Am happy with my life but get no results. A dilemma

[touma.akagi]

I'm in an awkward position right now. I've been lurking these forums on and off for quite a while, before deciding to sign up, trying to figure out how to get successful with girls and women around me. I started browsing in eighth grade and continued through high school. (There even used to be a high school section, what happened?) I would spend hours and hours scrolling through Google search results, trying to find concrete answers to "how to get a girl" "how to get out of the friend zone," or "how to escalate without being creepy." and five years later, I haven't found success. At least, not what a DJ has. But right now I'm in a sort of "limbo" between utter failure and incompetence.

Let me explain what I mean. I think it's safe to assume most of us started at a "nice guy" place, where we went through the happy-path that our mom and dad told us (or we assumed ourselves), and yes, that's where I was too. After a while though, I was trying different things, I read some articles on how to improve. I even bought two books about love in general and pirated another on the friend zone. And really, all of this literature mostly gave just vague, topical ideas and anecdotes that in principle, told what to do, but not how to execute it. In all my searching, I came up with a whole of one social technique relating to handling interactions that has promise. And it’s something to use on a date or outing with a girl, which, though I don’t tell people this IRL, I haven’t had.

I used to be really naïve before I realized that I don’t live in a nice, naive world. I used to respect women a lot more, but thank God I lost a lot of that respect because now I value myself more. That’s how it should’ve been from the beginning. But nope. I began the second half of eighth grade dead set on getting a girlfriend, and I went through so much struggle to do what seemed to be standard attainability for other guys who were my height, liked the same things I did, and even at times, looked less attractive than I did (and still do). In all of my seventh through twelfth grade years, I totaled 0 dates or sexual acts. And eighth grade me was convinced that things would get better, that some girl would come along and actually comply with me instead of building up walls, saying stupid **** that didn’t make sense half the time, or obsessing over a guy who was in a boy band or otherwise didn’t go to our school. Sometimes some stupid guy or girl in my school would tell that girl I was interested or otherwise change her opinion of me, but even when those things didn’t happen, something always seemed to go wrong, and what really bothered me was that I couldn’t always figure out exactly what. I had two girls in 8th grade that both ended up rejecting me, and the second girl might’ve been more open to me had she not had a bad experience with a guy earlier in the year. “It didn’t end well.” She said. Half of the calendar year was over, and I still didn’t have a girlfriend. For the next couple of school years everything seemed to be a cycle involving me asking out the girl , getting turned down, and then she ****ing stared at me in class (that is, if she was in classes with me) even though she said she didn’t want to go out. And thus things went, all the while I got headaches, got in trouble with my mom when she found I was browsing sites like this, and ultimately just grew disgruntled with what seemed to be a rather simple endeavor for the average guy, hell, the ugly guy. I tried to improve! My way of going about things, but no matter how many patches, the end result seemed to be more or less the same. Girls would either say that I’m “a good friend” or “creepy.” And it drove me up the wall!

The last time that I really, really wanted a girl was in my junior (and beginning of Senior) year of high school. It unraveled into a ****ing mess. Now bear in mind that by this time, I was no longer obsessed with the idea of having a girlfriend, yet I wasn’t as sure of myself as I am now – I hadn’t fully “found my voice” yet. Come to think of it, this was about two years ago. I had been talking to the girl and I got her a birthday gift, after which she got me a little something for Christmas in return. And it felt great! I sincerely thought for once things would actually play out the way they were supposed to. A few weeks after school started up again, though, that girl who had actually respected me a whole ton, told me that “you and I will never be more than friends.” And we weren’t close friends, which was my preventative choice not to get close. I went home and I cried, and it felt horrible because it’s what someone else told me that I would do several weeks ago. I realized that she had a best friend who hated me, so I tried writing up a letter to convince her that said friend’s opinions were bull****. She wrote back saying that “I don’t want to date in high school because there’s no point.” We made up and we still had conversations, but after a while she seemed to hate having me around. I tried texting her at multiple times during the summer, but she didn’t respond until August, when she said in a text “I don’t like you and I want you to leave me alone.” I still texted because if she was gonna act that way, she would pay for it. And pay she did, because when the next school year began and she stared at me in class, and then when I looked at her she accused me of staring at her. I got fed up with it one day and told her that I gave her plenty of a chance to be comfortable with me, and if she was going to stare at me and blame me for it, then she should go do it privately somewhere else. I told her to never talk to me again and I also said “Don’t ever touch me again,” a line which she used on me weeks earlier.

Ever since then, I haven’t really liked a girl as much as I liked her. The experience left a bad taste in my metaphorical mouth, and beyond it, I liked some girls and they went on to say bad things about me, but I just didn’t give a ****, to be honest. I graduated high school single and having never had a woman I could call my own.

And lately, I’ve just been having second thoughts about all this. The fact of the matter is, that I want to have a family someday, and although I value myself and am at a point where I can just dismiss the opinons/blatherings of women who won’t have an adult conversation with me anyway, and not dwell on it like I did in early high school. Women are petty! Gone are the days when I was walking happy path, thinking that things would just improve by themselves. Gone are the days when I was affected by people of all ages criticizing my body and weight (which, by the way, I am healthy and look great now, and really, I have since sophomore and junior year. I love my body and I look great. ) BUT, there’s still a part of me that is noticing now that “this is nice, but….” I still can’t seem to get the success that I want with women. If anything, it seems like I’ve swung to a strange, opposite corner that no website or forum on attraction seems to ever talk about: I love myself and respect myself plenty, am no longer a nice guy, no longer get walked all over/used, but still get no results. And let me tell you, it’s usually better for me, if not at times a lot happier than the former situation! This is what I meant by Limbo earlier. I’ve escaped the depths of “hell,” but can’t seem to reach “paradise.”

So let me reiterate: the lump sum of the advice I have found on the internet (and yes, this includes the “DJ Bible,”)gives vague, conceptual ideas on what to do, with little or no information on how to do it. On the other hand, information about having sex seems plentiful and detailed on the internet. But that isn’t going to help me at all. All the information in the world about how to take care of your car is worthless if you can’t afford one, and all the information in the world about sex is worthless if every woman refuses to just comply, to just accept and have an outing with me. In addition, the corollary to this is that multiple different men and women keep saying all sorts of different things. Some claim being a nice guy actually worked for them, while the majority just don’t. Some men say that you should be the best man you can be, other men say that if you are, then women don’t want that because it’s too similar to a boyfriend. And one other man who runs a site on women introduces weird things like “the boyfriend dilemma” or “auto-rejection” that happen in a woman’s mind. My point is, what works for one man doesn’t always seem to work for another.

 

[touma.akagi]

So what I want from you, the audience, the readers of this site, is this: read the following. I want concrete answers to these questions that I can begin using right away. I want advice that works for most men on most women most of the time. I don’t want bull****, or some complicated thing about nice guys vs jerks that I’ve read a thousand other places and isn’t helping me learn new things at all. So. What I’m looking for is


· I intend to have an efficient, straightforward process that, when executed, will win most women over. This should include setting up dates, how to get the woman to comply, comply, comply, and how to immunize her image of me from her friends’ opinions of me, and even how to get her friends to back the **** off.


· I intend to have a proper way to calm the tits of “nasty,” bitchy women and win them over. I should be able to get a woman from being disrespectful to having my semen in her mouth.


· I intend to have a protocol for when a woman starts to build walls, or otherwise act like they don’t want me around, to nip the problem preferably early, and to tear those walls down and get back to business. Too many times has a girl who was perfectly fine with me, (again, consciously or unconsciously, I’m sure some didn’t realize they were doing this) just do things to push me away, until it seems like they hate me (although they never admit that, because in their mind, they can do no wrong). I should have a nice tool set for problems that arise, that is capable of repairing 90% of common problems with flakes, disrespect, and what have you.


My main concern is expecting a lot from this site when at least half of me is saying I should know better, but I’m hoping to at least get something from this thread that I can use in real life, to boost my success, and to more or less settle this whole woman thing. I look great. I’m perfectly desirable, yet there still seem to be main ingredients that are missing.

Everything was relatively fine and dandy with my self esteem, so you’re probably wondering, “….what made him write this?” Well, as I said, just thinking about life, but also because of a girl that I met in my college’s city. She’s a sophomore at a different college, and I haven’t really talked to her all that much. I thought this to my advantage, since giving a little less attention could be a good thing. I gave her my phone number one night, and she ever since still hasn’t texted me. And she seemed to be giving me weird looks the next time I saw her, and it’s anyone’s guess as to what was going on in her mind. And this sort of just brought back the memories of the past, which made me sad, at least for a night or two.




So please give my questions/statements your honest best answers. And if your personal best is riddles or limericks, that’s fine. A for effort.


By the way, why was the high school section removed from the forums?​

 

[marmel75]

Then you need to continue changing things in your approaches, dates, etc until you start getting results. You need to be going on dates 3 or 4 times a week or multiple dates in the same day and working on specific things...you need to go into these dates looking to see their behavior towards what you do.

If you continue doing the same things you will continue getting the same results...or lack of results in this case.

Your problem is you think we can tell you exactly what to do. We can't. You need to figure that part out for yourself. You need to analyze at what point of the process you are struggling in, work on fixing that, move on to the next process, figure out where you are struggling there, fix that, etc...

This is not going to be a quick process necessarily. It took me probably 50-60 dates to get to a level where I could almost predict what was going to happen on a date(and in large part with her in general) within the first 5 minutes by observing her behavior upon first meeting me.

However I got so good that I was banging 7 different plates regularly for a month or a little longer until it got too stressful and I started cutting down..eventually to 3 after about 3 or 4 months...once you become good you will have more women than you can handle at any given time.


If you want it fixed you have to put work in, you have to be willing to fail miserably at times until you figure out what is causing the problems and in some cases you end up stumbling to the answer through trial and error.

In general terms what I will say is a startimg point is you should:

1) Not waste time messaging women back and forth online without setting up a date or getting their number...preferably within the first 5 messages

2) Schedule a date and KEEP IN CONTACT with her until the date. Not like sending messages all day long...just enough maybe one or two a day to alleviate her fears of you not showimg up, etc(which happens more than you think to women)

3) In date, work on doing little touches that lead to bigger touches that lead to kising and escalation within 20-30 minutes. Dont wait til the end of the date.

4) In date lean back and relax...this allows a woman to feel comfortable around you and allows hee to relax knowing she is with a man who is not nervous.

If you do it right you will start having women messaging you immediately after dates or the next morning before you wake up telling you how much fun they had and how much they want to see you again...

Its up to you to get yourself to this point. Nobody knows you better than you. You need to take a hard honest look at what your shortcomings are and look to fix them.

 

[touma.akagi]

Then you need to continue changing things in your approaches, dates, etc until you start getting results. You need to be going on dates 3 or 4 times a week or multiple dates in the same day and working on specific things...

3 or 4 dates a week? Lol, with my education being as demanding as it is, on most weeks I won't be able to fill that number. On Saturdays though? Hmm, I guess maybe three dates all on the same Saturday could work...

Its up to you to get yourself to this point. Nobody knows you better than you. You need to take a hard honest look at what your shortcomings are and look to fix them.

Well that's the thing. I've settled my life more or less, and don't have shortcomings, neediness, etc the way the basics talk about too much. I think myself to be desirable, and that's good enough for me. I don't need to try hard to be some grand personality that I'm not. In fact, just not being a Nice Guy anymore was more than enough to just make my life worlds better

 

[Bible_Belt]

Persuasion is an art, not a science. There is no perfect math formula or computer program to explain it. Salespeople will be some of the last human jobs to be replaced by robots, because human emotions are very difficult to quantify.

You study an art by practicing your skills at it. There is no one right answer, and there is no final destination. It is a lifelong journey.

 

[marmel75]

3 or 4 dates a week? Lol, with my education being as demanding as it is, on most weeks I won't be able to fill that number. On Saturdays though? Hmm, I guess maybe three dates all on the same Saturday could work...



Well that's the thing. I've settled my life more or less, and don't have shortcomings, neediness, etc the way the basics talk about too much. I think myself to be desirable, and that's good enough for me. I don't need to try hard to be some grand personality that I'm not. In fact, just not being a Nice Guy anymore was more than enough to just make my life worlds better

If you arent getting results you have shortcomings...lets stop being silly.

You can think whatever you want but you aren't dating yourself.

 

[sph21]

Well, as I said, just thinking about life, but also because of a girl that I met in my college’s city. She’s a sophomore at a different college, and I haven’t really talked to her all that much. I thought this to my advantage, since giving a little less attention could be a good thing. I gave her my phone number one night, and she ever since still hasn’t texted me. And she seemed to be giving me weird looks the next time I saw her, and it’s anyone’s guess as to what was going on in her mind. And this sort of just brought back the memories of the past, which made me sad, at least for a night or two.

I highlighted your problem in bold. Giving a girl your number is not a smart move. It's a bad one. Why would she'd be investing in contacting & getting to know you first? Because you're high value? Women expect men to lead. You weren't leading. You were too passive and expect her to lead the relationship by contacting you 1st. She has dozens if not hundreds of male's numbers. Why would she sees you as a unique male over those males?

You must always lead by asking her number 1st and then contacting her to set up a date. You must be the one who take risk of being rejected. If you're too afraid to lose her, then you have already lost the battle. Never put her so high until you can't reach her.

Your leadership skill is low you must work on that.

So let me reiterate: the lump sum of the advice I have found on the internet (and yes, this includes the “DJ Bible,”)gives vague, conceptual ideas on what to do, with little or no information on how to do it.

It's better to fix the core problems rather than fixing just external appearance. It's wise to work from inside to outside. It's not our job to find every little defect in your behavior. You must fine tune your own mindset based on your experiences of what works and what not.

This site is not a PUA site. We won't be holding your hand and give you some tricks on how to manipulate women in order to be attracted to you. Masks are just for cowards. This is what differentiate between PUAs and DJs. DJs are giving women pure gold instead of fool's gold. DJs are the essence most girls are looking for.

Every male is different. We dream different things. But what works on women are those fundamental concepts we're explaining here. We're teaching males on how to be themselves while know how to be chick magnets.

It was hard for me to understand it too. I struggled for many months of what is the purpose of this website.