Guys I think "Be Yourself" is great social advice

[bigdave17]

Be Yourself means that you trust yourself, stop trying to impress people, stop wanting anybody's approval, stop being desperate, be extremely comfortable in your own skin. I notice that when I stay within myself like this - I tend to have extreme success socially

Humans are social creatures and we tend to be naturally gravitated towards people with a strong sense of self comfort like that. It makes people come across as very genuine and we tend to trust them and feel comfortable around them

Discuss

 

[skinnyguy]

Being yourself could be bad advice if being yourself means being a beta cuck

 

[Reykhel]

Unfortunately, be yourself does not often translate to "be the best version of yourself", which incedently is the very formula promoted around here

 

[Dash Riprock]

Depends where you are in life. If you have no money, bad job, no property, bad attitude, and are out of shape, then I would say you need to start improving "yourself." With improvement comes confidence, and with confidence comes game, mystique and allure, and with all that comes high-quality females.

 

[jaymbrs]

I'm a sarcastic, insensitive jerk. So when I meet a girl, I can't be myself. I have to portray a nice guy. The funny thing about that, is that I tend to crack after awhile and totally send the girl running. It's a struggle.

 

[zekko]

Be Yourself means that you trust yourself, stop trying to impress people, stop wanting anybody's approval, stop being desperate, be extremely comfortable in your own skin. I notice that when I stay within myself like this - I tend to have extreme success socially

Agreed. When I was young I used to freeze up around beautiful girls. I could joke and laugh and have fun with the girls I wasn't attracted to, and with the guys. But beautiful girls would make me nervous, and I would be awkward and self critical. I realized the problem was I wasn't being myself around them because they made me nervous. If I was going to attract them, I needed to loosen up and display the same kind of charm and personality that I did around everybody else. It was a matter of practice and desensitizing myself to them. Just being aware of what was going on helped a little bit.

That's what Be Yourself means to me anyway.

 

[Trainwreck]

Depends where you are in life. If you have no money, bad job, no property, bad attitude, and are out of shape, then I would say you need to start improving "yourself." With improvement comes confidence, and with confidence comes game, mystique and allure, and with all that comes high-quality females.

I disagree, most females tend to gravitate towards bums

 

[RangerMIke]

If being yourself is eating potato chips, growing a neck beard, being 50 pounds over weight and living in your mother's basement then I would suggest 'being yourself' is not the best advice you would get if you want to have quality women in your life. If you don;t care about chicks and are happy with love dolls, porn, and X-Box then be yourself. I do not make fun of or ridicule men that want nothing to do with chicks... they are an epic pain in the @ss, and if you really want to live your life for yourself and not have a nagging b!tch nipping at your heals, I get that. I know some MGTOW that are some of the happiest guys I know.

BUT if you are un-happy, then doing the same thing and expecting different results is insane. If you want chicks in your life, you better be prepared to work on yourself and change... not for chicks, but because you want to be the best human being possible... then chicks will find you.

 

[corrector]

Depends where you are in life. If you have no money, bad job, no property, bad attitude, and are out of shape, then I would say you need to start improving "yourself." With improvement comes confidence, and with confidence comes game, mystique and allure, and with all that comes high-quality females.

Seeing that some of the issues you are mentioned could be based on life-circumstances beyond your control, and given the OP's assertion that he has that part sorted out in his life but is still failing with quality "in league" women. Why is the OP failing then if he has all of these attributes you mentioned?

 

[Reykhel]

Seeing that some of the issues you are mentioned could be based on life-circumstances beyond your control, and given the OP's assertion that he has that part sorted out in his life but is still failing with quality "in league" women. Why is the OP failing then if he has all of these attributes you mentioned?

He sounds like a pompous azzhat who thinks his ****e doesn't stink and he sounds desperate to lock down a relationship?

Probably this is the vibe he's given off to women.....

I mean he's "better than 99% of women out door and more handsome to boot"

The advice given by "idiots here" (his words) doesn't work for our special boy, yet countless posters here have said the advice received here has transformed their lives....

Probably greatly overestimating his own value has left a smug arrogant demenour on his face which repels women. It's the subcommunications...

Or perhaps it's simply attention seeking trolling.

 

[Urbanyst]

Be Yourself means that you trust yourself, stop trying to impress people, stop wanting anybody's approval, stop being desperate, be extremely comfortable in your own skin. I notice that when I stay within myself like this - I tend to have extreme success socially

Humans are social creatures and we tend to be naturally gravitated towards people with a strong sense of self comfort like that. It makes people come across as very genuine and we tend to trust them and feel comfortable around them

Discuss

Be yourself, but constantly work to become a better version of yourself. Being FAKE is a sign of insecurity and low self-confidence.

When you are always trying to please others, it communicates you don't respect and value yourself. That makes people hesitant to respect you, but anxious to use you.

No one gets used more than people-pleasers. They are also the first to complain about how they are so NICE and helpful to others and get no gratitude lol. You try to help them by telling them to STOP being so stupid, but they ignore your advice in favor of getting more abuse and then coming back to complain about getting used. Eventually you stop respecting that person too and then they complain about you too lol.

Another thing about people-pleasers is they are not loyal. They are always chasing after the person who is treating them the poorest. When you are good to them, they almost don't respect you. They also make HORRIBLE co-workers who can't be trusted.

I actually hate people-pleasers and other types of FAKE people and try to avoid them when possible.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Seeing that some of the issues you are mentioned could be based on life-circumstances beyond your control, and given the OP's assertion that he has that part sorted out in his life but is still failing with quality "in league" women. Why is the OP failing then if he has all of these attributes you mentioned?

He needs to improve in his mental game--all facets. I can tell him that confidently without even meeting him. That's perhaps the biggest (and most difficult) part of self-improvement once you have the aforementioned areas taken care of.

Curious which of the aforementioned criteria do you feel are "beyond our control?"

 

[corrector]

He needs to improve in his mental game--all facets. I can tell him that confidently without even meeting him. That's perhaps the biggest (and most difficult) part of self-improvement once you have the aforementioned areas taken care of.

Curious which of the aforementioned criteria do you feel are "beyond our control?"

Which of your aforementioned criteria is beyond control? It was mentioned "no money, bad job, no property", aspects like that I believe are outside of control. Now, I'm not saying there are no rags to riches stories out there or that poor people can't win a lottery ticket, but in my particular situation, I don't really feel that this is a facet that I can control. Perhaps it is a test of faith that I would say God is in control of these aspects and I have not gone under in terms of being totally defaulting on all my debt obligations (i.e. a debt obligation that requires $ 10, 000 payments is no easy feat). But shall we say, lots of people are living paycheque to paycheque or are precariously employed so I may not be the only one that may feel that way.

You can't create money out of thin air. If you counterfeit money then you can go to jail. If you have a bad job, and that's all you can get because of the job market, racial discrimination, etc... then that is sort of beyond your control too. Sure you can quit a bad job, but then you don't make nothing. No property comes from having no money or a bad job. Unless you have a get rich quick concept that's not another telemarketing or MLM scam, then I'm all ears.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Being "yourself" is only half the coin.

You have to have "self" that, when you are being said "self" is a person that other people like.

If you "be yourself" in a job interview for a computer programmer, and all you have is a HS diploma, you won't get hired.

Ideally, your real "self" should ALWAYS be improving.

 

[Dash Riprock]

"no money, bad job, no property", aspects like that I believe are outside of control.

Considering all of these choices are/were YOUR choices, how does that make them out of your control?? It sounds like you're blaming others or the market or whatever for the choices you've made. Unless you're living in a communist country with 100% Authoritarian control, ANYONE can get rich, get a good job, start a business, whatever. Gates, Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Tony Robbins had ZERO formal education and have changed the world.

We are all responsible for the decisions we make, good or bad, and are exactly in the spot we should be in life based on our dominant thoughts. What we think about, we become. No one does it for us.

 

[fastlife]

On a simplistic physical level, you are 1.) Your genes and 2.) How those genes express themselves according to the environment. 1. is a fixed variable; 2. is infinitely variable and can be manipulated (even by your own actions--e.g. lifting weights/winning competition increases testosterone production, makes changes within the lymbic system, changes behavior).

The environment around you is constantly in flux. So, for example, you'd be a very different 'you' with a gun pointed at your face vs. who you'd be in front of a crowd chanting your name. Or imagine you were super blessed genetically but abused as a child. Are 'you' those good genes or are you how that genetic information reacted to that abuse?

Then you throw in social conditioning and things get even more obscured. Are 'you' the you who gets horny and goes and looks at some really twisted p0rn or are 'you' the you who feels a little bit of shame afterward? Are 'you' the you who really, really wants to fvck that hot brunette across the room or are 'you' the you that doesn't want to bother her and chickens out. Which drive is the most legitimate expression of 'you?'

Getting to the bottom of those problems requires more conscious mental effort than you'd be able to do while simultaneously functioning in day-to-day life. So your brain simplifies things and makes assumptions based on imperfect information. Thus, the ego makes all sorts of rules and labels of who 'you' are to rationalize that behavior. Oh, I didn't approach that hot brunette--it wasn't because I'm chickensh1t, it's because I'm a respectful guy. I'm just an introvert. That's not me. Etc., etc.

Those 'identities' can be adaptive or maladaptive depending on your environment and how your identity allows you to function within that environment--and whether you are able to achieve the outcomes you want. So what's the good of 'being yourself' if that version of 'you' is 90% bullsh1t rationalizations and doesn't help you achieve what you want to achieve? On some level you do have a core identity (genetic limitations on your range of behavior), but the only way to get into alignment with that core is to constantly test your comfort zone and your assumptions in a wide range of environments to find out what really works for you--and even that'll change over time.

 

[corrector]

Considering all of these choices are/were YOUR choices, how does that make them out of your control?? It sounds like you're blaming others or the market or whatever for the choices you've made.

I disagree. Things do not necessarily work out to fulfill the intent of the choices made, which is where you have set-backs, bad breaks or just bad luck. Without going into detail, I can say most of the choices I've made have unfulfilled intent and other complications have occurred where I do not feel a connection with any choices that I've made to where I am in life today.

Unless you're living in a communist country with 100% Authoritarian control, ANYONE can get rich, get a good job, start a business, whatever. Gates, Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Tony Robbins had ZERO formal education and have changed the world.

I never said you need education in order to get rich.

We are all responsible for the decisions we make, good or bad, and are exactly in the spot we should be in life based on our dominant thoughts. What we think about, we become. No one does it for us.

That changes the slant of the argument. On a more logical discussion, we are talking about more cause and effect when talking about choice. However, based on this "universal/spiritual "law"", which I agree with by the way on principle, dominant thoughts are more relevant than choice.
Than choice is irrelevant since the outcome (ie. whether or not something fulfills the intent of the choice or goes contrary to the intent) is based on other factors beyond the aspect of choice itself and is an elaborate mind-game.

 

[corrector]

I managed to make things happen in a different way. I finished most of high school but left early with a GED. Went to University for a year before I saw through the bull**** and left. Yet I still managed to land a job during the height of the recession and high unemployment that pays six figures annually. I did that through networking in ways most people underestimate or don't even consider, from knowing the right people on Facebook to networking with new people I met on a golf course, I was able to get interviews, references and favoritism through the hiring process that got me to where I am now.

If you just wait for sh*t to drop into your lap or do things the same way as millions of other people do, it's going to be a long hard road for you....

That sounds like a great story. It does sound somewhat rags to riches, because based on your narrative, you made some connections at a golf club or on facebook and hit the jackpot. Therefore, in a sense something did fall into your lap and either have a rag to riches story or a privileged story. Maybe it's the idea of doing that, did someone tell you about that? You could afford the golf club membership and naturally enjoy playing golf? Maybe you are white and if you were black or brown it wouldn't have worked out that way? I'm sure there are aspects here that if another person did exactly the same thing you did, it would have turned out differently.

 

[corrector]

I was told about it, and it's not a white thing where I joined some ritzy country club. The guy who told me was Puerto Rican. He was funny as hell and a pretty good golfer. He filled me in. So I got a membership card at the public county course, which cost me maybe $30 and started to learn the game.

If you can get pretty good at golf and you're a very likable guy, trust me, you'll make some connections.

This wasn't a quick process. It took me almost 3 years before I was good enough of a player, and another 2 years or so before I landed a job that way. I also did t start out making 6 figures. I started off at around $60K, which is still good, but it was my own work ethic that carried me the rest of the way.

Okay I'll try it out. A public course that cost $ 30, not an exclusive high-class one, and this took 5 years. With me I think it will be a much quicker process. I mean I'm a Real-Estate agent so technically I already have a job. Just need to rub shoulders with rich people who could buy or sell through me so I can make a huge commission cheque and I'm good. Thanks for the tip!