how do I motivate myself to approach women?

[edegoge]

How do I motivate myself to approach women? When I think of all the rejections, all the times I've been treated like sh1t by women, it just doesn't feel like an enjoyable thing to approach women. It feels more like searching for a speck of gold in a barrel of sh1t.

 

[sosousage]

Maybe you arent attractive. Go get some months in gym then try again. If your face is not deformed they will sometimes treat you as superhuman with all these muscles

 

[edegoge]

Maybe you arent attractive. Go get some months in gym then try again. If your face is not deformed they will sometimes treat you as superhuman with all these muscles

I did work out before and I did notice a difference in how women behaved towards me after a few months even though I wasn't approaching. But I lost that weight gain because I stopped working out when I got health problems. It's been a year since my health problems began and I stopped working out, and I was thinking I must start approaching anyway, can't wait forever. I hate approaching and I hate women. I hate my life.

 

[zekko]

I hate approaching and I hate women. I hate my life.

Sounds like you have more deep seated problems than just women.
Guys always want sex though, no matter how messed up their lives are.

 

[edegoge]

Like a few days ago I asked a woman if she was from Thailand. She responded with a really bitchy tone "Why?! You asked about coffee right?"

 

[EmotionalGeek]

I get good feelings when it works out and often rejections are so ridicolous that they make me laugh.

 

[Von]

1) You'll feel better after doing it (even if getting rejectied)... than regretting not doing anything about it
2) You will be a better person (see it has self-improvement and building skills)
3) How much you really want to have someone in your life
4) You will only get results if you move
5) Everyone will consider you a winner just for approaching the girls, and having the courage to do it, and talk to her....

Seriously... people will be so impressed about the fact you had the courage to approach that the result (get the girl or not) won't even matter to them. You will be a hero just for making a move.

If the women treat you like **** than you have a situation with issues
1) Maybe you have a bad vibe (weird guy, not taking care of his body/smell, you have thristy eyes for sex, you really don't talk nice to them)
2) Maybe you expect them to be submissive
3) Maybe you overthink it and focus too much on the interview (treat them like an interview-questions after questions)

Just be casual, calm, hide your stress, just ask them simple stuff, act confident (fake it if you must), take care of your teeth... be well groom, with a calm attitude, ask them a question and build on her answers (What's your passions? You come here often? You are spirit,hardliquor or light weight etc....)

 

[corrector]

You need to learn that same lesson.

You're not motivated to approach women because you're not good at it. You make a lot of mistakes. Those mistakes give rise to feelings you don't like.

Like anything else, you need to practice, otherwise you will never become good at it. You'll never experience that elation of your first success. You'll never find the motivation to keep trying if you always avoid anything that might lead to a mistake.

You are going to fail.
You are going to make mistakes.
You are going say things that will sound awful, like a bad chord on a guitar.
And you'll never learn to play if you're too afraid to experience these things.

How do you compare playing a guitar to approaching women? That's like apples and oranges. Anyone can relate to practicing at something and getting good at it, no matter what it is. Women are not the same thing. They actually have to like you and accept your approach before there is any learning curve. If you are just getting bad rejections like "who the *** are you to approach me, or what the *** do you want? type of reactions", then you just get pissed after a while and quit, you don't get better like playing a guitar.

 

[corrector]

How do I motivate myself to approach women? When I think of all the rejections, all the times I've been treated like sh1t by women, it just doesn't feel like an enjoyable thing to approach women. It feels more like searching for a speck of gold in a barrel of sh1t.

The way to motivate yourself is cross-wire with a money incentive. For example, if you put away $ 100 and say you are going to approach 10-20 women this week otherwise you are going to give that money away then you'll approach and you follow though. That way you cross your brain to think more about losing the money rather than rejection. Is failing to do approaches worth losing $ 100 per week?

 

[marmel75]

In all of my time I have experienced maybe 5 rejections total that were as harsh as you describe. In each of those cases, I can look back and point to something I clearly did very wrong; circumstances I should have been astute to that I wasn't.

Women are not that scary. If anyone is getting rejected so harshly so regularly, they are clearly doing something very wrong.

Outside of those few bad experiences, I have probably been rejected 1,000 times more than the OP, if only because I actually approach women while he rarely or never does. I cannot remember 99 percent of those rejections because they were so uneventful, but I certainly learned from those experiences. As a result, I also probably have 1,000 more success stories than the OP as well.

How much you get rejected is not relevant to how much success you will achieve.

As with anything in life, people who have never failed have never accomplished much of anything either.

 

[corrector]

In all of my time I have experienced maybe 5 rejections total that were as harsh as you describe. In each of those cases, I can look back and point to something I clearly did very wrong; circumstances I should have been astute to that I wasn't.

Women are not that scary. If anyone is getting rejected so harshly so regularly, they are clearly doing something very wrong.

Outside of those few bad experiences, I have probably been rejected 1,000 times more than the OP, if only because I actually approach women while he rarely or never does. I cannot remember 99 percent of those rejections because they were so uneventful, but I certainly learned from those experiences. As a result, I also probably have 1,000 more success stories than the OP as well.

How much you get rejected is not relevant to how much success you will achieve.

Then what do you define a rejection as? I mean, do you count non-verbal rejections (i.e. a lady looks at you and glances away very quickly once she catches that you are looking at her a rejection?), or if there is no interest shown at all on the part of the lady, or another guy grabs her full attention when you struggle to get a "hi" in? Or a hired gun that's very business like and reserved with you but open and friendly to every other guy? If you can count those, then I'm sure anyone can wrack up 1000 rejections by just putting themselves out there and breathing. Just to get to a position where you know the girl's name and try a number close and get rejected or a flake after one or more attempts at calling her afterwards/texting, on that level, sounds challenging. Sometimes it is too socially awkward to go there.

So, I really am not sure where the OP or people like him is at. I count non-verbal rejections as a "mild rejection", so it doesn't necessarily have to be harsh. Maybe it's the girl's body-language or vibe or tone that's sending those types of messages I'm describing. In that case you have to subjectively interpret a rejection based on common sense. You are not going to take an approach risk or social risk if you already got non-verbally rejected.

So, according to your theory, if you apply it to getting allot of non-verbal rejections, then oddly some women would just throw themselves at you and make it super-easy to close with them based on your "numbers game" if you keep that part of your mind on when interacting with women so you subjectively feel the rejection.

 

[edegoge]

Or a hired gun that's very business like and reserved with you but open and friendly to every other guy?

Can't say I've experienced that much. So no comment.

Then I think our frames of reference might be quite different because I experience that frequently.

 

[corrector]

Well then you're dealing with a little more than an approach issue.

Lets start with this: While many women would love to jump at an opportunity to break the heart of a playa, very few women want to crush the soul of a nice guy. They just don't like to do this.

In order to avoid this possible scenario from ever happening, it is not unusual for a woman to put up a cold, business-like front with any man they sense has a hungry and lonely vibe about him. They do this knowing that these men become this way because they don't typically get a lot of interest from women. For that reason, these men will have a higher tendency to mistake typical, friendly behaviors as high indicators of interest: a smile, a giggle, encouragement, any increase in the possibility of hanging out together, physical contact of any kind no matter how insignificant, etc. Although these can be indicators of interest, they are also the typical behaviors of a friendly, sociable person.

This business-like front prevents such misunderstandings from ever happening, which prevents these men from thinking there is something there, which prevents them from developing feelings over the course of weeks or even months, until finally he grows the balls to make a move.... which is when she is forced to delicately crush his heart: the very scenario she is trying to avoid.

In other words, they do this specifically so they don't have to reject you.

This is a big problem, because it means there is something about you that turns women off relatively quickly. What that is I have no clue. You have to be honest with yourself and everyone here if you really want to dig into and resolve these issues.

I don't know. I think this is the type of answer that sounds more like what I was trying to get out of you in the first place. In a sense you are saying you do not count that as a rejection. It sounds like these type of girls are rejecting guys that are giving out that type of vibe. How do you reconcile that this is not a rejection and saying they are saying they don't have to reject you? If they are not interested, then that's a rejection, no?

Also, if you are the type of guy that is giving out that vibe, then that's like a negative feed-back loop. You can't really break-out of that unless you get interest from women in the first place. Saying, there is a big problem and saying there is something that is turning off women quickly basically contradicts your previous post of getting more rejections than the OP or this being some big numbers game. Basically you do not have a solution because unless you can help to pin-point what it is that is causing women to show a healthy level of interest in some guys and then ignore other guys completely, then I'm not sure portraying this as a numbers game with rejections as part of the territory can honestly work.

 

[edegoge]

To be fair I said in the OP I've been treated like sh1t by women and I was wondering how I can motivate myself to approach women with this taken into account.

 

[corrector]

To be fair I said in the OP I've been treated like sh1t by women and I was wondering how I can motivate myself to approach women with this taken into account.

Okay, it seems that you have experienced DJ's on here want to help you out but they can't without knowing what your issues are that are causing women to treat you like that so now it's time to spill the beans about your life-story and what's working for you and what isn't. It is not acceptable for you to accept being treated like that as normal or healthy.

 

[Red Legg]

For every 50 women I approach at least 30 will turn me down,I have been spit at,had angry boyfriends/husbands chase me,been challenged to fistfights,been kicked out of malls,I have reached a point where I am impervious to rejection and this may sound twisted but I have been disappointed when I succeeded at getting the date before because I expected a rejection.I feel pumped when I get rejected by a hottie...it's a numbers game.Your motivation should come from the fact that at least you had the fvcking balls to do it when 99% of men would not have..

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Technically, yes, you can consider that behavior a rejection, but you also have to realize that this act is an attempt for her to do the nicest thing she can probably do in such a situation. As I said, women do not like to crush nice men, but they certainly will if they are forced to. These women are trying to spare such men from misery while trying to spare themselves from an awkward discomfort in being the source of it. In a sense, they are not rejecting the man with this vibe, per say. They are rejecting previous experiences they have had with other men who have given off that same vibe. It's not personal, but when you're on the receiving end, it is extremely difficult not to take it that way.

Everyone does this. I have had negative experiences with some women, and because of those experiences, I have a certain prejudice whenever I see another woman who shares a particular look or has some of the same mannerisms that those ex's had. I know absolutely nothing at all about these women, but I avoid them like the plague nonetheless.

​

What makes this a negative feedback loop is a high dependency on the idea that a man must stop doing all of the wrong things in order to get all of the right results. That can certainly help things, without a doubt, but the truth is that a man can still succeed with women even when doing some things wrong....so long as he does enough of the right things that women have a higher level of preference for.

For example, a good looking guy can get away with being shy and somewhat quiet. A very sociable and outgoing guy can get away with having very average, unimpressive looks. But the odds will always be stacked heavily against a shy, quiet, average looking guy.

If a man is giving off the vibe of desperation and loneliness, the solution is not to find someone to stop the loneliness. It is to accentuate whatever strengths that can help dispel the vibe of a person who is lonely. A lonely man, for example, will have a tendency to shower a woman with 10 times more attention that she provides him, whereas a man who is not lonely will have more of a tendency to be friendly and sociable but nonchalant with the attention a woman provides. A lonely man will tend to laugh at something a pretty woman might say that isn't really that funny at all, whereas a man who isn't lonely will be far more likely to playfully tease her about how awful the joke was.

Now, none of these behaviors actually change the fact that the man is lonely and in search for someone, but they do dispel the very vibe that plays a fairly significant role in preventing any change in that status from occurring.




I made that post under the assumption that the OP was simply dealing with a confidence issue. While it is still relevant to the OP, deeper-seeded issues have come up since that comment. Those issues need to be addressed, and are an entirely different matter.



These things can be pin-pointed, but neither I nor can anyone else here do that without knowing what a person's particular weaknesses and possible strengths are. That requires a person to be very honest with themselves and with everyone else when conveying these things. That is where this discussion is going. The numbers game thing is something that will come into play after these issues are addressed.

What makes them more receptive to certain guys and not others? Is it just looks and personality? So would you assume that he is lacking in something obvious like this? Or is it about more deep, dark, disturbing psychological issues that they pick up on?

 

[corrector]

What makes them more receptive to certain guys and not others? Is it just looks and personality? So would you assume that he is lacking in something obvious like this? Or is it about more deep, dark, disturbing psychological issues that they pick up on?

Just as a quick reality check we are talking about "hired guns"....cashier encounters are usually very brief and to point so I'd assume it is pure looks since they are just there to do their job. After all, how much can a girl possibly know about you if all you are doing is buying something from a store and checking out (i.e. beyond what you are buying)?

I can't say I've had just bad experiences with cashiers, it's a mixed bag. Just the other day a lady behind the meat counter gave me like $ 20 worth of deli slices and charged me $ 5.00 for that. Did she like me? I don't know. I didn't even check that out until after the fact.

Unless you dress up all goth or something, or have a bunch of rings hanging off your face, it's unlikely that any psychological issues will be picked up in such an interaction.

 

[edegoge]

you cant motivate yourself. pick up is gonna suck a lot. i personally have failed many many many many times. but ive been better for it in the long run. rejection means nothing. you cant make a judgement of women based on one or even hundreds of failed attempts. not when theres literally billions of women in the world. ive been turned down by 6s that didnt know what was happening when i was hitting on them and picked up myself by 8s who are far more socially competent girls. women i would assume would only be interested in movie stars and celebrities if i was an afc. the more you practice the more you fail the better youre going to get. its inevitable.

but the issue isnt your mentality or lack of game or confidence. its your lack of ACTION.

youre limiting your own success through NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. remember negative thoughts are self propagating and self limiting. the less you DO, the more they WILL continue to appear. a person who does not make a conscious effort to control their thoughts will forever be defined by and a slave to them. this is why i highly recommend meditation. but i degress

the more you think you lack in some way before approaching, the more you will continue to be paralyzed by your thoughts because you applied some personal defect to the situation which requires you to somehow "fix" or change it.

"i cant approach because i dont have enough game/confidence"

you create a self fulfilling prophecy, when instead, if you simply ACTED and approached women, the whole problem gets realigned

the reality is you dont have enough game/confidence because you ARE NOT APPROACHING those women you like that take your breath away.

remember, the alpha thing is not waiting idly by for things to happen and fall in your lap. make shlt happen. alpha = action action action

Your assumption is wrong. I might not be approaching enough, but I am approaching. Approached 8 in December and 4 so far in January.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

dont make me laugh with those numbers. i could approach that in 3 hours time on a summer night

And what's your HONEST success rate if you approach 10 girls in one night? What do the interactions usually go like?