Did I over react?

[way2smart]

A girl I am seeing is late for the 3d time.

Here is what happened. I asked her out on a date for 8pm today. I arrived at 7:55 and called her to let her know that I arrived but she didn't pick up the phone.
She calls me back at 8:15 and tells me "are you here yet?" I said yes of course I have been here since 8pm, she then says that she is coming to my car.
By now it's 8:20 and she is nowhere to be seen, so I just leave.

After I left, she calls me and says:
her: "Where are you?"
Me: "I left"
her: "Why did you leave?"
Me : "Because I waited for you for for 25 minutes"
her: "I am so sorry, i was speaking to my neighbor and lost track of time, can you please come back? I sincerely apologize"
Me: "No, it's not the first time you are late, this is like the 3rd of 4th time, so I can't come back, bye!"

I hang up the phone. Then she calls back immediately again:

Her: "What do you mean "bye"
Me: "I mean bye in a sense that I am not coming back"
Her: "Please come back, I am already outside"
Me: "No I already promised to meet with some one else"
Her: "Oh, ok bye"

Then she hangs up the phone.

Just to give some background info, she was late before, one time she made me wait 40 minutes! So I was tired of her being late.
Did I over react?

 

[Glassguy]

I would have done the same if it was a track record with this girl.

There is a strong chance that her hamster is spinning and she will reach back out IF you stay quiet (no calls, texts, messages,etc.)

If she does and implies meeting up again, just invite her over to your place on an evening that you dont have much to do. If she shows up late, who cares. You are at home and not making any effort.....she must make the effort.

If she asks why you only want to see her at your place, tell her that she wasted your time at her place the last time and its your place or nothing.

Escalate like crazy and smash her, then leave her demoted to fvck buddy only.

 

[TheGambino]

Absolutley not bro. You did a very awesome job here, showing her that you value your time as a man. You also showed her to respect you as a man and respect your time. She will think two or three times before disrespecting you again.

Stick with your guns, you punished bad behavior which is GREAT in a subtle way that's not bvthurt. You showed her you don't allow disrespect and your value has gone true the roof due that action. If she is a very attractive girl she will value you only more now because she is used to men to be desperate and still come to try to get a piece of that.

Now you go nc, wait for her to reach out and ask for a new date! You answer with: If you respect my time, we are cool, i'm kinda busy this week, I let you know my schedule soon so we can meet up later. And you end the convo, polite, NOT bvthurt and relaxed. The essence is, allow a woman to be a woman. She will be flakey sometimes because she is a emotional creature, she thinks shes fat that week, or had a rough week at work or has family trouble or insecurities because Thegambino negged her hard earlier that day. So embrace that she is a woman and accept the fact that they sheit test once a while but never allow them to disrespect you, otherwise you walk.

I love it, great work bro.

 

[jaymbrs]

Not at all. Repeat offender will continue her ways if you keep letting it happen. Something had to be done.

 

[Roober]

I would take the middle ground... You over-reacted a bit, but it was "somewhat" warranted...

First things first...
-Why didn't you get out of the car? It's obvious she missed your call and lost track of time...
-If she has a track record of being late, did you check in with her before you headed over?
-She has shown that she is tardy, but you still expected her to be ontime. Sounds like you misjudged her? Did you make it clear beforehand that your impatient?

So I will attribute the first part to poor communication... work on that for the future.

Now... she did disrespect your time. To me, this means one of two things 1) that she wasn't that excited about the date in the first place, or 2) she is really bad with time (some people are).

She then calls you and says she is coming out, you give her 5 mins and you leave? (Had you gotten out of car, this would have been a moot point)
You then make a couple mistakes...
1. remind her how late she is...
2. then show her that you were bothered by her tardiness before. Don't keep score, it just shows weakness. If you are unphased by $hit, you shouldn't be keeping score

Me: "No, it's not the first time you are late, this is like the 3rd of 4th time, so I can't come back, bye!"

3. You then tell her...

Me: "No I already promised to meet with some one else"

you made plans in the 20 minutes you waited for her? Way to make a woman feel completely worthless

If the relations with this woman continues, you have already shown a propensity for undesirable behavior. Communication on text and phone messes up a lot of things, and sometimes we forget how to act like normal human beings...

What would I suggest?
-Get out of the fvcking car... I would probably smash her before we left too, or have her make me a drink, or something...
-If she didn't reply, I would give a time I am comfortable with, and say "If you don't hurry the fvck up, I am going to whip you tonight >=) I am leaving at XXX." Or something playful that fits your personality

 

[Glassguy]

I disagree. But I have little patience with disrespectful shyte like this.

With abundance comes higher value, which leads to higher standards.

I would give her another shot, but it would be on my terms and I wouldn't be the one putting in effort.

Of course this is coming from the guy who left a smoking hot 27 yr old at the bar Saturday night for being slightly disrespectful. And guess what? She apologized and has blown my phone up ever since.

 

[Macaframalama]

you made plans in the 20 minutes you waited for her? Way to make a woman feel completely worthless

SHE made herself feel completely worthless. Her word is consistently worthless.

If the relations with this woman continues, you have already shown a propensity for undesirable behavior.

Again, SHE has showed the propensity for bad behavior. All he showed is that he won't tolerate it like every other dweeb she deals with.

Communication on text and phone messes up a lot of things, and sometimes we forget how to act like normal human beings...

Don't understand what is so complicated about setting a time and committing to it, regardless of medium. Normal human beings respect each other's time and keep their word. Chit human beings have no regard for others or themselves.

If she didn't reply, I would give a time I am comfortable with, and say "If you don't hurry the fvck up, I am going to whip you tonight >=) I am leaving at XXX." Or something playful that fits your personality

I would have done this from the jump and I understand chit just happens sometimes, but she's got a track record of unreliability. Who needs the headache?.?. Only guys that don't got it like that eat this type of chit.

 

[sazc]

You did the right thing.

IMO there's no reason to throw in the additional "I made other plans" comment. It's simple enough to say "you disrespected me by being late, and you've done this before. I'm not rewarding this behavior"

These are standards. It's ok to have standards and stand on them. You don't need alternative excuses. You find it disrespectful when someone waste your time and you are not compatible with people who do this. Period. Stand your ground, stick to your standards. She can change her ways or you both need to move on.

 

[marmel75]

Some chicks are like this. Its up to you how you act. Did you let her know previously it was a problem?

You handled it fine. I would have left out the part about meeting someone else but overall it was fine.

You could have also handled it by making her buy you drinks all night, and whisper in her ear "you'll be getting punished for that later"...she probably would have been so wet from that you wouldnt have made it past the second drink before she jumped you...

 

[way2smart]

I am thinking it might have been a **** test, to see how far she can get away with.

 

[Trump]

A girl I am seeing is late for the 3d time.

Here is what happened. I asked her out on a date for 8pm today. I arrived at 7:55 and called her to let her know that I arrived but she didn't pick up the phone.
She calls me back at 8:15 and tells me "are you here yet?" I said yes of course I have been here since 8pm, she then says that she is coming to my car.
By now it's 8:20 and she is nowhere to be seen, so I just leave.

Bro don't just leave. EXPLAIN yourself.

"Hey we made the appointment for 8 pm and now it's 8:20 pm and you are nowhere to be seen. It's happened twice before too. I think I'm going to head out. Enjoy the rest of your night."

The more detailed you are, the less chance they can make an excuse.

Did I over react?

Yep.

 

[sosousage]

i hate chicks who would waste your time.


however one of my dates was waiting 30min for me (i got late due to traffic).

it was very good date

 

[TheGambino]

Some chicks are like this. Its up to you how you act. Did you let her know previously it was a problem?

You handled it fine. I would have left out the part about meeting someone else but overall it was fine.

You could have also handled it by making her buy you drinks all night, and whisper in her ear "you'll be getting punished for that later"...she probably would have been so wet from that you wouldnt have made it past the second drink before she jumped you...

This sounds like solid game too, but playing with her emotions like You did works fine too.

 

[Glassguy]

Some chicks are like this. Its up to you how you act. Did you let her know previously it was a problem?

You handled it fine. I would have left out the part about meeting someone else but overall it was fine.

You could have also handled it by making her buy you drinks all night, and whisper in her ear "you'll be getting punished for that later"...she probably would have been so wet from that you wouldnt have made it past the second drink before she jumped you...

I agree, but after he sat there and she didn't respond he had no other option but to leave. If I am him, I would have been p!ssed at that point and in no way shape or form would had it been a good date had she decided to finally come out.

Leaving is the only choice. And those that say she needed an explanation, no she didn't. A text saying "i came to pick you up but you didn't come out, answer the door nor your phone so I bounced. Take care" is more than she deserved. No guy with any standards at ALL would put up this this and continue waiting. I bet if he plays it cool she will be begging to come see him by the end of the week.

Do this to a hot chick with options and see if she even gives you the respect of responding to your text asking why she left.....Because she won't.
Have high standards and fvcking lots of options men!

 

[jaygreenb]

You're good bro, could have made a few adjustments but if she really likes you she will be back with an additional level of respect. Just don't reach out first.

 

[way2smart]

I would have left out the part about meeting someone else but overall it was fine.

This part was true btw. I called my plate immediately as I left her place and scheduled an evening coffee date with desert.

 

[marmel75]

This part was true btw. I called my plate immediately as I left her place and scheduled an evening coffee date with desert.

Doesnt matter

 

[way2smart]

UPDATE:

She hasn't reached out. Btw she has a birthday on 23rd which is in 2 days. Should I completely ignore it? Or send a message?

 

[Desdinova]

UPDATE:

She hasn't reached out. Btw she has a birthday on 23rd which is in 2 days. Should I completely ignore it? Or send a message?

Always be willing to walk away. Send her nothing.

 

[Glassguy]

Agreed. Sending her anything after being disrespected reeks of desperation and only tells her that you will tolerate her BS behavior. If she never reaches out, who cares. She is a disrespectful little bytch who you don't have time for.