I dont know what to think of this...

[NeoKortex]

Hey,

Me:29
Girlfriend: 24, HB8
Relationship for 3 years, 2 years living together

So my girlfriend is generally seen as a "good girl", the one you would want to introduce to your mom, extremely beautiful, wants kid&house&marriage (I want kids, house maybe when its a good financial decision, marriage not so much) but she also has
a dark side aka sometimes into kinky sex, sex at exotic places etc..
We never fight, like almost never. I am good to her but i dont let her push my boundaries.

So i dont really know if i got a problem here or if its not even worth the post (i apologize), but i better double check:
So my girlfriend started a side job that lasts for 4 weeks every time in december, its one of these german christmas markets.
She basically worked there after her normal job. I asked her to come around but she always said that i didn't have too. 3 weeks into this she tells me that its actually fun, she gets along with her female coworker and also three male coworkers always show up and have a beer with her before they go to do their job. Then following events happen:

1.In this time she didn't really want to have sex but she's also overworked. She doesn't want me to come around the christmas market but says i could if i wanted to. She also tells me she is spending her break with someone or is brought to her car by someone as well. I once asked who someone is and she said something like: today its Christina.

2. She tells me that her, the female and two male coworkers (calling one of them chad for now) want to go out to eat when all this is over.

3. We are celebrating our three year anniversary. There is a guy and she just mentions that the guy looks just like chad (chubby, not really attractive). She proceeds to tell me that chad is always at her place helping her and the female coworker with stuff. I just say thats nice of him. That she should get a guy for each task there so she doesn't have to work anymore (in a funny way).

4. She tells me that chad and another guy added her and the other girl at facebook. And now her and the girl are making fun of chad because he always said he had x houses, 2 flats etc. but on facebook he's actually married and has a kid.

5. I "suprise" visit her at the christmas market. She's actually happy to see me. She introduces me to the female coworker and also shows me chad.

6. Christmas market over, she's home again, i log into her facebook (she knows i could access it if i wanted to)

Chad:Hey
GF:Hey
Chad: are you okay? We are missing you on the christmas market
GF: sure, those few days u will be fine without me
Chad: Hey, you are not mad that i didn't tell you about it (<- he's referencing to wife&kid)
GF:you could have said something but everything is okay
Chad: you didn't ask. I dont have to hide anything. I didn't even know that you have a
boyfriend (<- so she didn't mention me, didn't want me to come around in the first place eh?)
Chad: i guess you guys (her and the female coworker) **** chat about it, haha thats just funny
GF: we sure did
Chad: You know, i would still like to go out to eat with you. This is still allowed isn't it? (<- she
told me right away all four of them would go to eat, i dont know if this was the plan from the beginning
or if he explicitly asked her and she lied to me before she heared about his wife and kids)
GF: we could all go to eat (all four of them).

7. She doesn't know i read the conversation, randomly kisses me and tells me that she's so lucky
to have me, 1 in a million, that most guys have sins anyway.
I ask her what she means. She said that i dont have kids and i was never married etc. That she's lucky to have found me. I made a joke about it.

Iam not yet going to let her know that i read her chat. I want to read more to get a clearer picture.
I wonder if she would have gone to eat with him if he was single. I dont really know. I dont like the fact
that she didn't mention me to him at all. She sure did to her female coworker because she knew me when i came. They are not writing as normal coworkers would (are u mad? etc.)

Sorry for my bad english. Thank you for your input

 

[Desdinova]

It doesn't look like anything bad is happening, at least yet. The fact that she didn't mention you to Chad (or even possibly any of her other co-workers) might be a cause for concern. It sounds like she may want to keep her options open in case something better than you happens to come along.

I don't think Chad is a huge threat, at least not yet. However, I would question your GF's loyalty. If she doesn't want to mention you to a male co-worker, then she's going to avoid mentioning you to other guys who flirt with her.

I wouldn't tell her you read the facebook conversation (or anything else that you're not supposed to see). However, I would check her facebook every now and then. You NEED to keep tabs on your investments. If your investments start to lose value, then you need to get out.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Trust your gut. Major red flag. I wouldn't tell her anything, it's useless. start dating other women. She's making a cuckold out of you. Don't allow that to happen. Demote her to plate status.

 

[Young OG]

It doesn't look like anything bad is happening, at least yet. The fact that she didn't mention you to Chad (or even possibly any of her other co-workers) might be a cause for concern. It sounds like she may want to keep her options open in case something better than you happens to come along.

I don't think Chad is a huge threat, at least not yet. However, I would question your GF's loyalty. If she doesn't want to mention you to a male co-worker, then she's going to avoid mentioning you to other guys who flirt with her.

I wouldn't tell her you read the facebook conversation (or anything else that you're not supposed to see). However, I would check her facebook every now and then. You NEED to keep tabs on your investments. If your investments start to lose value, then you need to get out.

^This. Women are always looking for the better option. They can't help it because they are wired this way by nature.

I definiely wouldn't tell her you read that conversation. Don't let her think you are worried about any other guys. I would keep an eye on her. Since she isn't telling other guys she has a boyfriend, I wouldn't be surprised if she leaves you for what she thinks is a better option in the future. Be careful.

 

[The Duke]

She was getting ready to branch swing to Chad and stopped when she found out he was married.

GF: we could all go to eat (all four of them). Notice her use of the word "all".....trying to build a barrier after the fact is what that is.

7. randomly kisses me and tells me that she's so lucky to have me, 1 in a million, that most guys have sins anyway.
that's her guilty mind talking.

Your girlfriend had some sort of feelings for this guy. She only pulled away from him when she found out he wasn't who he said he was.
Good job at keeping calm and collecting information on her with out her knowing. Now that you are onto her just, keep analyzing what she
tells you. She will do this again. In the meantime, keep her around for sex and work on finding a replacement.

 

[NeoKortex]

Thank you guys for your responses. I guess we are on the same page here.

I would question your GF's loyalty. If she doesn't want to mention you to a male co-worker, then she's going to avoid mentioning you to other guys who flirt with her.

Yes i see the problem here too. There were multiple small problems but one a year into our relationship when she was drunk pissed me off so much: she would let three (actually friendly) strangers bring her home in a car when she was wasted.
I flipped. This was two years ago and she never got drunk again. Literally stopped drinking because i told her if thats happening again
she can get all drunk and ride stranger cars/****s as she wanted to because iam out of the picture.

Trust your gut. Major red flag. I wouldn't tell her anything, it's useless. start dating other women. She's making a cuckold out of you. Don't allow that to happen. Demote her to plate status.

If this is true it kinda hits hard. Uh, cold world we in... I grew up watching disney videos. Those mother****ers xD

^This. Women are always looking for the better option. They can't help it because they are wired this way by nature.

I definiely wouldn't tell her you read that conversation. Don't let her think you are worried about any other guys. I would keep an eye on her. Since she isn't telling other guys she has a boyfriend, I wouldn't be surprised if she leaves you for what she thinks is a better option in the future. Be careful.

Yeah, i know. The thing is i could ve dated some hotties while we were in a relationship. Kinda could have pulled a chad there.

She was getting ready to branch swing to Chad and stopped when she found out he was married.

GF: we could all go to eat (all four of them). Notice her use of the word "all".....trying to build a barrier after the fact is what that is.

Sorry i dont quite understand the "all" fact. Maybe its my translation from german into english. Can you elaborate?

7. randomly kisses me and tells me that she's so lucky to have me, 1 in a million, that most guys have sins anyway.
that's her guilty mind talking.

Your girlfriend had some sort of feelings for this guy. She only pulled away from him when she found out he wasn't who he said he was.
Good job at keeping calm and collecting information on her with out her knowing. Now that you are onto her just, keep analyzing what she
tells you. She will do this again. In the meantime, keep her around for sex and work on finding a replacement.

yes thats what iam thinking.



Great advice so far guys. I won't discuss the issue with her yet. Having her facebook is my secret weapon

 

[NeoKortex]

I took another look at her facebook and also whatsapp to fullfill the picture.

Facebook with Chad:
Chad: i see, without Carlo (other coworker) it won't work out. I contact you when we find a date to meet. Be well, sweet blond, your bitchy man.
GF: Haha, alright, till then

Her conversation with the female coworker on WhatsApp (i cut out all non related stuff):
GF: sends picture of Chads facebook relationship status to coworker:
GF: hes even married haha
Coworker: Yes i thought so too. And a flat and a house and in rent and party and studieng and lives at local high prestige area.. That doesn't work out at all
GF: hahahaha, what a lier!
Coworker: I really want to know if he comes to work again next time this year^^
GF: He told me he already told his boss he would come... you just can't believe him anything.
Coworker: Haha, not really. Yesterday he told Carlo that the boss is giving everyone 50€ for christmas but him 150€... xD
GF: so funny xD

So they are making fun of him. This is after she found out he was married though. And she still didn't mention me to him. Or at least it seems like. This is still the main issue here.

 

[Mazer]

She is making fun of him because she now knows he is married with kids and in a way she feels like he has denied her, it was a shot at her ego and by making fun if him with her coworker she can feel better about herself. Trust your gut, mine has never failed me. Do not tell her you check her facebook but it doesn't look good, sorry I have been in your shoes in the past and its the ****tiest feeling. She obviously doesn't respect you anymore or became bored. A woman who is highly interested in her man will never entertain another man. I would start to immediately distance yourself from this woman, since you guys have been together for a long time you probably have oneitis with this woman. I REPEAT start distancing yourself (emotionally) from her, dont try to chase her and "love" her more hoping that it will solve this problem, because it wont.That dude is ready to bang your girl, all it takes is one hang out. If its not with this guy it will be the next. I would start getting other women interested in you and let her see it, she probably doesnt fear losing you, needs a wake-up call. Good luck.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree with the others.

If you live with her, start distancing yourself. It would be a good time to start going out again with the guys.

If you live separately, I would start being aloof. Start lining up new chicks.

Never bring up the Facebook messages. Ever.

When she starts asking "what's wrong" tell her that things seem different and you need some time to sort things out and start hitting up new chicks. She will either agree (meaning she definitely lost interest in you) or she will pull hard when you're pushing (good sign).

She may just need a reminder that you're not disposable and you WILL walk if the situation calls for it.

 

[NeoKortex]

Wow it hits home hard now. Thats why
she was happy to see me at the christmas
market - to play the ball back to him. See
i played your game as well kinda of.
I feel like breaking up right now...

I feel like iam sick. Iam going to sort things.
If he contacts her about the dinner whatever
and she goes there weather its all 4 or just
the two of them Iam instantly single.

I feel she will pullllll hard if she knows Iam leaving.

 

[Desdinova]

Chad: i see, without Carlo (other coworker) it won't work out. I contact you when we find a date to meet.

I would wait until this event happens - if it happens.

So they are making fun of him. This is after she found out he was married though.

Don't pay attention to what she's saying about him. Pay attention to how much she talks about him. If she's thinking and talking about him a lot, then she's attracted to him. It doesn't matter what she says about him. The fact is she's focusing on him and not on you.

What I did in situations like this is send an indirect message. I'd post an article on facebook about a guy who got cheated on and fvcked his GF's best friend for revenge, or something along those lines. Then make a comment like "she deserved it" or something that fits your personality. Sometimes the girl will get the hint, other times they won't. But it's possibly a way to send a wave of fear through her system and it could potentially smarten her up. But don't count on it. Some women won't give a 5hit.

 

[Mazer]

I would wait until this event happens - if it happens.



Don't pay attention to what she's saying about him. Pay attention to how much she talks about him. If she's thinking and talking about him a lot, then she's attracted to him. It doesn't matter what she says about him. The fact is she's focusing on him and not on you.

What I did in situations like this is send an indirect message. I'd post an article on facebook about a guy who got cheated on and fvcked his GF's best friend for revenge, or something along those lines. Then make a comment like "she deserved it" or something that fits your personality. Sometimes the girl will get the hint, other times they won't. But it's possibly a way to send a wave of fear through her system and it could potentially smarten her up. But don't count on it. Some women won't give a 5hit.

Yep, if she is constantly talking about him in a positive or negative way, then she is developing feelings for this dude. I should know, it happened to me when I was in a LTR a long time ago. The woman I was seeing at the time started talking about her co-worker all the time. You might even hear the "you two guys would probably get along with each other as friends" line from her. Women are so dumb, they cant even keep their mouth shut and cheat. I would even go ghost on this chick for an entire day, even better if you live together. You need to turn the tables and keep her mind busy worrying about where you are and who you are seeing, its the only way.

 

[NeoKortex]

Thank you for your replies,

i got an update. Two days ago she asked me to configure her new tracker with her mobile so while i was on it i was thinking
how i could "accidentally" open the chat and see it or whatever. I wanted a showdown. The best thing i could
have asked for happened, while i was at her mobile he send a picture of him and the female coworker,
with the text "we miss you!!!" and a lot broken hearths (which is actually kind of female behaviour...).
So i acted like i just read the conversation and confronted her about it.

I first asked her what she wanted me to do if a girl is hitting on me and talking sugar code. Should i mention
that i was in a relationship or not? She said sure. I asked her if she would have said she is in a relationship
if a guy hits on her and she said she always does. I asked her if she would go to eat with a guy who hits on her.
I asked her if she would not go to eat with the same guy once she found out that he was married. Then i told
her about the chat.

She at first started laughing and didnt take me serious. Then she got serious. She proceeded to tell me how the guy
would always say he had x houses, x flats, x boats etc. and that he got always more money at christmas
than everyone else from their boss etc., how he's "****ing bitches" at tinder. How he probably saw a good **** in her.
That the girls made fun of him and he started tossing glass to the ground which made them call him "Bitchy man". Then she said that she indeed
did mention her being in a relationship to him and everybody else as well. Not only once. She said that Carlo would also always
make fun of Chad. Both called her sweet blonde or sweet blond angel and were teasing her about looking like an angel because of the clothes she was wearing. She said that she didnt
want to go to eat with Chad but the female coworker suggested they all 4 could go to eat and she asked her female
coworker if she was serious. She said that they were teasing him about him hiding wife and kids. She said that Carlo was
teasing her with saying she should leave her boyfriend and to go to eat with Chad instead (meaning that Carlo didnt like Chad as well).
I asked her what about the stupid "1 in a million guy, who doesn't have house and kids." She said she doesn't know why she said that last part. But she even said that she found that 1 in a million guy to her coworkers. She offered to call/contact any person from
work that i would chose and ask them about me. Or if i wanted to we could go in the car and drive there right now. She also said
that i could always look into her mobile,facebook,whatsapp and that she has nothing to hide.

Iam not sure how much i believe her words but her offering to contact/confront coworkers is either a big bluff then kudos to her
or a good move. Her also saying i could always look into her stuff was nice to hear. I declined on both of the offers.

Iam currently teasing her, when she's asking me where iam at, iam saying that iam going to eat with that hot female coworker of mine. And then that iam coming home because i just found out that she had stretch marks of giving birth.

 

[Roober]

Friendly teasing and flirting goes on everywhere. $hit, I flirt with my co-workers, even if I know they are in relationships are not. I have a female friend who's husband would likely not be happy with the way we talk sometimes. Would I ever do anything? Probably not.

Sounds like she was forthright about everything and you let your insecurity get the best of you. It's hard when girls talk about other dudes, but any legitimate woman is going to have other men in her life. There is nothing you can do about it. You just have to learn to deal with it, and deal $hit back out. Questioning about it is not a big deal, but getting insecure is a VERY big deal!

I wouldn't be surprised if she started to pull away even more. Nobody likes being around someone that is so insecure.

This brings up a couple things..
-Don't snoop! It never does anyone any good. The snooper will look for strawman arguments in anything, and the victim will be horrified.
-Find better ways to deal with a woman's friends. If a woman is fun and attractive, she is going to have other male friends. Let her actions dictate your response...

 

[Mazer]

Friendly teasing and flirting goes on everywhere. $hit, I flirt with my co-workers, even if I know they are in relationships are not. I have a female friend who's husband would likely not be happy with the way we talk sometimes. Would I ever do anything? Probably not.

Sounds like she was forthright about everything and you let your insecurity get the best of you. It's hard when girls talk about other dudes, but any legitimate woman is going to have other men in her life. There is nothing you can do about it. You just have to learn to deal with it, and deal $hit back out. Questioning about it is not a big deal, but getting insecure is a VERY big deal!

I wouldn't be surprised if she started to pull away even more. Nobody likes being around someone that is so insecure.

This brings up a couple things..
-Don't snoop! It never does anyone any good. The snooper will look for strawman arguments in anything, and the victim will be horrified.
-Find better ways to deal with a woman's friends. If a woman is fun and attractive, she is going to have other male friends. Let her actions dictate your response...

I have to respectfully disagree. Even you mentioned that you would "probably not" bang your female friend. If she is attractive you would. I think you forget how deceiving women can be. She hasn't done anything wrong yet thats why she is telling you to contact her co-workers, check her phone blah blah blah. Heard this **** before. She is thinking about him which says it all. Guys who are afraid to call their woman out and who stick their head in the sand, get cheated on and most importantly disrespected. I have banged two chicks who were in LTR, the one thing they all had in common was their boyfriends never noticed they were "working late", never paying attention, never called them out, when all of the signs were there. You put her on notice, I wouldn't say anything else for now, but I am sure that this isnt the last you hear of this situation.

 

[highSpeed]

Friendly teasing and flirting goes on everywhere. $hit, I flirt with my co-workers, even if I know they are in relationships are not. I have a female friend who's husband would likely not be happy with the way we talk sometimes. Would I ever do anything? Probably not.

Sounds like she was forthright about everything and you let your insecurity get the best of you. It's hard when girls talk about other dudes, but any legitimate woman is going to have other men in her life. There is nothing you can do about it. You just have to learn to deal with it, and deal $hit back out. Questioning about it is not a big deal, but getting insecure is a VERY big deal!

I wouldn't be surprised if she started to pull away even more. Nobody likes being around someone that is so insecure.

This brings up a couple things..
-Don't snoop! It never does anyone any good. The snooper will look for strawman arguments in anything, and the victim will be horrified.
-Find better ways to deal with a woman's friends. If a woman is fun and attractive, she is going to have other male friends. Let her actions dictate your response...

look m friend, trust but verify. You have a gut instinct, go with it. Just make sure you don't get caught. Reality of it is, why should he remain faithful if she's out screwing around. I'd rather know as soon as possible so I can make my decisions on firm footing. If she was pulling her weight in the relationship, it's highly unlikely the vast majority of people would snoop anyway. Sounds like she gave him a reason to be suspicious, so snoop away.