How did you look at women after being with a bpd

[QuadDeuces]

BPDers give great sex and are very charming, they are also very manipulative and clingy.
Its difficult to keep them away because they want to force themselves into your life. You must have strong boundaries and dont make them your main woman, always keep spinning other plates, eventhough they create drama when you dont spend all your time on them.
Keeping them as a casual fckbuddy is pretty difficult because they create too much drama and start showing up at your house crying in the middle of the night and stuff.
Theyre always the victim. Just have very strong boundaries with them and dont give them the drama they want. Ironically thats when they usually get bored and disappear.

 

[playa99]

I do believe we live in a world of over-diagnosis as far as mental health is concerned.

I believe a DJ's main focus should be on himself.

I had a bad experience with a girl a few years ago. She may or may not have a mental illness & to be honest I couldn't care less. I put myself through a tough time & that made me emotionally vulnerable.

To be honest, we all have probably come across people with mental disorders. My old therapist actually diagnosed with low level PTSD, which I don't believe really. My Gran is nuts at best & had a mental breakdown in her 40's. My dad's ex was diagnosed with bipolar.

My dad was vulnerable because he had lost his wife, I was vulnerable because of addiction. Take away the vulnerability & I wouldn't have even gone out with this girl.

Gents, take care of yourselves first & it's highly likely someone highly manipulative won't come into your life.

Bottom line: Improve yourself.

 

[exhausted]

No mention of what you are.

Because you are the victim in all that.

So no need to learn anything.

It's an extremely convenient frame.

It's a shame that it doesn't hold up to any sort of infield testing.

What i am? The victim? Wtf are you talking about.
Everything I said you missed. It's not about me it's about the disordered mind, no matter what you do or don't do they go into chaos and drama and war with themself.
I am not the victim, I merely just got out of the way and no matter what that train goes off the tracks.
My sister literally committed herself. She was committed for months. By her oen decision when she was 34 and her kid was 12. They even know something is wrong with them but cant control it.

You are refusing to learn and grow. That's a choice.

 

[AJ84]

Anywhere, anytime. That’s an irrational and non realistic last statement. If 10% of the guys out there are azzholes, will you never come across one lady, or do you just need to meet them in azzhole clubs?

To answer the OP’s question, I see her red flags immediatelly now and Not rationalize them away as I did in the past.

A**holes of both genders make up way more than 10% of the population.
So there is a chance that a woman who is giving a guy grief is simply an a**hole, not mentally ill. Both types need to be avoided. Unless you are going around with a DSM 5 cross referencing all your dates behaviours then referring them for psych assessments by mental health professionals, you shouldn't just throw a diagnosis around.

 

[AJ84]

Here's how it works.

Woman doesn't behave the way a guy wants.

Guy gets the hump.

Guy searches internet to classify her as a type of mental illness (or gets encouraged by others to do so).

Guy then takes that frame (understanding of the world) around with him. And it's how he makes sense of things.

Guy goes on to meet and diagnose 15 more supposed bpd/npd/hpd/nypd women in 3 years.

I wonder if guy does that because it's less upsetting to believe a girl's crappy behaviour is the result of something outside of her control, like mental illness, rather then it being the result of her being a bit*h.

It's like my friend who got cheated on, she now thinks all men are cheaters. She sabotaged her last two relationships with two nice guys because of this frame.

 

[sazc]

It's a little baffling how someone could say (and I do remember reading it last week) that 'breaking up with a chick over text' could push her into BPD land but everyone ghosting these females by going NC, the push pull, the negging, and all the other advocated behavior on this site, isn't going to have any effect....?

Do I think breaking up with a female over text is going to make her BPD? No. Do I think going NC is going to push anyone into BPD land? No. Do I think y'all assign BPD as a 'diagnoses' in error? yes. But labeling people BPD is exactly the mechanism you need in order to not take blame for the situation of a female being overly emotional, or acting on anxiety. Who really knows if you had a hand in the situation or not? Certainly no one commenting on these boards.

In 90% of the 'cases' talked about on here, what you are probably dealing with is a female that has anxiety and is acting on it, and she probably doesn't realize she has anxiety. Anxiety will have you self medicating (we see dudes talk about self medicating on these boards all the time). Anxiety will make you narcissistic - you will decide to put yourself first as a mechanism of self soothing. When one person puts themselves first, the other person will be second. The other person will technically lose. etc, etc, etc

Do I think a fair amount of the behavior that is advocated on these boards as a way of sh1t testing women and/or trying to make them submissive generates/increases anxiety in women? Yes.

It is what it is.

 

[sazc]

It's like my friend who got cheated on, she now thinks all men are cheaters. She sabotaged her last two relationships with two nice guys because of this frame.

This is most likely what is going on with these 'diagnoses'

 

[exhausted]

I can explain the pathology, I've seen in many, many times. I can't think of a benefit to a normal person to discount mental health issues except if they have problems with feeling like they can't control certain outcomes.

That's the thing when you meet a girl and date and don't connect you move on to the next no biggie.
But when you date a girl for 12 to 18 months and everthing is great despite a few instances, and all a sudden she goes off her rocker, yelling screaming chaos and drama and the lying and gaslighting then that is a mental illness.

 

[exhausted]

It's really not rocket science, except to the mentally ill and insecure themselves.

Oh by the way.

Those of us who actually "field tested" this stuff know that cluster b's react very strongly not only to being labeled themselves (unless they tell you at the outset) but also seeing you label others, because they don't like the idea that they are common and predictable. In fact, if you call a third party crazy and your GF gets mad at you...red flag(essentially what is happening here when men get offended at things they supposedly have never experienced).

See: Tenacity and RichardTheFrog on this very forum.

They act like we are complaining of being rejected by a girl and can't handle it.

Ugh no, instead we have witnessed a crazy person lose their chit and come out of what we thought was a normal human being.

With my history with my older sister and her bpd illness and my experience i was still shocked at the trainwreck that came out from time to time.

 

[051AV]

BPDers give great sex and are very charming, they are also very manipulative and clingy.
Its difficult to keep them away because they want to force themselves into your life. You must have strong boundaries and dont make them your main woman, always keep spinning other plates, eventhough they create drama when you dont spend all your time on them.
Keeping them as a casual fckbuddy is pretty difficult because they create too much drama and start showing up at your house crying in the middle of the night and stuff.
Theyre always the victim. Just have very strong boundaries with them and dont give them the drama they want. Ironically thats when they usually get bored and disappear.

They crave drama, if they are not getting any they will start it for sure, my ex did it with me, the jealously streak it didn't matter if the woman was young or old she would get jealous. The death stare she would give the other women she wanted them to die, it would end up in more drama for me. I'm not totally sure BPD women like it if you stand up to them or not. Pretty sure the down fall of our relationship was I didn't put up with her BS I stood up to her, she manipulated me I gave it right back, she would always try catch me when I had my guard down. She was always the victim when it came to our big blow out she was the victim she said she was deathly scared of me I was so intimidating she couldn't be around me I scared her, it made me laugh. People lapped up her lies like a puppy dog. I never hear from her she's gone, makes me wonder if she would ever come crawling back.

 

[exhausted]

They crave drama, if they are not getting any they will start it for sure, my ex did it with me, the jealously streak it didn't matter if the woman was young or old she would get jealous. The death stare she would give the other women she wanted them to die, it would end up in more drama for me. I'm not totally sure BPD women like it if you stand up to them or not. Pretty sure the down fall of our relationship was I didn't put up with her BS I stood up to her, she manipulated me I gave it right back, she would always try catch me when I had my guard down. She was always the victim when it came to our big blow out she was the victim she said she was deathly scared of me I was so intimidating she couldn't be around me I scared her, it made me laugh. People lapped up her lies like a puppy dog. I never hear from her she's gone, makes me wonder if she would ever come crawling back.

Huge red flags: ALWAYS the victim, always
Jealous beyond belief and controlling.

 

[RedScorpion]

I believe I've only met two or three potential BPD (or weird) women, but for me they stand clearly outside of the normal mind frame of a girl. Or a normal person.

One thing that stands as a clear trait for me (doesn't matter if they're actually BPD or just weird), is the rapid flip of very into you/completely ignorant of your existence. Example - eating in a cafeteria. I was sitting with another group, we were all finishing up, but she came directly over after eating and sat right beside me (as I was finishing up), asking questions, fairly intense. Next day, walked by her - no acknowledgement. Other times, she would invite herself over to come help on my house sometime (single at this time). Next night - was a stag and doe dance of a mutual friend, tried talking casual with her - treated like a pariah. Won hockey tickets and a hotel night - said I should take her along, despite her having a boyfriend... then would be content to try and harshly criticize me during a work course (which I threw back in her face).

It was very on/off/on/off all the time. And this was going on for years (luckily worked on a different crew from her).

Because of that, I've become wary of women that are very intense from the start, and/or flip constantly from "Wow you are so interesting to me!" to "Oh right, you exist". Each of the times I've experienced this- it's always turned out to be a major head trip or headache. This could be not a fair assessment (or too defensive), but I almost got the sense of being 'used' from their behaviour, rather than them actually enjoying your company. I don't know if it's real interest from them, from the constant ups and downs, or if it's simply attention seeking to try and fill some void in them. Maybe both, or neither.

Is it fair to be wary of this type of behaviour? Or am I being overly cautious?

From all three of these girls, it's made me question myself (when they're on the 'down'), and ask "Did I cause this shift?". And it always feels like a 'yes' - which I can logically 'feel' that their reaction seems quite extreme to what I've 'done' to them. It's extremely annoying.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

On one hand since leaving my bpd/npd ex i am grateful to see how amazing and kind some women can actually be....however the realization that i spent several years of my life with a sick person still has a slight affect on me.

This was not your typical npd this woman was sick on another level. I really do think she is capable of killing someone. Hopefully she gets help and doesn’t but may the lord help the next guy with her.

It was very easy for me to ignore her recycle attempts because disgusted is not even a word. I saw her slash tires, spit in people’s drinks, laugh about her friend being hit by a car, pick up knives and come towards me, manipulate herself out of being in trouble with the cops. Her family also contacted me afrer the breakup to told me how abusive she was and how she ruined her self esteem.

I am no angel...but i do know that i do have the ability to genuinely care about other people. I am just disgusted knowing that women/people like this actually exist. I am ashamed i let her so deep in my life..especially now that i see what is out there.

It’s a scary thought for us guys that want kids, be very careful who you breed with fellas. Couldn’t pay me enough to **** a bpd raw even if she said she’s on the pill.

You're going of definition of what you know. Of about 100 or so years of psychological advice. Freud put together as good as it gets but he would be falling for some of his women patients. Most of the doctors defining this are on their own stash recently went to one for a revisit and the doctor is using lamictal a renowned party drug. Besides their physical explanation is that they have to block the over production. What I've known is most girls with bipolar are way more woman than your supposed healthy illogical girl. So don't short change yourself.

 

[Billtx49]

You're going of definition of what you know. Of about 100 or so years of psychological advice. Freud put together as good as it gets but he would be falling for some of his women patients. Most of the doctors defining this are on their own stash recently went to one for a revisit and the doctor is using lamictal a renowned party drug. Besides their physical explanation is that they have to block the over production. What I've known is most girls with bipolar are way more woman than your supposed healthy illogical girl. So don't short change yourself.

On this forum BPD refers to borderline personality disorder, it’s entirely different than a bipolar condition. They are not the same thing.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

On this forum BPD refers to borderline personality disorder, it’s entirely different than a bipolar condition. They are not the same thing.

Well I go by Doc Love's approach that all women are Illogical. He's been in the game longer Doctor Tom Hodges.

 

[Billtx49]

Well I go by Doc Love's approach that all women are Illogical. He's been in the game longer Doctor Tom Hodges.

I prefer the opinions of psychological professionals practicing in the mental health field.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

I really think this bpd things is jokes. A weird way to look at life.

I had a guy on here recently claim that my choosing not to break things off with women in person "is creating bpd in women".

Op of this thread has claimed elsewhere that "broke guys get bpd chicks". "High quality women only go out with the rich".

LARaider has claimed that I'm bpd.

Exausted reckons all modern women are bpd.

So on, and so forth.

You guys might not realize, but looking from the outside it's like a little cult. Where every behaviour that falls foul of your particular needs for that particular human being gets pathologized as suppossedly having a very serious mental condition.

Which, i'm quite sure could itself be framed as a sort of narcissism (if I were so inclined).

This, gentleman, is no way to spend your 30's. And it's getting pretty weird how it pops up in normal discussion, like it's normal - when it isn't.

Breaking up with women isn't causing bpd. A woman spitting in a cup isn't bpd. A woman divorcing a rich guy isn't bpd. A woman not wanting the d isn't bpd. Women disrespecting you isn't bpd. Someone rejecting that frame generally as a lense through which to view all interactions with women isn't bpd.

Personal responsibility, gents. Start there.

Support this one hundred percent. Remember all girls have a shield when you originally meet them. Plus you only have a few seconds for a first impression may mean wonders for your usual PUA. From a certain point of view I support this.

 

[Billtx49]

I have never been in the open water with a man eating shark, but I do know they are a very real danger to your life and wellbeing because of the testimony of the people that have actually had that experience in their real life.
Do I think it was only their imagination, or they later learned sharks were harmless and confused, or they misindentified the creature without an experts opinion? No, I’m no fool.

 

[Dash Riprock]

They crave drama, if they are not getting any they will start it for sure, my ex did it with me, the jealously streak it didn't matter if the woman was young or old she would get jealous. The death stare she would give the other women she wanted them to die, it would end up in more drama for me. I'm not totally sure BPD women like it if you stand up to them or not. Pretty sure the down fall of our relationship was I didn't put up with her BS I stood up to her, she manipulated me I gave it right back, she would always try catch me when I had my guard down. She was always the victim when it came to our big blow out she was the victim she said she was deathly scared of me I was so intimidating she couldn't be around me I scared her, it made me laugh. People lapped up her lies like a puppy dog. I never hear from her she's gone, makes me wonder if she would ever come crawling back.

Wow, this describes my ex perfectly. Mine was in therapy though. She said for PTSD (molestation when she was young I believe) but she also had a 100% match for all BPD traits. She hates her mother and wants to go see her "suffer" as she has cancer and lives 1500 miles away. The jealously was insane and irrational. Our big blowout came when I merely glanced at another woman at the dog park. BPD flipped out and had a meltdown for the ages. We were allegedly in an exclusive relationship when this happened. After our blowout she called a beta male orbiter to pick her up from my house and I never heard from her or saw her again. That was almost 6 months ago. Have been NC since. Who the f*uck needs it. Life is WAY to short to compromise your values and character for a hot girl who may give great sex but acts like a 12 year old brat with no moral compass.

Most BPD chicks won't deal with a DJ or alpha because they cannot control them. They usually leave after a fight and hookup with a beta male--that they can control. Really screwed up way to live. It's sad, but they honestly cannot help it as it's the way their brain is mis-wired.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

On a lighter note I met on many occasions Diane Kruger. I did enjoy her personality disorder. (*face I make when I eat cake)