guys who dont feel threatned by another guy dont even notice them. on the other hand, someone who he perceives is similar or slightly superior to him, is within reach to compete with for dominance.

do what hes doing. you just have to better than him at it.

and if it that doesnt work and something needs to be done due to logistics, just ask him straight up "is there a problem?"
but if you let it continue, it will continue.

This is what I feel, he feels I am slightly superior than he and he feels he can move a rung up, since he is dragging a$$ in our group.
I'm not even angry, just wonder why he would entertain a delusional thought like that since I am physically bigger then him. I tend to have timid passive aggressive moments, only because if I don't I will lash out in to a nut bag and beat someones head in. Its my way of controlling my seething energy. I'm not the jealous type if I know I need improvement, I work towards it. I stepped my game up in the group people have noticed and complimented me, so I ain't taking crap otherwise he'll meet HULK SMASH. But I am smarter than that I will stand firm like a rock and adapt like water. Thanks for the replies fellas

 

[PeasantPlayer]

He did mention in our conversation that he thinks we are a lot a like now that he realizes it. There are a total of 4 males in the group, he ups the other one, undermines me and ignores the other one completely. He even took a shot at one of the women at our group smh.

It does sound like some kind of social dominance thing

 

[RichardTheFrog]

This is what I feel, he feels I am slightly superior than he and he feels he can move a rung up, since he is dragging a$$ in our group.
I'm not even angry, just wonder why he would entertain a delusional thought like that since I am physically bigger then him. I tend to have timid passive aggressive moments, only because if I don't I will lash out in to a nut bag and beat someones head in. Its my way of controlling my seething energy. I'm not the jealous type if I know I need improvement, I work towards it. I stepped my game up in the group people have noticed and complimented me, so I ain't taking crap otherwise he'll meet HULK SMASH. But I am smarter than that I will stand firm like a rock and adapt like water. Thanks for the replies fellas

Everybody must choose to hold rage in because of the law. There are millions of people incarcerated right now because they chose to let it out.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Everybody must choose to hold rage in because of the law. There are millions of people incarcerated right now because they chose to let it out.

Amen to that brother

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Oh yea this undermining little F@G is back. Had a group meeting with our group at a coffee shop. The underminer guy we will call him Louie, says he's not coming (I sensed this was BS he just wanted to show up late to get attention) Well what do you know, he's the last one to shop up out of no where. As soon as he comes in he starts gossiping, he was called out by another member of the group for gossiping which he projected on me before. He also said I was a misgonist cause I made a joke about hookers, which one of the female members told me before he came was funny. He basically apologized for the joke....I can't do it with this dude no more, he is a posturing, Social Justice warrior, over critical, underminer. If I say anything like a joke or my opinion it gets criticized and exaggerated.
He's insanely jealous of me and I don't know why as I am the weaker link of the group, but not by much. I need to figure out how to cut him out, but this group project need everyone and I am not a quitter. I need advice, I can tell he is trying to win them over and get them to turn on me

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Just call him on it publically, without being rude. Just play him at his own game and say "I don't know why you're taking issue at this, it seems rather over-sensitive." in front of whoever he's trying to embarrass you with.

Insecure types like to humblebrag about how smart, rich, talented, clever they are while putting you down subtly or not-so-subtly in public like this. The minute you call him on his BS you'll see it's all a front and his whole esteem system will collapse quite spectacularly.

People who have to gossip and BS usually lack all the stuff they project, they have no balls or substance.

Also I'd say you're not the weaker link of the group, he obviously is. Even if you don't confront him, just know that he's a little puss and he probably dreams of being you.

 

[ohrein]

I would treat him like you treat your best friend. Best way to "win" in group social dynamics is to be the bigger person. Treat ******* behavior with kindness or just disengage if that's not possible. If he says something annoying or critical, just sit silently for a moment and then change the subject. If you engage in any way, you're going to be dragged down to his level you will automatically lose. Pretend you have no issue with him and that you think he seems like a nice enough guy if asked.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

He's not even successful he is one of those people who self depreciates themselves to fish for compliments it's cringe worthy, he wants people to feel sorry for him, its one of the most annoying situations i had to deal with. Some people are eating it up and its making me sick. One time for example i said some women were cute and he was like oh i know what your vice is??? This was the first time we spoke in a conversation. I havr to disengage, ill figure something out

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Hes definitely projecting things on me, we were in the car with a group member and i was in the front seat the driver was a female, he was in the back. The female driver was playing some rap all types of rap swearing, twerking sexualized rap. She asked me to put on some stuff i listen to, put on some kendrick lamar, r kelly, bone thugs. She enjoyed and we talked about other songs. Louie the underminer was like i have a song and named the song, then he went in to a mini rant how he's not a misogynist.....explaining himself to us. Me and the girl looked at each other lile wtf????

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Hes definitely projecting things on me, we were in the car with a group member and i was in the front seat the driver was a female, he was in the back. The female driver was playing some rap all types of rap swearing, twerking sexualized rap. She asked me to put on some stuff i listen to, put on some kendrick lamar, r kelly, bone thugs. She enjoyed and we talked about other songs. Louie the underminer was like i have a song and named the song, then he went in to a mini rant how he's not a misogynist.....explaining himself to us. Me and the girl looked at each other lile wtf????

Sounds like the only thing Louie the Underminer is undermining is his own popularity with everyone else, lol.

I take back my previous comment, this rate he's not even worth confronting, just take the p*ss out of him and let him craft his own downfall.