Married Woman attempting to branch swing to me (need advice)

[jaygreenb]

Hey fellas, in a situation and not sure how to handle it. Had someone I've known and been friends with for years who is married tell me she has always had a crush on me and wants to spend time with me. I'll give the situation and back story

We met around 6 yrs ago, we both own business's in the same industry and would run into each other at events. She is very hot/feminine and always done up from head to toe. Found out she was engaged pretty early so nothing ever happened and we actually formed a good working relationship and became friends. We were able to refer each other a lot of business and even partnered on a side business. It was just a solid relationship and she would hook me up with her friends, even dated her sister for a few months years back. Both looked out for each other. Met her husband several times and he seemed like a cool guy, always chatted it up. Neither of us did anything that wasn't platonic. She ended up buying me out around a year ago, ended well, and I hadn't spoken to her for around 9 months.

I had to call her earlier this week for something work related and caught up, nothing unusual. So afterwards she texts me more and asks if I'm dating anyone. I joke around with her and tell her she knows how I am, lifelong bachelor etc She then tells me she used to have a crush on me and says she still does. I was little taken back honestly, I had no idea. She asked me to meet her for lunch and I did. There she tells me she is unhappy in her marriage, she caught him cheating on her when she was 7 months pregnant(they have a 1yr old) and that she liked me and always had. She asked me if we could spend time together.

Being completely honest, I would absolutely date this girl. Super hot, stays in shape, get along really well, she has built a really impressive business and makes big time money. Share similar views on the world, business, life etc. Not many girls like this in the city I live. I usually don't date moms but for her I probably would, I know her really well. Not proud of it but we went back to my place after and made out. I've dated a lot and typically don't get carried away but it was a pretty intense connection. Feels like things would escalate quickly since how well we already know each other. I would date this girl and see how it played out if she was single. I would rather not be a scumbag and break up a family and be sneaking around. Not really sure what to do from here, any advice would be appreciated.

I like her so I know that could cloud my judgement right now. I currently have two other plates to temper any oneitis. I have been red pill for a long time and dated a lot so I see the red flags with monkey branching(she would do it to me) and being a mom. Most attractive women branch swing though, to me it just kind if it what it is. I do see potential character issues though.

 

[jaygreenb]

reality check

haha, that's cold. Point taken, I got my head on right now. Thanks for the reality check.

 

[Billtx49]

have been red pill for a long time and dated a lot so I see the red flags with monkey branching(she would do it to me) and being a mom.
I do see potential character issues though.

Your answer is in the above quote. Look for quality single, not another mans wife. Possible large repercussions headed your way if you proceed with her.

 

[Billtx49]

‘One of my friends is seeing a married woman atm’, is not much of a rebuttal, nor is it coming from a personal experience perspective.

 

[Billtx49]

You offered nothing except some vague threat of "repercussions".

Funny when people demand value whilst giving none.

There's a word for that. Begins with "m", and ends with "ooching".

I got ripped to fvcking shreds offering just a number close of a "taken" woman before, so i'm not so stupid. Once bitten, twice shy and all that

No problem, just explain why you think it’s a good idea going after a married woman with a kid in tow. Your friend obviously thinks married women are fair game, or is he definitely lacking in internal moral structure…

 

[sosousage]

So the married guy didn't abstain.

The married woman isn't going to abstain.

But you... you are going to abstain.

Because... erm...



One of my friends is seeing a married woman atm.

He has unprotected sex. No worries about sti's (knows where she's been). Leaves the donkey stuff to her husband. Gets a good break from her to chase after this other girl (admittedly very attractive, but he's lost frame).

Generally seems like a very good deal he's got going in a great dynamic.

Bird is older than him though by about 7 or 8 years.

LOL.

I feel sorry for the husband.

He wastes his life with a cheating woman then he will waste it even more to raise someones kid LOL

 

[Young OG]

First of all, don't be friends with women.

Second, I would stay away. It's not worth it. You will have a lot of stress and problems if you go through with it. There is a good chance her husband might come after you.

Pursue women that aren't married.

 

[jaygreenb]

First of all, don't be friends with women.

Second, I would stay away. It's not worth it. You will have a lot of stress and problems if you go through with it. There is a good chance her husband might come after you.

Pursue women that aren't married.

Yeah, I hear you. I have no problem being friends with women though, especially when they send me a lot of business.

 

[jaygreenb]

After you appeal to any sort of self-interest at all for a happily single gentleman.

That is what we are here to do after all, is it not? Further one anothers self-interest?

(possibly not?)

What dynamic was he even considering? Monkey-branch suggests ltr. How do you know that is what she even wants anyway?

From what she said, I believe she is determining if I am a suitable branch. I think she would be open to any arrangement at the moment though.

 

[bmp2cpm]

she caught him cheating on her when she was 7 months pregnant(they have a 1yr old).

Forget what anyone else says. The above says it all. This is the woman who early in the marriage cannot keep her man happy. Yes she is pregnant, but how difficult is it for a woman to keep her husband happy? She is doing such a poor job that he is having to look elsewhere for his needs to be met this early into the marriage.

If she can’t keep her husband happy, there is no way she’ll be able to keep you happy long term. This is not a woman worth stealing. Not to mention the drain on your precious resources with her one-year-old.

Best to distance yourself and let this one go.

 

[Reyaj]

If you don't think there's going to be any terrible consequences to your life I would bang the hell out of this girl.

You have a chance to hook up with a girl you've always desired and you're going to pass it up? You'll be kicking yourself later bud. I'm sure you've spanked off to thoughts of her and now you have a chance to live the dream.

I've said this before but if a married woman is going to cheat the onus is on her. If its not you it will be some other guy. A woman makes her own choices you aren't putting a gun to her head or forcing her.

For all these idiots killing the quality of her, did they not read that her husband cheated on her? Even if a guy cheats I feel if he has a strong enough emotional hold on his woman she won't look to cheat. He will have to live with both the consequences of his actions and having ****ty game.

 

[sazc]

This is the woman who early in the marriage cannot keep her man happy. Yes she is pregnant, but how difficult is it for a woman to keep her husband happy? She is doing such a poor job that he is having to look elsewhere for his needs to be met this early into the marriage.

Yes because, when a person makes a decision to cheat on their partner, its because their partner is doing a piss poor job of making them happy, so they are absolutely justified in their need for having to look elsewhere for fulfillment.

Check

 

[sazc]

If you don't think there's going to be any terrible consequences to your life I would bang the hell out of this girl.

You have a chance to hook up with a girl you've always desired and you're going to pass it up? You'll be kicking yourself later bud. I'm sure you've spanked off to thoughts of her and now you have a chance to live the dream.

I've said this before but if a married woman is going to cheat the onus is on her. If its not you it will be some other guy. A woman makes her own choices you aren't putting a gun to her head or forcing her.

For all these idiots killing the quality of her, did they not read that her husband cheated on her? Even if a guy cheats I feel if he has a strong enough emotional hold on his woman she won't look to cheat. He will have to live with both the consequences of his actions and having ****ty game.

oh @Reyaj you are absolutely consistent!

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Her husband cheated on her while she was pregnant with hubby's child. That's horrid behavior on the husband's part. Horrible. So her spouse broke the marriage and betrayed her trust (and put her & the unborn child's health at risk too...let's not forget that).

So this is a successful woman who has much to offer and much going on. Very attractive...you know her well...not many women like her. Great chemistry. You are red pill for a long time.

Several things for you to consider here. I'll list them in no particular order:

1. She is well off, successful & ambitious so you are not going to have to support her or her child financially. The attraction is not about her seeking your resources.

2. What is her current attitude about her marriage? Are they seperated awaiting a court date, has anyone filed for divorce...does she risk a sizable financial loss if she gets divorced? Does her husband have an income? Those things factor in.

3. Is she someone you enjoy enough to date yourself? You express concern about her character...but I tend to think in light of cheating hubby, she was betrayed, the trust was broken & all bets are off. It is probably a matter of time before her marriage falls apart anyway.

4. Life is messy. My guess is that had her husband been faithful, you'd never known she was attracted to you. She didn't let on & was professional & faithful for the 6 years you've known her. That is a solid measure of her character. In light of hubby's cheating her revelation makes sense.

5. If you decide to see her understand it's complicated and if you want an actual LTR with her over time it's going to get more complicated as she faces the divorce process. So it won't be easy once the infatuation wears off (and it will).

6. Relationships occur at the micro level between two individuals. Only you can really size it up on the merits as you are the one in the situation. You'll have to proceed or not based on your assessments in the moment & take it one day at a time. That's all you can do.

Check out some of Esther Perel's material on intimacy & infidelity on You Tube. She has some good insight into situations like this that might offer you some perspective.

Obviously you like this woman. How to proceed is up to you...but understand what you are getting into.

Good Luck

 

[jaygreenb]

Advice from the old lady:

Her husband cheated on her while she was pregnant with hubby's child. That's horrid behavior on the husband's part. Horrible. So her spouse broke the marriage and betrayed her trust (and put her & the unborn child's health at risk too...let's not forget that).

So this is a successful woman who has much to offer and much going on. Very attractive...you know her well...not many women like her. Great chemistry. You are red pill for a long time.

Several things for you to consider here. I'll list them in no particular order:

1. She is well off, successful & ambitious so you are not going to have to support her or her child financially. The attraction is not about her seeking your resources.

That is very attractive to me and increasingly rare as my own success has increased.

2. What is her current attitude about her marriage? Are they seperated awaiting a court date, has anyone filed for divorce...does she risk a sizable financial loss if she gets divorced? Does her husband have an income? Those things factor in.

They are currently still together, I am not sure of their daily dynamics but I don't think he has any idea. She tried to leave him a few months after they had their child but he threatened to kill himself and she backed off. He has a decent job but she without a doubt makes much more than him. We have both been very fortunate and successful with our business's. She is probably one of the best sales talents I have seen, her book of business is impressive and I don't say something like that lightly. I'm sure she would be the one taking the financial hit if he really wanted to turn the screws.

3. Is she someone you enjoy enough to date yourself? You express concern about her character...but I tend to think in light of cheating hubby, she was betrayed, the trust was broken & all bets are off. It is probably a matter of time before her marriage falls apart anyway.

If she was single, without hesitation I would at least date her and see where it went. I tend to agree that it would be a matter of time and if not me, probably someone else. I am just trying to keep a level head and realistically evaluate the situation. I don't want to put either of us in a bad situation or overlook any glaring red flags. We are both very well known in our industry as well, so if it got out it would definitely be talked about.

4. Life is messy. My guess is that had her husband been faithful, you'd never known she was attracted to you. She didn't let on & was professional & faithful for the 6 years you've known her. That is a solid measure of her character. In light of hubby's cheating her revelation makes sense.

I didn't think of it this way, that is a good point. Over the years she has always gone out of her way to help me both professionally and personally. She was always trying to set me up with her friends unsolicited including her sister. I did date her sister for a few months around 3 years ago, didn't end bad at all but it was long distance so we decided not to go further. She's married now but don't know if that's another issue to throw in the mix. It's funny now looking back at a conversation we had once a while back. I asked why she was always trying to set me up with her friends because personally I hate set up situations. She said it was the only way we could hang out more if it was in couples situations.

5. If you decide to see her understand it's complicated and if you want an actual LTR with her over time it's going to get more complicated as she faces the divorce process. So it won't be easy once the infatuation wears off (and it will).

I have considered this as well. I imagine it would put a large amount of stress on any relationship and there would be possible guilt/regret when the infatuation wears off. I am very hesitant to put myself in that situation.

6. Relationships occur at the micro level between two individuals. Only you can really size it up on the merits as you are the one in the situation. You'll have to proceed or not based on your assessments in the moment & take it one day at a time. That's all you can do.

Check out some of Esther Perel's material on intimacy & infidelity on You Tube. She has some good insight into situations like this that might offer you some perspective.

Obviously you like this woman. How to proceed is up to you...but understand what you are getting into.

Good Luck

I appreciate your well thought out post. I responded to your comments and questions in bold and I'll check out some of those materials. We are both closing our office early tomorrow for the holiday and she asked if she could come to my place and cook for me, I accepted.

 

[jaygreenb]

Forget what anyone else says. The above says it all. This is the woman who early in the marriage cannot keep her man happy. Yes she is pregnant, but how difficult is it for a woman to keep her husband happy? She is doing such a poor job that he is having to look elsewhere for his needs to be met this early into the marriage.

If she can’t keep her husband happy, there is no way she’ll be able to keep you happy long term. This is not a woman worth stealing. Not to mention the drain on your precious resources with her one-year-old.

Best to distance yourself and let this one go.

Not sure I agree with that. I know people who will relentlessly cheat on anyone, doesn't matter who it is. You may be right here but it's not an absolute.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If you bang her, it will be fun. It might end badly, it might not.

If you don't bang her, she will ALWAYS be a useful resource.

Since you move in the same business circles, it may be damaging in the long term if you bang her and it ends badly.

Consider that she may be worth more to you, in the long term, as a platonic friend who WANTS to bang you, but isn't allowed.

She might get you a lot more pvssy, in the long term, than she gives you directly in the short term.

Just being in business situations with a hot successful woman who clearly WANTS to bang you will make you look very enticing to others, both sexually and financially.

 

[BeExcellent]

Really one day at a time is all you can do. Keep a level head and do what suits you.

If her husband threatened suicide that honestly is very dirty pool. Extremely manipulative on his part much in the same vein as the BPD type women men talk about here. It's likely a bluff but it's also a serious guilt trip. Only a very strong person who can see the manipulation clearly can call that bluff. She is too close to see it really.

Day by day.

 

[jaygreenb]

If you bang her, it will be fun. It might end badly, it might not.

If you don't bang her, she will ALWAYS be a useful resource.

Since you move in the same business circles, it may be damaging in the long term if you bang her and it ends badly.

Consider that she may be worth more to you, in the long term, as a platonic friend who WANTS to bang you, but isn't allowed.

She might get you a lot more pvssy, in the long term, than she gives you directly in the short term.

Just being in business situations with a hot successful woman who clearly WANTS to bang you will make you look very enticing to others, both sexually and financially.

Very wise advice, thank you.

 

[jaygreenb]

Really one day at a time is all you can do. Keep a level head and do what suits you.

If her husband threatened suicide that honestly is very dirty pool. Extremely manipulative on his part much in the same vein as the BPD type women men talk about here. It's likely a bluff but it's also a serious guilt trip. Only a very strong person who can see the manipulation clearly can call that bluff. She is too close to see it really.

Day by day.

I appreciate the feedback, you have some great insight.