You left your husband because you deemed him not ambitious enough. He let himself go in the mentally ambitious department and you didn't stay and put your childrens lives in jeopardy. Just reminding you of that. That's not exactly loyal in my book. You could have stayed. It wasn't like you were being abused and didn't have a pot to piss in.
Taking a cheap shot at me has no bearing on the FACT that loyal women do in fact exist here in 2017 Howie. But since you took the cheap shot I shall explain for the reader (who likely hasn't read my story in the other places on SS where it exists.)
Wrong. He let himself go in ALL departments Howie. He became fat, lazy, depressed, failed to open mail (including bills, notices, credit card statements etc. for months), failed to wash dishes, failed to do or fold laundry, failed to clean and failed to pay the household bills which resulted in the utilities being regularly cut off (which then incurred reinstatement fees, got the heat cut off in winter, the AC cut off in summer - and me being on a business trip somewhere dealing with whatever crisis his procrastination and failures had created out of the clear blue. He failed (as one example) to pay a credit card bill of mine for 5 months and then purposely did not tell me it wasn't paid (he knew I would be p*ssed about it). This stunt ruined my credit for 8 years. My mistake was in trusting him to take care of things. He didn't. Thank God I made enough money that nobody ever cared about my credit...but this was going on while I was trying to get my real estate holdings established. Looking back it's incredible what I was able to do while carrying everything on my own without much help beyond the kids being fed and safe.
I found out he hadn't paid the bill when the collections people started calling my cell (they had been calling the house unbeknownst to me for months). I immediately paid it in full, but the damage was already done. Know what? If he had simply done the laundry, opened the mail, paid the bills, and done the dishes and had the household in some semblance of order I would have stayed because I was perfectly capable of carrying the financial load. I did it for years and frankly STILL do it. My children were never in physical danger, don't be ridiculous.
It was stupid because money was never the issue. I made plenty of money. He couldn't organize his way out of a paper bag. All I needed to know was how much money do you need and how much are the bills. Whatever the figure, I cut him a check. I was very generous. If he wanted a grill, I bought it, if he wanted most anything else, I bought it for him. He never knew how much money he needed because he couldn't be bothered to open the bills and read them.
And yes, this was a complete 180 from how he presented himself before the marriage and before his business fell apart. I offered to pay for counseling sessions (he was depressed but in denial about it)...I did everything I could to help him get up. He wouldn't.
All my husband had to do was care for the kids and handle the household to a reasonable degree. Had he simply done this, we would still be married. That was all I asked once the income creation fell to me.
While he was acting like a loser in all ways, he was also starting fights if I said anything at all about the state of the household if I mentioned anything about it being unsatisfactory. He was like "I'm a slob, too bad. The house is a pigsty, too bad. This is how it is...deal with it."
And I was like "Oh HELL no" after a while. I could only be 1/2 of the marriage. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
After years dealing with it I chose to STOP the insanity. Best. Decision. Ever.
In addition to the "ambition" issue you cite, I divorced largely because I was not going to condone his filthy habits (which emerged AFTER I married him) and I did not want my children to think those habits are OK. I was not OK with my son growing up learning from his father (with my implicit agreement - because staying married is CONDONING the behavior) that he should live like a slob and expect a woman to take care of his every need...no need to work, no need to make good grades, just be a loser like dad, and find yourself a woman to mooch off of...
Wrong message.
And I did not want my daughters growing up thinking they are supposed to sacrifice everything, give up motherhood (as I largely had to) to support a loser dude.
Wrong message.
I divorced on principle. My ex husband refused to participate in the partnership and did the absolute bare minimum (at times less). That is complete disloyalty to the marriage. Meanwhile I never denied him sex or things or money. Why should I remain loyal when he has zero interest in being loyal within the relationship? Loyalty is more than just sex. A marriage is a partnership.
So it was FAR more than ambition Howie. I got to the point where I realized that me doing everything (working in a career that required weekly travel) to fully support the family as the sole breadwinner, and then coming home to a disgusting disaster that I was left to clean, organize and deal with every time I came home (and the sh1tty attitude that went with it) and so I left the marriage after dealing with this for years. I was exhausted and I was tired of killing myself while my ex husband was wallowing in the relative ease and comfort of the marriage.
He can't wallow anymore. He actually has to work, to be responsible in the other aspects of his life. He is still unambitious. But no more do I have to be on the receiving end of the results of all his laziness. And to be honest he's had to improve himself since I split from him. He's lost 40+ lbs, he's in much better physical shape, he's happier and gets out and has friends and so forth. We get along 100x better. He has had to re-engage as an adult. It's been positive for everyone, and my respect level has increased toward him. He agrees the divorce has been a positive thing in his life journey. He didn't like who he had become and wasn't able (in his mind) to change it.
Interestingly my children see the enormous difference between the two of us now. My son is ambitious but does tend toward his father's habit of procrastination (remember this is a habit he grew up around for YEARS). He has gotten unfavorable results (sub-par grades) as a result of poor habits. Fortunately he is young enough that he is seeing how his own poor habits result in failure to accomplish his goals. He got a "C" in a junior level math class his freshman year for one semester. He was smart enough to get into the junior level math class (Good) but he didn't do the homework consistently (Bad) and his grades reflected that. He has already shot his chances of going to Cal Tech or MIT which was where he originally wanted to go to college. I have explained to him repeatedly that only the kids whose grades are TOP FLIGHT get considered for those schools.
By failing to perform he knocked himself out of consideration. My son eliminated that opportunity from his reach. This is important for him to learn (and the girls too, but they are not yet in high school where grades have such impact on future opportunities.)
I have said to my kids numerous times that life is about results as well as relationships and that we are all products of the people we associate with and the habits we establish.
If I were to espouse those things while still married to my ex husband I would have ZERO credibility with my kids. None whatsoever.
They look at what I DO, not at what I say. They see the difference between how I conduct my life and how my ex husband conducts his. I do not need to explain it or say a word. It speaks volumes all by itself.
I know personally plenty of married women who are loyal including most members of my own family. I know women like this in their 20s, their 30s, their 40s, their 50s and on up into the 80s and 90s. So yes these women exist. Even in 2017.
RED PILL = TRUTH
